by Katie McCollow

It’s weird, how the whole ‘sports bug’ never bit me, since I come from a family of athletes and fans and married a fellow, who, when not actually being a coach, is being a super-fan.

I mean, he doesn’t paint his face or wear wigs or yell crudely in public (all things I do with some regularity, come to that) but he derives a great deal of pleasure from the watching of, talking about, dissecting, anticipating and participating in sports.

This is actually me at the Veronica Mars movie

I root for teams or athletes in which I’m personally invested—my kids, nieces and nephews, family members and close friends, my husband of course, you get the picture.

I love that you love sports, I just don’t have a natural sports brain.  I mean sure, I love the Olympics, but who doesn’t? That doesn’t even count.

I wish it were different–I think of myself as a lover of fun things and it certainly seems like sports fans are having fun, with the exception of everyone in Minnesota every football season, so what’s the problem? I have made concerted efforts over the years to try—to watch hard, to get into it, become an expert fan, and it just doesn’t take.

Wait, what is happening?

If I admitted that, I’d get “Well isn’t your husband the coach?”

Uh, yeah, but I spent the whole game trying to keep my toddler from eating his own poop and my four-year-old from melting down because she’s up two hours past her bedtime. Isn’t your husband a lawyer? Do you know all the intricate shit about his job?

I can say with certainty that no one has ever asked my husband how to get a soft edge by using a scumble or whether or not a filbert is better than a flat brush because I am an artist.

But the thing is, I know it’s weird, I know enough sports-spouses who do know tons of stuff about it all, and I’m the one with the defect.

I admit it!

So again, friends, I support your love of all things sportsy! I hope whatever contest is happening now, things are all going your way and if you made a bet or something, you make a crap-load of cabbage.

Don’t spend it all in one place.

Barry Manilow is 72 years old today. Happy Birthday, Barry! I don’t rate calling myself a Fanilow, since I’ve never even seen you live, but I do love that you write the songs that make the whole world sing.

This is Barry Manilow, right?

For a while in the nineties and early oughts, it was fashionable to pretend Barry wasn’t amazing and he was the butt of many a joke by ‘cool’ people.

Thankfully, those days are a thing of the past and we can all sing our damn happy hearts out without a trace of irony when “Mandy” comes on in the car. Or in the house, because you put it on on purpose. 

You, when Weekend in New England comes on

Four Other People or Things That Survived Decade-Plus Long Backlashes and Bounced Back to Beloved Status (Entertainment edition): 

John Denver

I grew up listening to Mr. Denver; my mother had every one of his albums. Loved loved looooved him, but when I hit high school I abandoned ship.

As mentioned previously, I’d already planted my flag as a Parrot Head and painted rainbows on my nails, and the fact that my brothers played hockey was pretty much my only redeeming quality. Admitting I liked John Denver would hardly have acted as a life raft.

Then he died in ’97, and everyone was forced to admit that he was fantastic, even those jerks who didn’t invite him to participate in “We Are The World”, even though he was trying to shine a light on world hunger before it was cool.

RESPECT

The first year we were married, I put on John Denver’s Greatest Hits and my new husband’s knee-jerk reaction was to make fun. Then he laid down on the couch and surrendered, explaining that he didn’t know all the songs were “sing-a-long favorites”. Damn right they are.

John Stamos

Don’t act like you didn’t hate on him for a loooong time after Full House, you did. But then you got old and hideous and he got soooo…I mean that new show of his isn’t even funny and I watch it anyway.

Do I even need to say anything?

Calista Flockhart

Remember when she was on Ally McBeal, and then Brothers and Sisters you guys I really mean Jane Fonda but I don’t want everyone to get mad at me you guys she apologized! A lot, and I believe she’s sincere and I think Grace and Frankie is funny and omigod please don’t yell at me.

This instead of Jane Fonda? Don’t yell at me!

The Breakfast Club

John brought this up not too long ago, and the timing was perfect because I had just re-watched this with my youngest, who was just finishing up ninth grade.

I saw this on a first date with a boy when I was in tenth grade. We both loved it, but because of the jokes and the clothes and the actors and the soundtrack, not the message, which went right over our heads.

