Starting Five

1. On the 49th anniversary of this awful day in Dallas, the Cowboys fell at home to the Washington Redskins, 38-31, and the Longhorns lost in Austin, 20-13, to TCU. At least it was a Lone Star State native, RG3, who beat the Cowboys. Redskin coach referred to his rookie QB, a Copperas Cove native, as “Cool Hand Luke”. Griffin admitted that he had no idea who Cool Hand Luke was — the film came out in 1967, or 23 years before RG3 did — but when asked what he thought of the CHL comparison, RG3 smiled and said, “He must be pretty cool.”

Cool Hand Luke = RG3 >>>>>>> Other Side of the Pillow

2. The New York Post, as it so often does, put it best: “BUTT UGLY.”  The New York Jets fell behind 35-3 at Met Life Stadium to the New England Patriots before losing 49-19. This was both the nadir and the defining game of the Mark Sanchez era in New York, with the quintessential moment being Sanchez rotating the wrong way on a dive play, then heading upfield, being tackled by the derriere of offensive lineman Brandon Moore, fumbling the ball, and having Patriot DB Steve Gregory scoop it up for a score. It was the Jets’ Joe Pisarcik moment, and you will be seeing it replayed for years, accompanied by “Yakety Sax.” Gregory, by the way, is a Staten Island native who had an interception and two fumble recoveries last night. Talk about a first responder.

No caption necessary

3. NFL, which stands for “Now Fully Legislated.” The Houston Texans steal a touchdown, and a victory, from the Detroit Lions via an arcane and asinine rule which penalizes a coach for tossing a challenge flag on a touchdown play. All touchdowns are reviewed, so the red flag is superfluous. We get it. And we can even understand penalizing said coach — in this case, Jim Schwartz — a certain distance of yardage because it can be seen, if you squint, as unsportsmanlike conduct. However, to incorporate, as part of the penalty, the decision that the play will not be reviewed, has no basis in logic or reason. It’s like Jerry Seinfeld returning the jacket to the department store. Reason you are returning the jacket? “Spite.”

4. Mexico would like to change its name to… “Mexico.” We think it should change its name to “America’s 51st state.” Just think of the coastline property you could buy. Of course, the problem lies with the fact that it would be much easier for Shawshank penitentiary officials to track down Andy Dufresne, and who wants that?

5. The Five M’s of the 2012 Heisman Trophy: Manti, Manziel, Marqise, Miller, manana. Right now it’s Johnny Manziel’s to win, but if either Manti Te’o or Marqise Lee has a headline-worthy effort in tomorrow’s prime-time Notre Dame-USC game, one of them could wrestle it from Johnny Football. Braxton Miller has been spectacular all season for bowl-ineligible (but they didn’t need to be this sesason…dopes!) and undefeated Ohio State, who should roll Michigan in Columbus. Miller’s candidacy is compromised by the game’s noon start — fair or not, it’s true — and the Buckeyes’ BCS pariah status this season.

Reserves

We could be looking at the largest Powerball jackpot ever tomorrow night, with an annuity of $320 million. MediumHappy has a $5 stake in the game.

On Thanksgiving morning, 1887 (Nov. 23), a group of Notre Dame students met a group of Michigan students who were happy to introduce them to the game of football. The Michigan students had been on the way to play Northwestern when the Wildcats canceled. Michigan got off the train in South Bend and the rest is history. They played on the campus of Notre Dame and Michigan won, 8-0. Afterward they all sat down together for a meal and then the Michigan students took a train back home. It’s all very Pilgrims and Indians in retrospect, isn’t it? Happy 125th birthday, Notre Dame football.

It’s a long way from here to Manti Te’o

Jesse Palmer apologizing for flashing “Horns Down” is far more offensive than Jesse Palmer flashing hands down. He is handsome, though.

Twitter pans Matt Lauer’s co-hosting of the Macy’s Parade, particularly his mispronunciation of Broadway standard “‘S Wonderful”. Then again, Mr. Lauer was likely well-compensated for his hosting duties. Nice work if you can get it (Did you see what we did there?).

Yet another hour of Lauer

Let’s move from Savannah Guthrie to Arlo Guthrie. After all, he is the one Guthrie who we have always associated with Thanksgiving day. If you’ve never heard this “Alice’s Restaurant”, which clocks in at 18:34, now is as good a time as any to meet it. This was a staple for us on Thanksgiving morning back when we used to listen to terrestrial radio.

New York City had a serial killer. Salvatore Perrone, 64, killed three shopkeepers in Brooklyn whose common thread is that their business addresses included the number “8.” Our Russian barber had this to say about Perrone, who was apprehended on Wednesday: “You know what they’d do to this guy in Russia? They’d split his torso open with a knife, pour salt inside, wait a few minutes, and then set him on fire.” Somewhere in Minsk there is an American barber saying, “They’d find him a defense attorney, who’d immediately ask for an extension, and even after the trial — if he were found guilty… or not guilty by reason of insanity– they’d lay down so many appeals that it would cost the taxpayer hundreds of thousands of dollars.” ” America, F___ Yeah!” (don’t open this link, mom)

Headline on espn.com: “Wizards Lose to Bobcats, 92-76, Wizards Nation Reacts.” There’s a Wizards nation? Really? Perennially poor Wizards are 0-10. Their consistency is astounding.

Film we are excited to see this weekend? “Life of Pie Traynor.” What happens when a young (Cleveland?) Indian boy finds himself marooned on a boat in the middle of the ocean with a Hall of Fame third baseman for the Pittsburgh Pirates? Or is all of it just a hallucination?

And yet he looks like a Detroit Tiger

So it has been nearly two weeks and there is still no name for the USC football manager at the heart of Deflate-gate? What’s happening here? Where is Shelley Smith? Where is The Daily Trojan? Where, pray tell, is Tim Tessalone? “Markinson’s gone. There is no Markinson.” By the way, nice touch with the “Supreme Court” hoops top. That’s the kind of touch that makes a good movie a great movie. And we don’t know if this makes us Daniel Kaffee or Joann Galloway, but we strongly suspect that it’s the latter. Because we surely would do dumbass things such as telling the judge that we “strenuosly” object.

“Did Kiffin order the Code Red?”