Monthly Archives: May 2017

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 5 Comments

by John Walters

 

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Starting Five

Memo Random

The problem with Donald Trump (just one?) is that he doesn’t see things from the perspective of a person who has ever had to adhere to the law (which he hasn’t), but rather from the perspective of a mob boss. People aren’t either “criminals” or “law-abiding citizens,” they are “bad guys” or “good guys.” And what determines if you’re a bad guy or a good guy is if you don’t or do bend to Donald’s will. Easy, right?

This isn’t a terrible quality in a mob boss or a gang leader, but it is a dangerous trait in a man who raises his right hand, places his left on a Bible, and swears to uphold the Constitution of the United States. Different respected sources (The New York Times, NBC News) confirm that former FBI Director James Comey wrote a memo after a conversation with Trump on the day after General Michael Flynn resigned back in February in which the president said, “I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go.”

As he wakes up this morning, or tweets overnight, my guess is that Donald Trump, not unlike Nathan Jessup, does not even see what he did wrong. But he just leaned on the director of the FBI to halt an investigation of a man who may have worked with the Russians and on top of that may have been doing that at the direct behest of Trump or people who work for Trump.

Between this and the previous day’s bombshell from the Washington Post in which it was divulged that Trump compromised an Israeli spy embedded with ISIS by giving away a secret shared by Israel to the Russians (the day after he fired Comey last week), it is, as one tweep said, “as if the New York Times and Washington Post are engaged in a slam-dunk contest.”

2. Celtic Uprising

The Boston Celtics will host Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals tonight (because they finished with the best record in the East) and will have the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft next month. The Los Angeles Lakers will pick second. Nice to see these historically humble, small-market franchises finally get a leg up in the world.

The Celtics have had a terrific season under Brad Stevens, but I don’t believe this crew as currently constructed has the goods to win an NBA championship (they are a respectable 4-7 versus Cleveland and Golden State the past two seasons). Even with next year’s No. 1 overall pick. We’ll see.

Is Lonzo Ball the premier player in this draft? Shhhhh.

How does this shake out?, is the fun part. Does Boston select the presumptive No. 1 overall choice, 6’4″ guard Markelle Fultz out of Washington? Do they take or threaten to take Lonzo Ball (I’m not sure he isn’t the better choice) just to induce the Lakers to trade up a spot? Do they trade down a few spots to, say, Phoenix (who landed the fourth pick when they finished with the second-worst record), where Josh Jackson or De’Aaron Fox or Lauri Markkanen will still be waiting because they don’t want to take the ball out of Isaiah Thomas’ hands? Is Thomas, who is 5’9″ and 28, part of the Celtics’ future?

3. The Quick Brown Fox and Other Mock Draft Thoughts

As a Suns fan, I won’t mind if they pick the quick brown Fox over Josh Jackson at No. 4

The most intriguing mock draft I’ve seen at this early stage belongs to Reid Forgrave of CBS Sports, who has the Celtics taking Duke’s Jayson Tatum (they need a talented 4 more than a gifted guard), the Suns picking 6’4″ guard De’Aaron Fox at No. 4 (everyone’s favorite “sleeper” only in the sense that they think he could wind up being ROY) even though they don’t need a guard (much less another guard from Kentucky; this would give them FIVE), and the Pistons taking Luke Kennard at No. 12.

Why is Dillon Brooks off everyone’s radar?

Pondering: 1) I love Kennard’s game, too. He’ll never be the centerpiece of a franchise, but he’s the kind of glue guy all championship-caliber teams like to have. 2) Dillon Brooks, who was named Pac-12 POY over Markelle Fultz and Lonzo Ball, was not on any of the four mock drafts I perused. What did he do, kneel for the national anthem? 3) Caleb Swanigan, Big Ten POY, was only on one mock draft board; hey, he’s an undersized low-post banger; it’s usually NBA fool’s gold with rare exceptions, and I like him, too. 4) De’Aaron Fox is only 6’0″, but I agree he may be the most dynamic player in this draft. I like his star potential. 5) For much of the first two months of the college season, we heard how Villanova’s Josh Hart was a leading national POY candidate. Now he’s a late first-round pick? Potential steal for someone?

