You need to release that Golden Showers video, right now!
Why do you think Trump has proposed all those increases to the budgets of the USA military and nuclear arsenal? Whom do you think Trump intends to fight in his upcoming war? It is obvious that Russia is the target.
As it stands now, if the the USA really wanted to fight a war utilizing its current military, we could knock the snot out of Iran, Iraq, India, China, North Korea, Germany, Japan, France. The only country that could stand up to the USA would be Russia. So, when Trump rants about a better and more modern military, you better believe that the POTUS sociopath is fixated on Russia.
Yet, Russia could stop crazy Trump and prevent the upcoming carnage by releasing one little pee pee tape.
You would cause Trump to be impeached and create a Constitutional crisis in the USA from which the Republican Party might never recover. Please remember that the Republicans are your real enemies, not the Democrats. Democrats are more fun, and more wishy washy, and more willing to drink your Vodka.
Seriously, you really picked the wrong horse in this race. The Republicans would love to bomb you. The GOP wants to go back in time and resurrect the Cold War. They miss having a real enemy. They want war. By helping Trump win the election, you have set in motion the progression of events that could bring mass destruction upon yourself.
It is not too late. At the earliest possible hour you must release the Golden Shower.
Thank you for your consideration.
2. SOMETHING GOOD TRUMP SHOULD DO BEFORE HE IS IMPEACHED
We need to stop suing the doctors who are trying to keep us alive!
It is not about saving money. It is not about politics. It is just the right thing to do.
The medical malpractice court system creates an inherent conflict with our doctors, who are some of the most brilliant people in our country, and who are best situated to help us solve our health care problems. We need to stop making doctors our enemy.
Negligence claims against health care providers should be eliminated, for the sake of everyone, for sake of justice. The negligence standard for suing our doctors is just too low. A doctor can be sued despite acting in good faith, and despite heroic efforts to save your life.
The legal standard should be recklessness. Unless a doctor acted in reckless disregard toward your safety and/or reckless disregard toward the health care standards of care, then that doctor should not be sued.
This is the law I want:
“Recognizing that all licensed health care providers in these United States are Good Samaritans and provide great benefit to our society, no licensed health care provider in these United States and its territories may be sued for any type of medical malpractice claim unless the alleged wrongful conduct might be reckless or intentional. The torts of medical negligence and gross medical negligence are hereby banned in all courts of these United States.”
(Ed. Note: The author is a lawyer)
3. SOMETHING ELSE TRUMP SHOULD DO BEFORE HE IS IMPEACHED
Eliminate Daylight Savings time. It is just stupid to pretend we can save daylight.
On the surface, FC Barcelona’s comeback against Paris-St. Germain (PSG) at Camp Nou was borderline miraculous, as in, did PSG have Kyle Shanahan on its side? The second leg of their UEFA Champions League match began with Barca down 4-o in aggregate goals. They needed to win 4-0 just to send it into extra time and if PSG were to score one goal, that would mean Barca would need to score 6 goals (because PSG would win on away goals if it came to a tie between total goals scored, so that 5-1 wouldn’t be good enough).
Guess what? PSG, trailing 3-0, scored, in the 62nd minute. That meant that instead of needing one more goal to force extra time, Barca would need THREE goals or else it was over.
It was still 3-1 Barca in the 88th minute. Then Neymar scored on a free kick from outside the penalty box in the 88th. Then Luis Suarez got fouled (no he didn’t, but he got the call) and Neymar booted in a penalty kick. So, 5-1.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNq6GhGTlWM
(Inside Messi’s car afterward; no club had overturned a 4-0 deficit after the first leg)
Then, in the 95th minute, in the 5th minute of 5-plus minutes of overtime, Sergi Roberto scored on a brilliant entry pass. Barca wins 6-1 and on aggregate goals, 6-5.
Anyway, it would have been the most miraculous comeback in Champions League history if (my opinion) penalty kicks were not involved. Still, all in all, pretty miraculous. Three goals in seven minutes to stave off elimination. That’s right up there with the 28-3 comeback.
