Starting Five

1. No Country For Old Men

When the Oscar nominations are announced later this month, the two favorites for Best Actor will have at least two things in common: 1) both are 77 year-old men and 2) both had starring roles in “The Great Gatsby.”

Bruce Dern. Robert Redford. “Nebraska.” “All Is Lost.”

Chiwetel Ejiofor? Nope, his film (“12 Years a Slave”) will win Best Picture, and that’s enough. Tom Hanks already has a pair, and he’s not Gumpin’ it or gay in “Captain Phillips.” Matthew McConaughey? Deserving, but neither of these septuagenarians have won an Oscar, so this is the Academy’s chance to reward them.

I’m rooting for Dern, because tiger or no tiger, no one wants to see movies about men stranded in the Indian or Pacific Oceans–well, at least not until “Unbroken” is released. However, I don’t see how Mr. Sundance Film Festival will lose. Too many people in Hollywood owe their careers to that Park City-palooza, so this will be Redford’s reward.

2. Jack Lambert Meets Jack London

As explained in this piece in Newsweek, the forecast for this weekend’s four NFL playoff games Mercury Morose (okay, that was a stretch).

In the NFC, games in Philadelphia and Green Bay will be played almost entirely after sundown and in temperatures ranging from zero to 18 degrees. Lambeau Field has hosted five of the 10 chilliest contests in NFL history, and it’s about to be six of 11.

As for the AFC, while the temperatures won’t be awful, both matchups will recall the second- and third-coldest contests in league history. The Colts beat the Chiefs in Kansas City in January of ’97 with the temperature at about minus-7, while the Bengals defeated the Chargers in Cincy in 1982 with a wind chill of minus-59.

3. If Seth Meyers Could Speak to Roger Goodell…

News out of Green Bay is that the Packers may not sell out their wild-card playoff game against the San Francisco 49ers that kicks off just before sunset (!) on Sunday, with temperatures hovering just above zero (that’s Fahrenheit, not Celsius). Should that happen the NFL will invoke authority granted to it via the Sports Broadcasting Act of 1961 –an act that overrode a court decision declaring the league was violating anti-trust laws– and black out the 49er-Packer game locally.

(College football does whiteouts, which fans love. Pro football does blackouts, which fans despise. College football wins again.)

Really, Roger Goodell? Really?

 You’re going to punish the most historically loyal fan base in NFL history? You’re going to penalize a citizenry where babies are put on season-ticket waiting lists before their first diaper is changed? You’re going to sanction a people who, during training camp, provide millionaire players their own bicycles to ride to and from practice? Where the current waiting list for season tickets is about 96,000 names long? Whose fans wear foam cheddar cheese as hats? Whose fans all own shares in the franchise, a franchise that actually pre-dates the NFL?

For what? To demonstrate how selfish it is of them that there are a few thousand unsold seats for a game where the temperatures will threaten fans’ health? Really? Did you know that a fan died in the stands during the Ice Bowl in 1967? (Really? Yes, really.)

And, isn’t television money where the NFL’s bread is buttered anyway? The fans are just a backdrop. You should be paying them to attend.

Which reminds me: You want to win a few points, Roger? Attend the game in person and sit outdoors the entire time. Otherwise, air the game locally and shut up.

4. For Whom the Bell Trolls

Up 45-31 in the waning seconds of the Sugar Bowl, and on the brink of pulling the upset of this bowl season, Oklahoma had to kick off from its own 10-yard line after a pair of “Having Too Much Fun” penalties. So what does Big Game Bob Stoops do?

Orders an onside kick, and one that caroms off an Alabama player. Sooners recover and run out the clock. Hilarious. The best troll move in a bowl game I can recall since Chris Petersen’s game-winning two-point conversion call against this same Sooner team in 2007. Nice to see that Stoops learned something from that experience.

And yes, three BCS bowls have seen coaches Mark Dantonio, George O’Leary and Bob Stoops winners. So please adjust your paradigm accordingly –and don’t bet againt Dabo Swinney.

5. Don’t Wake Up in a Roadside Ditch…as a Folk Singer

So, you can go and see “Inside Llewyn Davis.” Some are calling it the best film of 2013. You can go see it. Or, you can watch the DirecTV ad “Don’t Get Caught in a Roadside Ditch”, imagine a cat and a guitar as co-stars, and you pretty much have it. A series of poor choices leading to an ever-worsening downward spiral. Besides, Oscar Isaac resembles the DirecTV dude.

As a New Yorker I loved seeing my subway stops and Caffe Reggio (“The Reg”). I was amazed that the Coen brothers could take over entire city streets in the West Village in broad daylight and put in vintage early ’60s vehicles all over the streets. Outstanding.

Other thoughts:

1) I don’t laugh out loud often, but John Goodman’s 10 minutes on screen had me wheezing. I don’t know if that’s enough time onscreen to merit a Best Supporting Actor nod, but wow, was that phenomenal.

2) Remember Max Casella? Doogie Howser’s best bud? He’s got minor roles this year in both Woody Allen’s film (“Blue Jasmine”) and this Coen brothers film. Prit-tee, prit-tee good.

3) I think I’ve found my favorite Justin Timberlake song. “Please Mr. Kennedy.” Highlight of the film for me.

Reserves

World of Warcraft

Former Minnesota Viking punter Chris Kluwe, a.k.a @ChrisWarcraft on Twitter, with a detailed description of how he fell out of favor with his coaches due to his support of same-sex marriage. When I saw and heard the words of special teams coach Mike Priefer, I could not help but think of Josh Brolin’s Dan White in “Milk.”

We’ll wait to see how the Vikings respond.

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The LSU Mom has a second son commit to an SEC school not named LSU on national television during the Under Armour All-Star game. And she’s just as unhappy about it this time (“LSU No. 1”). I cannot wait until either of her sons, Alabama’s Landon Collins or freshman-to-be Gerald Willis brings home a girlfriend from college. That girl best be festooned in purple and yellow.

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You’re not really surprised by this, are you?

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Favorite tweet, as high school seniors were announcing where they’d be attending college: “For too many of these kids, a college scholarship is like giving a lizard a frozen steak.”

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If you want to know how it’s done, Alabama commit Tony Brown was all class. This is how you do it, kids. I cannot find video of the cornerback’s verbal commitment during the Under Armour game, but he thanked everyone (except, thankfully, his agent) before naming Alabama as his choice. Classy.

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The Knicks beat the Spurs in San Antonio and the Nets beat the Thunder in Oklahoma City, confirming for the final time that there is no such thing in sports as a sure thing. Knicks/Nets are 2-0 in 2014. Watch out, NBA.

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 The Bank

Balance: $890

Yesterday: Took Suns minus-6, lost $55.

Well, either this is not working out well or I’m giving a seminar in why you should not wager. Let’s take a cue from Dantonio, O’Leary and Stoops and go with Dabo Swinney and Clemson, plus-3.5, in tonight’s Orange Bowl. We’ll put $20 on it.

Remote Patrol

Orange Bowl

No. 12 Clemson vs No. 7 Ohio State

ESPN 8:30 p.m.

Every time someone says, “Charlie Bauman”, drink.