IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

 

Starting Five

Donald’s Trump Card

Can you imagine the look on the president’s face the first time someone told him that he had the power to declare a “National Emergency” (“a MAJOR award!”) pretty much at his whim? Since 1976, and don’t ask us why, Congress has ceded this “National Emergency”, um, trump card, to the executive branch.

And when Donald Trump found out about that, he had his unassailable weapon that can come in over the top of any Congressional voting. So, yeah, when a major hurricane ravages Puerto Rico, just declare a National Emergency, right? No, not for that? Mass shootings? Nope, just not feeling it. Climate change? Yeah, no. Someone else’s problem.

A border wall? Presto!

Since 1976 presidents have signed 59 National Emergencies. The difference with this one is that the president only did so as a Hail Mary pass after a 35-day government shutdown and after a bipartisan Congress refused to give him the funding for his wall that he wanted.

This morning in the Rose Garden the president said, “I didn’t need to do this. I just wanted to do it faster.” Doesn’t sound like much of an emergency.

2. No Life On Mars

Significant that on a week in which Chuck Yeager tweeted about how he can’t believe he has reached his 96th birthday (read the final chapter of The Right Stuff and you won’t believe it, either) that the Mars Rover, 15 years old, has been declared on Mars. Sailors fighting in the dance hall/Oh man, look at those cavemen go…


We know what you’re thinking: Does this mean that Matt Damon is dead? No way. Jason Bourne has been in much stickier situations than being stranded on an uninhabited planet.

3. Tomorrow Never Knows

This sounds like someone in the writers’ room at Saturday Night Live came up with this idea as a sketch and someone else said, “Wait. No. That’s too good. Let’s save it for a movie.”

The premise: a young, scuffling musician suffers a head injury and when he comes to he soon realizes that he lives in a world where the Beatles never existed. Yet he still remembers all their songs. Yesterday is our favorite trailer since A Star Is Born and it brims with that cheeky kind of humor you saw in Notting Hill. Kate McKinnon is in it, too. Done.

The film won’t come out until June 28. We’re a little peeved they put the trailer out this early. We’re going to go through the 14 stages of infatuation with it and by the time it’s finally released, well, we’ll probably already be over it.

4. Amagone

Yesterday, after a few New Yorkers declared that Queens already had a famous resident with a history of embarrassing text photos to a paramour-or-less (never change, Carlos Danger), Amazon reversed itself and declared that it would not build a second headquarters in the borough (who’s tracking that package).

From an infrastructure and tax revenue perspective, the politicians and advocates who pushed against Amazon’s migration to Long Island City were either blindingly ignorant or naive. On the other hand, the city’s still able to sell an apartment for $238 million, so it’s not about to go down the tubes.

As a resident of nearly three decades who finds that half the trouble (and 1/3 the cost) of traveling from New York to LA is simply getting to the airport, we never quite understood why Amazon would want to plant itself in the midst of the worst traffic snarl in America. Long Island City?!? So are you gonna take the L.I.E., Northern Boulevard or Queen Boulevard to get to Laguardia or JFK? The BQE?!? Are you kidding me! I mean, there’s an entire Seinfeld episode devoted to the fastest route to JFK.

So from that standpoint, we think Amazon saved itself and its executives a world of hurt. But railing against the company’s arrival as a New Yorker? Dumb.

5. Unicorn Poop*

*The judges never envisioned typing that headline

This ad, from 2015, reminds us partly of those arch Axe Body Spray ads and partly of The Bard character from Something Rotten. But what it really is is an advertisement for the power of advertising. The company Squatty Potty saw sales increase 600% after this ad went viral that year.

We wish this concept had been the focus of a Mad Men episode. You can totally see Ginsberg coming up with this idea, Peggy trying to get her head around it, Don shooting it down because he was really mad at someone with whom he was having an affair and projecting on to Ginsberg, then Joan saying something that made everyone realize maybe it could work, followed by Roger saying he loved the idea. Pete would be the one suffering with hemorrhoids through the episode and taking advantage of the product samples being sent over.