Anyway, I could not wait to see what ESPN was going to do with the highlight, but Neil and Stan, normally peerless, completely whiffed on it. Do they not get soccer? Did Keith Olbermann write their copy? I stayed up later to watch Scott Van Pelt‘s highlight, and he nailed it without a splash (Van Pelt informed viewers that you could get in-game odds of 100 to 1 for Barca to advance when the score was 3-1…)
2. The Joshua Tree Turns 30
Happy 30th birthday to one of the two or three great rock albums since 1980, the one that elevated U2 to immortal status. I had the good fortune to see U2 live on this tour, on November 1, 1987, in Indianapolis, but the band I’ll remember more from that night is the Dalton Brothers, who opened for U2. Do they look or sound familiar to you?
For what it’s worth, I wrote a self-indulgentpersonal story on how the album affected me and was honored to contribute to Newsweek’s ranking of the songs on the album (if left to my own devices, the Top 6 would’ve gone: “With Or Without You,” “One Tree Hill,” “Where The Streets Have No Name,” “Running To Stand Still,” “In God’s Country” and “Red Hill Mining Town.”
3. Guess Who Trump Just Nominated As Our Ambassador To Russia?*
Huntsman looks like a B-list actor who has just been talked into an appearance on Love Boat where he’ll romance Jo Ann Worley….
*The judges will also accept “Snowflake and the Huntsman”
Jon Huntsman called to see me. I said no, he gave away our country to China! @JonHuntsman
“What’s that, Vlad? Yes, I’m sending the weakest man I can find for the job.”
4.“Romo! Romo! Wherefore art thou, Romo?”
Romo’s time in Dallas: Dak’s all, folks!
The Dallas Cowboys release their all-time leader in passing yardage and touchdown passes, a man who was immediately likable and who showed tremendous class last season, he just got injured at the wrong time in front of the wrong guy. Tony Romo, 36, spent 13 seasons in Big D, but injuries kept him out of the lineup most of the past two seasons. And they never went to the Super Bowl in his tenure, although he was never the reason for that.
Now, as Dallas’ offense is becoming filled with Pro Bowl-caliber talent under the age of 30, Romo’s being released. He won’t see the promised land with the Cowboys. He’s sort of Romoses. Here’s hoping he lands some place he likes (Denver and Houston sound like the surest bets), but one gets the feeling, with his surfeit of injuries and ailments, that he has already stayed at the party too long.
5. Extreme Ski Lifts
Chamonix, France
Half the fun of skiing are ski lifts (the other half is “apres ski”). Sure, lift lines blow and we’ve all given the stink eye to that skier cutting the line with the instructor, but once you are on the lift, it’s a gondola ride through the mountains. And often a great way to meet a stranger (“Where you from?” “Where you staying?” “Is that a flask in your pocket?”).
Anyway, here’s a photo essay of some of the world’s most extreme ski lifts….because I had no interest in writing on whether A-Rod and J-Lo are dating (can totally see it) or why Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have called off their divorce (he’s not as dumb as we thought; Don’t you imagine him watching one of her “What’s in your wallet?” ads late at night and finally realizing, Yeah, if she wasn’t my wife I’d totally go out with her?).
Music 101
Where The Streets Have No Name
The song is called “Where The Streets Have N Name,” but Los Angeles radio deejays made it well-known that U2‘s rooftop concert on March 27, 1987, would be taking place at the corner of 7th and Main in downtown L.A. (amazing that this show got shut down but “Another Day Of Sun” did not. Here’s the first track off the legendary The Joshua Tree album, which was released 30 years ago today. The song almost did not make the album, as the band loved the opening riff but didn’t think it was a complete song. Glad they changed their minds.
Remote Patrol
The VIPs
10:30 p.m. TCM
You’re smirking, but this is what happens when TCM airs some movie I’ve never heard of that I can’t believe I’ve never heard of before (e.g., Mogambo, a 1953 film starring Clark Gable, Ava Gardner and Grace Kelly…WHAT?!?!). The VIPs is a 1963 film starring Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor (their first film together), Louis Jourdan, Maggie Smith, Orson Welles, Linda Christian, Rod Taylor and the insanely fetching Elsa Martinelli. They’re all stranded at an airport due to fog and Love Boat-style adult situations ensue. This is the Don Draper-est movie I’ve ever heard of.
