Starting Five

Friday will mark the Oneth Anniversary of MediumHappy.com. We will be celebrating with previously discontinued Hostess snack cakes, Stella Artois, and by keeping vigil for Gareth Bale’s season debut for Tottenham Hotspurs two days hence.

1. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle (If your sub-atomic particle breaks down, you may need a quantum mechanic)

I’m not here to do a recap of the Season 5 1/2 premiere of “Breaking Bad”. You are able to read that here or here or particularly and, most especially, here.  A few thoughts, though:

A) Did anyone else want Hank Schrader to open the sliding glass door in that opening scene, approach Walter, grab his skull with both hands, kiss him on the lips, and exclaim, “I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart?”

B) Skinny Pete’s line about how the transporters in Star Trek were actually destroying their subjects and sending a “Color Xerox” of Starship Enterprise crew members into space was even more satisfying for me than Walter’s “Tread lightly” line. Here’s the line, “That’s why McCoy never wanted to go. Cuz he’s a doctor, bitch! Check it out, it’s science.” For me, the highlight of the episode.

D) Alan Sepinwall asks a valid question in his recap: Have we ever seen anyone swimming in Walter White’s pool?

E) Shouldn’t we all be wary of what famous literary figure has our initials? You’ll do me the favor of never sending me any book of collected verses by this dude, for example. (I found him on a list of “Top 100 Famous Poets–All Time.” Spoiler alert! Most of them are not famous). Not because I’m afraid that by owning a copy I will be outed as a meth dealer, but rather because I truly do not enjoy reading poetry unless it involves Sam McGee, a cremation, and moiling for gold.

F) I don’t want to pretend I’ve seen every episode of “Breaking Bad”, so I will ask, as a former one-year resident of New Mexico: Why doesn’t Vince Gilligan use scene-setting shots of Sandia Peak more often? It’s beautiful and anyone who has spent any time in Albuquerque –including Al Albuquerque — knows that it visually defines this city as much as the Golden Gate Bridge defines San Francisco.

G) If you ever find yourself on a game show and are asked, “What are the two elements in the logo of ‘Breaking Bad’?”, the correct response is “Bromine and Barium.”

H) Jesse Pinkman should borrow the chum bazooka from “Megalodon” the next time he decides to drive through poor neighborhoods dispensing cash from his moving vehicle.

I) In case  you didn’t hear, Sunday night’s episode drew 5.9 million viewers, or more than double the previous high of 2.9 million last season.

J) We’d love to see television’s man of the moment, Neil Patrick Harris, who is an Albuquerque native, make a cameo before the season ends. After all, he also aced chemistry (Doogie Howser). It would be legen–wait for it–dary.

2) To Whom May I Turn in My Whitey Bulger Jersey?

Alleged Boston mob boss James “Whitey” Bulger was found guilty on 31 of 32 counts, including having participated in 11 murders, by a jury yesterday. Bulger, 83, will spend the rest of his life in prison, wondering how he finished in third place this year in the category of “Most Notorious and Reviled Boston-Area Murderers.” The judge said that he will not release the names of the jurors until Friday, by which time all of them should have arrived on a new and exciting continent or remote island.

Personally, I’d choose the Maldives, but that’s just me.

3. Asian Osaka’s Aces

Is it racist of me to note that two Asian-born pitchers from the same Japanese city have been having spectacular seasons and that both were in peak form last night? Or am I just biased toward the American League?

Last night, and for the second time this season, Yu Darvish of the Texas Rangers took a no-hitter into the eighth inning against the without-hap Lastros, in Houston. Darvish, who is from Osaka, Japan, but whose Iranian-born father is at least half responsible for his exotic features, also struck out a career-high 15. On the season the 26 year-old ace is 12-5 with a 2.64 ERA and has 207 strikeouts or 29 more (i.e., greater than 10% more) than any other pitcher in baseball.

Meanwhile in the Bronx, Hiroki Kuroda of the Yankees continued to be baseball’s best pitcher since Canadian Independence Day (July 1st). Last night Kuroda, also from Osaka, lowered his ERA to 2.33 by pitching eight innings of shutout ball (both Darvish’s and Kuroda’s teams won by 2-1 scores). Kuroda, 38, has not allowed a run in five of his past seven starts and has only given up five overall in the past 48 innings.