In fact, after it was over, another girl who went to our school and was in the grade above me, stopped me in the lobby and told me if I told anyone I saw her there with the boy who’d escorted her, she’d make life uncomfortable for me.

Did I turn to my date and marvel at the irony, that this older, cooler girl basically threatened me if I blabbed she had gone out in public with someone she felt was beneath her, to see a movie about how we’re all the same inside and all feel lost and scared and that our common enemy should be those who seek to label and divide us and not each other?

(Editor: Wait, I always thought The Breakfast Club was about the madness of nuclear war. Wheat????)

Of course not. I promised her I wouldn’t tell and then went home and told all my friends.

Anyway, re-watching that movie in my twenties, I didn’t think it held up. Awful and cheesy, I thought…then I had kids, and see it as the absolute masterpiece that it is.

Love

(Editor’s 2nd Note: The idea that Susie B. opened up site this a.m. waiting to read a certain writer begrudgingly give props to a serial traveler/offensive fouler who should probably be playing tight end for the Broncos and that instead she got Katie’s fantastic prose, well, I feel just like the dude in the photo above).

by John Walters

Happy 46th to Lefty, who tees off at the U.S. Open today, the only major he has yet to win (six 2nd-place finishes)

Starting Five

Murphy went all Mr. Smith yesterday on the Senate floor…

Gums Flap Over Gun Flap

Yesterday Democratic senator Chris Murphy of Connecticut, who represents the district where Newtown is located, took the Senate floor shortly before noon and did not yield until 2:15 a.m. Murphy’s 14-hour plus filibuster was a response to the majority GOP’s foot-dragging on addressing gun-control and a rebuttal to the Republicans’ call for a “moment of silence” for the Orlando victims.

Is it “filibustin'” or “filibustering'”?

“I am most of the time a team player, but I’ve had enough,” said Murphy, sounding not unlike LeBron James before Game 5. Murphy’s filibuster ended after the GOP agreed to allow gun-control votes and Murphy promised not to read excerpts of Fifty Shades of Grey.

It would be interesting if Murphy’s efforts result in a bill being passed to ban assault weapons ( a ban that once stood but then expired and was not renewed). It would be called, perhaps, Murphy’s Law?

2. The Empire Strikes Back

Sturridge’s goal, in the 92nd minute, was stirring

England, which blew a late lead against Russia in its Euro 2016 opener last weekend, trailed its U.K. little brother, Wales, 1-0 at halftime (Gareth Bale goal off a free kick) this morning. If the Three Lions lost, they’d be out of the tournament with one game still to play in France. And it had been 58 years since England trailed at halftime of a major tournament and still salvaged a point (win or draw). The Limeys were looking at an early Brexit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAQj6u_Mpgg

But in the second half Jamie Vardy, who was subbing in even though he was the Premier League’s second-leading scorer this season while leading Leicester City to the championship, scored an equalizer in the 56th minute (to be fair, Vardy subbed in for Harry Kane, the BPL’s top scorer). Then in stoppage time, in the 92nd minute, another sub, Daniel Sturridge, scored the game-winner.

England now has 4 points, while Wales and Slovakia have three. England gets Slovakia in its final group match, Wales gets fourth-place Russia. Only two will advance.

3. Suzuki 4,257

Japanese import Ichiro Suzuki doubled in the ninth inning for the Marlins against San Diego yesterday, giving him his 2,979th Major League hit. But, coupled with his 1,278 career hits for the Orix Blue Wave in Nippon Professional Baseball, Ichiro now has 4,257 combined hits in the world’s two most prestigious pro baseball leagues.

Of course, not even Ichiro would claim he has surpassed Pete Rose’s 4,256, so COOL YOUR JETS, Mike Francesa.

A few things to be impressed by, though, with Ichiro’s career: 1) He made his MLB debut at age 27 and he’s going to collect 3,000 career MLB hits this season 2) He is the only player in MLB history to have 10 CONSECUTIVE 200-hit seasons (Rose compiled 10, but not in a row), and 3) he taught an entire generation a new way to hit a baseball, not that many of them followed his lead.

4. Student Body Prez Opts to Protect His Student’s Body

Robinson decided that a fourth season, after suffering three concussions last year, was beyond his grasp

Notre Dame wide receiver Corey Robinson, who was elected student body president back in March, has opted to forgo his final season of eligibility due to repeated concussions (or, if you happen to be The Big Lead, he “quit.”). Robinson suffered three last season.

