by John Walters

It’s Tom Brady’s World. We Just Live In It

Like that Mexican mother and daughter in the 84 Lumber ad, things looked dire for Bill Belichick and Tom Brady in Super Bowl LI. The Falcons led 28-3 with just under nine minutes to go in the third quarter. In other words, New England trailed by 25 points with less than 25 minutes to play.

We all saw what happened next.

Why are we still amazed by this stuff? The Cavs, the Cubs, Trump, now this. What absolutely cannot happen absolutely WILL happen.

Records Brady set: Most pass attempts (62), pass completions (43), and passing yards (466) in a game. Most Super Bowl wins (5), tied with defensive end Charles Haley. Most Super Bowl appearances (7). And, let’s give him the credit, greatest Super Bowl deficit overcome (25 points).

Almost forgot: Roger That! (Roger Goodell That?!?)

2. Me and Julio Down By The Schoolyard

Here, Atlanta fans. Here is the catch by Julio Jones, a 27-yarder that put your team on New England’s 22 and should have iced the game. But now it’s just a footnote. Troy Aikman: “I have no idea how Matt Ryan is able to get that ball in there, and how Julio Jones is able to make that catch.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eub4Kb2kAyc

Remember just two years ago Seattle Seahawk tight end Jermaine Kearse, who made the incredible catch moments before the Seahawks were supposed to beat the Pats in Super Bowl XLIX? This grab falls into that “Birds of a Feather” slot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kD8HpHRXlo

By the way, Julio Jones, currently the best receiver in the NFL: 4 catches on 4 targets, at least three of them phenomenal grabs. James White of New England, a backup running back, has a Super Bowl-record 14 receptions.

3. New England’s David Tyree Moment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmkcgZmM27s

Remember early in the third quarter when Julian Edelman was flaring across on an under pattern and simply failed to catch a Tom Brady pass? He atoned for it here. This wasn’t as dire a moment as many others in the final 25 minutes—it happened on first down—but the 23-yard reception, which took place near the same spot on the field where David Tyree of the New York Giants had made the single most unbelievable catch I’ve ever seen at a Super Bowl nine years earlier, signaled that moment where you just felt the Patriots were destined to win.

By the way, how incredible was this Patriot comeback/Falcons choke? I detailed the nine plays that had to happen in order for this result to occur in Newsweek (“All I do is type, type, type….”)

4. Strange Currencies

They won. The Women’s March on Foxboro begins at noon.

Yeah, the dude with the “Make America Great Again” ball cap in his locker who had a terrible September came out the winner. “Hillary Clinton” is 7 letters + 7 letters. “Atlanta Falcons” is 7 letters + 7 letters.

“Donald Trump” is 6 letters + 5 letters. “Thomas Brady” is 6 letters + 5 letters.

Boston pro sports teams now have 37 championships. Atlanta has one.

I kind of like to look at New England’s comeback like that 84 Lumber family. There seemed no way they were going to get past that wall, but they didn’t give up. And then they found a way. Meanwhile, the Falcons were on the “edge of glory,” but just could not pound that final nail in the coffin.

5. Topher Grace, William Hurt and an Indian Dude Who’d Never Be Allowed Into The Country Now Explain The Subprime Mortgage Crisis Better Than Margot Robbie Did

As Trump/GOP appears headed to repeal much of Dodd-Frank, which was passed in order to prevent another global economic crisis like the one that occurred in 2008-09 after the avaricious banks got too greedy, we submit this concise and clear explanation from Too Big To Fail about why it all went down the toilet the first time. Those who forget (or don’t care about) history are doomed to repeat it.

Music 101

I Like To Rock

Growing up in the Valley of the Sun, going to high school in Reagan’s resurgent America in the early Eighties, this was the FM music that all the white boys in their OP shorts and Chevy Blazers were listening to. April Wine, TURN IT UP! The Canadian band released this tune in 1979 off an album titled Harder…Faster, which I just assumed was my high school football coach giving me tackling instructions.

