Monthly Archives: December 2017

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

And the horse you rode in on….

No, Moore*

*The judges will also accept “The Doug Jones Industrial Complex” 

In the most surprising result involving an Alabama underdog since Troy beat LSU earlier this autumn, Democrat Doug Jones defeated serially accused pedophile and slavery nostalgiast Roy Moore for the vacant Alabama senate seat. Jones captured 96% of the black vote and he got over 68% of the vote in the county that has Huntsville, a.k.a. Rocket City, a.k.a. where a high number of educated whites live.

Overall, Jones won 49.9% to 48.4%, and even though that’s not close enough to mandate a recount, Moore has yet to concede.

Think about this. If every write-in vote for Nick Saban (or others: Charles Barkley? Gus Malzahn? Deez Nuts?) had gone to Moore, he might’ve won.

This, by the way, is what you’re up against…

 

2. Congrats, Donald, You ARE Uniting US

Senator Kristin Gillibrand (Dem-New York); Trump hasn’t even come up with a demeaning nickname for her yet

This from USA Today’s editorial board yesterday, a column that was titled ” Will Trump’s Lows Ever Hit Rock Bottom?” (this from Foggy Bottom).

 

A president who would all but call Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand a whore is not fit to clean the toilets in the Barack Obama Presidential Library or to shine the shoes of George W. Bush.  

This isn’t about the policy differences we have with all presidents or our disappointment in some of their decisions. Obama and Bush both failed in many ways. They broke promises and told untruths, but the basic decency of each man was never in doubt.  

Donald Trump, the man, on the other hand, is uniquely awful. His sickening behavior is corrosive to the enterprise of a shared governance based on common values and the consent of the governed.

Here’s the entire piece.

3. The Cars In The Hall

We’ll overlook Bon Jovi’s being named to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (about five good songs, tops, and a great hairdo) and focus instead on The Cars and Dire Straits finally getting their moment. The Boston-area New Wave band faded a little too soon, but their eponymous debut album is a classic (kinda like The Strokes’ first album) as is the follow-up, Candy-O. One of the few bands who had two lead singers, Ric Ocasek and Benjamin Orr, who split the duties.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnybirLa4xY

Also inducted: The Moody Blues and Nina Simone. Maybe next year, Journey.

4. Football Is Causing SI To Suffer Long-Term Memory Loss?

This weeks cover of Sports Illustrated….

And here’s an SI cover from 25 years ago…

To be fair, it was true then and it’s true now. We just didn’t know what CTE was back then. Instead, Letterman would just have former Colts defensive tackle Art Donovan on the show and we’d see what nuts looked like close-up.

Then again, we still have three weeks of the regular season left to play

By the way, of the four players SI put on its regional NFL Preview covers last August—Tom Brady, J.J. Watt, Aaron Rodgers and David Johnson—two suffered season-ending injuries, one missed more than half the season and has just been cleared to play this morning, and one is Tom Brady because Tom Brady defies all probability.

5. Tibia Not Tibia*

*The judges will also accept “My Foot Left” and “The Agony Of The Feet”

We began today with a pedophile and we end with the Ped-o-Files. Last week on Vancouver Island on the south western Canadian coast, a man walking his dog found a dismembered foot in a black sneaker. What makes this odd is that it was the 13th foot to wash up onshore in British Columbia in the past 10 years. Where are the rest of these people? Why are feet so buoyant? Can we write a Netflix script for this before you do?

Music 101

Take On Me 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5z7cYSbsFU

If you don’t know Lake Street Dive, you’re in for a treat here as this jazzy ensemble covers the 1984 classic from A-Ha. LSD met as students at the New England Conservatory of Music a little over a dozen years ago and took their name from a street that anyone who has lived in Minneapolis, home town of their trumpeter, knows well. The vocalist is Rachael Price, and she has the chops.

Remote Patrol

The Newspaperman: The Life and Times of Ben Bradlee

HBO Now/HBO Go

Bradlee, Jackie, Bradlee’s second wife, Tony, and JFK (who was having an affair with Tony’s sister).