Robinson caught the game-winning touchdown pass against Florida State in 2013, which kept the Irish undefeated and elevated them into the inaugural college football playoff, where they eventually lost a nail-biter in Pasadena to Oregon. Oh, it was a fabulous game.

5. “Belgium….Is a Beautiful City”

Yesteday Stephen Colbert and Donald Trump both had something in common: they said things that exposed Trump’s stupidity.

Music 101

Here Comes The Night

In 1965, at the peak of the British Invasion, a band from Northern Ireland fronted by a lead singer named Van recorded this song in London that became a No. 2 hit in the U.K. You probably recognize it as a Van Morrison tune, but it is one of a few of “his” hits that he actually recorded with his first band, Them. On the studio version of this track, Jimmy Page (later of Led Zeppelin) plays lead guitar.

Remote Patrol

Game 6: Warriors at Cavaliers

ABC 9 p.m.

Copa America: Ecuador vs. U.S.A.

FS1 9:30 p.m.

Clint Dempsey

The Dubs have played 104 games this season and only lost two in a row once. But the Cavs can do that tonight and send it back to the Bay Area for Game 7. Meanwhile in Seattle, the U.S. men’s team, surprise winners of Group A, meet Ecuador in the first round of the knockout stage.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 52nd to that girl who danced on stage (even though it was staged) with Bruce. Also, “CougarTown” may be the only show that honestly depicts the relationship between MILFs and vino.

Starting Five

Been a tough, tough week for Orlando P.D.

Tragic Kingdom

At a Walt Disney World property in Orlando, Florida, a two year-old boy whose family was on vacation from Nebraska was snatched by an alligator and pulled into the water. The father was standing close to the toddler and made an attempt to rescue his son, but in vain. It’s tragic, of course, and you just don’t know how parents ever recover from this.

I’m going to tread as lightly as I can here, but I’d like to make a few points, keeping in mind all the while that this is a heartbreaking loss for a family whose parents were only trying to do a very wonderful thing, creating magic memories for their kids. It’s terrible. First point: Has any entity in the world done more to anthropomorphize wild animals than Disney? I Google Searched “Disney Alligator” this morning looking for a photo to run above, but instead the photo below popped up:

There’s a fine line between the wonderful things Disney does, introducing young children to animals, and also the reality of the fact that animals are amoral, that their only motivation is survival. And it’s not Disney’s job to raise your kids; it’s yours, of course. And none of what I just wrote assigns any blame to the father. I’m sure the family assumed, rightly so, that they were in a very safe place. They weren’t. That’s not the alligator’s fault; that’s Disney’s (HUGE lawsuit coming).

Second point is that there is no need for Disney to hunt down this alligator. None at all; Robert Iger may be going apeshit right now, and some executive may feel the need for people to see that he is DOING SOMETHING (again, that HUGE lawsuit pending, although if I’m Disney I just write a check for $10 million to that family today), but that child, wading in one foot of water in a huge lagoon, was simply prey. He was unintentionally in the gator’s habitat, not the other way around. It’s tragic, absolutely; but if you’re saying, “Well, that gator could kill another young child,” my response is, “Abso-damn-lutely, which is why Disney shouldn’t be allowing people in that lagoon.”

Finally, I’ve been to Australia a couple times. Done the croc safaris on rivers, gone to croc farms. Aussies are much more closely connected to nature than we are. I remember more than one Aussie telling me stories of humans abducted by crocs and what always stuck with me is how matter of fact they were about it. They never assigned blame to the crocs. They understand, to borrow a Disney term, the “circle of life.” And they understand that just because we figured out wifi doesn’t takes us outside that circle.

2. Viking Quest!*

Birkir Bjarnasson celebrates his equalizer in the 50th minute

*The judges will also accept any witticism involving “-son” that Steve Rushin cares to offer (“-Sons of Anarchy?”, “My 11 -Sons?”)

At Euro 2016 yesterday Iceland, whose starting lineup features 11 players whose surnames end in “-son” or “-sson,” shocked tourney favorite Portugal and Cristiano Ronaldo by gaining a 1-1 draw. The good news for soccer fans? More crowd shots of Icelandic soccer fans!

