by John Walters

Rihanna

Revealing that your pregnant before more than 100 million people at once, well… Rihanna gave them something to talk about. We were fascinated, if not necessarily entertained, by all of it. The levitation opening was cool but, Rihanna being one of the world’s highest grossing artists and sex symbols, we assumed the bulbous red parachute onesie was just the outermost layer of what would eventually be a highly revealing costume.

Nope.

It turns out, we are told, that the dancers were meat to represent sperm, which could only mean that Rihanna’s costume was a stand-in for—the Super Bowl, Fun For The Whole Family!

And this got us to thinking…Rihanna was showing, and while pregnancy is far from our area of expertise, she must be at least five or six months along. No? And the NFL revealed that she’d be the halftime performer late in September. She was already pregnant then and she knew it. Did the NFL know it?

So imagine you’re Roger Goodell and Co. Are you saying, Who cares if she’s pregnant? She’s Rihanna. Or are you quietly hoping that she opts to cancel (“Anyone have Lizzo’s cell number?”). Because you know what you cannot do, not in 2022 or ’23, is “fire” Rihanna due to her pregnancy. Even if that was in the contract. Because imagine the uproar that would cause: firing a woman of color because she’s pregnant.

Never mind that 1) Rihanna was not being paid a penny for the performance and 2) she’s already one of the wealthiest females in the world.

K.C.’s Secret Weapon? Pre-Snap About Face

If you were paying attention, both of the Chiefs’ fourth-quarter touchdowns, from deep in the red zone, came on passes near the pylon where the receiver was WIIIIIIDE OPEN. How did that happen?

It happened because of a wrinkle that exploited defenders in man coverage taking for granted something that has been occurring the same way for decades. What is that? A wide out who goes in motion toward the line of scrimmage pre-snap will continue in that same direction (Newton’s—Cam Newton’s— 2nd Law of Thermodynamics). Except that on both of those plays the player in motion reversed direction as soon as the ball was snapped.

As the Eagle were in man coverage, as that receiver heads toward midfield, or away from the sideline, the responsibility for coverage usually switches from a corner to the linebacker. Then the ball is snapped and he’s already headed back toward the sideline he had come from. In the confusion, the defenders lose him. And he’s wide open for a TD.

While this play may predate my personal memory, I first saw this ploy attempted—and with similar success—in the BYU-Notre Dame game in Las Vegas last October. The Cougars deployed it in the first quarter and scored an easy six. I recalled thinking that 1) I’ve never seen anyone try that and 2) that was a weird time to pull out that trick; I’d have saved it for a last-minute situation or a must-have two-point conversion.

Anyway, it worked. Two weeks later Notre Dame copied it—Tommy Rees was taking notes—in a game at home. I believe it was on a fourth down play in the first quarter. The Irish were successful, but it did not go for a TD. If some team used this play before BYU did, I’m not aware of it. But it is genius. Because it’s curious wrinkle of a part of the game most of us had just come to take for granted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNCBXFpADlo

Why does all of this matter on a larger scale? Because everyone losing their minds on the holding call that sealed K.C.’s victory is failing to notice that the Chiefs tried the same ploy yet again. If you click the “Watch on YouTube” above, you’ll see that JuJu Smith-Schuster is in motion, yet again, toward the interior of the field. While his about-face is not as abrupt—SS continues toward midfield after the snap for two steps—he does once again, as with the previous two TDs, do a 180 and head toward the sideline.

This time the Philly defender, James Bradberry, becomes aware of it just in time to make a desperation move and grab SS’s jersey with his right hand. The original Fox replay showed the play further along, and from the wrong angle. Greg Olsen focused on Bradberry’s left hand, not his right. It was left to Kevin Burkhardt to point out that they needed to review the play from a few seconds earlier.

Tough call. Correct call. An anticlimactic finish to an otherwise exciting game. But it was the right call and the “let ’em play” crowd needs to return to their sandboxes.

Dollar Quiz

1. What is the capital of Paraguay?
2. Name three Alfred Hitchcock films in which at least a couple of scenes are staged on a train.
3. Who was the first Super Bowl starting quarterback to not eventually land in the Pro Football Hall of Fame?
4. What company had the largest market capitalization (market cap) in 2022?
5. The world’s tallest building is found in what country?

by John Walters

K.D. And The SUNShine Band*

*The judges will also accept “Here Come The Suns”

The news started pouring in around 1 a.m. Eastern time. The Phoenix Suns were shipping two starters, Mikal Bridges and Cam Johnson, plus disgruntled former starter Jae Crowder, plus four future No. 1 picks to the Brooklyn Nets in exchange for Kevin Durant.

