Starting Five

1. Did Miss Utah Botch Her Answer? Sorry, I Wasn’t Paying Attention

Last night. Miss USA Pageant. During the Q&A session –which occurs after the T&A session (see above) — Miss Utah, Marissa Powell, was asked, “What does it say about society that women continue to earn less than men?”

First of all, let’s credit Powell for the following:

1) Not using the term “U.S. Americans” in her response.

2) Not spending the night at A.J. McCarron’s home.

3) Not replying, “Who died and made you Mika Brzezinski?”

Good question. Difficult question to answer, especially when there is house music playing in the background. Powell stammered, then talked about how “we need to figure out how to  create jobs right now, that is the biggest problem” (way to remember the talking points), before adding that “we need to see how to…create education better.”

In the words of Steve Martin: “Some people have a way with words. Others….not have way.”

Powell, 21, finished as the third runner-up. Miss Connecticut, Erin Brady, won. But it is Powell who, due to her inchorent answer, is garnering all the attention this morning. So she did win.

Also, you have to love a month (June) that gives you both the Scripps National Spelling Bee and the Miss USA Pageant. #MericaF*%$Yeah

2. Mad Men Four-Word Review: “They (Sorta) Killed Kenny!”

1. Ken Cosgrove learns the hard way that if you are going to hunt in Michigan, only go bow-and-arrow hunting with Ted Nugent. Matt Weiner goes all “South Park” in this episode, but doesn’t even wait until the next episode to revive Kenny. We think he is dead, but rather he just took some buckshot in the eye and returns for a scene after the commercial break.

2. “You’re a monster!” Funny that in an episode that makes so many references to “Rosemary’s Baby” that it is Don Draper who is called out as being a monster. But, hey, Peggy’s right.

3. The big secret about Bob Benson? Il habla espanol, papi! In addition we learn that Bob, like Draper, hails from the wrong side of Appalachia and has invented his own backstory. We called this weeks ago when we noted that the names Don Draper and Bob Benson are both alliterative and have the same three-six word arrangement. Writers, and Weiner is certainly that, don’t do this by accident.

4. The episode begins and ends with Don Draper in a fetal position. And shot from above. Again, not by accident. Why? I think we are supposed to be seeing that Don realizes that he has nothing: his daughter has disowned him, his wife cannot fix a decent breakfast (again, the conceit of “Mad Men” is that no one ever eats Megan Draper’s cooking), Peggy now fawns over Ted Chaough, and Mrs. Rosen Rosen is probably over.

5. Harry Hamlin utters, “Great Caesar’s ghost.” Hamlin, in both appearance and demeanor, has been channeling Adam West’s portrayal of Bruce Wayne/Batman in the contemporaneous “Batman” TV series (a classic in satire) all season long. This is a Batman-ism. Masterfully done.

3. Ginobiliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Did you see this coming? I did not see this coming.

Spurs sixth man Manu Ginobili (who is Italian by way of Argentina, which makes him the Diana Taurasi of men’s hoops), who had been underwhelming through the first four games of the NBA Finals, is given his first start all season. And the future Hall of Famer responds by scoring a season-high 24 points to lead the Spurs to a 114-104 rout (they led by 20 in the fourth quarter) in Game 5.

Is it now okay for me to refer to Ginobili, Tony Parker and Tim Duncan as the “Trio Grande?” It is? Thank you.

All five San Antonio starters scored at least 16 points, by the way, while their bench accounted for seven.

Danny Green shot 6 of 10 from beyond the arc, giving him an NBA Finals-record 25, topping the old record of 22 held by Ray Allen. As if to remind folks not to shovel dirt on his grave, Allen hit all four threes he attempted while scoring 21 points.

(Adopts Magic Johnson voice: “Look, the Heat have more to lose this series than the Spurs have to win. San Antonio is already 4-0 in NBA Finals during the Duncan-Popovich era. The legacy is already secure. The Heat want to be thought of as the Chicago Bulls of this generation, and they seemed to turn the corner in the fourth quarter of Game 4. So this effort is very disappointing. They now have their backs against the wall –just as they did versus Dallas two years ago — and if they find themselves 1-2 after three consecutive NBA Finals, well, that’ll be a stain on this trio’s legacy.”)

4. Viva La Balotelli! (As someone of Italian descent –don’t let the surname fool you–I take great pride in Nos. 3 and 4 today)

If you think that Mario Balotelli is the host of “Iron Chef America”, well, I have news for you.

Balotelli is a striker for Italy, but you can just think of him as the Dennis Rodman of soccer. Yesterday Balotelli scored the winning goal for the Azzurri (typing that secures my football cred)  in a CONCACAF match versus Mexico in Maracana Stadium in Brazil, and in signature fashion, went all Matthew McConaughey immediately afterward. For that he was given a yellow card.

Balotelli, 22, is not quite Lionel Messi. The striker who earns his living for AC Milan may not even be Gareth Bale. What he is is the most polarizing, mercurial figure in soccer today. And he’ll be a key figure back in Brazil next summer.

5. Won’t You Be My Number Two?

At the U.S. Open at Merion, Brit Justin Rose wins his first major.

But, like Marissa Powell, it was someone who failed to win who earned more attention. Phil Mickelson, who finished second in this major for the SIXTH time in his career, completely spoiled every wretched columnist’s saccharine narrative. First of all, it was Lefty’s 43rd birthday. Also, it was Father’s Day, and Mickelson opened this tourney on three hours’ sleep because he had taken a red-eye from San Diego because he didn’t want to miss his oldest daughter’s eighth-grade graduation on Wednesday evening (eighth-grade graduation?!? Seriously? Hell, William Miller missed his own high school graduation in San Diego…but he was off touring with Stillwater). Finally, there was the easy headline: “Phil Masters Philly.”

There’s an old Peanuts routine in which Charlie Brown tells Linus that “Nobody remembers who finished second” and then Linus, being the child prodigy genius that he is, goes on to enumerate numerous silver medalists (figurative) through time. I cannot find it this morning, but trust me, it’s out there.

Everyone –or at least everyone who knows what term “up and down” means –will remember Mickelson, who has now been a runner-up in eight majors, as golf’s No. 2. Which is better than most, of course. But as Dale Earnhart once said, “Second place is just the first place loser.”
Harsh? Yes. True? You decide.

*Opted for the Joe Jackson song title hed, although I thought long and hard about the Elvis Costello album hed –Mighty Like a Rose. Either way, the Eighties ruled musically.