by John Walters

Yes, we’re talking to you! A Medium Happy 73rd to Bobby D!

Starting Five

D’Agostino (ground) and Hamblin will now forever be linked in Olympic lore

Reach Out and Touch Somebody’s Hand…

In a women’s 5,000 heat, American Abby D’Agostino was running directly behind New Zealand’s Nikki Hamblin when their spikes became intertwined. Both runners fell. At first Hamblin appeared to be the more injured runner, and D’Agostino remained behind to help her up. The two took off running, and then D’Agostino’s knee began to bother her and she dropped. This time Hamblin waited to help her up.

At first, D’Agostino helped Hamblin up

Both runners were lapped, but both also finished their heat. Officials gave them an exemption to move onto the next round. The two hugged after crossing the finish line and created, yes it’s a cliche but it’s true, an unforgettable Olympic moment. Look at the joy on D’Agostino’s face.

I don’t care if it sounds hokey, this is part of why we love the Olympics. And it will also go a long way toward smoothing those icy relations between the USA and New Zealand. Wait, huh?

2. Upsets Aplenty

Brazil’s version of “Another point for Milos!”

The Brazilian women’s indoor volleyball team, two-time defending Olympic champions, fell to China in the quarterfinals, 3 sets to 2. In women’s soccer, Brazil fell to another cowardly effort by Sweden in the semis. And then THREE-time defending women’s beach volleyball studdess, Kerri Walsh Jennings (and April Ross-Rachel), lost to Brazil in straight sets in the semis, one day after her 38th birthday.

Simpson, who turns 30 one week from today, will always be the first American woman to have medaled in the 1500

In the women’s 1500 world-record holder Genzebe Dibaba of Ethiopia was caught from behind in the final lap by Kenya’s Chepngetich Kipyegon (yup, that’s how you spell it). Friend Of the Blog (FOB) Jenny Simpson finished third. If you’re scoring at home, Simpson and her close friend Emma Coburn each took bronze in their events and each became the first Americans to ever medal in their respective events, the 3000-meter steeple and the 1500.

3. Ravin’ About Simone

Biles is actually heels over head

With her gold medal in the floor exercise last night, Simone Biles wins four out of a possible five golds in women’s gymnastics, which ties for the most stunning single Olympics a female gymnast has ever had. Plus, she met Zac Efron, which has never before happened to an Olympian during the Olympics, as far as we know.

Latynina

For the record, the Soviet Union’s Larisa Latynina also won four golds in one Olympics, 1956 in Melbourne. Latynina also owns more golds (9) and more overall medals (18) than any female in Olympic history, though both Biles (4 and 5) and swimmer Katie Ledecky (5 and 6) are gaining on her and Ledecky should definitely be there in Tokyo, and possibly also in 2024 in…Los Angeles?

4. Tex Wrex 

The deal of the Art: He’s perfect, apparently

Art Briles: “I’ve been in [coaching] 38 years, and I’ve done, you know, lived the right way for 60 years of my life. I’ve never done anything illegal, immoral, unethical.”

Rick Perry (to Gold Star father Khizr Khan) : “In a campaign, if you’re going to go out and think that you can take a shot at somebody and not have incoming coming back at you, shame on you.”

Maybe you two just don’t need to speak as much.

5. Forecast For Irish Defense: Plenty of Hayes

Daelin flashing the Ezekiel Elliott look at practice earlier this week

After nearly a week of practice, our pal Pete Sampson has taken his eyes off Chris Finke long enough to note that freshman defensive end Daelin Hayes has made quite the impression on the Irish staff. The 6’3 1/2, 250-pound Michigan native had more tout to his name than any other incoming frosh defensive player for the Irish, so this is not a big surprise.

Jay Hayes is ready to make a difference after 3 tackles in 2014 and no action last year

At another defensive end is “stout” (read: fat but in shape) 285-pound junior Jay Hayes, who is also 6’3″-ish and will also see plenty of reps. If your memory on Jay is hazy, that’s because the Brooklyn native was basically red-shirted. He also was benched for a game for sending out mean tweets. Hayes has moved from defensive tackle to defensive end.