4. The Most Dramatic Moment In Golden State’s 136-100 Game 2 Win Against San Antonio…

 

5. So You’re Not Feeling Minnesota?

Sara Groenewegen, a native of British Columbia, has a 30-2 record and a .59 ERA. She pitched a no-hitter last weekend.

The top-ranked softball team in the nation according to the NCAA Coaches Poll? Minnesota, which has an astounding 54-3 record. The Golden Gophers also went 16-3 against teams in the 64-team NCAA tournament AND, as you might imagine due to their locale, played more road games than home games and won 38 of the former (they lost 2 games at No. 8 Washington and one at Illinois). The GGs were 16-0 at home and have a 25-game win streak.

As far as RPI goes, Minnesota was ranked No. 11. The GGs have the nation’s 2nd-best team ERA and 3rd-best batting average. This team can play.

Freshman backstop Kendyl Lindaman is batting .438 and has 20 home runs, both top 10 in the nation

Why am I telling you this? Because Minnesota, the No. 1 team by coaches’ ranking with that gaudy 54-3 record, did not in the NCAA eyes merit one of 16 sites to host a 4-team regional. Hence, they’ll be on the road in Tuscaloosa this weekend. And if they get out of that, they’ll face the winner of the Gainesville regional: Florida is the NCAA’s top overall seed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGuVTw01vrM

The NCAA needs a dose of Robert De Niro lecturing Sly Stallone in Cop Land: “You BLEW it!”

Music 101

Senses Working Overtime

There’s a little Talking Heads,  a little Modern English, and maybe even a touch of Thompson Twins in XTC. The band formed in 1972 but didn’t hit it big until a decade later with this tune, a top 10 hit in their native England. I never knew this: the band abruptly stopped touring in April of 1982 due to lead singer Andy Partridge‘s overwhelming stage fright. If you saw them in San Diego on April 3, 1982 (you and Bill Miller; they were “incendiary!”), you saw their last live show.

Remote Patrol

NBA Tipoff

8 p.m. TNT

Game 1: Cavs at Celtics

8:30 p.m. TNT

Lord knows they’re trying—they’re always trying—but the difference in quality between ESPN’s pregame show and TNT’s is, well, like watching the Dubs against any team without Kawhi Leonard. Anyway, I won’t be watching TV tonight and if I were, I’d be watching Apocalypto (BBC 9 p.m.), but seeing as how we’re trying to lure Susie B. as our angel investor, I’ll post this as the RP choice and even include a photo of Sweet Pea (is she the only human who refers to him as that?)

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

Olynyk

Kelly Hero*

*That’s for all you fans of WWII films starring Clint Eastwood and Don Rickles

The Celtics move to 22-8 all-time in Game 7s, including 19-4 at home, as they beat the Wiz (I thought “Nobody beats The Wiz!”) 115-105. Seven-footer Kelly Olynyk came off the bench to score 26 points, including 12 during a key three-minute stretch in the fourth quarter.

Boston hosts the Cavs in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals tomorrow night. Lotsa luck.

2. Terry Time

Chelsea, which has already clinched the Premier League championship, defeats lowly Watford 4-3 to tie the BPL record for most wins in one season (29) with one game remaining, this weekend. 22-year veteran John Terry, who if the Blues are sort of the Yankees of English soccer would be a combo of Derek Jeter and A-Rod, gets his first start of the season and scores Chelsea’s first goal. But then he misplays a header that allows a Watford goal. He also dislikes my use of the present tense here. Anyway, Terry will likely retire after Sunday’s game versus Sunderland.

3. McMaster of None*

*a.k.a. Another Day of Trump

*a.k.a. “We Live In A World That Has Walls (Except on the Mexican border)

Another week, another admission from Trump that the truth that he had his White House minions deny the night before is the truth. This time it comes off the Washington Post story last night (Marty Baron is the Theo Epstein of newspapering) that alleged Trump shared highly classified information first given to us by an ally during his meeting with the Russians last week in the Oval Office.