Remote Patrol

The Shawshank Redemption

10:30 p.m. AMC

I can’t watch sports tonight after last night. I need a palate cleanser. Why not go with one of the few perfect films ever made? It’s the story of a tall New Englander who seems to be in a hopeless situation but he keeps digging away and finally, against all odds, somehow is able to overcome his tormentors. Wait, I have seen this movie before.

by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Spicer Girl

Unannounced, four-time Saturday Night Live guest host Melissa McCarthy showed up as White House press secretary Sean Spicer in a skit that ran directly before the musical act. It was the funniest sketch of the year (Donald probably found it “unfunny” and “sad,” though).

2. Arrest

A person of interest in the sexual assault and murder last August 2nd of 30 year-old Karina Vetrano is in custody. Vetrano, of Howard Beach, had gone for a run at 5 p.m. in a local park that in the summer is overgrown with sawgrass and weeds. She never returned and her body was found in the tall grass a few hours later.

A few months ago an off-duty cop noted a vagrant hanging around the park and phoned authorities. Nothing happened, but when the man was seen again there he was asked to submit a DNA sample. He did so voluntarily. Now he’s in custody.

From video taken of Vetrano running on her last day (I’m thinking what you’re thinking; yes, a little creepy; who’s shooting that and why?)

Howard Beach is a neighborhood where plenty of cops and firemen (read: white) reside. My guess is that this “vagrant” looked out of place because he isn’t white. We’ll see.

3. Top Ten Hit List

Iowa State won in Lawrence for the first time in 12 years

No. 1 Gonzaga remained undefeated (24-0) with a 90-55 defeat of Santa Clara, but elsewhere in the top 10 there was ,what’s the word our Commander in Chief favors….carnage.  Six of the top nine teams lost, which I’m assuming is a first for the same Saturday.

In the Big 12, No. 2 Baylor and No. 3  Kansas both lost at home, the latter for the first time in 52 games (I’m not counting three games in Kansas City as home games and you can’t make me). The Bears lost by two to Kansas State and KU lost by three in OT.

The Wildcats have lost 3 of 4, while Florida has beaten three of its last four by at least 30

No. 5 Arizona just plain failed to show up in Eugene in front of the Tie-Dyed Wizard, Bill “Conference of Champions” Walton,  a palindromic pummeling, 85-58.  No. 7 West Virginia lost at home to Oklahoma State. No. 8 Kentucky lost by 22 in Gainesville to a Florida squad that suddenly looks Donavan-esque. And No. 9 Virginia lost by 4 at Syracuse (painful reminder of last year’s Elite Eight game, when the Cuse erased a 15-point deficit in the final 9:33). It was Jim Boeheim‘s 1,000th asterisk-free win or, as Jay Bilas put it, the 1,000th loss he has pinned on another coach.

The takeaway: March Madness is wide open. We have no idea who’ll make the Final Four in Glendale (though I wouldn’t bet against Villanova, which didn’t lose yesterday).

4. Super Bowl Hero

If someone at ESPN or FOX already did this piece and I missed it, my apologies. But on CBS This Morning there was a terrific piece on Patriot wideout Malcolm Mitchell, who as a student at Georgia had been invited to join a book club of middle-aged women and did so. Now he’s written  a children’s book of his own—The Magician’s Hat—and is distributing it for free.

What a genuine, wonderful guy. Even if he catches passes from a cheater. 🙂

5. Another Day Of Trump

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VPJ_CAoQm8

Submitted without comment…

by Michael DePaoli

JOBS, DEBT, TAXES

According to Reuters there is a whopping forty-nine percent of people in our nation who agree with Donald Trump’s travel ban against seven Muslim nations. The Trump Executive Order is a clear violation of the Freedom of Religion and the Establishment Clause, a desecration of the American principle of fundamental fairness, and an obvious conflict of interest because Trump shielded the countries in which he has business interests. Yet, half the people in the USA support something that is anti-Constitutional and anti-American.

Trump’s supporters simply do not care about: (1) allegations of Russian hacking and golden showers; (2) violations of the Constitution; (3) Trump’s blatant lies about his crowd size and non-existent voter fraud; (4) Trump insulting friendly and loyal Australia; (5) Trump believing in alternative facts in his own alternative universe; (6) his sidekick crony inventing a fake massacre in order to scare the American people into being mean to foreigners; nor (7) Trump promising that he knew more than the Generals, but the first military raid of his Presidency ended up with one dead American hero, several civilian casualties, and an American plane worth seventy million dollars being destroyed.