Music 101

Goodbye To Love

Is this really the song to be playing on a post-Valentine’s Day hangover? No one had the silky, creamy voice of Karen Carpenter and no wedding in the early Seventies was allowed to take place without at least one Carpenters song on the play list. This tune came out in the summer of ’72 and reached No. 7 on the charts. Some of the sibling duo’s crazed fans were upset by the fuzz guitar solo in the middle of the song, while critics hail, because of that solo (and the one at the end) that this is possibly the first power ballad.

Remote Patrol

Titanic

8 p.m. TCM

Life Boat

10 p.m. TCM

Abandon ship!!! James Cameron’s modern classic (1997), which won a record-tying 11 Oscars, including Best Picture, is followed by Alfred Hitchcock’s 1944 Best Picture nominee. We’re reading In The Heart Of The Sea at the moment so this lost-at-sea doubleheader couldn’t be more timely.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Starting Five

These photos, of Abigail and of the prime suspect, were taken by Liberty German hours or even minutes before she and Abigail were murdered.

Delphi Murders, Two Years Later

Yes, today is the one-year anniversary of the horrific Parkland shooting in south Florida. But at least there the police nabbed the killer.

Today is also the second anniversary of the discovery of the bodies of two junior high-aged girls on a hiking trail in northwestern Indiana. Their killer still has yet to be apprehended.

On February 14, 2017, the bodies of Liberty German, 14, and Abigail Williams, 13, were discovered just off a hiking trail in Delphi, Indiana. The girls had gone on a hike the afternoon before, a Monday, Presidents’ Day. They were never seen alive again, although a voice can be heard on one of the girls’ cell phones ordering, “Down the hill.”

The two girls’ bodies were found beneath a decaying railroad bridge. Heres’ the Indianapolis Monthly with a powerful account of what happened, what is known, what the police have yet to share, and why two years out, no killer has yet been found.

2. Paulie Walnuts

A federal judge, Amy Berman Jackson, has found that Paul Manafort continually lied to Robert Mueller’s Special Counsel investigation after copping a plea deal. Manafort, 69, is likely going away for the rest of his life to prison. Manafort joins Michael Flynn, Michael Cohen and George Papadopoulos as former Trump aides who lied to investigators about their involvement with Russians or their intermediaries during the 2016 election.

So you have to ask yourself, Why do these men consider the truth worse than a lie, especially when they know that being caught in the lie is only going to make their jail sentence worse? The two most likely explanations: 1) they can’t possibly wrangle a pardon from President Trump if they tell the truth (perhaps because he would be removed from office) or 2) you know what happens to people who expose Vladimir Putin’s corruption?

So Paulie goes away for good, most likely. It was a nice run of scamming and wealth. He must be satisfied that he’s done as much as he can do.

3. Dirty Sanchez

A number of sources are now confirming that Michael Sanchez, the brother of Lauren Sanchez, who is the paramour-or-less in the Jeff Bezos affair, is the one who tipped off AMI and provided the text messages.

To paraphrase the Eagles, “Did he do it for love? Did he do it for money? Did he do it for spite? Did he think he had to, honey?”

Michael Sanchez is reportedly tight with Carter Page and Roger Stone. And also a supporter of Trump, who hates the Washington Post, which Bezos owns. On the other side of it, imagine you’re dating literally the wealthiest man in the world and then your brother comes along and mucks it up. Not cool, Michael. Not cool.

Then again, yeah, adultery isn’t cool either, Jeff. There are no heroes here.

4. Get Behind This

His name is Dave Assman. He lives in Melville, Saskatchewan, and wanted vanity plates for his truck. The DMV said no, that the word might be deemed offensive. He took matters into his own hands, emblazoning his surname on, what else, the vehicle’s rear.

5. Another Night at MSG, Another King *

*The judges will also accept “The Man Who Would Be Kingslayer”

On Tuesday it was a Fox Terrier named King winning the Westminster Kennel Club show.

On Wednesday it was actress Regina King watching as Sixers All-Star Joel Embiid sailed over her head as she sat courtside. And yes, the Knicks lost again.

Reserves

Happy Valentine’s to these two who just can’t take their eyes off one another…

Music 101

Cupid

Seems like an appropriate song for the day, via the legendary voice of Sam Cooke. Listen closely for the sound of an arrow being drawn back, made by a pair of backing vocalists. The song charted at No. 17 in 1961. Three years later, Cooke was dead, from a gunshot wound to the chest. At the time he was wearing only shoes and a sports jacket.

