Monthly Archives: April 2021

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Rodon Masterpiece

Behold, the no-hitter. A triumph within a triumph. No other sport offers a midseason moment with as much postgame celebration, a climax of euphoria after a full hour or so of tension (say, from the fifth inning on).

In Chicago, Carlos Rodon hurls a no-no that was thiiiiiiiiiiis close to being a perfect game. Only a Cleveland batter hit on the toe in the ninth inning kept it from being so.

Rodon, a No. 3 overall draft pick in 2014, underwent Tommy John surgery a couple years ago and pitched all of seven innings last year. Last night he pitched more than that.

There have been two no-hitters in the past week, each of them one hit batter shy of being perfect games. No walks or errors in either outing.

And yes, he’s a big boy: 6’3″, 245. Listed.

No No-No’s

Rodon’s no-hitter, in only his 94th career start, got us to wondering who are the best pitchers to never hurl a no-no. The list is rather impressive.

Begin with Roger Clemens… seven Cy Young awards, no no-no.

Continue on to Pedro Martinez…threw nine innings of perfect ball against the Padres, but his Expos did not get him a run. His Montreal team did in the top of the 10th, but San Diego’s lead-off hitter singled off him in the bottom of the 10th. Expos won, 1-0.

Greg Maddux…. led the N.L. in complete games five times, no no-no.

Steve Carlton….six one-hitters for the hurler who has the second-most wins of any lefty.

Grover Alexander… four one-hitters just in 1915. Second all-time in shutouts. No no-nos.

Babe Ruth… sort of. In 1915 he walked the lead-off batter, jawed with the ump and was ejected. His reliever, Ernie Shore, caught retired the next 26 batters without a hit or walk (while that leadoff batter was caught stealing).

Steph Again

The month 12-year NBA vet and future unanimous vote HOF’er Stephen Curry has been having is a high-water mark even for him. Last night he drained 11 three-pointers (in the first three quarters) in Golden State’s 147-109 win at OKC. That’s his 19th career 10 3-pointer game and second in as many games.

Curry finished with 42 points. He leads the NBA in scoring and is having an MVP season.

Only two NBA players have more 10 3-point games than Steph has this week.

And yes, Luka Doncic drained a game-winner in Memphis last night that got more love, but what Steph is doing is magnificent. His coach, Steve Kerr, who played alongside both Michael Jordan and Tim Duncan, articulated it well:

“It seems like every night, even though I say nothing surprises me, I’m still in awe of the shot-making. It’s just incredible. The level of confidence and skill is just stunning. It’s beautiful to watch. It’s a man at the peak of his powers with a lifetime of training and work, and not just on his body, but on his mind. This is a guy who is functioning at a level that very few human beings ever function at in their particular field. It’s just beautiful to watch.“

It’s Only “Political” If I Don’t Agree With It

Brett Favre was a magnificent NFL quarterback, as entertaining to watch as he was prolific. And he led the Packers to a Super Bowl win, something that had not happened in Titletown since the 1960s.

But his political views leave something to be desired (as oppose to his d*ck pics, which leave nothing to be desired). It’s not about whether or not you agree directly with Favre’s conservative viewpoints. It’s that he is guilty of what so many (all?) Trump-era Republicans are guilty of: shameless and unadulterated hypocrisy.

Appearing on a radio show yesterday, Favre insisted that politics should stay out of sports. But here’s his tweet from last year:

Let’s see if we can simplify this for No. 5: If it’s stuff you espouse, it’s patriotism. If it’s stuff you do not espouse, it’s “politics.” The ability to see that your views are NOT universal and that in fact someone may hold the complete opposite views, without either of you being a criminal, is what makes us Americans. The inability to do so is what makes someone a Republican.

Wild Kingdom

These two creature clips will make your day…

First, a lion love-in in Tanzania:

https://twitter.com/buitengebieden_/status/1382386949302984712?s=20

Next, rams. This is kinda like the first time you beat your dad in driveway hoops:

Pride Of Ottumwa, Iowa

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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by John Walters

Welcome To Hell

Bernie Madoff is dead at 82. If Hell exists, he’s in the midst of the admittance process. Financial news pundits and the WSJ will refer to Madoff as a financier or an investment strategist, but let’s simplify it: he was a thief.

Madoff was a thief and Ponzi Schemer who robbed tens of thousands of people who trusted him with their lives’ savings of millions and millions of dollars. Long may he burn.

To Term A COIN

One of our (former?) readers has long been a cryptocurrency pessimist, comparing it to the 17th Century Tulip Mania. But our reader was talking that way back when Bitcoin was still about $15,000 per coin. This morning one Bitcoin is selling for more than $64,000. Is she wrong or are we simply still in the midst of our mania bubble? I dunno.