 

The White House had H.R. McMaster & H.R. Pufnstuf issue a denial of a non-event (the dreaded “non-denial denial” from Watergate) outside the White House last night just minutes after the WaPo story broke. But now Trump is saying that what WaPo said is essentially true. Legally, POTUS does have the right to divulge anything he wants, including the nuclear codes, to the Russians. From an operational standpoint, though, he is endangering lives.

Anyway, now we know why laptops were banned on incoming flights to the U.S.A. ISIS always has to ruin everyone’s good time.

4. To Hill (And Not Back) 

*The judges will also accept, “Steep It Up”

Remember when Kate Bush recorded “Running Up That Hill?” (I do because I’m old). Well, the folks at Red Bull have now turned it into a series of races across the northern hemisphere (Asia, Europe, North America) called the Red Bull 400. Why is this ingenious? Because ski slopes are widely dormant during the summer time and now suddenly they have a function.

Sunday’s race, seen above, took place in Almaty, Kazakhstan. The full schedule is here. 

By the way, this is a subtle demonstration of Rule No. 1: Gravity always wins.

5. 2 Broke Girls Too Broke To Fix

After six seasons, CBS is finally putting the kibosh on Two Broke Girls. Or, as my friend Mark Bechtel called it, Two Broke Girls and A Pizza Place. This was basically Two’s Company (Kat Dennings as Janet, Beth Behrs as Chrissy) and my guess is as many men watched it with the sound off as on.

Music 101

Three Marlenas

Not unlike fellow mid-90s rockers The Gin Blossoms, The Wallflowers put out one fantastic album—and that was it. Lead singer Jakob Dylan had the right look, the right voice and certainly the right lineage, but he just didn’t have the gift for following up an auspicious debut breakthrough album. No shame in that. Most musicians never even get that far. This tune, the fourth single off Bringing Down The Horse, peaked at No. 41 in October of 1997.

Remote Patrol

Game 2: Spurs and Warriors

9 p.m. ESPN

Watch out, Zaza! Or, more likely, Steph. San Antonio will be without Kawhi Leonard tonight, and the Dubs are not Houston. This could get ugly in the direction of Golden State, but don’t be surprised if some Spur’s foot lands beneath a Warrior attempting a three.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 6 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Mother Of All Comebacks*

*The judges will also accept “Zaza Goodbye”

Down by 25 with just under 8 minutes left in the 3rd quarter of Game 1 on Mother’s Day, the Golden State Warriors mount an incredible comeback thanks mainly to Zaza Pachulia.

What did Zaza do? He inadvertently stepped under the foot of Spur star Kawhi Leonard on a three-point attempt, causing a twisted ankle (if you’ve had that happen to you, you know how painful it is). I don’t think he did it on purpose, but it changed the game and it altered the series.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oB9cf2GduIY

The Spurs led 78-55 when Leonard went out. By the end of the quarter, they only led by 9. Also, they would shoot 0-7 from beyond the arc after Leonard, who scored 26 points in a little more than one half, departed.

Stephen Curry finished with 40 for the Dubs, who are now 46-4 in games that Steve Kerr does NOT coach in the past two years. The Dubs move to 9-0 on the postseason.

No. 2, Derek Jeter, No. 2

Listen to Derek Jeter’s speech as the Yankees retire his number, during which he admits he just happened to be standing along the first base line in Oakland that day in 2001 because he thought he spotted Neve Campbell behind the visitors dugout…and reveals that he always harbored a secret ambition to be traded to the San Diego Padres.

And if you truly cannot get enough…

 

3. Black-to-Black Miss USAs From D.C.

For the second year in a row, an African-American government employee representing the District of Columbia wins the Miss USA pageant. Kara McCullough, a scientist at the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission, succeeds Deshauna Barber, a logistics commander in the U.S. Army.

McCullough did not catch viewers eyes as much as she did their ears when asked if healthcare is a right or a privilege. She answered that it is a privilege and that the goal should be to get more people working so that they can have access to health care. And with that she was invited over to the South Lawn for a beer party.

4. Trump and Spicey: Lame

The Spicey-Trump kiss on SNL was aimed not so much at making Americans laugh (the sketch wasn’t funny and the set-up—that Spicer would travel to New York City to find his boss—had no basis in reality) as it was to infuriate the president and Flyover America. Neither Trump skit (this and the cold open) was very funny and each had the lead actor flubbing his/her lines.