How many 1st round picks did the Suns give up for KD? pic.twitter.com/ajcVavaLR2

— BetMGM 🦁 (@BetMGM) February 9, 2023

This Suns fan will dearly miss Bridges, who never missed a game and whose on-the-move mid-range jumper was a surer thing than blue skies in Phoenix. But, the opportunity to land KD, who has the fourth highest scoring average in NBA history (only MJ, Wilt and Elgin’s are better than his 27.28), puts Phoenix as the team most likely to emerge from the West. If everyone stays healthy.

Thank you to the Twins as we affectionately called them! Mikal and Cam we are going to miss you. The business of basketball is a brutal part of this life, but @Suns fans will never forget the Joy and professionalism you two brought us! 🙏🏿 we will be watching! pic.twitter.com/fuV2baTTAe

— Eddie A Johnson (@Jumpshot8) February 9, 2023

Chris Paul and Devin Booker are both future Hall of Famers. So is KD, of course. Booker is in his prime and DeAndre Ayton just went for 35 and 15 two nights ago—versus the Nets. Ayton remains maddeningly inconsistent, but if he’s playing to his ability the Suns have the best foursome in the NBA.

Expensive, but worth it. pic.twitter.com/GByBgVG7J2

— Mayor Kate Gallego (@MayorGallego) February 9, 2023

The Suns just mortgaged their future, but new owner Mat Ishbia (this is only the third day of his tenure) just put the Suns in the best position to win their first NBA Finals since they led Milwaukee 2-0 in the ’21 NBA Finals. And announcer Al McCoy, with the Suns since the beginning, is almost 90. If they’re ever going to win a championship in McCoy’s lifetime… well, this trade was a wham! bam! slam!

Legendary Composer Now Decomposing

Farewell to Austin Powers’ favorite artist, Burt Bacharach, who has passed at the age of 94. Reported cause of death: He watched the Grammys on Sunday night.

Bacharach provided the soundtrack for some of the loveliest, most lush pop songs of the 1960s and 1970s. At his best, no one could touch Bacharach for songs that evince that sense of, what did Don Draper call it? Nostalgia.

These songs were more than just a part of my childhood, and maybe yours. They were the best possible soundtrack we could have had: “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head,” “What The World Needs Now,” “I’ll Never Fall In Love Again,” “The Look Of Love,” “Close To You,” “Walk On By,” “I Say A Little Prayer For You”…

Bacharach, who grew up in Queens, won three Oscars, six Grammys and was married to Angie Dickinson for 15 years. That’s not an EGOT, but it is a DOG.

DOLLAR QUIZ

1. What was the name of Charles Foster Kane’s estate in Citizen Kane?
2. What musical engineer who worked on the last two Beatles albums, as well as Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side Of The Moon,” went on to form a band that had a fair level of success itself?
3. Joe Pesci turns 80 today. Name another actor who portrayed a defense lawyer in a trial set in Alabama.
4. Name a country that is the only country that begins with that letter of the alphabet.
5. Do the stars in the sky help sailors figure their latitude, longitude, or both?

*still by John Walters and not ChatGPT

Scoring King James

LeBron James needed 36 points to surpass Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (in attendance) as the NBA’s all-time leading scorer. He reached that in three quarters, and finished with 38 as the Lakers lost to the OKC Thunder at home, 133-130.

James now has scored 38,890 career regular-season points. He remains behind Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain and contemporary Kevin Durant in career scoring average. Something curious to behold: at the moment James passed Jabbar, his career scoring average was 27.23 points per game—and the date was 2/7/23.

The SOTU and The STFU

The State of the Union address? Didn’t watch. Trying to avoid being triggered in any direction these days. What?!? It’s a Cary Grant marathon on TCM? We’re gonna party with C.K. Dexter Haven, thank you very much.

Cam A Lot

The winner of the Kyrie Irving trade? Nets rookie Cam Thomas, who last night versus Phoenix recorded his third consecutive 44-points-or-more game. The 21 year-old just became the youngest player in NBA history to pull off a trio of consecutive 40-point games (reread that sentence once more, please).