Polio survivor. Harvard grad. Naval World War II hero. Foreign correspondent. Close bud of JFK. Lion of Newsweek and then the Washington Post, where he shepherded coverage of both the Pentagon Papers and Watergate. Ben Bradlee WAS the most interesting man in the world living in one of the most interesting times in American history. This is a fascinating doc with amazing interviews featuring former colleagues such as Tom Brokaw, David Remnick and Sally Quinn.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

By the age of 50, you have the face you deserve. This face says anger and hostility, no?

All The Light We Can Nazi

Last night we watched “Nazi Concentration Camps” on Netflix and last week we read the Pulitzer Prize-winning World War II novel All The Light We Cannot See (in other words, who knows how to party like this guy?). What comes across with great clarity is that Germany was lost as a nation as soon as ordinary Germans began to lose their humanity. As soon as people stopped wondering whether or not they were treating their fellow man with decency and rationalized all miscreantism with the explanation that it was for the good of the Reich, then you opened up a vault of evil.

Welcome to Alabama. And, to a larger degree, much of the United States. And that’s all I have to say about Roy Moore this morning.

2.  The Moment Keaton Jones Became Black Mirror

Over the weekend our hearts broke as we watched the 75-second video of a Knoxville, Tenn., boy in tears, seated in the front seat of the family car, asking his mom why he was being bullied at school. Sure, we might have wondered what type of mom videotapes her son as he breaks down sobbing and what type of mom posts such an intimate and tender moment on Facebook, but hey, who are we to inquire (To be fair, Keaton reportedly asked his mom to videotape him after she picked him up early from school so that he would not have to eat lunch in the cafeteria).

Within a day the following happened: big-name athletes went out of their way to support Keaton, from Tennessee QB Jarrett Guarantano, who personally hung out with him, to Stranger Things’ Eleven, Millie Bobbie Brown, who tweeted, “I wanna be your friend,” to Titans tight end Delani Walker to Captain America (Chris Evans) to Luke Skywalker himself (Mark Hamill).

 

The video has already been viewed 20 million times.

But then it got crazier. A GoFundMe account raised nearly $60,000 (no one ever quite explained what the money would be used for) but then was taken down when the person who launched it, Joe Lam, admitted he had no connection to the family.

There was something about Keaton’s mom, Kimberley, posting something on Facebook with a Confederate flag or other racist posts. As if that had anything to do with Keaton’s classmates stuffing ham down his pants.

It’s 2017, and people can find a way to politicize a 12 year-old boy being bullied at school. It’s Black Mirror.

3. Speaking of Bullying…*

Ball in the family….

*The judges will also accept “Ball-tic State”

Yesterday LaVar Ball announced that he was shipping his two teenaged sons, one of whom just left UCLA and the other who is in high school and could play at any college he wants, off to Lithuania to play professionally. You have to imagine that at some point last night LiAngelo and LaMelo placed a desperate phone call to older brother Lonzo and begged him to become their guardian.

Silly us: 25 years ago a Lithuanian, Sarunas Marciulionis, was striving to prove that he belonged as a basketball player in the USA. Now we’ve got Americans striving to prove that they can play hoops in Marciulionis’ homeland.

It is only 5930 miles from Los Angeles to Vilnius, Lithuania’s capital

The Balls signed pro contracts so they are now permanently ineligible to play college hoops. Meanwhile, their pop said, “”I don’t care about the money. I want them to go somewhere where they will play them together on the court at the same time. The priority is for the boys to play on the same team.”

Couldn’t he have found a rec league in Chino Hills instead of Prienu Vytautas in the Lithuanian Club league? My guess is LiAngelo’s and LaMelo’s next stop is the Canada Goose website.

4. Jason and the I’ll-Go-Nuts

I like Jason McIntyre, the founder of The Big Lead. I think he knows that. But in a world in which Clay Travis blocks me on Twitter, I’m left to obsess with the bizarre ideas that emanate from Jason’s oral cavity. Two from the past week that struck me as odd and just misguided:

 

No. No. No, no, no. See, Bitcoin is a cryptocurrency whose value has skyrocketed but the reason for that ascension is something almost no one can ascertain and adequately explain. Whereas Baker Mayfield has the top QBR Rating in FBS history, has been called by former first-round NFL draft pick and QB Brady Quinn “the most accurate passer I have ever seen,” and has superior pocket presence and footwork. Plus, he has the IT factor. He shines in high pressure moments. His only drawback is his height, but it’s readily apparent why scouts are so enamored of him.