Music 101

Everybody Wants Some

The only Van Halen song that inspired a film title, this came off the band’s third studio album, Women and Children First, which was released in the spring of 1980. It has trademark Eddie riffs and David Lee yowls. You can visualize Diamond Dave punctuating Eddie’s guitar licks with some killer karate kicks, no?

Remote Patrol

Rio Olympics

NBC and NBC Surrogates  ALL DAY

Ashton Eaton will attempt to become just the third repeat winner in the men’s decathlon, following Bob Mathias of the USA and Daley Thompson of Great Britain

Men’s hoops: USA vs. Argentina, quarterfinals, at 5:45 p.m. If the U.S. men, who have won a pair of games by the margin of a Steph Curry special, lose, they’re out of a chance for any medal. Track: Decathlon begins and the women’s 200 final. Both women’s beach volleyball matches commence later tonight, as Jennings Walsh-Ross Rachel (you have to admire my commitment to a tepid joke) meet Brazil’s No. 1 team for bronze, not gold. Also, men’s boxing, Neymar and Brazil meet Honduras in a men’s soccer semi, and right now I’m watching badminton on USA Network.

A Medium Happy 4th birthday to Medium Happy. We start Pre-K next month!

by John Walters

Starting Five

The human race

Bahamian Flopsody*

*The judges will accept “Tor-so Close” and “Allyson Road” but don’t even think about putting “Miller Time” up there. Get that weak sh*t outta here.

Felix, Felix, Felix. Last night American Allyson Felix became the most decorated U.S. female track star with her seventh medal, but she probably does not feel great about it this morning. Felix, 30, lost out on a gold medal in what could be her final Olympic race by 7/100ths of a second. Shaunae Miller of the Bahamas dove for the finish line and Felix, who had made up serious ground on Miller in the final 100 meters, did not.

Miller’s time: 49.r4. Felix’s: 49.51.

There was nothing dirty or illegal about what Miller did. As Felix’s own teammate, Natasha Hastings, said afterward, “I did it myself twice this year. I dove [at the U.S. Olympic trials] for my spot here. And I did it in indoor nationals as well. You do what you’ve got to do to get over the line.”

And then again, some races are not Katie Ledecky in the 800

If it was Felix’s final race, she departs the Olympics with four golds and three silvers. You may recall that she missed out on a spot in the 200 in Rio when she finished 1/100th of a second out of a berth.

Felix’s defeat at the end of the night meant that for the first time since Day 12 of the Olympics in Beijing back in 2008, an entire day of the Summer Olympics came and went without the USA winning a gold medal. What can we say: Donald, you’re right.

2. “Extreme Vetting”

You know, before yesterday, had I heard someone use the term “extreme vetting,” I’d instantly think of beloved Yorkshire healer James Herriot being elbow-deep in a cow’s rectum. But no: now it’s Donald Trump‘s pet term for how to decide who is allowed to enter the USA.

There’s nothing wrong with letting the INS and other agencies do their jobs. It’s just that discriminating against people is supposed to be counter to “our way of life” (a term I heard two different Trump surrogates use yesterday, although no one seems willing to explain exactly what that means), doesn’t it?

There’s one very simple doctrine that governs what “our way of life” means. It’s not about preferring the NFL to cricket or hamburgers to falafel or Kid Rock to Wiz Khalifa. It’s simple: obey the laws. Do that and you are welcome here. Don’t, and you’re not. That’s the essence of the U.S.A.

Then again, if Trump was suggesting that we deport the members of “Extreme,” I can get on board with that.

3. United States of Emma-rica

Coburn made up serious ground in the final three laps to go from 4th place to the podium

Congratulations to Crested Butte’s own Emma Coburn, one of the nicest athletes we know, for both winning the bronze medal in the women’s 3,000-meter steeplechase and setting the American record by three seconds—breaking her own mark—yesterday. Coburn becomes the first U.S. woman to win a medal in this event. We loved when Lewis Johnson wrapped up his track-side interview with her and she asked if it was okay to leave. Her parents raised her right.

