STARTING FIVE

1. Not Those Rockets

Not that it really matters, what with 256 schools qualifying for the NCAA tournament (What? Only 68? Oh, whatever…) but with last night’s loss by UConn there are now a dozen unbeatens remeinaing. They are: UMass, Syracuse, Villanova, Iowa State, Wisconsin, Ohio State, Toledo, Wichita State, Arizona, Oregon, Missouri (“S-E-C!”) and St. Mary’s.

Ten of the schools are ranked, with Arizona No. 1 in both polls. Unranked? Toledo (10-0) and St. Mary’s (8-0). The Rockets, in fact, did not even receive a single vote in USA Today/Coaches Poll. Not one.

And while Toledo, which next plays on Saturday versus Cleveland State, has yet to play a ranked opponent, here’s why I think they’re not a fluke: All five starters average between 17 and 10 points per game. All of them. That’s a T-E-A-M, particularly when you consider that Toledo is in the top 10 in the nation in scoring (87.9 ppg). I haven’t seen the Rockets play yet, but I bet they’re fun to watch.

A Top 25 school? Don’t know about that. But the Rockets last were part of March Madness in 1980. So, Top 68? Yeah, at least thus far.

2. The Walter White Shadow

As news spread that a real-life Walter White was sentenced to 12 years in prison for dealing meth out of his Billings, Mont., home, the critics at Hit Fix named “Breaking Bad” as the Best Show of 2013. Not that big of a surprise. Their Top 10: “Breaking Bad”, “Orange Is The New Black”, “Game of Thrones”, “The Good Wife”, “Masters of Sex”, “Mad Men”, “The Americans”, “House of Cards”, “Broadchurch”, “Top of the Lake”.

And how many of those programs were rated among the TOP 25 most-watched TV shows of the season that ended in June? None of them. Zero. Zip. Nada.

Meanwhile, everyone’s favorite Tonto-turned-snitch-turned-Gimp, Aaron Paul, provided an assist (you can skip forward to the 4:45 mark for Paul’s contribution) with a wedding proposal this week.

3. Hinson Backlash Frontlash

ESPN turned its attention away from LeBron James and the Washington Redskins yesterday long enough to scold a heretofore anonymous coach from the Missouri Valley Conference for unleashing a post-game “rant” after his Southern Illinois team fell to 2-8. Were some of Barry Hinson’s remarks questionable (“I’ve been telling my wife for years that sixze doesn’t matter”)? Sure.

Did Hinson ever once use profanity? No. Was the worst thing he did, perhaps, calling out the performance of a Saluki player who stunk up the court “awful?” Yeah, probably.

What was obscene, though, was how so many on-air personalities in Bristol looked haughtily down from their thrones in Bristol, at a coach and a program that they would never, ever pay attention to, to admonish him for his behavior. Does ESPN have the right, perhaps even the duty, to cover Hinson’s remarks? Sure. Did ESPN have the right to turn this into torture porn, a lame excuse to run out every “rant” of the past quarter-century (Why, hello there, Mike Gundy!) because it’s easier than actually discussing the incident in context?

I’m with CBS’ Doug Gottlieb, who tweeted, “Does anybody actually have a problem with Barry Hinson’s rant?”

Granted, there are a few things he might’ve reconsidered saying. But for me, at least, ESPN’s producers embarrassed themselves more yesterday with the coverage of “the rant” than Hinson did. Lots of noise, zero perspective.

It’s funny. With all the rants ESPN chose to use for its “rant montage”, that this rant was somehow excluded. Why is that?

4. Broadcast Snooze

That was the headline the New York Post gave its review of Anchorman 2. Even in the previews, Steve Carell’s Brick Tamland seems to think that LOUDER IS FUNNIER! It’s not. The better film involving an SNL alumnus that’s out right now is Nebraska, with Will Forte. Trust me on this one.

5. Casino Arizona: Doubling Down on Awesome

My friend Tim Ring at KTVK-TV 3 sent out this tweet last night: “Please @CasinoArizona , on behalf of Suns fans everywhere – for the love of all that is holy MAKE. A. NEW. COMMERCIAL. #icanttakeitanymore“

When I was back in the ancestral homeland of Phoenix recently, this commercial ran incessantly. It was as much a part of my landscape as Four Peaks, the McDowell Mountains and the South Mountain range.  You must watch. It feels as if Casino Arizona, which is about a five-minute ride from Sun Devil Stadium, rounded up the two dozen gamblers who are most in its debt and agreed to forgive their debts if they just appeared in this ad.

Reserves

Why a Wing Suit should be atop your Christmas wish list. And after you receive one, you can look forward to your death being chronicled here in a “Summer of Stupid” (or Winter, or Autumn…) item.

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Punxatawney Ben appeared yesterday and saw his shadow, which means that while we will still have quantitative easing, the taper has begun. Basically, Fed chairman Ben Bernanke announced that instead of purchasing $85 BILLION per month in U.S. Bonds and treasuries (and where does the government get that money? It simply prints more! Genius!!!!), it will reduce its purchases to $75 billion per month in January. Dad didn’t take the training wheels off the bicycle completely, he just replaced them with smaller training wheels. And for that reason the stock market spiked late yesterday afternoon. It was basically Uncle Ben, in his final address as Fed Chairman, assuring us that, while we still suffer from a sex addiction, we’re no longer addicted to Japanese gay midget porn. So that’s a step in the right direction.

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Somehow a New York Knick not named Carmelo Anthony or J.R. Smith took the team’s stupidest shot of the night, if not the season.

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“Ira Curry, come on down!” Stone Mountain, Ga., woman is one of two confirmed winners of this week’s Mega Millions. Cue the unexpected unhappily-ever-after future.

REMOTE PATROL

UCLA vs. No. 8 Duke

ESPN 7:30 p.m.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, former UCLA coach John Wooden won more NCAA championships than anyone, while current Duke coach Mike (checks spelling for the millionth time) Krzyzewski has won more NCAA games than anyone. The current UCLA coach is Steve Alford, who while at Indiana played for Bob Knight, who was also Coach K’s college coach. I imagine this will all be noted at some point.