 No. No. No, no, no, no, no. See, to understand anything, as Dr. Hannibal Lecter lectures us in The Silence of the Lambs, we must distill it to its essence. The essence of the Kevin Durant exodus is that he went to the very best team CURRENTLY in the NBA and to the very team that his own Thunder should have eliminated less than six weeks earlier. His departure shifted the balance of power whereas once there was one, now there no longer was.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GeZsryVyHk

The essence of Gio to the Yankees, on the other hand, is the best power hitter in the National League going to a team that has the best power hitter in their league and who actually plays the same position. If Jason truly wanted to line up Gio on a hoops analogy, he’d be closer going Kyrie Irving to the Celtics (great player headed to the most dynastic team in in its sports history plus that team is, while not yet the best, on the upswing). And if he wanted to go for pure accuracy, he’d compare Gio heading to Yankees in 2017 to A-Rod heading to Yankees in 2004, not because it’s the Yankees, but because you have a guy who’s maybe baseball’s best hitter going to a team whose most popular player plays the same position as he.

Sometimes I wonder why I don’t have my own radio show, I gotta admit….

5. “It’s a Nice Butt, Dennis!”

This is American figure skater Adam Rippon of Scranton, Pa. He’s in the news today because he felt the need to assure everyone that his butt is not fabricated. Not exactly I, Tonya, but it’s news.

McAfee Meter

Days remaining until New Year’s, 2021: 1,116

Yesterday’s Bitcoin Price: $16,389

Current Price of Bitcoin: $17,061

Yesterday’s magic number: $880.59 per day.

That is, the price of Bitcoin must rise this much every day to reach $1 million by January 1, 2021.

Today’s magic number: $880.76

Takeaway? The price rose at just about that rate in the past 24 hours, just a little less than it should’ve, but almost a negligible difference. Bottom line is Mr. McAfee can feel good about not being the Theon Greyjoy of Silicon Valley, at least for today.

 

Music 101

Friends of P

The dying days of MTV mattering to music fans in the mid-Nineties saw this song by The Rentals getting heavy play. This, from singer/songwriter Matthew Sharp, is the supposed inspiration for the song:

“It is about Ric Ocasek wife Paulina Porizkova. Ric produced the first weezer record. His wife would come down while we were recording and she would do these palm readings. She was a very bright woman, and she would always do these palm readings for fun. She said the only people that have ever written her a song…she was a supermodel in the 80’s…the only people were these bad heavy metal bands…that night I went in the hotel that Pat Wilson and I were staying at and we said we had to bring her in and write a song about her for fun.”

Remote Patrol

The Crown, Season 2

Netflix

Haven’t watched an episode yet, but we were royally huge fans of Season 1. Knock ’em dead, Lizzy.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Port Authority Blast (no one but the suspect hurt)

 

 Photobomb?

 

Starting Five

1. Dashing Through The Snow

A fun, old-timey game in Buffalo, as the Bills defeat the Colts in overtime and six inches of driving snow. LeSean “Shady” McCoy snowshoed in from 21 yards out for the winning score that put Buffalo at 7-6 and keeps them in the running for a playoff berth for the first time since 1999 (the Bills last won a playoff game in 1995).

2. Came And Wentz

Playing not too far from Carson, Calif., Philadelphia’s Carson Wentz may have torn his ACL in the Eagles’ 43-35 win against the Rams Sunday. The Eagles moved to 11-2 but had scribes upstairs in the press box Googling the correct spelling of “pyrrhic.”

Wentz left the game late in the third quarter after throwing his fourth touchdown pass. J.J. Watt, Deshaun Watson and now this (maybe it’s a W thing?). It’s almost as if the 2017 NFL season needs to take a knee.

3. Bronx Bombshell

Aaron Judge, who led the American League in home runs as a rookie last season with 52, will now be joined by Giancarlo Stanton, who led all of baseball in home runs (and RBI) last season with 59 (and 132). Judge finished as the runner-up in AL MVP voting, while Stanton was the NL MVP.