Thomas, a 6’3″ guard out of LSU, still has a career average of below 10 ppg despite this past week’s scoring barrage. Which sort of lets you know why he was muzzled before this week.

It’s nice to see a player from LSU suiting up for the Nets who can actually score.

The Conversation

Well, that was an uncomfortable movie with a wallop of an ending. To think that this film based in San Francisco came out as the Zodiac was also out there terrorizing the city is something else. Also, another film we should have added to the early ’70s mystery/thriller/paranoia genre: The Parallax View, which is even more discomfiting than this.

The lesson of this film, which Gene Wilder learned but later Dustin Hoffman would not: never break Teri Garr’s heart.

Freak Solo

An experienced climber yesterday took to the sunny streets of Phoenix and ascended the tallest structure between Los Angeles and Dallas, the 40-story Chase Tower in downtown Phoenix. He’s a pro-lifer trying to gather support for the cause. Repeatedly he was enjoined to terminate his ascent but, in keeping with is beliefs, refused to abort the mission.

Dollar Quiz

1. Which NBA player, who is both retired and eligible for the Hall of Fame, scored the most points in his career (>20,000) without being inducted into the Hall?
2. This is a toughie, but you know the names: What non-quarterback was named to the most Pro Bowls (one of three players are possible), 14?
3. Eleven human beings have walked on the surface of the moon. Neil Armstrong was the first. Who was the last?
4. Both Slovenia and Slovakia border this country. What is it?
5. What is the chemical symbol (one letter) for Tungsten?

by John Walters

Jimmy Thing

To answer faithful reader’s question from yesterday’s comments section, Yes, I have seen both Call Northside 777 and The Mortal Storm (the latter for the first time just a month or so ago). If you’ve ever seen George Kennedy’s tribute to Jimmy Stewart on TCM, I believe he hits it right on the nose. Stewart embodies the ideal American, that version of ourselves we’d most like to think ourselves as being (though we all fail). and Kennedy even pointed out that while many would answer “John Wayne,” it was Wayne who fancied himself (and no small number of his characters) a war hero but it was Jimmy Stewart who actually was, having flown two dozen or more combat missions over the English Channel and into Europe.

I remember enjoying Call Northside 777, but it has been a few years. But I will highly recommend The Mortal Storm, a 1939 film about the encroachment of Nazism on a peaceful Austrian college town. Stewart is terrific as is Robert Young; Marcus Welby, M.D., is a little too convincing as a Hitler Youth. Then there’s Robert Stack, very handsome as a young man, and Margaret Sullavan, who for some reason a lot of folks thought was the paragon of beauty but to me, more than a little overrated (she’s that era’s Kirsten Dunst). Anyway, it is a film that reminds you a little of The Sound Of Music minus the happy ending. Well worth seeing.

A few other Jimmy Stewart gems beyond the obvious ones such as The Philadelphia Story (for which he won an Oscar), Mr. Smith Goes To Washington (for which he should have won an Oscar, but his best friend Henry Fonda did… the TPS Oscar was a makeup call), Rear Window, Vertigo and It’s A Wonderful Life:

• Rope… his second-best Hitchcock role.

•Anatomy Of A Murder… arguably the film that taught all TV courtroom procedurals how to do it. Lee Remick is sin in tight pants.

*Harvey… his Forrest Gumpian role.

•After The Thin Man… no spoilers! (But it’s killing me)

• The Shop Around The Corner… which bequeathed us You’ve Got Mail

• Winchester ’73… an underrated Western with a young Rock Hudson as an Indian brave, a newcomer named Tony Curtis and Dan Duryea doing his best Dan Duryea impersonation.

•Thunder Bay… a Yukon/Alaska western

•The Naked Spur… a High Sierra western with a young Janet Leigh who never takes off her overcoat—what were the producers thinking?

There are more, and I’m sure Faithful Reader will scold us for not including The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (title character played by…?) or Destry Rides Again or even The FBI Story or No Highway In The Sky ….

A Shot Of Sanity

Here’s Bill Maher ranting about how ridiculous and intolerant the woke crowd can be. I have a ridiculous story of my own to add to his anecdote here, and maybe some day I’ll share it. I promise the details are no less ludicrous than what The Real Time host is spouting off on here. The administrators who believe they are doing our youth and the next generation a favor by being ultra hyper-sensitive are actually doing the exact opposite: They’re teaching them how to be good little Nazis, just at the opposite end of the shallow pool. And they’re doing it because either deep down they need the approbation of these kids to further their self-esteem (as opposed to knowing that good parenting or good mentorship involves the capacity to say “No” and to stick to it) or they’re doing it over some self-imposed guilt about how the world works that they in fact had no part in causing.

