STARTING FIVE
1. Advocates of heavy-handedness praise Penn State’s latest gesture as, “So good (SO GOOD!)”
2. ESPN believes that if they don’t show you what other networks are airing this weekend’s Notre Dame and USC games, then maybe you will never find them (find 9 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. on Saturday), simply capitulate and watch, say, North Texas at LSU on ESPNU.
3. Break up the Padres! San Diego (60-70) has won eight straight, all against clubs who had winning records at the time. The Friars have yielded two or fewer runs in five of those contests.
4. Taylor Swift may soon be consulting her rhyming dictionary to see what rhymes with Kennedy. (Amenity?)
5. Donations to Lance Armstrong’s “LIVESTRONG” cancer fund increased 25-fold in one day after the cyclist was sanctioned by the USADA. You’re thinking what we’re thinking, right? Neil Diamond needs a charity foundation.
Reserves
When it began…
Joey Chestnut is quite the wing man…
I cant’ begin to knowing…
Michigan tailback Fitzgerald Toussaint, who was suspended indefinitely after a DUI on July 21st, is listed No. 1 on the Wolverine depth chart for Saturday’s game versus defending national champion Alabama. “What I meant by suspension was, in mid-air, by a giant weight-bearing hoist. It can be highly uncomfortable. You ever been paragliding? Then you know what I’m talking about.”
***We interrupt this post to note that “I can’t begin to knowing” is one helluva stretch in terms of poetic license, but Neil Diamond also wrote, ” ‘I am,’ I said/To no one there/And no one heard at all/Not even the chair”, so who are we to judge?***
But then I know it’s growing strong…
You mean Kareem Abdul-Jabbar did not already have a statue outside Staples Center??? Do you know some other dude who is the NBA’s all-time scoring leader? Kareem mastered the sky hook and is the reason college basketball outlawed the dunk (yes it did once upon a time).
Back when we knew him simply as “Lew”
Was in the spring…
By the way, five of the NBA’s top six scorers of all-time have played for the Los Angeles Lakers. One more reason to worship Michael Jordan.
And spring became a summer…
Four of Felix Hernandez’s 13 wins have come in 1-0 victories, including last night in Minnesota. The Seattle Mariner ace has five shutouts this season, including a perfect game, and leads all of baseball in ERA with a 2.43. Is King Felix headed for his second Cy Young Award in the past three seasons?
Who’d believe you’d come along…
Diamond to Penn State: “Play it now! Play it now! Play it now, my baby!”
Hands…
Courtesy of The Big Lead, a man in Montana dressed as Bigfoot was struck by two separate motorists, both of them teenage females, and killed. Randy Lee Tenley, 44, of Kalispell, gave his life for a prank (and for that we salute you, Randy). The first vehicle struck Tenley, and the second one ran over his prone figure, so it may be safe to say that he was “sas-quashed.”
One need not be a beef jerky fan to mess with Sasquatch
Touching hands…
So the final episode of Season 1 of The Newsroom, which includes an anti-Tea Party rhetorical blast, airs one day before the GOP Convention was slated to begin in Tampa. Coincidence?
Reaching out….
NBC will air “America’s Got Talent” for two hours tonight and the GOP Convention for one. CBS will air two hours of NCIS and one hour of the convention. Fox will air one hour of MasterChef and its local affiliates may devote an hour to the convention at 10 p.m. ABC will air “The Middle” (not a Jon Huntsman feature) and “Last Man Standing” (not a Romney biopic) and one hour of the convention. Mike Judge, your Idiocracy has already arrived.
Touching You…
Florida coach Will Muschamp announces sophomore quarterbacks Jacoby Brissett and Jeff Driskel will each play one quarter of the first half in Saturday’s opener versus Bowling Green, inadvertently reminding all why he was once one of the top defensive coordinators in college football.
San-Dus-Kee…
(Sing it with us, people!)
Sweet Caroline! (Ba-Ba-Ba!)
Good times never felt so good (So good. So good! SO GOOD!)
I’ve been inclined
To believe they never would
But now I….