3. First Take Written Audition*

*Because the judges thought that ‘Ding Dong’ was too easy and lazy.

Here’s Kevin Ding of Bleacher Report, filing a virtual Stephen Curry hagiography on June 11, a story titled, “In Mastering the Use of Force, Stephen Curry Bests LeBron James at His Own Game.” And here’s Kevin Ding three days later, filing a story whose headline deems the unanimous MVP as having “failed his leadership test.”

You wanna guess which of the two pieces got picked up by CNN.com and ran on its home page?

I get that story lines change, that Curry was outstanding in Game 4 (38 points in a road win) and merely mortal in Game 5 (21 points at home in a potential close out game) and not one of the top three players on the floor. Maybe even not among the top five if you factor in Iguodala and Tristan Thompson.

Still, the Warriors lost for a number of reasons: 1) Kyrie and LeBron played their best game as teammates yet 2) Draymond was absent 3) for the second half, so was Bogut 4) Harrison Barnes, a starter, shot a putrid 2 of 14.

Did Curry technically fail, as league MVP, to secure an NBA championship playing on his home floor? Yes. Is that the story, though, or is that the story BR is using to get clicks? Hey, it worked. But it’s dishonest journalism, and it’s one big reason so many people, readers and players alike, loathe journalists. And stories like this is why they should. To Ding’s credit, though, he has not yet announced that he would have gotten a conviction against O.J.

4. Marcus, Oh, Really?: Us*

Bo Jackson and Marcus Allen were teammates once. That’s crazy.

*The judges should have warmed up before stretching that far

If you haven’t seen the second episode of O.J.: Made In America, you may want to skip this item. I’ve always been most curious about the final years of O.J. and Nicole’s life before her murder, because it’s the part I knew the least about. And in the last 20 minutes of Episode 2, they tackle it with gusto.

Basically, O.J. was first abusive, verbally and physically, and then insanely jealous. Nicole took up with the owner of a few restaurants, Keith Zlomsowitch, when they were estranged  and O.J. stalked them, which included watching them make whoopee (Bob Eubanks shout-out). When O.J. and Nicole reunited, Keith stayed out of the picture.

But it was then that Marcus Allen, a Heisman-winning former USC tailback who had looked up to O.J. as a mentor, entered the scene. As Nicole’s friend said on camera with a smirk on her face, “Marcus was a better, bigger O.J.” No, you di’unt.

It’s a pretty small leap, if you listen to the people being interviewed, to infer that in the last month of her life Nicole was hooking up with Allen, who was by then with the Kansas City Chiefs. Also, I believe Keith owned Mezzaluna, where Nicole had her final meal and where Ronald Goldman worked.

So, a few thoughts: 1) O.J. was insanely angry, understandably so to a degree, at Allen, a friend, a married man, and a fellow USC alum who had basically been his protege. 2) In 1994, how different did Ronald Goldman look from Keith Zlomsowitch? Especially in the dark? 3) When O.J. showed up at the house on Bundy (assuming, of course, that he did it….:) ) what and who was he expecting to find? And had he worked himself into such a rage by that moment, thanks in no small part to Allen, that it no longer really mattered?

5. Would Donald Take His Ball and Go Home?

(The boy above, from Arlington Heights, Ill., is quite talented)

DT’s insinuation earlier this week that the President of the United States was sympathetic to ISIL and was apathetic to the 49 people murdered in Orlando may be the worst thing he’s said…since the week before. Honestly, can anyone even keep track any more?

And so I jumped forward and wondered, what if America’s conscience finally stands up and realizes, collectively, that this clown is unfit to be president? What if Donald, who has been running from a comfortable lead for almost 12 months now, starts falling behind HRC by large numbers in every national poll? What might happen?

I honestly cannot see Trump sticking around in a race where the handwriting is on the wall that he is going to be trounced. And while the ordinary GOP nominee, who’s risen through the party over a decade or two, might remain just to be loyal to the party, Trump has no such allegiance. His loyalty is to Trump. And so, as one tweep put it, “I can see him taking his ball and going home. That’s what bratty kids do.”