Remote Patrol

Murray State at Austin Peay

9 p.m. ESPN2

Your best chance this month to catch Murray State’s Ja Morant, the most talented college basketball player (23.9 ppg, 10.2 assists) not wearing a Duke jersey this winter.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right


Ladies, we realize he’s irresistible, but c’mon.

Starting Five

Nuked By Duke

ESPN’s Jimmy Dykes had a good line about the Blue Devils’ sanguine attitude as far as opposing teams wearing black against them (for blackout games) in their own gyms: “It’s their funeral.”

Those words seemed ill-fitting as Louisville led Duke by 23 points after 30 minutes and Blue Devil super frosh Zion Williamson sitting with four fouls. At that point, with the Cardinals up 59-36 at the YUM Center, Dykes said, “It’s over but it’s not over.”

Zion (27 points, 12 boards) returned, the Fighting Ks harassed the ‘ville into a glut of turnovers, and Duke scored the winning free throws with 14 seconds remaining to win, 71-69. Duke outscored Louisville 35-10 over the final 9:58. All but three of Duke’s points were  scored by true freshmen.


Coach K to his squad during a timeout when they trailed big. “I don’t coach losers.” No, he does not. That was the largest comeback (23 points) of his career.

Also, on the earlier ESPN game, Kentucky lost by 2 at home to LSU on a buzzer-beater put-back that should have been disallowed due to goaltending. Dick Vitale and Karl Ravech called that game and I only mention that because V, Ravech, and Ravech’s toupee are the three longest-tenured employees at ESPN.

2. White Like Me

We love an April Fool’s Day-themed issue as much as the next reader, but couldn’t Esquire have waited until April to release it? Meet Ryan Morgan, 17, of West Bend, Wisconsin. He’s been selected because he’s just a typical teenager from a typical American county (that happened to vote 67% in favor of Trump).

If that young lady looks familiar, she went on to play Bailey Quarters on WKRP In Cincinnati

The concept is nothing new for magazines. Newsweek did a series like this back in 1966.

What made this, at least for us, worthy of derision is the tagline on the cover that begins “What It’s Like To Grow Up White…” Just what we needed as a nation. Another story detailing the plight of the great white male.

3. Three-sy Does It

Our Twitter friend and frequent tipster Gene from the Bay Area alerted us to a sweet little stat: The last three number one overall NBA draft picks have combined to make four career three-pointers. Or fewer than Steph Curry or Klay Thompson make in a game and often in a half.

Ben Simmons is 0-14 career from beyond the arc, which is just startling for a dude who plays the 2 or 3, much less a top overall pick. Markelle Fultz is 4-14, all four going in this season. DeAndre Ayton is 0-4.

Three top overall picks, 32 combined career three attempts, four made, or 12.5%.

Of course the most alarming aspect of this is simple: Hasn’t the NBA learned the value of accurate three-point shooting? Will they figure it out after the Warriors win their fourth NBA championship of the past five seasons this June? To be fair, the Houston Rockets and not the Dubs have led the NBA in threes per game in five of the past six seasons and have yet to make the NBA Finals.

Magee is going to own whatever rec league he plays in five years from now

But the Warriors are the vanguard of the prolific threes era. And, much the way ol’ ball coaches in CFB finally came around to the idea that you have to score in order to win, so too are NBA coaches beginning to realize that the game is won outside the arc. Milwaukee and Golden State are both at the top of their respective conferences and are Nos. 2 and 4, respectively, in threes made.

But a Stephen Curry or a Klay Thompson doesn’t come around every year. Or doe he? Fletcher Magee is 6’4″, plays for Wofford and for the second season in a row leads Division I in three-pointers (109). In fact, last weekend he surpassed Duke’s J.J. Redick (a teammate of Simmons and, earlier this season, Fultz) for No. 2 on the all-time list of career three-pointers made in Division I. Magee has now drained 460 career threes and has an outside chance of catching Oakland’s Travis Bader, who has the record with 504.

Will someone draft him, simply as a spot-up sniper? We’ll see. Magee does not appear on any mock drafts that we’ve seen.

