Starting Five

1. Como se dice, “Epic fail” in Mayan?

2. Kelly Lundy? Nine-time NCAA champion and three-time Olympic middle-distance runner Suzy Favor Hamilton is a hooker. Hamilton charged up to $600 an hour under the nom de concubine Kelly Lundy as an employee of Haley Heston’s Private Collection. In the story broken by The Smoking Gun, Favor Hamilton lamented that one of her johns broke the “code of silence” between “providers” (escorts) and “hobbyists” (clients) while failing to mention that he also broke the time-honored bro code of “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” SI senior writer and “personal demons” beat reporter Gary Smith is already checking the batteries in his tape recorder, we have to think. Honestly, we admire Favor Hamilton for owning up to this as candidly as she did, though the quote “My husband wasn’t supportive of this at all” was a little bit odd.

Just a wholesome Midwest mom…

3. Speaker of the House/Nothing up his sleeve/Gonna keep us Cliff’in’/Up to New Year’s Eve…Congressman John Boehner (R-Ohio) cancels the Plan B vote in the House due to lack of support, which is rather curious since the House is a majority Republican body.

 4. The National Rifle Association stepped up to the podium on Friday morning and suggested that we need to have armed guards at schools. More guns — and more training — whether or not you agree with the solution, would likely to translate to more income for people who manufacture arms and weapons-related training, many of whom, we assume, are some of the most ardent supporters of the NRA.

5. ESPN serves Rob Parker with a one-month suspension. But it fails to answer the question of why it allows such an assclown to pollute its air in the first place. Bob Ley, speak to us. What’s going on here?