Related: I just had a job application for a teaching position at a prestigious university forwarded to me. The only thing the school asks of me besides a resume and basic facts about how I identify, whether I’m a veteran and ethnicity is an essay about why I feel diversity and inclusion is important. It’s like asking me to explain why I feel water and air is essential. The fact that I have to dignify the question by pretending to take it seriously as opposed to simply answering, “I believe that common sense is important and that as an educator I treat everyone equally regardless of gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, political leaning or ethnicity.” The fact that I simply cannot use that as my response, particularly as a white male in his fifties, well, that’s wrong. Never mind that they don’t seem to care too much about MY ACTUAL QUALIFICATIONS.

Related

I’m not someone who agrees with much of anything Joe Rogan has to say, but I will point this out…

this is disgusting antisemitism. https://t.co/A8KHpesTcE

— Jake Sherman (@JakeSherman) February 7, 2023

Now, you might agree with Mr. Sherman here. I’d say that reducing any one ethnic group to a stereotype as if to say ALL are like this is just stupid. I’m Italian and I’ve never whacked anyone (though I did have a cousin who met his end this way… no lie… which is kind of the point).

Anyway, if you venture onto Netflix, find the episode where Jerry Seinfeld’s guest is comic Hasan Minhaj. At one point, late in their date, Jerry looks across the table at his young Indian-American colleague and says, “I’ll tell you one thing Jews and Indians have in common: we both love money.”

No one canceled Jerry for saying this. Maybe not enough people on Twitter saw it. Or maybe it’s like when Chris Rock or Dave Chapelle talk about black people. I can say it; you cannnot.

By the way, I loved this line from Chapelle when he hosted SNL last November: “a group of Italians together in business is a mob, a group of Mexicans is a cartel… but a group of Jewish people is… a coincidence.” LULZ.

Executive Suite Wisdom

Yet another reason to love TCM… tuning in to learn about a film you never even knew existed. In this instance, on Sunday, Executive Suite from 1954 with an All-Star lineup of William Holden, Barbara Stanwyck, Fredric March and Walter Pidgeon. So here’s the climactic scene, and remember this if nearly 70 years ago, but it’s even more true today than it was then. This is why capitalism is broke. The Fredric March types won. Tune in. Again, from 69 years ago.

Dollar Quiz

1. Name two six-letter states that border one another.
2. Who played Liberty Valance in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance?
3. Name a film in which a female is never seen nor given a speaking part off-camera.
4. Name a country whose capital city is the exact same word, same number of letters (there’s more than one).
5. Who was born first, Beethoven or Mozart?

by John Walters

Turkish Catastrophe

An earthquake measuring 7.9 on the Richter scale rocked eastern Turkey yesterday, taking more than 2,300 lives in that country as well as Syria and Lebanon. Chances are that the fatality figure will at least double as more bodies are found in the rubble.

In another epoch, someone might have found a way to twist this tragedy’s cause into God’s wrath, but as the geography clearly shows, Whoever or Whatever caused this was ecumencial in His/its treatment of the religious faith of its myriad victims. We are reminded of the sage words of that ’60s philosopher, Don Draper:

Hip Hop? Hooray!

We’ve been aged out of watching The Grammys (nobody’s fault…just time’s winged chariot, etc.), but we heard they did a 50th anniversary tribute to hip hop. So hip hop is officially an OG. And it may need Hip Replacement Hop soon. This video, we think, captures it…

We like that L.L. Cool J placed a date (August 11, 1973) and place (1520 Sedgwick Ave., the Bronx) and person (DK Kool Herc… still thriving at age 68) for hip hop’s origin. Let history show that the Yankees lost at home that Saturday to the best team in baseball, the Oakland A’s, 7-3. The starting pitchers were Vida Blue and Mel Stottlemyre; Reggie Jackson went three for four).

Growing up as Wonderbread as I did, I was only vaguely aware of hip hop, even through the rise of the Sugar Hill Gang and even Run-DMC. The first time hip hop’s full thrust really hit me was in the opening credits of Spike Lee’s 1989 classic Do The Right Thing. Public Enemy’s “Fight The Power.” You could feel the power. You?