And I’m not a Republican strategist, but I’d like to think that just one of them is smarter and more prescient than I. And that they’ve considered this scenario. And so if I’m them I want this to happen sooner or later. I want Hillary to take a 10 to 15-point lead in the polls by the end of June so I can start persuading Donald to cut and run with dignity. Because that way I could still name a replacement at the convention.

In fact, it may be in HRC’s best interest to slow play this hand. Make an ill-advised Benghazi joke at her next rally just to keep Donald close for another month. He’ll eventually say something stupid again, anyway. But the point is this: Does Donald stick around through August and September if HRC has a “HUUUUGE” lead? I don’t think so.

Music 101

Love Is Like Oxygen

It’s been awhile since we featured British band Sweet here, but I honestly can’t think of another band that was more of a role model for Spinal Tap (with the notable exception that Sweet wrote two quality songs, this 1978 hit being one of them and “Fox On the Run” being the other). The song, the band’s last Top 10 hit, reached No. 8 here in the States.

Added fun here: watch how many times lead vocalist Brian Connolly nearly forgets to put microphone to his mouth to maintain the illusion that this performance is not being lip-synched.

Remote Patrol

Late Night TV

11:30 p.m. 

Some great guests tonight: Oprah appears on Jimmy Kimmel Live! and I’m more than a little curious to hear her thoughts on the election; Jay Leno appears on his former show, The Tonight Show, but in Dave’s old NBC studio at 30 Rock (or at least in Dave’s old building); and on Late Night with Seth Meyers, Ezra Edelman, the man behind the O.J. doc, and Martin Short, one of the world’s three best talk show guests (Tom Hanks and Jim Carrey are the others).

Note for tomorrow: At 9 a.m. on ESPN, England (Wayne Rooney) versus Wales (Gareth Bale). FC, UK, in no particular order of letters.

by John Walters

This guy turns 70 today….Someone said of him last night, “He doesn’t speak English; he speaks hyperbole.”

Starting Five

Turns out the shirseys stood for “C” you Thursday

Some 41s

LeBron James and Kyrie Irving forestalled summer vacation by playing their best game as Cavalier teammates and becoming the first such duo to each eclipse 40 points in the same NBA Finals game. Clad in shirseys, LeBron scored 41 points and was a beast on defense, finishing with a stat line of 41 points, 16 rebounds and seven assists while shooting above 50%. Irving was unstoppable in the fourth quarter, and finished with the same point total while shooting 17 of 24.

The first half, which finished in a 61-61 draw, was the best and closest played of the NBA Finals, as Klay Thompson scored 26 and LeBron 25. Then the Cavs roared out after halftime, with Kyrie making an and-one layup. Not long after the Warriors, playing without Draymond “Nut Job” Green, last seen “MV-Peeing” at an A’s game, also lost Andrew Bogut as he sprained his left knee while blocking a J.R. Smith layup. The Aussie may be lost for Games 6 and 7, which would mean a steady diet of Anderson Varejao, which, I mean, ouch.

Bout writhed in pain as Golden State took the ball up court, then the Cavs returned (and Kevin Love missed a three), before the game was finally stopped

Finally: Steph Curry was mortal again (25 points). At the risk of sounding like a Steph apologist, I think we’ll find out after the Finals what the true extent of his injuries were. But take nothing away from Kyrie & LeBron: We were waiting for them to play for this all series, and last night they showed up. This looks as if it will go seven….

https://vine.co/v/iLTHeLBFOur

Meanwhile, as The Big Lead noted this morning, this Vine sums up Kevin Love’s two seasons in Cleveland.

2. “What Are We Doing?”

Jared, the warm, gooey center of Pied Piper’s team

I have no idea what the “funniest show on TV” is because I regularly only tune in to one comedy show, and that’s HBO’s Silicon Valley. Each week in Season 3 is funnier than the last. Sunday’s episode included two memorably funny scenes, and that’s excluding the Russ Hanneman cameo in which he carelessly bicep-bounces a once-bitten apple into a line of hotel guests waiting to check in.

As beloved, over-the-top obnoxious minor characters go, Russ Hanneman has a lot in common with….