What will cause the Trump supporters to stop, drop and roll (Ed. Note: As opposed to their current strategy of “Stop, drop and troll“) ? There are three main promises that Trump made on the campaign trail which will control who wins the election in 2020: Jobs, Debt, Taxes.

JOBS

Trump promised to create twenty-five million new jobs. We all hope he actually accomplishes that goal. However, it is probably not going to happen. We cannot allow Trump to escape the blame when he fails to fulfill this promise on jobs. We cannot allow the people to forget that Trump promised to grow twenty-five million new jobs. Keep constant pressure on jobs: “Mr. Trump, when are you going to start creating those twenty-five million jobs that you promised?”

DEBT

In his campaign, Trump first promised to pay off the National debt in eight years. Then, he changed his mind, and denied that claim that he made, and amended his promise to pay down the debt in small amounts and/or large amounts, over time. But, regardless of Trump’s backtracking as to specifics, Trump did in fact promise to pay down the debt. This means that in order to keep his promise Trump’s administration cannot add to the debt, by any amount. Trump is already violating this promise, because the debt keeps rising. Indeed, Trump could have started to pay down the debt with all that money he wasted on his lavish (no big talent) Inauguration, but obviously his campaign promises are not as important as his ego. We cannot allow the people of our nation to forget that Trump promised to pay down the debt. It is not enough that he reduces the deficit, but instead he must generate a surplus and start paying off the obligations of the USA. He will of course fail at fulfilling his debt promise, and he must be reminded of this fact on a constant basis. “Mr. President, when are you going to start paying off the National debt, like you promised?”

TAXES

Trump promised that the largest tax reductions would go to the middle class. Specifically, Trump promised (contractually) that the middle class would receive “a 35% tax cut.” He also promised that the tax brackets would be reduced from seven brackets to three brackets. Likewise, Trump promised (contractually) that the business tax rate would be reduced down to fifteen percent. We must force Trump’s hand. Make him give us the tax cut that he promised. “Mr. Trump, when are you going to reduce the middle class taxes by thirty-five percent, which you promised in your contract with the American Voter?”

**

Michael DePaoli has self-proclaimed his docu-novel ebook Why You Should Not Go To Law School to be a literary masterpiece. You can also watch his Youtube videos for free by searching for this title: “I Hope Trump Twitterslams and Tweetshames My Books.”

by John Walters

This is your close up, Matt Ryan

The MH Pick Is For The Birds

Our Super Bowl LI pick: the Atlanta Falcons.

The Patriots have the greatest coach-QB duo since Walsh-Montana, and arguably the best of all time (if it weren’t for the G-Men, it would be inarguable). And they’ve been to seven Super Bowls in the Belichick-Brady era (both men arrived in 2000).

So why do I prefer the Art Blank‘ers: 1) Matt Ryan led the NFL in passer rating and yards per attempt and was second in overall passing yards (behind Drew Brees) and in touchdown passes (behind Aaron Rodgers), 2) Atlanta was second in total offense in the NFL this season and 3) the Patriots have not been tested much this season. The four playoff teams New England played during the season were the two they later beat in the playoffs (Houston and Pittsburgh), the Dolphins twice, and the Seahawks (who beat them).

Johnny Manziel’s autograph session included smooches

The Falcons are the best team New England has seen all season and they have the best quarterback New England has seen all season. And yes, there’s no fun in picking the Death Star to prevail.

2. Atheist And A Theist

On Wednesday night funny and caustic Ricky Gervais sat down with occasionally funny and caustic Stephen Colbert on Late Show. During the first segment they did the usual talk show pablum, but after the commercial break they got into an earnest, not hostile, but earnest conversation about the existence of God. It’s terrific. Watch how engrossed both get in the discussion; it’s as if they’ve both forgotten they’re on a talk show in front of a live studio audience and the millions of us at home. They’re just two smart men who happen to    have diametrically opposite thoughts about THE question that makes the world go round (and has been responsible for millions of deaths; personally, I think Rust Cohle said it best).

3. Washington States Its Case

Goss was a hoss

Remember that besides perennial powers Alabama, Clemson and Ohio State, Washington, coached by Chris Petersen, also made the College Football Playoff. By the way, U-Dub’s recruiting class rankings on Rivals since 2013 go: 18th, 37th, 31st, 37th and this week, 23rd). Either Coach Pete is better at assessing talent, better at coaching what he harvests, or the dudes at Rivals don’t get out to the Pacific Northwest as much as they should.