But today is a landmark date in cryptocurrency’s evolution, as the company Coinbase (COIN) goes public. What does Coinbase do? I got this from the web:

Founded in 2012, Coinbase is the largest U.S. cryptocurrency exchange, with 56 million verified users in the first quarter. Its online platform allows users to buy, sell, transfer, and store Bitcoin and other digital currencies.

COIN is supposed to open trading later this morning at $250 per share.

April In Arizona

The State Tree, the palo verde, in full bloom.

Stand Back And Stand By And Stand Down

The Inspector General’s 104-page report, titled, “Review of the Events Surrounding the Jan. 6, 2021, Takeover of the U.S. Capitol,” finds that U.S. Capitol police were “ordered not to use its most powerful nonlethal weapons.”

By whom? And why not? I think we know the answers, don’t we?

Mistress Distress

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Wrong And Wright

Everyone did something wrong at the Daunte Wright traffic stop. But only one person died for it.

Let’s begin with Wright, 20. When he dove back into his vehicle, well, that was just stupid. Now, I’m not a black man and I do know about George Floyd, but once you step out of the car and your back is to the police, jumping back into your car, with your hands out of sight, that’s stupid.

The police stopped Wright for, what—having an air freshener hanging from his rear-view? And an expired license plate? Fine. If he’d looked like me, they would have told him to get it all fixed, I probably never would have had to step out of the vehicle, and I’d be sent on my way.

This morning I found an article from The Gateway Pundit that noted that Wright can be seen in Facebook posts with a gun and flashing gang signs. So what? My guess is that The Gateway Pundit is a fierce protector of 2nd Amendment rights—at least for “real” Americans—and one man’s gang sign is another man’s militia crest. What’s the diff? Color, of course.

Wrong and Right

As someone not directly involved and not a person of color, I’m more angered and frustrated over what happened to U.S. Army 2nd Lieutenant Caron Nazario in Windsor, Va., last December. For a number of reasons:

  • Police in that part of the world are well aware of how many military personnel are in their area and how an inordinately high number of them are minorities. Seeing Nazario in a uniform, their prevailing thoughts of him should have been as an Army officer, not as a black man (and by that I don’t mean that they should treat black motorists differently, but that in the default and faulty cop code, that they should not have gone immediately to their black motorist reactionary tactics).
  • Nazario does everything right, never hides his hands, speaks respectfully, understands that they are giving him conflicting orders that might just get him shot, and is preternaturally calm during the ordeal. He knows that if he puts his hands in the vehicle to dislodge his seat belt he could get shot, so he makes this point to the officer, calmly, while the officer continues to bark aggressively at him, almost daring him to do something wrong.
  • The officer pepper sprays him, in the eyes, from about one foot away. For no good reason.
  • This happened on December 5. That officer never gets fired unless this video goes viral in the past few days. Even though the Windsor P.D. had access to it for the past five months.
  • Finally, when Colin Kaepernick knelt, it was about disrespecting the military. Here’s a man in uniform. And the cops are disrespecting him. Oh, yes, but Blue Lives Matter. That is unless they’re protecting the Constitution and our Congress. Then they don’t. See a common denominator here?

It should be clear by now, too. The sort of stuff that happened to Lt. Nazario and Daunte Wright goes on every day in America. We just don’t always get video. And white people just don’t have to deal with it. When I was a junior in college a few of my friends, after a few beers and in a frisky mood, endeavored to steal the American flag from a Burger King. In the midst of their covert ops mission, the South Bend police arrived. My friends scrambled (no names here; protecting the parties involved) and two of them were caught. Not a single one of them was shot at. Or even roughed up.

Steph Again

As miraculous and awe-inspiring Steph Curry is as a basketball player, he is still not appreciated enough in his own time. Last night Curry went for 53 in a win against Denver (the big news: Jamal Murray tearing his ACL on his left knee late in the fourth quarter). He becomes, I believe, the first player 32 years old or older to go for 50 or more three times in the same season.

Even more incredible, Steph drained TEN 3-pointers in the win. That’s his 18th career game with at least TEN threes. The next most in NBA history is his Splash Brother, Klay Thompson, with FIVE. Then comes James Harden with three.

18.

5.

3.

That’s the kind of in-another-orbit stat that only Wilt Chamberlain achieved. And yes, Steph broke Wilt’s team record for most points last night. Worth noting: Wilt played in about 300 fewer games with the Warriors and averaged more than 41 points per game, whereas Steph averages 23.9.

(yes, I’m referencing myself. Get over it.)

Also something wild: Wilt never made a three-pointer and was only a 55% career free-throw shooter. Steph is the all-time NBA leader in free-throw percentage.

Pop, A Shot

Every last word here from San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich is true. Every last one.

And he’s right about Rome. America still has a choice as to whether it’s going to embrace authoritarianism and power (i.e., white supremacy) or citizenship and kindness (i.e., democracy). The fact that it’s even a close fight at this point is staggering. And scary. We are teetering on the brink and we almost lost it all on January 6th. It’s fragile. People still do not seem to comprehend that.