The scene with Gilfoyle and Dinesh at the coffee shop is the best one yet to describe their wonderfully odd friendship dynamic, but the time capsule scene involves deposed tyrants Gavin Belson (Hooli) and “Action” Jack Barker (Pied Piper), running into one another on a runway as each prepares to board his private jet for a getaway to “J-Hole.” As the two speak warmly, their private jets in the background, you sit there wondering when it will dawn upon them to fly up together.

….Colonel Flagg of M*A*S*H

Finally, Barker looks at Belson and asks in a tone of comity, “What are we doing?” And then Barker asks if Belson plays chess. Gavin says yes and then Barker invites Belson, as soon as both men’s planes achieve an altitude where Wi-Fi works, to play him online. Classic.

3. Major Burns by Burns

Speaking at Stanford’s commencement on Sunday, the master of the historical documentary, Ken Burns, takes dead aim at Donald Trump (yeah, but what does Burns know about historical figures?).

I feel like this presidential election is essentially a battle between the article and the comments section.

— Laurent Dubois (@Soccerpolitics) June 14, 2016

Meanwhile,  Trump reacts to the Orlando massacre by first implying on FOX News that President Obama is an ISIS sympathizer (“[Obama] doesn’t get it, or he gets it better than anybody understands. It’s one or the other. And either one is unacceptable”) using his well-refined “I’m not saying, I’m just saying” maneuver. Later, at a presser in New Hampshire, he says that we “allowed” the shooter’s family to come here, to the U.S. (the shooter was born here; his parents are from Afghanistan) because the nation has a history of terror.

Trump’s family is from Germany, which, as 6 million murdered Jews would tell you if they could, has a far greater history of terror. It’s just that Germany produces white people, while Afghanistan does not.

4. Shame On You, London Mayor

Isn’t the product far more offensive than the message or the model?

Newly elected London mayor Sadiq Khan is being widely praised for recently having done a terrible thing. He’s banned all ads “likely to create body confidence issues, particularly among young people,” from London’s tube system.

That’s not a positive move. That’s censorship. And if this were America, that would be a blatant abuse of First Amendment rights.

Let’s explore the tangentials for a moment: 1) A product, a cream or a pill, that promises to help you lose weight as opposed to eating healthy and exercising is far more deleterious than any ad. 2) Beautiful women and men appear on ads everywhere; it’s called advertising, and there’s a reason these paragons of physical beauty do so; because selling is aspirational. 3) If you feel bad about your body, here’s a hard piece of advice: it’s probably not someone else’s fault. Do something about it if you care that much.

But all of those are asides. The far more dangerous aspect of that is when we abridge principles for short-term feel-good measures (ban all Muslims here, ban “body-shaming” ads, whatever the hell that term even means, there), we are abandoning liberty. You don’t make decisions based on outcomes. You make them based on principles.

(Do you have any idea how exhausting it is being so didactic every morning?)

5. So Now It’s A Movie

Two of my closest friends from SI are Steve Hymon and Tim Crothers. The first was given a bleak view of his future at the mag in his mid-twenties, then moved to California and won a Pulitzer Prize. The latter was laid off on the same day as I was in 2001.

Nine years and two books later, Crothers was speaking to a gathering of North Carolina fans (he’s a Tar Heel alum and professor now) about his biography on Roy Williams. A man approached him and said, “I have a story for you.”

A month or so later, after SI had rejected Tim’s story pitch but ESPN’s mag (headed by a former SI colleague of ours) accepted it, he was on a flight to Uganda to meet a pre-pubescent chess queen. The resulting story, in which Tim also traveled to Siberia, became a nationally acclaimed feature that became a book that has now become a Disney film of the same name, The Queen of Katwe. It stars Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o.

You may not know Tim, so allow me to attempt to describe him for you: take the best character traits of Bighead and Gilfoyle, mash them together, and that’s basically Tim. He’s hoping to be able to get a ticket to the premier, but he won’t be surprised if he doesn’t.

Music 101

Must Have Done Something Right

This is the band Relient K with an infectiously sunny, bubble-gum pop tune that’s perfect for this time of year. The song was released in early January of 2007 and the band is a group of friends from Canton, Ohio.

Remote Patrol

O.J.: Made In America, Part 2

ESPN 9 p.m.