Rosie Perez, you are an immortal.

Kyrie Irving, Texas

Lana Turner was married six times. It wasn’t because her husbands found her unattractive.
Kyrie Irving just moved on to his fourth NBA team, even though he’s a legitimate Top 10 NBA talent when he’s fully healthy and engaged.

Irving, who will turn 31 in March, joins Luka Doncic, who is tied for the NBA scoring lead at 33.4 points per game (with Joel Embiid) and is probably one of two players (Nikola Jokic) with a realistic shot to win MVP this season. Does Dallas’ record (28-26) improve? Does Kyrie play nice in order to secure that final max contract and does he even remain in Dallas?

Maybe It’s Me

— LeBron James (@KingJames) February 6, 2023

Kyrie’s former teammate had this to sub-tweet, but you know, it’s worth noting that LeBron has jumped teams just as many times in his career as Kyrie has.

Death Foreshadowed On Screen

Maybe you’re like me (hopefully, you’re not). You watch a film on TCM and you want to learn more about an actor so you Google them. And if you see that they died, say, before their 50th birthday, you are obliged to dig further. So you see the gorgeous Carole Landis (above) in a film and then see she died before her 30th birthday and you shovel further and learn that she committed suicide, heartbroken that Rex Harrison would not leave his wife for her (and then he still had the gall to make My Fair Lady... GAW!).

Then there’s the even more tragic story of Susan Peters, who was both stunning and a fine actress with a bright future ahead (both of these actresses were ’40s era, Golden Age of Hollywood sirens). On New Year’s Day, 1945 (coincidentally, Landis’ 26th birthday), Peters was on a hunting trip with her boyfriend. A bullet discharged accidentally and left her a paraplegic. Two years earlier she had earned a Best Supporting Actress nom for her role in Random Harvest. Now here career was essentially over… though she did wonderfully as a wheelchair-bound villain in The Sign of The Ram (1948).

The reality of her plight eventually consumed Peters, who plunged into a deep depression and starved herself to death in 1952, at the age of 31.

Now, sure, this is all morbid and depressing, but it fascinates me. Taking it to yet another level are actors whose means of death is forecast, or at least foreshadowed, in a movie in which they appeared. And, after watching Hangover Square this weekend, I now have the obligatory grouping of three to provide you:

1. James Dean, who died in a car wreck as you know (I drove past this rural intersection in central California last October). Dean only appeared in three films, but in at least two of them, he’s driving at unsafe speeds (Rebel Without A Cause and Giant). The latter film was released after Dean’s deth.
2. Carole Lombard, who died in a plane crash just outside of Las Vegas. The ’30s starlet and wife of Clark Gable was homeward bound to Los Angeles from a goodwill war bonds tour that had ended in Indiana. She and her mom had taken the train all the way from the Hoosier State to Vegas, but then they were anxious to be home and opted to fly the final leg. A tragic choice. Lombard appears in at least two films where she appears in a scene in a plane’s cabin (Nothing Sacred and To Be Or Not To Be). Lombard was just 33 when she died. The latter film was also released after she died (and is highly recommended by MH judges and editors).
3. Finally, Linda Darnell, a buxom beauty from the ’40s era who would tragically die in a house fire. In Hangover Square she is first strangled to death by the main character, George Harvey Bone (Laird Cregar), who then deposits her wrapped corpse atop a large bonfire pyre (celebrating Guy Fawkes Day in London). Darnell was 41 when she died.

Completing this large circle, Cregar would die tragically at age 31. He was obsessed with losing enough weight to be considered a leading man, eventually undergoing gastric bypass surgery… in the prehistoric cosmetic surgery era of 1945. Nine days later, Cregar died of complications from surgery. Hangover Square, his signature performance, was also released posthumously.

Conclusion: I watch too much TCM.

Dollar Quiz

1. Name every populated continent that did not experience a direct armed conflict/attack during World War II.
2. The first NBA slam-dunk contest was held in Denver in 1984. Who won?
3. Name three Best Picture winners from the 1980s that are set in Asia.
4. Name these Biblical characters in order, from first to appear to last: Moses, Abraham, Noah, David, Joseph.
5. How many offensive players must line up on the line of scrimmage, minimum?