Mark Few is Washington’s hoops version of Chris Petersen

Anyway, now from the eastern end of the state comes Mark Few and Gonzaga, which easily handled a traditionally tough game in Provo to easily handle BYU, 85-75. The Zags, the top -ranked and last undefeated team (23-0) in the country, led by 16 at the half. Nigel Williams-Goss, who transferred from U-Dub after 2015, finished with a game-high 33.

In the top four in each sport, no state has had a better academic year than The Evergreen State. And yeah, I’d take Kansas, Arizona and Kentucky over the Zags every day of the week, but Few’s team has only one scary regular-season game remaining: next Saturday’s twilight (5:15 p.m. local tip) tussle at No. 19 Saint Mary’s.

4. Ren and Donald

Since the election, people have uncovered clips from both The Simpsons and South Park that described our 45th president perfectly. Now, thanks to the first heated phone call ever between anyone from the USA and Australia (I mean, they’re almost as nice as Canadians),  this moment from Ren and Stimpy gets added to the list. This clip has to be, what, 25 years old?

5. Keep Your Eye On The Ball

Muscovites marched after Nemtsov’s murder

This was the scene in Moscow just 17 months ago, after Boris Nemtsov, a leader of the resistance movement to president Vladimir Putin, was murdered on a sidewalk not far from the Kremlin. Nemtsov, a charismatic figure, was scheduled to lead a protest against Putin and Russia’s invasion of Ukraine the following day, when assailants drove up and executed him as he was walking along a sidewalk that runs adjacent to the Moskva River.

Nemtsov in a body bag with St. Basil’s Cathedral in the background

Now another Russian activist, Vladimir Kara-Murza, has been hospitalized in Moscow after suspicions that he was poisoned. Kara-Murza, a Russian exile who lives in Virginia, nearly died two years ago when he was mysteriously poisoned in Moscow. He was in a coma for a week. He returned to Moscow last week to screen a movie about Nemtsov and lo and behold, he suddenly has the same symptoms.

Putin is ruthless. And this is why Trump/Bannon admire him. As Trump himself told the London Times just before his inauguration: “I like strength. And I like order.” Don’t fool yourselves, America. You elected a dictator. He’s just trying to figure out how far he can take it.

Meanwhile, Russia has arrested two FSB officials and charged them with treason for allegedly supplying documents to the CIA. What did they supply? And will we ever see them.

Quick thought: Smart people ask questions. Idiots chant slogans. Or as my friend Wendell Barnhouse put it, “Smart people seek truth. Fascists repeat lies.”

Music 101

Heart Of Stone

In November of 1964 the Rolling Stones were in Los Angeles and recorded this Jagger-Richards tune. It was released one month later and became their second top-20 tune. Think about this as you listen Jagger was just 21 years old and “Keef” was only 20. They didn’t know they were going to be THE ROLLING STONES when they laid down this track, but they knew who they wanted to be.

Remote Patrol

Blazing Saddles

TCM 10:30 p.m.

Gene Wilder went on an historic run in the early Seventies with Willy Wonka, this film and then Young Frankenstein. Mel Brooks (center) and Wilder teamed up for the final two after having worked together in 1968 with The Producers (originally a film). Here’s my Newsweek piece on how and why they hooked up.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Hello, May I Take Your Executive Order?

Another Day Of Trump: Angry Australians, Irate Iranians, Miffed Mexicans and a very good chance that our president has no idea that slavery abolitionist crusader Frederick Douglass is no longer living:

“Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who has done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice”

Douglass died in 1895. Oh, by the way, he escaped slavery, traveling incognito from Baltimore to New York, and avoided extreme vetting.

It’s not true that every other order is signed “Sherman T. Potter”

By the way, if it seems as if every time you turn around, President Trump is signing an executive order in Sharpie and holding it up for show-and-tell, it’s not unusual. He actually signed fewer executive orders (18) in his first dozen days in office than his predecessor, Barack Obama (19), did.