*The judges will also accept “Brit’s Krieg,” “Brit’s burgh” and “Christ(opher) Has Risen”
Remember Christopher Steele, the British ex-MI6 spy who put together the dossier on the alleged collusion between the Russians and team Trump and then went underground after Buzzfeed printed it in full? After nearly two months being AWOL, Steele resurfaced yesterday and apparently plans to return to his normal life. Good luck with that.
On March 20 the U.S. House Investigation Committee will purportedly begin looking into allegations that Russia interfered in the presidential election and that Trump’s gang either cooperated or was fully aware of it. As of now, though, they don’t plan on calling Steele to testify. I mean, I can’t think of a treason why they’d involve him.
Speaking of Russia and steel, tons of Russian steel arrived at a New Jersey port in the past week. One of the men in charge said, “This steel is a magnet for other cargos,” which only proves that he’s a fan of 70s pop songs
The penalty for treason is death or a minimum of five years in jail. Because Mike Flynn and Jeff Sessions lied about talking to the Russians (and what it was about), they eventually should be charged with treason. As should, and hopefully will, Carter Page. And Jared Kushner. And Paul Manaforte. And eventually Steve Bannon and Donald Trump.
This isn’t going away for a very simple reason: it’s more than likely true. The smirk that rests on Page’s face (and Sessions) as he cutely non-deny denies talking to the Russians underscores the point that he doesn’t quite get the gravity of what he has done. He thinks this is just party politics. But it’s not.
Watergate led to the near-impeachment of a president (he resigned) and jail sentences for some of his associates. That was about nothing more than one campaign playing dirty tricks on the other, including paying for a crime to be committed. This is, if true, far more series. This is one campaign colluding with America’s most dangerous enemy to undermine an election.
William Bruce Mumford (died 1862) is the last American I could find who was hanged for treason. His crime? He tore down a U.S. flag.
If an when this eventually comes to light, I hope they don’t spare the rod one bit. This isn’t a career public servant, e.g. Nixon, who went astray. This is a complete interloper who and his band of thieves who attampted to hijack the republic. Let ’em all hang.
2. Sessions Doubles Down
If you go back to January 10—it will eventually be seen as a fateful day in the Trump administration, between the above dossier leak and Sessions’ appearance at the confirmation hearing—you will notice that Senator Al Franken (an original writer at SNL) NEVER ASKED Jeff Sessions if he had met with or spoken to the Russians. Franken asked Sessions if it were to be proven that anyone affiliated with the campaign HAD met with the Russians, “WHAT WOULD YOU DO?”
NEW: Attorney General Jeff Sessions sends to Senate Judiciary Committee “supplement” to disputed congressional testimony of January 10. pic.twitter.com/rOTLIS2qvv
Sessions, in his answer, pointed out that he had sometimes been called a Trump surrogate, and that he himself never met with the Russians. Beyond that, he said, he could not comment. Yesterday Sessions sent his mansplanation letter and said that he did not lie or mislead Congress, which he most certainly did. He’ll be wearing an orange jumpsuit someday and one can only hope he’s put into the general population in a prison in Alabama, Mississippi or Louisiana.
3. Don T. Care, or Don’T Care
Even some Republicans are calling the new rollout of the Affordable Care Act “Obamacare Lite” or “Obamacare 2.0.” I won’t mire us in all the details (because I don’t understand them), but it does seem from the comments by Republicans that the GOP plan was to simply keep most of Obamacare, take out a few parts they didn’t like and as for how to resolve the issues created by their exclusion, the response is simply, “We’re going to get to that later. Trust us.”