4. Goodbye, Larry

So Comedy Central canceled The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore. And like, abruptly. This will be his last week.

I’ll admit that I didn’t watch it. After Wilmore’s abysmal performance at the White House Correspondents Dinner last spring, where he lost the room early and never recovered, it seemed that the clock was ticking. It didn’t help that he was the second-funniest black man on the dais that night, after POTUS.

Can America use a genuinely funny person to discuss matters of race in late night? Sure. Wilmore just didn’t seem to be pushing the right buttons. The better question becomes, With just under three months remaining until election day (I know, rest of the world, we tend to drag out our elections here), what does Comedy Central do with that vacant time slot? Does it attempt to persuade Jon Stewart to return? I doubt he would, but we’ll see.

5. Wall Tweet

Twitter (TWTR) stock on August 18, 2015: $29

TWTR stock on February 11, 2016: $13.91

TWTR stock yesterday: $21.10.

Yesterday the stock rose $1.32 and broke above $20 for the first time since early January. News that Twitter and Apple TV may be making a deal for streaming service of NFL games got Wall Street excited. Is Twitter finally out of the doldrums?

Remember, three summers ago you could buy Facebook (FB) for $24. Now it sells for $124, an increase of 400%.

Music 101 

I Hate U I Love U

This tune was released last March and peaked at No. 27 on the Billboard chart. It was No. 1 in Australia. Gnash is an L.A.-based DJ. Olivia O’Brien is from Thousand Oaks, Calif., and has resided in Napa. Soft-scrabble streets.

Remote Patrol

Olympics

NBC You Know The Drill

Now that she’s 38 years old, will Kerri Walsh-Jennings sense any change as she and partner April Ross-Rachel take the sand tonight against the top-seeded Brazilians in a semi? It’s also the final night for women’s gymnastics (floor exercises), the women’s 1500 meter final, and the men’s 10-K swim, which just sounds cruel. Also, women’s pole vaulting begins and we get our first look at Sandi Morris, previously profiled by this guy in Newsweek.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 38th to the ultimate gold digger, sand queen Kerri Walsh-Jennings, who goes for a fourth consecutive gold medal in Rio this week

Starting Five

Bolt breezed in the semis, but had to work hard to overtake Justin Gatlin of the USA in the final

RIO Speed Wagon

A sizzling and historic night on the track in Rio last night. In the span of less than half an hour, South Africa’s Wayde Van Niekerk set a world record in the 400 (43.03) and won gold running out of Lane 8, then Usain Bolt became the first human ever to win three straight 100-meter golds. On Saturday evening defending 10,000-meter Olympic champ Mo Farah was inadvertently tripped by teammate Galen Rupp, but still recovered to take gold.

Back home, Van NIekerk is coached by a 74 year-old woman whose last name is Botha. Take that, apartheid.

NBC’s Ato Boldon was outstanding, by the way, on both eh Van Niekerk and Bolt calls, noting on the former that it may finally be time to imagine that a man may run a sub-:43 and on the latter that Bolt now belongs in the conversation of all-time greatest athletes along with Michael Jordan and Muhammad Ali.

2. Talent Pool

The World Record line took silver

In his final event (until Tokyo in 2020?) Michael Phelps won his 23rd gold in the 4 x 100 IM relay. Katie Ledecky went Secretariat-at-the-Belmont on the field in the 800 freestyle, setting yet another world record—she has set the last five at this distance—and taking gold by 11 seconds! In Guanabara Bay, no one caught a crab (or a crap) as the U.S. women’s eight won a third consecutive gold medal in rowing, which is pretty ridiculous.

The Swiss missed an outstanding opportunity to knock out Brazil

Also: Ryan Lochte did not get shot, Simone Biles won her third gold medal in gymnastics, and males everywhere (outside Brazil) were disappointed to see Joana Heidrich and her Swiss teammate come within a point of knocking out No. 1 seeded Brazil in two sets, only to lose the second set 27-25 and then later the match. It’s on to the SI Swimsuit issue for the 6’3″ Heidrich, we imagine.