2. Hello, Harbinger

Bet Steph didn’t expect that #FatherKnowsBest (via @CSNWarriors) pic.twitter.com/wVR6No1zLJ

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) February 2, 2017

Before last night’s game between Charlotte and Golden State, a Warrior player playfully tossed a ball at a Hornet broadcast who was not looking and standing next to the scorer’s table near mid court. The tosser was Stephen Curry and the target was his pop, former NBA player Dell Curry. Dell calmly picked up the ball, took a step or two toward his son, then banked the ball in from at least 30 feet out.

How did Steph respond, besides laughing? He went out and buried eight first-half threes and 11 in all in the Dubs’ 126-11 win. Curry finished with 39. The Dubs are fun to watch for one quarter, when they really care. They were up on Charlotte 41-21 after one. Maybe the Hornets need to bring back Dell.

3. Meet Rocky Lombardi

From West Des Moines, Iowa

While the rest of College Football Recruiting Twitter was going nuts over 6’7″, 280-pound OL Kobe Buffalomeat (How had no one ever heard of him before yesterday?), and rightfully so, I found myself drawn to Michigan State quarterback signee Rocky Lombardi. Are there two more iconic single names in sports than “Rocky” and “Lombardi?” I mean, sure, you can go find a kid named Muhammad Rockne or Babe Jordan, but for now, I’m sticking with this. Also, you’ve gotta love that unabashed Golden Boy look, no?

His pop, a former high school football coach who was let go after a few verbal abuse complaints by parents (damn liberals and their safe spaces! Suck it up, snowflake!), named him after Vietnam vet/Notre Dame alum/Pittsburgh Steeler Rocky Bleier. Also, Lombardi may be the best high school wrestler in the state of Iowa, which is not unlike being the best surfer on Oahu’s North Shore (maybe he should be playing on the other side of the ball?).

By the way, Michigan State finished 3-9 last season and had a pretty awful recruiting day. This is a program that made it to the College Football Playoff just two years ago.

4. That’s 51!

I’ve never been to Cameron Indoor Stadium in Durham, but I have been to Allen Fieldhouse in Lawrence and I urge you to make at least one trip before you take your last breath, particularly if you love college hoops. Unless you’re the coach of a college basketball team.

Last night the No. 3 Rock Chalks took down No. 2 Baylor, 71-68, for their 51st consecutive home win under Bill Self. Granted, it’s not as if they’ve won 96 in a row overall, as the UConn women did last night with a 97-69 win at Temple, coached by former Geno assistant Tonya Cardoza. The Huskies have won 35 straight on the road, by the way.

5. Intolerable Cruelty

The protesters at Berkeley got it SO WRONG. If you want to champion the rights of the oppressed and fight the Alt-Right, you have to champion the First Amendment. And if you’re going to do that, you have to peacefully protest the thoughts/words of someone (Milo Yiannapoulos) with whom you vehemently disagree (“I strenuously object!” Thanks, Lieutenant Commander Galloway). You don’t burn stuff and break stuff and pepper-spray people.

You can’t be intolerant while championing tolerance. That makes you a rube.

Granted, I’m not sure why any institution of higher learning, and of all places the birthplace of the college protest movement, Cal-Berkeley, invites Milo. Even Twitter permanently banned him last year.

Reserves

Bey To Have More Bey-bies

I like the Queen Bey. Rode my bike from Manhattan to Citi Field last June to scalp a ticket to see her show. And good for her about the news: she and Shawn Carter are expecting twins. This photo, though? That’s straight outta Walmart photo studio.

Music 101

Joy & Pain

This is what they mean by “old school.” Harlem hoppers of hip Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock hit it big in 1988 with an album whose first two songs were “It Takes Two” (currently on heavy rotation on an ESPN promo) and this one, which samples heavily from a song of the same name by Maze and Frank Beverly. This song hit No. 2 on the dance charts and No. 68 on the Billboard Hot 100.

Remote Patrol

Groundhog Day

AMC, 7 and 9:30 p.m.

AMC is airing this 1993 Bill Murray classic on a continuous loop today, which is at least two levels of meta. First, because today is of course Groundhog Day and second, of course, because consider the theme. This is a true American classic, not just as a comedy but as a deeply spiritual study of the nature of man. If only they’d hired a better actress than Andie MacDowell, this would have been an all-timer. I mean, it still kinda is. I’m going to go watch it with Ned Ryerson.