4.  High Of The Tiger

In Houston, a few potheads entered an abandoned home to smoke weed. In the garage they found not a bean bag chair but a live tiger. Damn, this is some good sh*t. The good news is that the tiger is okay, that the po-po didn’t go Harambe on it, and that it’s already been transferred to a humane habitat about 80 miles north. Thank God for stoners…

5. Of King & Kingpin

Fox on the run

At the 143rd Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show King, a wire fox terrier, was named Best In Show.

At Federal District Court in Brooklyn El Chapo, a Mexican drug kingpin, was convicted on all 10 counts against him and now faces life imprisonment.

King was led away on a leash. El Chapo, real name Joaquin Guzman Loera, was led away in handcuffs.

Music 101

We Will Rock You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPA7mhT3AAY

Our musical brother Randall reminded us earlier this week that there’s no good reason Queen had to make this song a dirge. And not a bad concert opener at that (we saw Queen on this tour and vaguely remember this; we remember Freddie’s leather jacket better).

Remote Patrol

Lawrence of Arabia

8 p.m. TCM

Julie Christie is that way. But stay focused, Omar. That’s your next film.

John, hasn’t this item simply become “What’s my favorite thing on TCM today?” 

It’s Lawrence of A-Freakin’-Rabia. Show a little respect.

Seven Oscar wins, including Best Picture and, for David Lean, a well-deserved Best Director. But, to answer your question, yes. Yes, it has.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right


Trash league. Maybe this is the latest iteration of the Eurostep, as in “You’re o’stepping all over the court…”

Starting Five

Wall Nuts

Substantive discourse about border security? Nope. All Twitter, and the President, were concerned about last night is who’s crowd was bigger. Donald said he crammed 35,000 MAGA fans into a 6,500-person capacity arena. The El Paso P.D. said no, and it estimated Beto O’Rourke’s throng to be roughly 10,000 to 15,000.

Meanwhile, MAGA fans taking the word of a man who’s lived his entire adult life in a skyscraper on Fifth Avenue over that of El Paso citizens who’ve lived there through two dozen Vern Lundquist visits. I mean…the self-delusion is real.

2. Dem Dems

If you missed it, here was Saturday Night Live‘s “Them Trumps, ” a takeoff on the idea that the President was just as corrupt but this time was black, kind of like the family in Empire.

That’s not really a good segue, other than phonetically, into what this item is about: the already far-too-crowded field of Democratic presidential candidates still nearly a year out from the Iowa caucuses. Thus far: Kamala Harris, Cory Booker, Julian Castro, John Delaney, Tulsi Gabbard, Amy Klobuchar, Elizabeth Warren and a few more who aren’t even worth noting.

Harris is smart, a former prosecutor, and is in favor of legalizing weed. Has already taken the wind out of pearl-clutchers by saying she smoked, inhaled, and enjoyed.

Exploring and likely to announce: Pete Buttigieg (mayor of South Bend, Afghan War veteran, Harvard-educated, 37 and openly gay), Kirsten Gillibrand, Joe Biden, Beto O’Rourke, Mike Bloomberg.

A top five? Harris, Biden, O’Rourke, Bloomberg (if he runs; unlikely) and our wild card is Buttigieg, mainly because we think Trump just wouldn’t know how to deal with him.

South Bend friends have extolled the virtues of Mayor Pete to us for a few years now. Here comes the national stage.

We’re reminded of those lists of kids who announce that they’re entering the NBA draft when at least 75% of them would be better served by remaining in school.

3. What’s My Scene?

For its annual Hollywood issue, Vanity Fair had a most excellent idea: to explore the 25 most influential film scenes from the past 25 years in film. They nailed most of the big ones (“I drink your milkshake” from There Will Be Blood, the storming of Omaha Beach from Saving Private Ryan, etc.) and, without saying it explicitly, make a bigger point: some scenes surpass the films in which they exist. That is, it’s the scene we remember often, not the film.

Which is fine.

What scenes are missing from the list? The opening scene from Inglourious Basterds (that film has about 3 scenes that might qualify), the “Please, Mr. President” scene from Inside Llewyn Davis, the “Tiny Dancer” scene from Almost Famous, the “Call It” scene from No Country For Old Men, the deposition scene from A Social Network.