3. Here Come Da Judge (and Austin, Too)

Austin (left) and Judge went back to back yard in their first MLB at-bats on Saturday. Judge his a second home run on Sunday.

Yankee manager Joe “I Don’t Do Farewell Tours” Girardi’s week opened on a sour note, but ended on a sweet one. On Friday the Yankees overcame a thunderstorm and A-Rod’s farewell to win their third straight (Alex went 1-for-4, hitting an RBI double, and played a little 3rd base).

On Saturday Girardi inserted not one but two rookies, Tyler Austin and Aaron Judge, into their lineup. Both had been called up the day before, the latter around midnight. Both had to drive 5-6 hours from upstate New York overnight to arrive at Yankee Stadium for the 1 p.m. start. Austin got a car service because bad weather canceled his flight; Judge, who stands 6’7″, got a ride with his parents when they were summoned from Dinosaur BBQ at around midnight.

Judge’s blast, in a 96-degree furnace, bounced off the windows of the enclosed bar out in center field. No Yankee had ever hit it that far.

In their first at-bats, batting one after the other in the lineup, both Austin and Judge homered. Both hit their shots on 2-strike pitches. No two teammates had ever made their debuts and homered in their first Major League at-bats in the same game, much less back-to-back. Austin and Judge did this on the same day the Yanks honored their 1996 World Series championship team, so Mo, Jeter, Torre, Paul O’Neill and the rest saw it in person.

“You couldn’t script it any better,” said Girardi. For once this week, he was right. The Yankees won four straight.

4. Underwater in Baton Rouge

Welcome to LSU! Enjoy freshman orientation and rush week!

Four people are dead and 20,000 needed to be rescued, as floods swept across southern Louisiana. Gov. John Bel Edwards used the words “historic” and “unprecedented” to describe the deluge, except that as my former colleague Zoe Schlanger notes,

Louisiana’s storm this weekend was the *eighth* 500-year rain event in the U.S. in roughly a year https://t.co/J3UyKWxZWH via @EricHolthaus

— Zoë Schlanger (@zoeschlanger) August 15, 2016

 

So depending on where your “dogmatic religion” versus “understanding of science” X and Y axes align, you can either blame this on God punishing mankind or on global warming (or both, or neither).

5. Brendan Dassey Goes Free

Dassey was 17 when he was convicted of helping his uncle murder Teresa Haibach

The nephew of Stephen Avery, the most innocent victim in Making A Murderer who was not actually murdered (i.e., Teresa Haibach) may soon be released from prison (after nine years). Brendan Dassey’s conviction was overturned on Friday. If you saw the Netflix doc, you know that Dassey, now 26, was a pretty simple high school rube at the time who had absolutely no idea of the gravity of the situation as cops coerced a confession out of him.

I do hope the WWE invites him to sit ringside for its next Main Event, and soon.

****
There certainly was enough Trump rhetoric/news over the weekend to justify an item, but we chose to just let you all have a day off. Gird yourself for tomorrow.

Music 101

Take It On The Run

In 1981 a supposedly minor league band out of Champaign, Ill., REO Speedwagon, released an album cleverly titled Hi Infidelity that was an absolute monster. This was their ninth studio album—you can imagine family members were wondering when they were going to quit chasing this dream—but it might as well have been a debut smash, as six songs made the Billboard charts, including “Keep On Loving You,” which went to No. 1. The album sold more than 10 million copies. This song, which hit No. 5, was recently covered/sampled/stolen by Pitbull. By the way, REO actually had a few hits prior to this album, such as “Ridin’ The Storm Out,” “Roll With the Changes” and our personal favorite, “Time For Me To Fly” (Okay, we’ll put that here, too).

Remote Patrol

Olympics

NBC All Dang Day

Rudisha is 6’3″ and hold the three fastest times ever run in the 800. The reigning Olympic champ is in many ways the Usain Bolt of his event.

Another outstanding day on the track, as we get the women’s 3,000-meter steeplechase final, the women’s 1,500-meter final, the men’s 800 final featuring King David Rudisha, the women’s 400 final with Allyson Felix, and the men’s pole vault final.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 41st to Casey Affleck, the hidden gem of Good Will Hunting

STARTING FIVE

Touch. Down.