Per usual this season, the show’s highlight were the Colin Jost-Michael Che jokes on “Weekend Update.” Amazon Silver Echo, with the “Uh Huh” mode, was the funniest bit on the show.

5. I’m Sure Those Off-Shore Nuclear Bomb Tests In No Way Played A Role In This

Look at the dude in the background for comparison’s sake

In Indonesia, the remains of a massive sea creature of unknown provenance (but thought to be a squid) wash up on a beach.

Music 101 

Long Train Running

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE6L6Op0u-4

Were the Doobie Brothers one of, if not THE, first American jam bands? The pre-Michael McDonald Doobs were a truly original, of-the-Seventies outfits with legendary hits: this song appears on The Captain and Me directly in front of “China Grove”: that’s quite a two-fer.

Remote Patrol

Better Call Saul

10 p.m. AMC

What is the fallout of Chuck and Jimmy’s “You can’t handle the truth!” moment last week? We had not a whiff of Mike Ehrmentraut or Gus Fring last week, so expect to see much more of them tonight?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Pop Star

Admit it: The Spurs, without Kawhi Leonard and Tony Parker, defeat the Houston Rockets in Houston in a close-out game by THIRTY-NINE points, and you are not even surprised. I know I’m not. That’s Pop, baby.

LaMarcus Aldridge did score 34 points and pull down 12 rebounds, but hell, there are a few players in the Western Conference who can do that. There’s only one Gregg Popovich, though. And to think he’s been making Mike D’Antoni’s life miserable since D was back coaching the Phoenix Suns 10 years ago.

2. The New Yorker Takes Aim at a New Yorker

My words are not needed here. This is clever, except for the fact that all of the passengers have their shoes on and no one is wearing leggings.

Below: He never learns, does he? This isn’t, to use one of your pet phrases, small potatoes any more. You’re not hustling a contractor from Queens out the door.

 

3. SI Lays Off Five

On Tuesday I attended a lunch and sat next to someone from ESPN who is on-air. As he knew where I once worked, he asked me sincerely if I thought that Sports Illustrated could survive. Not having any inside info, I provided my standard response on print journalists/journalism: “We’re all just polar bears looking for an iceberg to stand on.”

Yesterday SI laid off five staffers. The only name I know of right now is Seth Davis, and he’ll be fine since he’s had his fingers in other pies for more than a decade. Seth is terrific on CBS’ college basketball coverage, so I think he’ll make his mortgage payment next month.

“Norrrrrrm!”

There are a lot of things SI has failed to do since former Time Inc. chief Norm Pearlstine famously uttered, “Print is dead” upon seeing a demonstration of the internet. Inevitably, though, the manner in which readers consume sports news changed. SI had a chance to purchase ESPN in 1987 and whiffed (this was before Pearlstine’s comment) and that was the first of many grave mistakes. But again, this is Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox going up against Bleacher Report. You know what I mean.

I still have many good friends at SI. Okay, I still have a good friend or two at SI. Most of the people I cared about are long gone, from someone who went on to write a story that turned into a book that turned into a Disney film (SI turned down his story pitch originally) to my current boss at Newsweek, who’s the best dude I’ve ever worked for in this business.

Will SI survive? I don’t know about the magazine. I do wonder when some of the writers from my generation and above will finally understand that Peter King is the only holdover from the 1990s who truly gets it. King, when I was there, was universally loved as a guy and respected as a reporter, but no editor ever swooned over his prose. Now the average joe thinks “Peter King” first if you ask about great SI writing. Why? Because he rolls up his sleeves and writes for the web prolifically. That should have been happening with all of SI’s top writers a long time ago.

Here’s fellow alum Jeff Pearlman’s “eulogy.”

4. But Whom Will They Call To Handle The Suit?

Everyone’s favorite cheesy law firm that advertises on TV (this side of Jimmy McGill), Cellino & Barnes, are breaking up. Ross Cellino is suing Stephen Barnes. This is, for those of us who watch too much TV, catastrophic. Next you’re going to tell us that the 1-877-Kars-4-Kids band is breaking up (there is only one VH-1 “Behind The Music” that I still want to see, and this would be it.)

