Starting Five

1. End It Like Beckham

One of the world’s true athletic icons, David Beckham, announces that he will retire after his final two games with Paris-St. Germain. Beckham won league titles with Manchester United (where he also won the 1999 UEFA Champions League title), Real Madrid, the L.A. Galaxy and the aforementioned PSG. He also was referenced in not one but TWO Kiera Knightley films, “Bend It Like Beckham” and “Love, Actually.”

 

2. The Big Hurt

Derrick Rose. Kobe Bryant. Russell Westbrook. David Lee. And, to a lesser degree, Stephen Curry, Dwyane Wade and even Ama’re Stoudemire. The theme of the 2013 NBA postseason has been injuries. The Lakers may not have been going anywhere, but obviously with Kobe they would have been a tougher out. The Thunder with Westbrook, and the Warriors with both a healthy Lee and Curry, well, I’d take those teams to have advanced to the Western Conference finals. Injuries are part of the game, but they have been an overwhelming part of it this spring.

 

 

3. “Do you think you’re the tallest gay person in the world?”

Jimmy Kimmel hosts Jarron and Jason Collins, and gives the former a T-shirt that reads “I’m The Straight One.” Bring on the Lopez twins!

4. “I’m Maddow as Hell, and I’m Not Going to Take it Any More!”

Jon Stewart has devoted the last three nights to attacking the Obama administration with the righteous indignation of a betrayed lover.

At least Stewart is not blindly waving his pom pons and yelling, “Gimme an ‘O’!”. All week long he has hammered President Obama and the administration. Meanwhile in the West Wing, Jay Carney sits in a fetal position while Eric Holder sings, “Where have you gone, Charles Ramsey, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you…”

5. Justin Smoked

March 29: Detroit Tiger ace Justin Verlander, 30, signs an extension with the club for seven years and $180 million. Your faithful scribe wonders aloud if that was money well spent by the Motor City Kitties.

May 16: Verlander allows eight earned runs in 2 2/3 innings at Texas in a 10-4 defeat. The 2011 American League MVP and Cy Young Award winner failed to go three innings for the first time in nearly three years. His record now stands at 4-4 and his ERA is at 3.17. It’s way too early to make a judgment on a seven-year contract, but in the past six weeks only Jaime Lannister (yet another reference to Kingslayer!) has seen his right arm go from devastating to feckless so swiftly.

 Reserves

Johnny Manziel Becomes Johnny Padres

The Heisman Trophy winner throws out the first pitch at Petco Park and in signature fashion, does so with pizzaz. The Texas A&M quarterback recreated his famous first-quarter TD pass in Tuscaloosa from last November. Oh, and for those of you under 60, Johnny Podres was a pitcher for the Brooklyn and Los Angeles Dodgers who was actually named Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year in 1955 after pitching a shutout in Game 7 of the World Series versus the Yankees to give da Bums their only championship in the 718.

Staying on the topic of SI, Ed Sherman of The Sherman Report does a Q&A with my former colleagues in the bullpen, SI’s current leadership duo of managing editor Chris Stone and Time Inc. Sports Group editor Paul Fichtenbaum. The piece begins with an anecdote that involves Stone and sneakiness (even if in this case it appears to have been accidental), which I found rather…rich.