Fiji Gold

It’s always cool when a country wins its first gold medal. Fiji did that yesterday when it defeated Great Britain 43-7 to win the gold medal in rugby sevens. We should point out that Fiji is not the country that had that oiled up flag bearer at the opening ceremony. That was Tonga. Common mistake (Tonga has never won gold; nor has Togo, by the way).

“Rugby is our religion,” said one player. Fiji has 900,000 inhabitants.

Countries that have never won a gold medal, and tell me if you see a common thread here: Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Kuwait, Qatar, Sudan, Iraq. Quick hot take: Sports are a great antidote to terrorism.

Ravin’ Simones!

How good of a gymnast is Simone Biles, who won the gold in Individual All Around last night? According to NBC’s Al Trautwig, her winning margin of 2.1 points was a greater number than the COMBINED MARGINS in the victories from 1980 through 2012. That’s NINE Olympic Games. That’s incredible.

Many are calling the 4’8″ Ohio native the greatest gymnast of all time. She’s definitely in Nadia Comaneci’s class. Biles had committed to UCLA, but now she’s going to hold off and earn some $$$.

Manuel also set an Olympic record, 52.70, while finishing in a dead heat for first place

Meanwhile, Simone Manuel became the first African-American woman to win a gold medal in swimming, touching the wall first in the 100 meter freestyle, which is a total badass event. Manuel, 5’11”, attends Stanford. She is from Houston.

Biles is the first African-American woman to win a gold in her event, but she’s just so darn good that no one ever even thought about that (UPDATE: Apologies to Gabby Douglas, who was the first in 2012; our bad).

Thanks, Obama.

3. Michael GOAT

Yes, he won again. In the 200 individual medley, in which you do each of the four strokes for 50 meters. The most challenging race.

That’s 22 gold records (13 individual) for Michael Phelps, which—no kidding—puts him ahead of Leonidas of Rhodes who won 12 individual events back in Greece in the B.C. era. What has impressed me most is that at age 31 I don’t think Phelps has ever looked more physically impressive, and now he’s become the Michael Jordan of the pool. He carries himself out there now like he knows he’s the boss. These are supposed to be his golds.

I mean, Phelps, competing against the world’s fastest swimmers, won by an entire two seconds over the silver medalist. That’s insane. Biles-like. Ryan Lochte finished fifth.

4. Perfectly Ironic

To be fair, NFL PATs are now attempted from farther out than college PATs

It’s rarely newsworthy when a kicker misses a PAT. In preseason. Except that the kicker is Roberto Aguayo of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who made 198 PATs in 198 attempts while at Florida State (he also won a national championship and a Lou Groza Award as the nation’s best kicker).

So last night, in his NFL preseason debut in Philadelphia, Aguayo shanked his first try. Missed it. Clanked it off the upright. A second round pick (extremely high for a kicker), Aguayo said he had “butterflies.” Better get over that. The NFL has no less patience than it does for inaccurate kickers.

5. Tur de Force

An intriguing piece here on how Donald Trump targets women in the media (“Little Katy Tur”) and how it led to the NBC correspondent  needing to be protected by the Secret Service after a Trump rally. You have to imagine that in some back room meeting, the head of the SS is telling Trump, “If you would like to continue to have the privilege of our protection, zip it.”

Trump keeps inciting violence by his followers. One of these days one of them is going to take him up on it. And he, of course, will claim that it isn’t his fault, but only that people are angry because America isn’t great any more.

Music 101

Wouldn’t It Be Nice

This may not even be the best song on Pet Sounds, Brian Wilson’s sublime and ethereal effort for the Beach Boys. This 1966 tune, which peaked at No. 7 in the month of this writer’s birth, was released as a 45 single with “God Only Knows” as the B-side. As the B-Side! Anyway, when European outlets got the vinyl, they flipped it, making “God Only Knows” the single and this song the B-side. I mean, if you own that wax, that’s a keeper.