Give us yours…

4. Zapping Zapruder

Abraham Zapruder: the man who “shot” John F. Kennedy

We watched Jackie late the other night for the first time (so good, so depressing) and a thought hit us: on that terrible day in Dallas nearly 56 years ago, there must have been a crowd of 500 to 1,000 people in Dealey Plaza (if it had been Donald Trump, he’d have sworn it was 35,000) and yet history shows that only one person, Abraham Zapruder, came away with video footage of the President Kennedy’s assassination. One. Not even any of the news networks (and yes, cable news networks did not yet exist) had it.

That was the most memorable event to take place on American soil in the 20th century, and were it not for one man’s home movie camera, there’d be no footage of it.

Think about where we are today. Almost every person in any crowd is toting a video recorder the size of a pack of cigarettes (and almost no one is toting a pack of cigarettes). What percentage of the crowd would be videotaping such a moment as it happened today? 25%? 50%?

Astounding how much the world changes in half a century. Of course, President William McKinley was fatally shot (he died eight days later of gangrene) in 1901, in Buffalo, and there’s no video footage or camera stills of that event.

5. With A Cameo From Her Husband

Of course Vogue’s “73 Questions” videos are staged to a large degree, but that doesn’t mean they’re always easy to pull off or that, after more than six dozen queries, we can’t glean a little about the true personality/character of the subject. Our favorite folks thus far have been Emma Stone, Saoirse Ronan and now, Gisele Bundchen.

The previous extent of our knowledge of the German-by-way-of-Brazilian supermodel (makes you wonder what her grandfather did, no?), in terms of audio with video, was hearing her complain that her husband’s receivers weren’t very good at catching the football after that second Super Bowl defeat to the Giants. Here, though, she is animated, warm, and refreshingly unguarded. You be the judge.

And yes, we’re wondering where they go next with this series. 73 Questions With Tom Hanks would be fun. Or Larry David (with JB Smoove). Or with the guy who actually asks the questions.

Music 101

Tonight You Belong To Me

On September 18, 1978, the four members of KISS each released a solo album on the same day. For sheer unbridled late Seventies audacity, only Dirk Diggler’s brief foray into the music business and Farrah Fawcett leaving Charlie’s Angels after Season 1 comes close (if you were not alive, Farrah was the BIGGEST THING ON THE PLANET for a brief time).

Anyway, Paul Stanley‘s is our favorite of the four albums, even if Gene’s peaked higher (22, to Paul’s 40) on the Billboard charts and Ace is the only one who had a hit single (“New York Groove” peaked at 13, although most fans don’t realize it’s a cover). Some critics think this was the moment that the band’s nosedive, relatively, began. They’re still out on tour right now. But they never regained the momentum they created from 1975-1978.

Remote Patrol

Night Train To Munich 

4 p.m. TCM

A film released in 1940 telling the story of a Czech inventor and his daughter who are kidnapped by the Gestapo once they storm into Prague. A British agent, disguised as a high-ranking German official, follows and attempts to save them by wooing the daughter. Casablanca (1942) follows directly after at 6 p.m. Remember, both films made and released at the outset of World War II, before anyone knew what the outcome would be. Something to consider as you watch. If you watch. You’re gonna watch, right?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right


(Take him No. 1. Don’t overthink it).

Speaking of number one overall picks…

Starting Five

Kacey IS The Sunshine Band

At the Grammys, which we missed, Kacey Musgraves (whom we adored for “Follow Your Arrow” a few years back), wins Album Of The Year and Best Country Album for Golden Hour. Also, Childish Gambino wins Record of the Year and Song of the Year (and no, we still cannot tell you the distinction) for “This Is America.”

2. About Bob

More than one year past his last on-air appearance for NBC, for whom he toiled nearly 40 years, Bob Costas revealed to ESPN Outside the Lines the details regarding his exodus from the Peacock. No surprise: it was centered around the 66 year-old broadcasting legend’s willingness to take on tough issues regarding the NFL.

