by John Walters

“And those children that you spit on/As they try to change their world…”

If you follow me on Twitter (or if you don’t, and have a life), you know I’ve been utterly preoccupied with the events in Columbia this week. And it’s left me bewildered. I just watched a doc on Kent State a week ago. I rooted for the family in Sounder (chill out, it’s a joke…but I did). I like to think I’m not an old guy who just hates change.

That’s not for me to judge.

I’ve been bewildered at how much people think all existing rules or truths should be sacrificed as long as people don’t feel threatened or offended. I’ve been bewildered that the most trenchant voice arguing on my side of things is Jason Whitlock. I’ve been bewildered that the same black people, some of them very public, who’ve been ripping me have not a word to say about what Whitlock is writing, at least not publicly.

It feels as if this week we exchanged equality for mequality: the only thing that’s fair is that I get my way.

It feels as if there must be more to this. Money, perhaps. Did Mizzou suddenly become MORE racist once students’ health care and abortion-clinics privileges got cut? I wonder.

I’m quite comfortable with how I treat everyone, regardless of race, creed, bra size, etc. What this week seemed to say to me, with a loud voice, is that if you are white, here are the ground rules: You either agree completely with what any black person says pertaining to racism, or you are racist. There is no middle ground. Just as Ellen DeGeneres said in February of 2014: “Either ’12 Years a Slave’ wins Best Oscar, or you’re all racist.”

I’ve had plenty of discussions with black people on Twitter this week. One of my favorites just ended. After he’d failed on every logical argument and was forced to acknowledge that Chancellor Loftin’s appeasement of Jonathan Butler actually came before the Homecoming parade, he left me with this:

“FACT:You’re butt hurt cause the minority rose up and accomplished something huge.

get a hankie and cry it out. Inaction will not be tolerated any further. Anyone can be taken down. New times my friend.”

I’ve also been called a “wing nut asshole” and an “arrogant prick” by the same people who are fighting for the right not to be offended by defamatory speech. Lots of great irony this week.

I don’t know where this ends. I do know that it doesn’t end in my life time. It may never end in the history of this country.

It’s like, Yes, slavery was awful. Also, yes, most of the white people you direct your anger to come from families who immigrated to the USA after slavery ended. But I guess we still get that white privilege card.

Slavery on this continent is the product of the white man. So, too, is the democracy and republic that is the USA. Which is why, as horrible as slavery was, and nobody disputes that, there aren’t many people eager to leaver this place. Besides, we have the most evolved spectator sports.

I don’t know what else to say. There have been so many injustices that black people have had to deal with and still do. There are also some stories that are a little more nuanced than that (hello, Michael Brown).

I hope Missouri becomes a more enlightened campus. I also wonder what the body count will be on the South Side of Chicago this weekend. It’s a crazy world.

Music 101

For Your Eyes Only

Schmaltzy early ’80s tune, sure, but Sheena Easton was as lovely as any Bond girl. And, like Sean Connery (who is not 007 in this film) she is a great Scot. The song reached Top 5 in the U.S. Note: Blondie wrote a song of the same name hoping it would be selected as the theme, but no dice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN1WBgS9u_E

Remote Patrol

SATURDAY
No. 12 Oklahoma at No. 6 Baylor

ABC 8 p.m.

Corey Coleman leads the nation in TD receptions (20) and receiving yardage per game

The CFB rankings explode wide open if the unbeaten Bears fail to hold serve tonight in Waco. And they have Oklahoma State in Stillwater next week. That’s a tough two-fer before meeting TCU. The Sooners are the first team with a winning record Baylor has met all season. Meanwhile, use “Last Channel” to hit FOX and Oregon at No. 7 Stanford. The Ducks have won three straight.

by John Walters

Happy 35th to Ryan Gosling!

and also on this date in 1929, America’s princess was born…

Starting Five

These little piggies went to rebellion

1. Feelings > Facts

Missouri student body prez Payton Head posts on Facebook that the KKK is on campus and that he is “working with” the National Guard, neither of which is true. He later sends out a post apologizing for the “misinformation,” explaining that he was reacting to rumors about the KKK being on campus (from whom? can you tell us who told you that?) but not explaining about the National Guard, because how can there be misinformation about a group you are working with when you are not exactly doing so?

Meanwhile, media reports that Melissa Click has resigned, although all she resigned from was an honorary post with the journalism school, and not from her actual gig.

Sieg heil, Melissa. Sieg heil.

Jonathan Butler sends out a list of DEMANDS — not requests — beginning with a demand that the president of Missouri’s university system apologize for his “white privilege.” Sure, as soon as Butler apologizes for his family having a net worth of more than $10 million (I’m low-balling that).

Facts no longer matter, of course, because a millennial has taken umbrage, and when that happens (and I have personal family history with this), cities must be torched and lives destroyed. This is a little about race. It’s a lot more about a generation that has been coddled and indulged and led to believe that their sh*t — whether they turn it into a poop swastika or not — doesn’t stink.

It does.

2. Down and Out in Sacramento….Again

California’s divorce rate is about to go up

I’m wondering who will be out of the NBA first — Kobe Bryant or George Karl? The Mamba has sat out the past 2 games with a bad back but I’m sure he cannot wait to rejoin his 1-7 team and improve upon that 32.0% field-goal shooting pace. I’ll be surprised if Kobe doesn’t hang it up before the new year.