5. Bunny Wisdom

Yes, I’m extremely late to the jam, but I’m finally working my way through The Wire (almost finished Season 3), which is absolutely, pardon the term, addictive. And because everyone who’s watched the HBO show has a favorite character from it, I’ll name mine so far: Howard “Bunny” Colvin, the police chief in charge of the Western District whose revolutionary plan to curb violent crime in his area scares the hell out of his superiors.

I love everything about Bunny: His integrity, his ability to place the needs of community over his career, his courage, his candor, everything. THIS is what a leader looks like (I don’t yet know what will happen to him, so no spoilers, please), but this is my favorite scene of his.

Music 101

I Am The Key

Dang, but I do love The La’s. Lead singer and tortured genius Lee Mavers, who gave us There She Goes, also wrote this little gem. They never even released it on an album. The La’s would be by far the best band ever from their hometown if that hometown were not Liverpool, England.

Remote Patrol

Master Of None

Netflix

So if you have the Netflix, Season 2 of Aziz Ansari’s terrific and comically unstable series drops today. You could watch Game 6 of Celtics-Wizards, but who cares? Cleveland is headed to the NBA Finals in, at most, five games.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

Bernstein and Woodward

You’re Backfired!

Will President Donald Trump’s hasty and impulsive decision to fire FBI Director James Comey only intensify speculation and exploration into his campaign’s alleged ties to Russia? The impulse for Bureau insiders to leak tidbits to the media just rose exponentially, and even a casual student of history might have reminded President Trump that Deep Throat, the informant who helped take down the Nixon presidency, was FBI Associate Director W. Mark Felt.

Delete Caps*

Guys rarely look athletic and graceful in hockey photos

*The judges will also accept “Washington Weak In Review”

The Pittsburgh Penguins defeat the Washington Capitals 2-0 in Game 7 of the NHL Eastern Conference semis. The loss marks the seventh time in as many chances during the Alex Ovechkin era that the Caps (Katie stopped reading this item 17 words ago), who had the NHL’s top record this season, failed to advance to the conference finals. The Washington Wizards also lose Game 5 of the NBA Eastern Conference semis to the Boston Celtics.

Spicer Girl

Sanders has that look of, “Really enjoyed Woodstock, but can’t recall where we parked the VW bus.”

As White House press secretary Sean Spicer fulfills his Naval Reserve duties (as opposed to his naval-gazing reserve duties) Monday through Friday, deputy flak Sarah “I Heart” Huckabee Sanders takes the podium. If she performs well….well, President Trump has not fired anyone of note since Tuesday. Related: Melissa McCarthy hosts the season finale of Saturday Night Live this weekend.

“Sarah, does your dad understand how acronyms work?”

Flight Club*

*The judges will also accept “Airpain!”

Another week, another cabin-pressure fracas posted on social media as two passengers aboard a Southwest Airlines flight duke it out in coach. When did UFC begin to stand for “Unhinged Flying Combatants?”

Will The Circle Be Unbroken?

Despite the appeal of two-time Oscar-winner Tom Hanks and Hogwart’s alum Emma Watson, the dystopian Silicon Valley (pardon the redundancy) thriller The Circle is reaching “mother of all bombs” status at the box office. In its second weekend, the film grossed less than $4 million, finishing behind The Boss Baby and How To Be a Latin Lover. Perhaps if fewer of us were online, more of us would have seen it.

Music 101 

It Ends Tonight

I’ve never seen another band live that was so crass as to tell the young girls in the audience to find their bodyguards near the stage and that, you know, if you’re smoking enough, you’re invited back to the hotel for the after party, but All-American Rejects did that when I saw them in Phoenix about 10 years ago. D-bags. But they did have a few outstanding radio-friendly tunes, and this was one of them (related: I wasn’t hot enough).

Remote Patrol

Game 6: Spurs at Rockets

8 p.m. ESPN

I’m still not really that interested in the NBA playoffs. Are you? I’ll be sorta interested int the Western Conference finals, wholly uninterested in the Eastern Conference finals, and once again interested in the NBA Finals. None of this matters as much, of course, as what LaVar Ball does next.