A few items: NBC’s Sunday Night Football, which Costas hosted, was THE No. 1 most-watched prime-time TV program in the nation. Two, Costas has earned 28 Emmys and is, at least to us, the most respected sports broadcaster in the nation. We’ve known Bob well for more than 20 years and we can tell you: for someone who has been famous and rich for nearly two-thirds of his life, he is as down-to-earth as anyone in the business we know. Bob is passionate about sports but also about ideas and pop culture and history and politics. Basically, about everything that makes you want to get up in the morning.

Also, he’d never make it on a “First Take” type program because he actually listens and is more than gracious in conceding a point.

The big point here, though, is that the NFL is a leviathan and woe unto anyone who criticizes them (remember when ESPN backed out, at the last minute, of that concussion investigation?). We’ve told this story before, but it’s a true one: In the days after ESPN signed its most recent, most lucrative TV rights contract with the NFL, then ESPN chief John Skipper reached out to Roger Goodell for an itemization of the terms of the deal, which he did not yet have. Goodell’s two-word response: “Stop whining.”

Maybe Roger was just having a laugh. But that’s the arrogance of the NFL. And every fan validates it.

3. Morons

Mother, daughter, father. Which one of these three did not have sexual relations with the film’s villain? Clue: it’s a trick question.

We watched Abducted In Plain Sight this weekend and sorry, Fyre Festival, but we’ve got a new leader in the clubhouse for most easily duped rubes in a Netflix documentary. Meet the Broberg parents, who allowed neighbor Paul Berchtold, a.k.a. “B”, to kidnap their daughter Jan not once but twice in the early to mid-1970s.

B., on the right, psychologically terrorized this family for years.

That’s really only the beginning and we don’t want to reveal any more only to say that this B fella may be the greatest manipulator of decent but simple people in the service of his own sexual gratification since, well, Joseph Smith. We’re actually questioning why the parents, Jan, and her two sisters would even sit for this documentary. I mean, sure, $$$, but was it worth it?

4. Tough Sledding*

*The judges will also accept, “The Bigger Chill”

While it is not a horror film, Arctic may give you chills (check out the trailer). Starring Mads Mikkelsen as a pilot who is stranded somewhere north of the Arctic Circle. Think Cast Away or The Martian: colder than the first if not the second film. Shot entirely on location in Iceland.

We wondered, Is it better to release such a film in the dead of winter, as they have done, or in the summer months? We think they made the right move.

5. Jack Be Accurate

Wabash sophomore Jack Davidson, a sturdy 6’1″, 170-pounder from Fishers, Ind., went 9-for-9 from the free throw line Saturday night versus Kenyon. Davidson, whose routine is two dribbles and a swish, has now converted 89 consecutive free throws dating back to December. That’s good for the Division III record and places him just five shy of tying the overall NCAA record by Paul Kluxton of Division II Northern Kentucky, set in 2001.

More than a one-trick pony, Davidson averages 25.2 ppg and is shooting .432 from beyond the arc for the Little Giants, who are 19-4.

Burns

Note: Davidson still has a ways to go to tie the overall NCAA consecutive free throws record regardless of gender. In 2017 Monica Burns of Division II Wheeling Jesuit stroked 118 in a row.

Our favorite thing about this record is that it’s really within any player’s reach. It’s all about consistency and reputation. Like a good tee shot.

Music 101 

You Wouldn’t Like Me

About a quarter century too late to appear on MTV’s “120 Minutes,” here come The Beths straight outta Brooklyn Auckland, New Zealand. Easily the greatest Kiwi band since Flight of the Conchords. The foursome, faves of Rolling Stone editors, is currently opening for Death Cab For Cutie (perfect “If You Like This Band…” complement) in Europe, but will hit the States in late March.

Remote Patrol

Dr. Zhivago

Netflix

No, no, no, not Dr. Trivago. It’s not a film about a travel website that aggregates the best deals on hotels. Who told you that? So, we’re deep into the heart of winter, so this Russian epic starring Omar Sharif and Julie Christie fits perfectly into your bleak hibernal mood. Nominated for 10 Oscars, it won five and might’ve won more had it not been up against The Sound Of Music in 1965.

Two Easter Eggs to notice for you David Lean fans (the director, who’d previously done The Bridge On The River Kwai and Lawrence Of Arabia): Sir Alec Guinness is commanding a giant structure that traverses a river and two, the scene in which Omar Sharif gallops off swiftly on horse across an endless expanse of barren terrain.