Starting Five

1. Hunter, gatherer of bizarre hits. Houston Astro Philadelphia Phillie San Francisco Giant Hunter Pence hit a routine one-hopper base-clearing double to propel El Gigantos past the defending champion St. Louis Cardinals in Game 7 of the NLCS. Pence’s hit was not only a double, but as the replay showed, a double hit. The fans at AT&T Park appeared blithely uninterested, as if they were at a Yankee game.

2. Suh-mething Wicked This Way Comes: Ndamukong Suh, who probably should have won the Heisman Trophy in 2009, remains the scariest Halloween costume if you are Chicago Bear quarterback Jay Cutler. Suh’s sack of Cutler last night inspired the Sports Center staff to create a montage of bad-ass Suh assaults tackles of Cutler, none of which we thought were dirty. Suh’s just the classic example of a player who arrives at the QB in a very, very bad mood. If this were the Seventies, Lite Beer would already be crafting a TV commercial starring Cutler and Suh.

2. “Horses and bayonets?” “We have these things called aircraft carriers?” “The 1980s called and it would like its foreign policy back?” Was this the third presidential debate or a Saturday Night Live cold open? President Snippy Pants may have won the debate, but he appeared to be auditioning for a guest-hosting spot on SNL.

4. Lynn Jennings rocks! The former three-time World Cross Country champion has traded strides for strokes (very nice, John. Why, thank you). Last Saturday Jennings, who won a bronze in the 10,000 meters at the Barcelona Olympics, won her age group (50-plus) at the Head of the Charles Regatta in Boston. In fact Jennings, 52, set a new age-group record in the 3.2-mile race (20:54).

5. No dream is too far-fetched (in fact most are too near-fetched). A Seattle man waged a two-year campaign to have sneer-rocker Billy Idol play his birthday party, and last night Idol complied. I would’ve requested some of Idol’s earlier, true punk stuff from Generation X (so, no, Douglas Coupland, you did not coin the term).

Reserves

UPDATE: Reuben Foster, if you don’t know him, is a five-star linebacker who decommitted from Alabama to Auburn last summer in most interesting fashion. Foster played his junior season at Troup High in Georgia under highly successful second-year coach (and Troup alumnus) Charles Flowers. Last winter Flowers was sacked by the school district, inciting a walkout among his players, some of whom, such as Foster, transferred.

Today Flowers’ attorney, Atlanta-based Ruth Woodling, filed suit against the school district. This promises to become messy and racially charged. It’s a real-life John Grisham novel.

In retrospect, do you find this Lance Armstrong Nike ad funny, sad, or some other adjective?

We have to ask: If Game 7 were deadlocked in the 9th inning last night instead of 9-0, would the umpires have ordered the grounds crew to pull out the tarps? Raining? The last time we saw a deluge like that Andy Dufresne busted out of Shawshank…

Country music artist David Allen Coe once wrote a song titled “You Never Even Called Me By My Name” in which he states that a perfect country & western song must include something about “mama, or trains, or trucks, or prison, or getting drunk.” In similar fashion, the perfect college football moment should have at least one of the following: WAC-era defensive fundamentals, an over-the-top broadcaster, a crazy or ballsy play call, a player with a hilarious surname, an unlikely hero, a wild finish, and an unintentionally hilarious post-game quote. Thanks to the geniuses at Smart Football, we have located such a clip. Thank you, San Diego State backup quarterback Adam Dingwell, for providing us with the quote of the year and perhaps the mantra for this very site (Messrs. Hubbell and Oak, included, of course).

 

Coulter-geist: Ann Coulter refers to POTUS as a “retard.” Is now slated to star in Simple Jack II. 

Taylor Swift shut down Times Square this morning to perform “Love Story” on Good Morning, America (this remains our favorite performance of that song). I’ll wait until Josh Elliot DMs me to confirm that the two are officially dating.

You’ve probably heard or read the term “Fantasy Slut League” in the past few days. What we found most intriguing is that this Bay Area high school, Piedmont, is the very same bastion of education that annually used to send its best students to perform bird calls on the Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson. It was terrific humor, and about the only time all year our parents would allow us to stay up to watch Carson. (David Letterman later resurrected the routine). Piedmont, you need to return to emphasizing bird calls as opposed to mating calls (and, yes, we realize that most bird calls are mating calls).

 

Wild turkey(s): A Bay Area cyclist is in critical condition after pedaling into a flock of wild turkeys. Laugh now, birds. We will have our revenge in five weeks.

Oklahoma-Notre Dame: The story of “Play Like A Champion”  by Berry Tramel and the story of “Play Like A Champion Today” by yours truly.

This looks like one of those stories that will soon blossom into a bigger story. We sent our own Jeremy Schaap to investigate (even though it’s taking place in Wright Thompson’s backyard)

Speaking of cyclists, one of our very favorite columnists, Jason Gay of the WSJ, lands an exclusive interview with the newly crowned seven-time champ of the Tour de France.

Best wishes for a swift recovery to one of my closest friends in or out of the business, Mark Beech.