Both are right fielders, so someone is going to move, platoon, play DH, and or shift in and out of left field with Brett Gardner. Either way, it’s move over, Mantle and Maris. And yes, Marlins co-owner Derek Jeter is finally avenging the 2003 World Series defeat.

 

In case you were wondering, Judge struck out 208 times (most in the MLB) in 2017, while Stanton whiffed 163 times (17th-most). So when you add the home runs and whiffs together, plus walks, that was 694 times last season when Judge and Stanton came to bat and did not put a ball into the field of play.

4. Red Grange & Herschel Winners

Baker Mayfield becomes the first walk-on to win a Heisman Trophy. The Oklahoma quarterback is also our Red Grange Award winner. In the preseason, we picked Saquon Barkley although Mayfield made our list of four nominees.

As for the Herschel, for the top true freshman and an award that is in its freshman year, it’s between Jonathan Taylor of Wisconsin, Jake Fromm of Georgia and A.J. Dillon of Boston College. Our hearts said Dillon, who had an amazing second half and tossed tacklers away as if they were rag dolls, but our vote goes to Taylor, who finished third nationally in rushing and had six games, or half a season, of at least 149 yards rushing. Congrats, J.T. (Dillon had five games of 149 or more yards rushing, all in the final six weeks; had B.C.’s staff started and played him more in September, he likely would have won our trophy).

5. One Day Moore

 

Tomorrow is the special election in Alabama for the vacant Senate seat Jeff Sessions left behind. In one corner you have Republican Roy Moore, who may need to take a sabbatical next May if elected to attend prom, and in the other corner you have Democrat Doug Jones, who is not Roy Moore.

 

Meanwhile, this was good. SNL’s cold open…

Reserves

Stun Devils

Not only does Arizona State remain undefeated, but Bobby Hurley’s gang takes down No. 2 Kansas at Allen Fieldhouse in Lawrence. And Duke lost, so Coach K may be ceding his team’s No. 1 ranking to his former All-America point guard….

The other great irony? Duke freshman phenom Marvin Bagley III is from Tempe and his grandfather, Jumping Joe Caldwell, was a Sun Devil star in the early ’60s. He could’ve just stayed home.

 

*****

Okay, Susie B., this is for you: MH Capital has gotten rid of all but one token share of Bitcoin Investment Trust (GBTC) in anticipation of Bitcoin futures trading. However, we did roll a lot of (not Bit) coin into Riot Blockchain (RIOT), which is much cheaper and more closely associated to blockchain technology. It’s up 19% this morning in pre-market trading. Follow me! Follow me to prosperity!

(UPDATE: RIOT now up 27% today)

Music 101

Oliver’s Army

“I made my first trip to Belfast in 1978 and saw mere boys walking around in battle dress with automatic weapons,” says Elvis Costello, referencing the inspiration for his 1979 single that shot to No. 2 on the U.K. charts. “They were no longer just on the evening news. These snapshot experiences exploded into visions of mercenaries and imperial armies around the world. The song was based on the premise ‘they always get a working class boy to do the killing’.

Remote Patrol

Patriots at Dolphins

8:30 p.m. ESPN

Brady, 40, is the NFL’s top-rated passer and his 26/4 TD/INT number is MVP-worthy

In my dream scenario, 40 year-old Tom Brady sits down with Jon Gruden at his QB Camp and goest through all the drills: the film study, the field work, the Spider Y 2 Banana. All of it. Wouldn’t that make a terrific halftime segment? Oh yeah, the Pats are 10-2 and someone in the league office likes them, giving them this trip so south Florida in mid-December (this is the 5th time in the past six years New England has visited Miami after Dec. 1).

The John McAfee “Eat My Own Duck” Meter*

by John Walters | 1 Comment

*because this is still a family blog

by John Walters

Days remaining until New Year’s, 2021: 1,120

Yesterday’s Bitcoin Price: $15,506

Current Price of Bitcoin: $15,384

Yesterday’s magic number: $848 per day.

Today’s magic number: $879 per day.

What it means: Bitcoin’s price has decreased in the past 24 hours, so McAfee’s member is in more danger than it was yesterday. Don’t go buying him any Grey Poupon just yet, but that’s today’s development as futures trading is set to begin on Sunday and the short-sellers will be able to influence the market.