I tried to explain the entire “Here’s the Affordable Care Act” followed by “Obamacare is a Disaster” followed by “Here’s Our New Plan” kerfuffle in one :30 FedEx ad (that, incidentally, was written by a college classmate of mine who also wrote for the Keenan Revue):
4. Is Trump Aping “Fake News?”
I had this thought last night. Donald Trump accuses Barack Obama of wiretapping his phones during the election. The press goes nuts, and at yesterday’s White House presser they almost completely ignore the new Don T. Care proposal to pepper Salty Spice with questions about the accusation. It seems so simple, after all: If President Trump has information that Obama bugged his phones, why doesn’t he just say what the source of that information is?
Now, let’s go back over the past three weeks, to all the frustration the White House has had about WaPo breaking news with unnamed sources. The White House has wanted them to name a source, but they haven’t. So is it possible that Bannon just said to Trump, “Two can play that game.” Let’s just make up a big fat lie and then not reveal our source. How is that any different than what WaPo is doing?”
Of course, the difference is that WaPo would be committing libel if it did that and then we might see the mother of all lawsuits between Peter Thiel and Jeff Bezos. Whereas, what is the penalty for the president? Apparently, they don’t believe there is one. But could it possibly be an impeachable offense, to falsely and without merit accuse your predecessor in the White House of committing a felony? One Harvard professor thinks so.
3/Using power of WH to falsely accuse predecessor of impeachable felony does qualify as an impeachable offense whether via tweet or not
Last night in Dallas seven-foot tall German Dirk Nowitzki scored 25 points in a 122-111 takedown of the Lakers to put him north of 30,000 points for his career. The Teutonic Terror joins Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Karl Malone, Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan and Wilt Chamberlain as the only players to ever eclipse the 30,000-point mark. Or, as my buddy A.J. observed, “The first white guy to do it.”
Wilt and M.J. remain in a class by themselves
Ah, but where to all six stand in the coveted Points Per Game stat? Here’s the list, the number in front of their name being where they each rank on the all-time list:
What happens when you combine a heavenly voice with an accordion? You get this 1992 crossover hit from Canadian Coach K doppelgänger K.D. Lang. The song won Lang a Grammy for Best Female Pop Performance and hit No. 2 on the Adult Contemporary chart (aren’t all charts contemporary?) and No. 38 on the Billboard big chart. It’s a very smooth song and helped elevate Lang to Lilith Fair Goddess status.
Remote Patrol
John Wick
8 p.m. USA
Everyone tells me that I should see this Keanu Reeves film from 2014 and besides, conference tourneys don’t get interesting until at least tomorrow. Are John Wick and Jack Reacher basically the same character? Here’s Step 1 to finding out….
In the American Athletic Conference final, UConn’s Katie Lou Samuelson attempted 10 three-pointers and made 10 three-pointers. Samuelson, who gets my vote as the Naismith Award winner (sorry to that other Husky, Kelsey Plum…who like Samuelson is also from southern California), finished with a career-high 40 points and took her final bow with 2 minutes remaining in the third quarter.
The Huskies won 100-44 to move to 32-0.
Samuelson was 6 of 6 from the free throw line, but did miss two of four shots from inside the arc. Not a bad night.
2. Ban Width
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXvNHbE-yek
Interesting that the White House rolled out a new immigration ban (“Iraq, will you accept this rose?”) on the same day that Secretary of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) Ben Carson, whom I firmly believe spent some time in the Armitage basement after undergoing hypnosis (in my SI days they would’ve taken out this reference because the men who were the age I am now wouldn’t have understood it), said, “There were other immigrants who came in the bottom of slave ships who worked even harder, even longer for less…” Yes. They were called slaves. And if by “less,” you mean “nothing,’ then yes.
3. Should the U.S.A. Invade Mexico? (It’s Not As If We Have Not Done So Before)
Take a look at a present-day map of Mexico (above).
Now think about what Donald Trump is proposing with his $21 billion WALL (we’ve all dealt with contractors, let’s go ahead and conservatively hike that up to $30 billion) .
Now consider that the closest point in the U.S.A. to Mexico City—Brownsville, Texas—is approximately 500 miles to the north. So, draw a straight line across due west from Brownsville to the Gulf of Mexico.