Remote Patrol

Rio Olympics

NBC All The Time

Huddle, celebrating too early and finishing fourth at the 2015 Worlds to teammate Emily Infeld, will attempt to fashion an updated iconic image of herself

We can finally open up the track, as the women’s 10,000 meters takes place tonight. Notre Dame alum Molly Huddle won this last month at the USA Track and Field Trials. You’ve also got Michael Phelps versus Chad le Clos in  the men’s 100 butterfly final and Katie Ledecky swims the women’s 800 freestyle final and could probably order a Starbucks and get it by the time everyone else if finished.

EQUITY

(Or, “The She-Wolf of Wall Street”)

***1/2 stars

By Chris Corbellini

“The main thing about money, Bud, is that it makes you do things you don’t want to do.”

—Wall Street 

Naomi Bishop is a Wall Street success story, celebrated at a cocktail party for powerful women in New York City, where she admits confidently to the room “I like money.” She has few attachments: a neglected fish in her luxury apartment, and a sorta, no-strings-attached boyfriend. It’s all about the bucks. That’s the endgame.

Shouldn’t that be enough? Bishop, played by Breaking Bad’s Anna Gunn (who turns 48 today), would argue fuck yeah it should. At the start of the movie, Bishop is the center of the universe. The rest of the cast just orbit her like a life-giving star, absorbing her orders, holding a heavy bag for her to box with, and in the case of her protégé, Erin Manning, doing her bidding late into the night despite being denied a promotion past vice president.

The actress that plays Manning, Sarah Megan Thomas, married into the financial world, and as the co-writer/producer she clearly did her homework in that field, interviewing the real-life Bishops of Wall Street.  That research helped build a central character that probably spent her 20s in the Clinton ‘90s eating a lot of investment banker bullshit and spitting out money, beating the boys by a large margin while getting slightly ahead. Now, near the top of the food chain, Bishops’ day-to-day challenges feel authentic to us, as if we already knew this story all too well. The best of the money movies (Wall Street, The Big Short) make complex financial scenarios easy to understand, and so does this one. Bishop and Manning need to secure the big score.

Equity: Lawyers, Gunn and Money

But nothing is ever simple when a billion-dollar valuation is involved. Another start-up deal went wrong for Bishop recently, and she has been denied a global director job that she was clearly qualified for (“This is not your year,” her boss says, winning a gold medal for smugness). Plus the pissy, pretty-boy CEO of her most recent project, another tech start-up, is eyeballing Manning like a tasty treat.  And that sorta boyfriend? Currently under investigation by a prosecutor who’s also an old college buddy (Alysia Reiner, another co-writer/producer).

The film does a shrewd job of showing the lion-taming act women have to keep up in order succeed at the highest levels of the modern workplace. They can use their sexuality to get ahead, sure, but it can just as quickly be used against them. And while investment banking is a bottom line business, the women in this story must ask to be judged solely by that bottom line, and not the “perception” of their abilities and emotional states in the land of brandy and cigars and inside jokes.

Sarah Megan Thomas, co-star, producer, Wall Street wife

Yep, the film poses the question that keeps certain magazines on racks across America for the last 50 years … can women have it all?  Equity‘s answer, I felt, was yes, but in a tragic and most unexpected way. Just follow the money.

By the end of Act 2, right before the IPO, I began to wonder if the stakes on their own would have made Equity compelling if the Gunn character were a man – perhaps a world-beater like a 40-ish Michael Douglas, armed with a protégé of his own in the mold of a Miles Teller, who has a newly-pregnant sweetheart waiting late at night on the couch. The social media company that specializes in security is certainly timely (Snowden!), and the dance for any edge in a big money chess match is timeless. . The film was shot slickly too, panning across the necklines of beautiful creatures in sexy, dark lounges. I actually concluded, depressingly, that not only would a male-centric Equity get made, but the budget would’ve been bigger, to land a Douglas type, with a wide summer release.

But there was a glass ceiling here to be broken on several levels, and everyone gets bloodied from the shards of glass at the finish. Greed, for a lack of a better term, is gender-neutral. What a dick punch to the woman in charge.