Watters’ World

Here’s the thing about most Republicans: at their core, selfishness is what defines them (the rest just have a hard-on about being anti-abortion; some are both). Something is welfare until it applies to them, then it’s a right.

Cinerama Drama

This is the iconic Cinerama Dome theatre, located on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. It’s within walking distance of the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Apparently it will not reopen after the pandemic (if there is an “after the pandemic”) due to financial losses during the pandemic. Real reason: this is highly valuable real estate where condos could make a fortune.

Methinks this theatre, which opened on November 7, 1963, might be able to saved. Surely there is someone, anyone, in Hollywood who is both insanely wealthy and has an emotional connection to the film industry. Someone?

April In Arizona

April is the best month in Arizona. Certainly, the most colorful.

And yet it’s more like autumn in the Northeast or Midwest. Why? Because like autumn there, we’ll get plenty of brilliant and magnificent colors followed by the most inhospitable time of year (the desert summer).

We’ll enjoy these last lovely days (for awhile) by posting a photo a day from foliage within a mile of this MH annex.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

Asia Major!

At Augusta, Japanese golfer Hideki Matsuyama becomes the first Asian to triumph at the Masters, as well as the first Asian male to win a major (thus our headline… don’t cancel us!). We also considered “Big In Japan,” “Turning Japanese” and “It’s Refreshing To See An Asian On The Right Side Of A Shot In Georgia.”

Matsuyama becomes the ninth different duffer of the past nine years to win at Augusta National.

The chances are pret-tee, pret-tee good that Matsuyama will light the Olympic cauldron in Tokyo come July. ESPN analyst Andy North, a former PGA Tour pro, estimates the one-stroke win will be worth $1 BILLION-with-a-B or Matsuyama.

Oh, and Bill Simmons had a few things to say about it and did not miss his chance to remind us that he’ll always have Red Sox-Yankees on the brain.

“So I had it. I had the savvy one. ‘Heat of the Moment,’ which was a song that won like five Grammys by a band called Asia in the 80’s. I think Nantz could have gone stealth and done, It was the heat of the moment, Hideki Matsui is our Masters champion. Something like that and then it just would have been really underground. Nobody really would have gotten it. But he just played it chalk. You know what? You just signed a new contract Jim Nantz. We don’t want a scared Jim Nantz. Come up with some sort of line. Anything? Disappointing.”

Gaetz-Stop-O!

The latest on Matt Gaetz. He basically flew down to The Former Guy’s backyard, Doral, to speak at the Women For America First conference, where he channeled Margaret Thatcher, saying, “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, hire a woman.”

Hire a woman.

Or a girl.

Colin Jost had a fine joke on Weekend Update noting that it was refreshing to see women pay Gaetz for an hour of his time.

Oh, and Gaetz may have had an ulterior motive in venturing so near to Mar-A-Lago. A sit-down with The Former Guy. Denied. You’ve served your purpose, Matty. You’re of no use to him now. You’re just another bitch who needs to put her clothes on and get out.

Infrastructure, Bridges

Yesterday, former New Jersey governor and BridgeGate impresario Chris Christie accused President Biden of “lying” about his $2 trillion infrastructure package. Granted, there’s a lot more in it than simply bridges, tunnels, roads, airports, rails and even internet and grid stuff. But, I mean, of all the people to suddenly have a sense of integrity and candor related to bridges…

Meanwhile, a better infrastructure take was offered by Charlotte’s Miles Bridges, who knows how to navigate through traffic in the lane.

Padre No-No

The last Major League team without a no-hitter, the San Diego Padres, finally got off the schneid Friday night. Joe Musgrove, 28, who is a native of El Cajon, just inland from America’s Finest City, no-hit the Texas Rangers in their brand-new ballpark, Globe Life Field.

A few notes:

*The Padres just began their 53rd season. So that’s more than 8,200 games before their first no-no.

*Musgrove struck out 10 and came within one hit batter, in the bottom of the 4th, of tossing a perfect game.

*This was an inter-league game. The Padres and Rangers only meet once every three years.

*The Philadelphia Phillies (1964) have the longest no-hitter drought in MLB history.

*Globe Life Field was hosting its first regular-season homestand. It also hosted the World Series and NLCS last October. In its very nascent existence, it has already witnessed two southern California-based National League teams celebrate wildly on its infield.

*Blake Snell now pitches for the Padres. Which means that while he was denied a chance for a once-in-a-lifetime moment at Globe Life last October, he was able to rush the pitcher’s mound and celebrate his teammate’s no-no just six months later.

SNL Highlights

Two best moments from this weekend’s episode (and Mikey Day really shines in this first clip):

And here’s Bowen Yang as the Titanic iceberg:

A Few Good Tweets

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