4. Crystal Palace!

Crystal Palace. No, it is not a gentleman’s club. It’s a legitimate London-based  football club and as the Barclay’s Premier League (formerly known as the EPL) launches its season this Saturday, a squad that once again finds itself in the top tier of English football after an eight-year absence. The Glaziers, as they are known (a tradesman who works with glass for buildings), will visit my man Gareth Bale and Tottenham Hotspurs on Sunday at 8:30 a.m. Eastern.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, to be fair, Crystal Palace is also a gentlemen’s club…. in Worcester, Mass…. and in Centreville, Ill.

 

5. Manziel Economics

ESPN has sources –hardly reputable sources, but sources nonetheless — who place Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel at six different autograph-signing sessions last winter. The rundown, according to ESPN:

–six signings

–three states

–three brokers

–approximately 4,400 items signed.

We thought he was a brilliant dual-threat quarterback, but it may turn out that Johnny Manziel’s signature play is providing his signature.

One source said that at one signing Manziel was paid $10,000 to autograph 1,100 items. If we extrapolate -and this calculation has no basis in fact….again, we are not even certain Manziel was ever paid to sign these items –that’s approximately $44,000.

So, good work by ESPN in exposing Manziel for possibly violating NCAA Bylaws 12.5.2.1. and/or 12.5.2.2.

On the other hand, beginning in 2009 ESPN’s contract to televise a multitude of SEC sporting events kicked in, a 15-year deal reportedly worth #$2 billion. That works out to $133 million per year.

What’s the most-watched of all SEC sports? Football.

Who is the most captivating player in the SEC? Manziel. Yes, Jadeveon, you ARE a close second.

If Manziel broke the rules, well, rules is rules.

On the other hand, if your network is paying on average $133 million per annum to televise SEC events, and the conference’s most visible draw is putting his hand into the cookie jar for (for argument’s sake, let’s say that only $88 million of that annual SEC revenue is due to football, though it’s probably more) what amounts to .005% of the total haul, well, that’s just funny.

Meanwhile, everyone but Manziel (and lets’ be clear, Manziel is to other college athletes what Michael Jackson was to musicians in terms of marketability and lucrative potential) is allowed to profit from his deeds. Here he is on the cover of the current issue of Texas Monthly

Kudos to ESPN for its investigative reporting. And sure, we Saturday mavens are still going to tune in to see Bama visit the Aggies on September 14, Manziel or no. But you have to wonder, should Manziel be ruled ineligible for half the season, which is becoming an increasingly high possibility, who’s really losing financially in this case.

 

 

Reserves

Los Ninos de Verano

.714.

That’s the winning percentage of the Los Angeles Dodgers since Yasiel Puig was added to the roster on June 3. Before the Cuban émigré arrived in Chavez Ravine, the Dodgers were a listless 23-32 and were newsworthy only for an early-season brawl in San Diego and for a tremendous post-game gesture by outfielder Matt Kemp toward a young, disabled Dodgers fan in San Francisco (that fan, Joshua Jones, 19, died earlier this week due to inoperable tumors on his spine).

The karma police may credit Kemp’s act of kindness for the Dodgers’ revival. I’m not about to insult karma (though I may insult Radiohead’s “Karma Police”), but Puig, who is batting a heady .371 (.435 OBP, which is a more telling stat) after 232 at-bats, has woken up this franchise, if not this moribund sports town (Did Walters just use “moribund”? Yes, yes he did).

Heading into the All-Star Game –you remember, that game that Puig was not chosen to play in, probably for the last time in years — the Dodgers were 47-47, or .500. Since then they are a ridiculous 21-3 and now lead the N.L. West.

The Detroit Tigers are 17-6 since the All-Star break. The Kansas City Royals, who were actually below .500 at the break, are 19-5. The Atlanta Braves are 18-6. All have been torrid since the Midsummer Classic. But the Dodgers, with a .875 win percentage since then, have Hyperlooped themselves to first place in the National League West. And they also have perhaps the best pitcher in baseball in Clayton Kershaw (1.88 ERA).

L.A. hosts yet another MH man-crush, Matt Harvey, and the Mess tonight at Dodger Stadium. Tune in.

*****

When I was a young reporter at Sports Illustrated on the college football beat (i.e., fact-checking stories by Austin Murphy, Sally Jenkins and Douglas Looney), each August I’d distribute a list of the top college football games for each week of the season to managing editor Mark Mulvoy and his posse. Had the internet existed then in functional form, I’d have been able to file this. Well done by Martin Rickman.