O.J., here flanked by Bills O-linemen Reggie McKenzie and Joe DeLamielleure

Saturday night’s premiere provided bombshells such as the fact that O.J.’s first wife had originally been Al Cowlings’ girl, that O.J.’s estranged father was gay, and that Nicole returned home from her first date with the Juice with ripped jean. There was also a little football, like how O.J. would only appear on TV on the day he broke the 2,000-yard mark if all the Bills’ offensive starters could appear with him. So far, so, so good.

by John Walters

A great white happy 35th to Mick Fanning, who’s probably thrilled to be celebrating another one after this moment last summer.

Starting Five

1. Florida Man

49 dead in Orlando, as you well know.

Hate crime? Terror? Homophobia? It doesn’t matter. It was murder on an epic scale. Assigning a motive, either of which is horribly misguided, doesn’t alter the outcome.

Tragic. Love will always beat hate, and that does not mean you need to be a pacifist. But a little common sense is also a good thing. The AR-15 (gun nuts love to stick it to you if you call it an “assault rifle,” because if you screw up the nomenclature that equals you “want all of our guns, so let me make it clear: it is not technically an assault rifle because it is only semi-automatic, not fully automatic) was outlawed in 1994, but the ban on them expired in 2004 and Congress opted not to renew it. ‘Merica.

It has been used by the San Bernardino shooter, the Aurora theater shooter, the Newtown shooter and now the Orlando shooter. It has become, as a lawyer representing the Newtown victims’ families said, “The gold standard for mass murder.” It is, to quote George Dubya Bush, “A weapon of mass destruction.”

Why would anyone want or need an AR-15 rifle?#ItsMy2Cents

— Larry King (@kingsthings) June 13, 2016

I don’t know, Larry. I don’t know.

Outlawing the AR-15 will not stop hate, or radical jihadists, or the existence of angry and disenfranchised young men. And it is not the only step that needs to be taken. But there is no reason anyone who is not active duty military needs or should have one. None.

2. Lessons of Mountain Meadows

Mormons killed roughly 120 pioneers headed to California in one horrible day, ironically September 11, in 1857

The TV news media has been calling the attack at Pulse nightclub in Orlando on early Sunday morning “the worst mass shooting in U.S. history.” It is and it isn’t, and I’m not so interested here on who gets “the record” but on imparting a few lessons from the details.

First, the incident: The year was 1857 and pioneers were traveling through southern Utah en route to California. There were high tensions between Mormon settlers ant the U.S. government at the time and, without getting too much into the details, a Mormon militia surrounded the settlers in a canyon, an area known as Mountain Meadows, in southern Utah and laid siege. After about four days the Mormon elders guaranteed safe passage if the settlers would just lay down their weapons. Then the Mormons would escort them out.

The settlers complied, the Mormons opened fire, and more than 100 people lay dead. About a dozen or so children under the age of seven were spared, which may be the only reason anyone ever heard about it.

Why isn’t it known as the worst mass shooting on U.S. soil? My three guesses is because Utah did not technically become a state for 39 more years, in 1896; that because it was more than one person doing the shooting, it’s not considered as such; or three, because it’s considered a military confrontation, which it was not. Or….four, because not enough people pay attention to history.

Anyway, lessons here: 1) Both this and the Orlando massacre have their roots in religious fanaticism, which is the ultimate irony and 2) one group was entirely unarmed, and they were slaughtered.*

*We don’t want your guns, NRA. We just want common sense. I can’t just go buy a tiger or a lion at a pet store, you know.

3. “Hamilton” Cleans Up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4cPTjbhtRY

So you have a jihadist target gays and lesbians early on Sunday morning, and then you have the Tony Awards, honoring the best in American theater (a haven for gays and lesbians for centuries, and a place where all are accepted) on Sunday night. Hamilton, as expected, won 11 Tonys, second-most by one play ever, after The Producers. A terrific opening parody number by James Corden; I don’t know who wrote the lyrics, but I wouldn’t be surprised if if were Lin-Manuel Miranda himself.

4. Hand Job

Send it in, Jerome

The Copa America is not even the most prestigious continental soccer tournament currently being staged (Euro 2016), but somehow Brazil, which historically has been the world’s foremost purveyor of “the beautiful game,” failed to advance out of the group stage. Wondering if Canarinho are still suffering the hangover effects of that five-goal first half they surrendered to Germany in the semis of the 2014 World Cup.