Now, look at this map of Mexico in 1821:
So, as “U.S. Americans” whine about Mexicans coming into “our country” to take our jobs, maybe it’s not a bad idea to have a little historical perspective. For the most part, their just wandering into what was their country that we either bought or stole from them. And since we’ve done such a good job economically in California, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, etc., who’s to say we couldn’t do wonders for the northern one-third of the current nation of Mexico.
Would Mexicans really leave Mexico in droves if they could work good jobs in their hometowns? I’m no Milton Friedman, but if U.S. businesses could set up in northern Mexico as easily as they could in the States, if Americans could own land there beholden not to Mexican laws but to U.S. law, wouldn’t they invest? Have you been to northern Mexico? It’s sunny and flanked by water on both sides. Look what we’ve done with Arizona. There’s a Scottsdale just waiting to happen in northern Mexico (and Puerto Penasco, a.k.a. Rocky Point, would become the next Vegas if we legalized gambling).
Rocky Point: a closer drive from Phoenix (4 hours) than San Diego or L.A.
It wouldn’t be a hostile invasion. No military need come. Just make the dollar the unit of currency and install U.S. laws and allow the people there to stay and become citizens if they like (they’d have to pay taxes). Within a decade that area would have its act together, we’d have almost eliminated the illegal immigrant problem, and Mexico would probably be thanking us. Most of the Mexican population lives south of there, anyway. It’s currently mostly a no-man’s land.
And we wouldn’t even claim it on our map. It would sort of be this shaded-in area hat we’re foster-parenting for the government of Mexico. And we’d be saving $30 billion.
The problem, after all, isn’t illegal immigration. It’s an unstable economic and societal situation in Mexico. Fix that, and there’s not much reason for them to want to move north, anyway. Mexico’s nice. It’s sunny and they have cheap tacos. Hell, I’d go.
4. Twin Falls Idaho Rhode Island
I’m not sure if I’d call this tragic as much as I might, All part of God’s plan. On Friday evening 97 year-old twin sisters Martha Williams and Jean Haley dined together at Haley’s home in Barrington, Rhode Island. Williams apparently slipped and fell in the driveway on the way to her car (she still drove???). Apparently, as Haley ran into the house to call 911, she slipped and fell in the garage, possibly on a rug.
It was extremely cold in the northeast on Friday. Both sisters died, apparently freezing to death. I mean, yeah, that’s sad, but twin sisters lived 97 years and were both born and died within five minutes of each other. That’s kind of divine, no?
5. Farewell, Robert Osborne
If you are a fan of TCM (and why wouldn’t you be??? Don’t you like movies???), then you know of Robert Osborne, who died over the weekend at the age of 84. The silver-foxed film historian was the genial and knowledgeable host who provided countless bits of tid about the films we were watching as an intro and an afterword (back in the day, movie hosts were common; they’ve become nearly extinct, which is too bad).
Osborne, the host at TCM since it began in 1994, was a former acting hopeful who was mentored by Lucille Ball and actually had a credit for appearing in The Beverly Hillbillies. He was a true film aficionado, writing several books about the Oscars and film in general and would’ve been welcome at my erstwhile annual “Johndance Film Festival,” where friends would bring movies (all for one, who’d insist that we use her time slot to watch figure skating). Some day we’ll re-up the JFF (as soon as I have friends again).
Wait, how did we turn this nice Robert Osborne tribute into something about me? I blame you.
Music 101
Back On My Feet Again
In the late Seventies/early Eighties The Babys felt like a decent soft-punk band who put out a few solid garage-rock hits (this, “Every Time I Think of You,” “Turn and Walk Away”). Then lead singer John Waite started wearing eyeliner and went solo and began singing Top 40 schmaltz pop hit that are probably still being played on South Bend FM radio today. This song reached No. 33 on the Billboard chart in 1979.
Reserves
Dave Doesn’t Hold Back
Dave appears ready to reprise his role of “Old Salt” for Cabin Boy II
One of our secular saints, David Letterman, spoke to Vulture.com and did not hold back on his opinion of Trump and where the country is headed. Good read. Thanks to our faitfhul Canadian correspondent, Moose, for the heads up.
