Starting Five

1. Heat-Spurs: It’s on Like…LeBron

At last.

A clash of eras, a collision of cultures. Miami. San Antonio.

Team Me versus teammates.

Bieber in the stands versus, well, nobody famous in the stands.

Ocean Drive versus the Riverwalk.

Homegrown versus imports.

This is Now versus That was Then.

GQ versus GP.

The distinguished, under-celebrated franchise that already has four NBA titles –and no NBA Finals defeats– versus the sexy, young team that is attempting to become this decade’s version of the Chicago Bulls. Also, for the third consecutive season the NBA’s Western Conference representative hails from a city that is east of Amarillo. Gregg Popovich, the league’s best coach, versus LeBron James, the league’s best player. Two teams whose top five players (Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Dwyane Wade and LeBron) were never all on the court together in their two meetings this season, both of which the Heat won.

If you’re over 40, you are probably rooting for the Spurs. If you are under 30, the Heat. If you’re in your thirties, it’s a toss-up.

Here was LeBron after last night’s Game 7 yawner over the Pacers, referring to his 2007 Cleveland Cavaliers team that was swept in the NBA Finals by San Antonio: “I’m twenty, forty, fifty times better than I was.” He’s better, alright, but LeBron might have been better off simply saying, “Exponentially better.” Meanwhile, I cannot imagine anyone from San Antonio ever saying anything remotely as self-aggrandizing. And that’s simply the difference between the two franchises.

Spurs in 6.

I do wonder who San Antonio has that can guard LBJ. But I don’t wonder that if any coach can figure out a way to diminish his effect on the outcome of a game, it is Pop.

Finally: I will always wonder how this all turns out differently if Russell Westbrook doesn’t get injured.

2. Break Up The Lastros

Including its four-game sweep of the Angels (25-33) over the weekend, in Anaheim, Houston (21-37) has now won six straight. All on the road. It’s the longest active win streak in baseball. The Lastros’ payroll is less than one-fifth of LAAofA’s ($26 million, as opposed to $137 million). I’m sorry, Halos, but you have become the 2002-2007 New York Yankees: a band of highly compensated band of former (Pujols, Hamilton) and future (Trout) MVPs who cannot seem to play well together.

3. Is Don Draper Jay Gatsby?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Three-letter first name.

2. Six-letter surname.

3. Neither name is his given name. James Gatz became Jay Gatsby, while Dick Whitman became Don Draper.

4. No one really knows anything about where he came from, even those closest to him.

5. War veteran.

6. Has little regard for the sanctity of marriage.

7. Handsome, successful, dapper, charming, will defend a woman’s honor when it suits him.

8 Refers to Ted Chaough as “Old sport”. Wait, what? No, he doesn’t. Scratch this one.

9. Lives in or near New York City.

10. Ends up face-down in a pool.

4. Cullen Finnerty

It’s been a little more than a week since the former Grand Valley State quarterback, who led his team to three Division II national championships, went missing in northern Michigan during a solo fishing trip. He was discovered two days later, fully clothed and dead but with no signs of foul play. An autopsy was inconclusive, but did rule out blunt trauma. In this story two psychics visit the area in which he died, while a local adds a log to the embers of thought that Finnerty’s death may have involved someone else. Also, Notre Dame offensive coordinator Chuck Martin, who was Finnerty’s head coach his final in the quarterback’s final three seasons at GVSU, took part in the search to find Finnerty. Finally, this tragic story has Gary Smith’s name written all over it. I expect a 4,000-word piece in SI at the end of the summer or in early autumn.

5. “Sansa Stark just phoned. She wants to book a smaller room for the family reunion.”

A few more thoughts on Sunday’s incredible, ruthless episode of GoT, in which three key figures were slaughtered. The infamous “Red Wedding.”

DNP, Coach’s Decision: The Lannisters, all of ’em; Theon and his persecutor; Petyr Baelish and Varys; Lady Brienne; Sansa Stark, a.k.a. Mrs. Lannister; the Tyrells; Melisandre; the three dragons.

A) So, Gareth died. Fighting for the Wildlings is apparently far more dangerous than being a lieutenant in the Territorial Army.

B) Why didn’t any of the plethora of guards in Yunkai have spears or cross bows? You know, weapons that would have made hand-to-hand combat with three highly-skilled warriors unnecessary? And when Daario SuperHandsome said, “I know a back way into Yunkai”, why didn’t Jorah Mormont ad-lib, “I bet you do! High-five!”

C) The Red Wedding illustrates why you never buy a gift to bring to the reception. Wait three months before sending. With any luck, the marriage will dissolve and y0u’ll save $40 $100.

D) Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Sansa Stark now the rightful heir to the throne of non-existent Winterfell? Which means that Tyrion is the Prince Phillip of Westeros?

E) It doesn’t get mentioned enough: the production values are off the charts. Just the scenes in which they ride past an old castle –and frame the shot so that the gift shop and visitors’ parking are excluded–blows me away each week. And imagine shooting that Jon Snow moment-of-truth scene in all that rain? How long did that take? And how many of the actors caught pneumonia? I love how they spare no expense, how determined they are to make it real. As opposed to the American version of “The Office”, where the Scranton parking lot is bathed in sunshine and flora that could only exist in the San Fernando Valley.

F) As Stephen Douglas points out in his recap for The Big Lead, “Don’t name your kid Ned Stark.”

G) Bran Stark has Hodor, and Arya Stark has the Hound. What would the prepubuscent Stark kids do without hulking, disfigured Boo Radley types to protect them?

H) If you live in New York City and totally want to nerd out for the GoT season finale, Professor Thom’s in the East Village has screenings of the show and even buys a round of Jell-O shots for every show death. That could have been deadly for patrons the other night.

Reserves

Neil Everett: “Game One is Thursday night at 8:30. Tune in at 8 p.m. for the KIA pre-game show… with Magic Johnson.” I watch the KIA pre-game show in spite of Magic Johnson. And my secret suspicion is that Neil does, too. Which is exactly why he said that. Neil, he’s with leather.

If you missed it, here’s an insider’s survival guide for Goldman Sachs summer interns. Although, and it might not land you an offer, but why not go Patrick Bateman on your boss and extol the virtues of the musical stylings of Phil Collins?

“I’ve been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn’t understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins’ presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group’s undisputed masterpiece. It’s an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don’t you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I’ve heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your _____. Phil Collins’ solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don’t just stare at it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

(Editor’s Note: “Turn It On Again” is the best Genesis song, while “Follow You Follow Me” is the most beautiful Genesis song. The latter is euphonic perfection.)