Starting Five

 

1. The Medium Happy Big Eight

A reminder: I go strictly off performance on the field. That’s why the Badgers are here…for now.

 

1. Oregon (2-0) The Ducks invaded Virginia on Saturday while their former guru invaded Washington, D.C., last night. Both migrations were a success. Consider that Oregon is No. 2 nationally in rushing offense without Lache Seastrunk –now lighting it up for Baylor –and without anyone higher individually than 20th (De’Anthony Thomas). Next up: Tennessee

2. Clemson (2-0) Dabo and orange kitties still have the season’s highest quality dubya (W, over UGA) and held serve last week versus an FCS. Next up: Bye

3. Alabama (1-0) The Tide are an 8.5 favorite on the road versus Johnny F. Football. Somebody knows somefin’… Next up: If you have to ask.

4. Louisville (2-0) Teddy Bridgewater and the Cardinals have outscored opponents 79-7 through the first three quarters. Next up: at Kentucky

5. Stanford (1-0) When someone compared the Cardinal to an SEC squad and coach David Shaw replied, “That’s not necessarily… a compliment…” Awesome. Next up: at Army.

6. Texas A&M (2-0) JFF is actually averaging 70 fewer passing yards per game than Tommy Rees. Next up: Roll Tide.

7. Ohio State (2-0) Still have questions about the Buckeyes, but some should be answered when they trek to Cal to face the nation’s leading passer, freshman Jared Goff (465 ypg).

8. Wisconsin (2-0) Sure, Bucky has played no one, but at the moment (at the moment!) the Badgers are outscoring opponents 46.5 to 0. Next up: at Arizona State.

2. 54 Shots

I still can’t believe that Rafael Nadal, the speedy Spaniard, would ever be involved in a rally that lasted 54 shots. That’s like Oregon needing fourth down. It was the longest rally of this year’s U.S. Open. Kudos to the CBS shot-by-shot peeps for not interrupting it with verbiage.

Nadal won his 13th Grand Slam title last night with a four-set victory at the U.S. Open over Novak Djokovic….in a match that began on CBS at 5 p.m. local time. Maybe the U.S. Open needs to move the men’s championship to Tuesday night so as not to run up against the first Monday night of NFL season? Anyway, Rafa, just 27, is now just four behind Roger Federer for the most Grand Slam singles titles in men’s history (17) and only one behind Pete Sampras (14) for second place. He should catch both men at this pace. Only Djokovic can challenge him when Rafa is at his blazing best.

3. Pardon, Masseur!

Shout-out, kudos, bravo, what have you to “Olbermann” for featuring the masseur from the Brazilian soccer squad Aparecidence as his “Worst Person” last night. In a Brazilian Serie D quarterfinal clash, the aforementioned squad was tied with home team Tupi, 2-2, late in the match. The hosts broke past the goalkeeper to take what should have been an uncontested shot on goal, but the masseur, who had snuck onto the pitch moments earlier, stepped in front of the goal and blocked not one but two shots.

(By the way, Tom Coughlin just offered the masseur a tryout at running back; way to avoid tackles)

Incredibly, the visitors were not penalized for this malfeasance. The score stood and, because Aparecidence were the visitors, they advanced to the quarterfinal (this is why they ABSOLUTELY need replay in Brazilian Serie D soccer!).

More incredibly, at least to me, is that the masseur blocked both shots without using his hands. It’s as if he thought, Well, sure, it’s fine if I just sneak onto the pitch and interfere with the outcome of a contest, but using my hands?!? No, only the keeper may do that.

NASCAR’s Clint Bowyer sees absolutely nothing wrong with what the masseur did.

4. Storm Chasers: Massive Sh$#storm Descends On Stillwater, Oklahoma

Part 1 of Sports Illustrated’s five-part series on skulduggery and corruption at Oklahoma State, “Inside the Dirty Game” commenced this a.m. Not that anyone is surprised, it’s just that SI actually brings details and dollar figures. The magazine focuses on the Cowboys because the program went from a have-not (in the years after Barry Sanders and Thurman Thomas, and maybe someone should inquire as to why they chose the former Oklahoma A&M) to a perennial power, and that just doesn’t happen in college football without a little…juicing.

Three questions:

–Will SI’s report lead to NCAA sanctions against the Cowboys or does all of this heat and chaos have no effect if the witnesses are unwilling to talk to the 2A?

–Will Mike Gundy challenge Thayer Evans and George Dohrmann to “Take on me, I’m a man, I’m 47!” or will he just ignore this one?
— Shouldn’t the next stop be Oxford, Miss., where Hugh Freeze assembled the nation’s No. 1 recruiting class for a program that has never even sniffed the SEC Championship Game?

Oddly enough, Oklahoma State will now likely take a page from rival Oklahoma’s playbook. It’s the Sooners (Boomer Schooner, to be precise) who are known for circling the wagons.

5. Bus Plunges 660 (!) Feet off Cliff in Guatemala

In which Rule No. 1 (“Gravity always wins”) is in full effect. At least 43 people died, though miraculously, many lived, after the bus plunged the equivalent of two football fields into a deep ravine. Reports say that the bus, designed to hold 54 passengers, may have been carrying as many as 90.

Remote Patrol

USA vs Mexico

ESPN 8 p.m.

World Cup qualifier from Columbus. Watch it, or the terrorists win.