Last night Brazil was ousted from the tournament in the harshest possible way: with the match scoreless 0-0 in the 75th minute, Peru scored on a clear hand ball by Raul Ruidiaz. An obvious one. But the referee missed it and soccer does not use instant replay. It may in World Cup 2018 and a moment such as last night may be the reason why.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmk8xC9KceU

It was the Incas first victory against Brazil in this tourney since 1975.

By the way, the USA won its final two matches after that opening 2-0 loss to Colombia and actually won its group. It avoided Brazil by winning its group, but then Brazil lost and didn’t even make it out of its own group. The Yanks will face Ecuador in Seattle (a great U.S. soccer city) on Thursday night.

5. 6/10/16 

Before we lose it to history, last Friday, which was a palindromic date on the calendar (as was Saturday, by the way, 6/11/16), was a sneakily landmark day in sports, a monumental day: Muhammad Ali, The Greatest, was laid to rest in Kentucky; Gordie Howe, the legendary NHL figure who is considered Mr. Hockey, having played in five different decades (’40s, 50’s, ’60s, ’70s and 1980) and was a 23-time NHL All-Star, passed away at the age of 88; Lionel Messi, one of the two timeless artists currently playing a sport, subbed in at the 61st minute in a Copa America contest for Argentina (he’s been injured), and scored a hat trick in 19 minutes versus Panama; and in the latest biggest game of the season for the Golden State Warriors, the other timeless artist in sport, Stephen Curry, scored a game-high 38 in Cleveland (the Cavs’ first loss at Quicken Loans this postseason) as the Dubs took a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals.

Reserves

One More Word on Orlando…

Just a word on “fighting terror” and I’m open to hearing your thoughts, disagreements, etc.: There is nothing wrong with people who don’t live in America hating America (come to think of it, there is nothing wrong with people who DO live in America hating America; that’s a fundamental part of what makes America great). There is, of course, something wrong with people manifesting that hatred into violence.

At least two-thirds of this fits the Trump platform

I’m a simpleton, but I really believe most geopolitics scales down to family squabbles. To wit: Let’s say you have a big brother (I think George Orwell knew what he was doing when he coined that term on a political basis) and you despise him for whatever reason. You each have your own room. Now, if that big brother knows you despise him, let’s say he goes into your room, pins you to the ground, has his knees on your shoulders, and announces that he isn’t going to get up and leave the room until you tell him that he’s the greatest brother in the world and that you’ll never, ever do or say anything against him.

What are you gonna do? You’re going to tell him what he wants to hear to get him to leave the room, and then you’re going to resent him even more.

The U.S. military belongs in Syria, or at least in the part where ISIS has a stronghold, to take them out. But it doesn’t belong in sovereign nations (e.g. Afghanistan) no matter how messed up they are or how many terrorist cells are incubating there. We’re just the big brother pinning their shoulders to the floor insisting they like us. There are smarter ways to spread democracy and liberty, and the Number One way is to be an example of it.

Music 101

Undone–The Sweater Song

Was this 1994 tune from Weezer the first mumble core hit? This was the breakout hit for the band for Rivers Cuomo, who turns 46 today and matriculated at Harvard after the band made it big (he graduated in 2006). Great song AND a great video, one of the last on MTV that truly made a difference in how a song was interpreted by the public.

This is a song that sounds like it comes from a band that’s three albums into their run, not from a debut album. There’s a lot of confidence here, the patience for the slow build, the guitar feedback, the background convo. Just a classic.

Remote Patrol

Game 5: NBA Finals

Cleveland at Golden State

Fair or not (and it’s not), all the pressure tonight is on LeBron James. The Cavs have lost four of their last five playoff road game and were blown out by 15 and 33 in Games 1 and 2 at Oracle. The Dubs, who were on death’s door two weeks ago, down 3-1 to OKC, can close the curtain on the most magnificent season in NBA history tonight (they’d also become the first NBA team to win 89 games in a season; ’96 Chicago won 88). And in the process make James 2-5 in NBA Finals which, again, isn’t his fault (How many of those seven teams make the Finals without him?), but it is becoming his budding legacy. Fire away, Susie B.