Remote Patrol
This Is Us
9 p.m. NBC
Noche del Iguana?
The season finale. I haven’t at all gotten into this show, pleading the Sheryl Crow Defense: “Can’t Cry Anymore.” But people I like like it, and this is a Milo Ventimiglia-friendly site, so you should watch it. But in case you also have an aversion to feelings, the West Coast Conference title game (SMC vs. Gonzaga) is on at 9 p.m. on ESPN and The Night Of The Iguana, with Richard Burton and Ava Gardner, airs at 8 p.m on TCM>
Remember Rule No. 1 (or No. 2) that shady lawyer Roy Cohn taught Donald Trump: “Whatever scandalous, corrupt or illegal thing you are doing, accuse your opponents of doing.” Rule No. 2 (or No. 1) : “Never apologize or admit you’re wrong.”*
(The only time I’ve ever heard Trump apologize was in that Friday night appearance in September when he said, “I’m sorry” about the “Grab them by the pu**y” comments; even he realized that it could possibly cost him any chance he had to win.
The short lesson here: There’s no basis for Trump’s wiretap claim, the idea that anyone in Congress would even investigate them is all a charade, and FBI Director James Comey himself has declared it b.s. (as have any other number of people who would or could know how these FISA things work).
It’s all a parlor trick to keep people from talking about Russia.
Gar Heard, Part II
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcXtjt2bMUw
The Phoenix Suns and Boston Celtics played one of their better games on Sunday night, perhaps the most memorable since the “Gar Heard ‘Round The World” in Game 5 of the 1976 NBA Finals (yes, that’s Brent Musburger on the call) (that said, I saw the Suns take out the Celtics in 1980, Larry Legend’s rookie year, 135-134; Bird had 45).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KduoLWqQ7vw
Boston owned a one-point lead with about :10 left but Isaiah Thomas hit only 1 of 1 free throws, making it 106-104. Eric Bledsoe tied it up with a layup with about :04 to play, then Thomas mishandled the inbounds pass and Tyler Ullis of the Suns hit a buzzer-beating three for the win. The Suns only have 21 wins, but three are off buzzer-beaters, and all three buzzer beaters were scored by former Kentucky guards (Bledsoe, Ullis and Devon Booker).
3. Now Is The Winter Of Our Discontent
The Bard of the Premier League
Last May Leicester City overcame 5,000-1 odds (We know what we are, but know not what we may be) to win the Premier League and manager Claudio Ranieri was declared a secular saint (Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown). But Leicester was awful this season and in danger of relegation so Leicester sacked Ranieri (Off with his head!). Interim manager Craig Shakespeare, who has told the players to become more accountable (The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars but in ourselves) has led Leicester to a pair of 3-1 victories and the club is now five points clear of relegation, which won’t get them into Champions League next season, but will keep them from ignominiously being moved down just one year after winning it all (Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing).
4. Get Out Easter Eggs
If you haven’t seen Get Out,you may want to skip this. If you have, it might be fun. A key giveaway clue early in the film is when Walter the groundskeeper sprints right toward our hero/victim, Chris. If you never gave it much of a second thought (I didn’t), the piece linked provides the explanation (I’m so STUPID!)
5. Collar Save
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PbFLa8cx5s
Oh, you think you’ve seen everything? Have you seen a goalie stopping a slap shot with the back of his collar? Look at what Martin Jones of the San Jose Sharks did (they still lost, but who cares?).
Music 101
Wouldn’t It Be Good?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qH4CT4f7fk
Mid-Eighties pop, courtesy of Nik Kershaw. The song never broke the Top 40 in the U.S., but it hit No. 4 in the UK and Kershaw did perform it at Live Aid in Wembley Stadium, and as a musician you can take that to your grave.
Remote Patrol
South Florida vs. UCONN
7 p.m. ESPN2
Granted, I’m not even sure what conference UConn plays in, but this is their conference championship game. Will the Huskies lose for the first time in 105 or so games? Prolly not. I really don’t see them losing for another year and a half, but tune in anyway.
