Starting Five
Still being usurped by the network whose sole focus is a murder trial in Florida because it stokes racial animosity.
1. “O Captain! My Captain!”
The most celebrated Scranton-to-NYC move since Pam left Dunder-Mifflin to study graphic design.
The New York Yankees, who only three nights ago were reduced to a lineup of Robinson Cano and the Seven Dwarfs (Austin Romine, Luis Cruz, Alberto Gonzalez…) will welcome back Derek Jeter to the lineup for today’s matinee against the Kansas City Royals.
“Derek was scheduled to DH in Scranton,” said Yankee GM Brian Cashman, “so I figured, he could DH and sit around in the rain in Scranton, or he can DH and sit around in the rain in the Bronx.”
Cashman then added, “Alex should shut the f%$* up.”
As to whether Jeter, last seen in pinstripes in Game 1 of the 2012 ALCS before breaking his ankle, would play shortstop or DH, Cashmans said he’d discuss that with manager Joe Girardi and go from there. Our hunch? Derek Jeter did not return to Yankee Stadium to sit on the bench for half the game. Pencil him in at short.
2. Summer of George…Zimmerman
Dutifully and assiduously, we have avoided the George Zimmerman murder trial in this space. All that can be said with certainty is that if Zimmerman had not come across Trayvon Martin on February 26, 2012 in Sanford, Fla., that Martin would not have died that night.
People get murdered –or killed in self-defense– every day in Florida. And other states. Few killers are as stupid as this guy, though. In fact, Martin was just one of 1,009 Floridians murdered in the Sunshine State last year. So the greater question is: Why is CNN more obsessed with this case than Michael Sondheimer is with ghetto girls? And when it’s all over, will CNN have any remaining credibility (particularly as, for budgetary and ratings reasons, it continues to ignore the Egyptian revolution)?
At least one columnist thinks that ship has already sailed.
3. The Body Issue
ESPN the Magazine just released its fifth annual “The Body Issue”, which is one of those simple, brilliant ideas that has editors at other sports (and non-sports) magazines wondering, “Why didn’t we think of that?” Above are rock climbers Chris Sharma and Daila Ojeda.
That’s Slovakian tennis player Daniela Hantuchova, currently the world’s 46th-ranked singles player, on the cover.
Our favorite pic may be the Matt Harvey shot. Because you just know that he has been in this position before. Be careful not to get locked out of your room, Matty.
4. Asiana Airlines Pilot Uses Greetings From Asbury Park, N.J., Defense
Or was it a Manfred Mann type of blinding light?
The pilot in last Saturday’s crash that resulted in two fatalities in San Francisco tells investigators that he was “blinded by a light” when the aircraft was at an altitude of about 500 feet. A blinding light? Like, maybe, the sun? In this case it was a 300-passenger airplane, and not a calliope, that crashed to the ground.
5. “Oh my God, Phil — You Were In The Hospital Last Night!”
What happens in Vegas…gets sussed out by the local newspaper six months later…
The first two paragraphs of the Chad Gaudin –he is a pitcher for the San Francisco Giants — lewdness tale sound like a deleted scene from “The Hangover” (Let’s just pretend the next two installments never occurred).
According to the Las Vegas Review Journal, which broke the story on July 2nd, Gaudin approached a woman lying on a gurney at Desert Springs Hospital in Las Vegas last January. Gaudin, who lives in nearby Henderson, Nev., during the winter, groped the woman, touching the face, leg and breast of the 23 year-old female (wire reports do not indicate which breast; that’s shoddy reportage right there, sports fans) and told her that she was “gorgeous.”
Maybe Gaudin was paging Dr. Faggot?
He also allegedly told her, “I will take care of you. Don’t worry about them.”
Why Gaudin, who appeared to be inebriated, was in the hospital at 4:30 a.m. is unknown. He also uttered profanities as hospital staff waited for police to arrive.
Of course, Gaudin’s attorney declares that he is innocent and was acting bizarrely due to acute “renal failure.” Which is to say that the lawyer was also groping… for a plausible alibi. He should’ve gone with the “blinded by a light” defense.
Perhaps the deeper message here: If you are a reporter at the Review-Journal, there’s gold in them thar old police reports if you are willing to scour them.
Reserves
Shiver Me Timbers
Cirque Alfonse has never had a fatality…yet.
Behold, a performance by Cirque Alfonse, a Quebec-based troupe of lumberjack-circus performers. Perhaps the world’s only such troupe. I think you can see why.
***
The Hersman Trophy
Ordering three beers that way in a German bier haus could get you killed, don’t you know that, Deborah?
The most-read story currently on SFGate.com, the news site for the San Francisco Chronicle. It’s not about last Saturday’s Asiana Airlines crash and it is not about the America’s Cup, which launched last weekend in San Francisco Bay. No, it’s a profile of NTSB chair Deborah Hersman, whose professionalism and beauty did not escape IAH!’s notice, either.
Whither the obsession? “First of all, she is much more attractive than I was,” says former NTSB chair Jim Hall.
We see either Claire Forlani or Famke Janssen in the role.
Forlani: “I hope to interview the pilots tomorrow.”
As noted earlier this week, MH will create the Hersman Trophy, given annually to a woman over 40 who combines mental acuity with dazzling features. Of course, we already have this year’s winner.
***
Headline Until They Flat-line
The Glimmer Twins: “Sucking in the Seventies” once referred to a decade and not their age.
Glastonbury. It’s the largest annual music festival in Great Britain, if not all of Europe, and it usually overlaps Wimbledon, so if ever there were an ideal time for a Yank to cross the pond… Anyway, here’s a roundup of the top 20 moments from this year’s festival (headliners were The Rolling Stones and Mumford & Sons), including when Pelle Almqvist of The Hives commanded the audience to sit down. And here, for good measure, are The Hives performing “Hate To Say I Told You So.”
Remote Patrol
You are watching this. You have an aversion to books.
Sharknado
SyFy 9 p.m.
I’m not watching it for the sharks. I’m watching it for Ian Ziering and Tara Reid.
No LP: Into the Wild comment on the rock climbing picture? or “wow, what they didn’t show you in the Citi ad”
You’re right, Gene. Solid suggestion.
Little stock talk – a year ago yesterday, I bought SPWR at $4.50/sh. Today’s close was $25.35. Wish every investment was that, er, ‘sunny’. (Or how about well-‘powered’?) And I also own AMZN – after 20 years of investing solely in mutual funds, I decided in the Fall of 2008 to try my hand at individual stocks. My 1ST purchase was AMZN at $36 on 11/19/08. Still own. Almost makes me forget my ill-chosen foray a year later into a couple small cap Chinese stocks.
First, you got seven comments on a blog post!
Second, you’re pushing Hersman’s hotness at a CNN-Zimmerman level. Attractive, yes. Forlani? No.