Meanwhile in the state capitol, DeMarcus Cousins –six seasons, no playoff appearances — is feuding with new coach George Karl. The latter may be a little bit old school — he is a direct branch off the Dean Smith coaching tree — but do you really want to tune a guy out just nine games (2-7) into the season?

On Monday Cousins lit into his coach with a profanity-laced tirade after a loss to the Spurs, but because he used no racial slurs Karl had no right to feel bad about it, of course, and so Cousins wasn’t even suspended (Karl wanted to, but GM Vlade Divac overruled him). George Karl is about to become that other Mizzou professor, the one who resigned when he realized that it’s a crime to make children feel bad.

(I think I’m sort of letting you know how I feel about this issue, no?)

3. Infanticide > Abortion

Leave it to @PFTCommenter to ask the most existential question of the presidential race thus far: Knowing that GOP candidate Ben Carson is both pro-life but yet believes in killing Baby Hitler, he fashioned the Catchiest-22 question imaginable: “Would you abort Baby Hitler?”

It was a classic question that challenged Dr. Carson to prioritizes his values on the fly, and now we know the answer.

4. Where are the Pats?

Maybe next year, guys

Yesterday Sports Illustrated unveiled its 12 finalists for Sportsman of the Year (they’ve already made their choice, if they still go through the process the way that they used to). Not included in that dozen is the best team in the NFL, a team that is 11-0 in this calendar year including a Super Bowl victory, their fourth under  the same coach and quarterback.

Don’t you find that…curious? I mean, there’s no more popular sport in America than the National Football League (“You’re taking on a league that owns a day of the week”) and it’s not like SI hasn’t awarded teams or franchises the honor before.

I’m not even saying that the New England Patriots deserve to win (I’d give it to Serena Williams, but my guess it that they’ll give it to a four-legged equine creature); it’s just sort of funny that New England failed to crack the Top 12, no?

The complete absence of the Pats is in a way damning of the way they operate, no?

5. Where In The World?

Yesterday’s Answer: Flaming Cliffs, Mongolia

Music 101

You Only Live Twice

The only song to both open a James Bond film and end an episode (and in fact, a season) of Mad Men. That’s Nancy Sinatra, daughter of Ol’ Blue Eyes, singing this haunting 1967 title hit.

Remote Patrol

Warriors at Wolves

TNT 8 p.m. 

You know me. You heard me. Time and time…AND TIME…again I begged the Cleveland Cavs not to trade away the first pick (i.e., Andrew Wiggins) for Kevin Love before last season. And by that I mean, I tried to beg LeBron James. But he….didn’t…listen! And so now Andrew Wiggins is the NBA’s most exciting player under age 24 (yes, I know who Anthony Davis is) and his Wolves get a chance tonight at being the first team to take down the Warriors, Come Out and Play this season (9-0).

by John Walters

Happy 23rd birthday, Alena Shishkova!

Starting Five

Sophomore MLB Josey Jewell is Iowa’s leading tackler. The only other offer he got was from Northern Iowa.

1. Offense or Defense?

Maybe the Big 12 and Big Ten should have a round robin tournament. Last night the second CFP Rankings were released. Here’s your teams, with B1G in bold and BIG 12 IN CAPS:

1. Clemson

2. Alabama

3. Ohio State

4. Notre Dame

5. Iowa

6. BAYLOR

7. Stanford

8. OKLAHOMA STATE

9. lsu

10. Utah

11. Florida

12. OKLAHOMA

13. Michigan State

14. Michigan

15 TCU

Corey Coleman of Baylor leads the nation in TD catches (20) and receiving ypg (147) but it won’t matter unless Baylor goes 3-0 the rest of the way.

So, basically, the B1G’s top two unbeatens are both ahead of the Big 12’s top two unbeatens. Now, note that the Big 12 has four schools in the Top 7 in the nation in SCORING OFFENSE, including the Top 3: Baylor, TCU and Oklahoma.

Meanwhile, the B1G has four of the Top 8 teams in the nation in Scoring Defense, including the Top 2: Michigan and Wisconsin. Ohio State is No. 6 and Iowa is No. 8. Jeff Long and the committee can say whatever they want, but clearly they appear to value stout defense above explosive offense (so do I, by the way). But that’s what is driving their rankings.

2. U Can’t Handle the Poop!

One news outlet claims that the offending image is actually a year old and may not come from the Mizzou campus

Did the Mizzou Poop Swastika actually happen? Now comes evidence that it is a hoax. People will say, “Even if it is a hoax, that doesn’t excuse racism?” No, it doesn’t excuse rape or genocide, either, but what does that have to do with the price of eggs?

And, by the way, what does a poop swastika have to do with being solely African-American? And didn’t anyone ever live in a men’s dorm? I’m pretty sure I came across more than a few Poop Peace Signs and Poop Escher Prints in college.

3. “But How Am I Supposed to Win My $$$ Back?”

DraftKings and FanDuel are gambling (and grammatically incorrect).
The New York Stock Exchange is investing.

Carry on.

4. Nice Guy Finishes First

It’s also Demi Moore’s 53rd birthday. She used to date Ashton Kutcher before he decided to shack up with a woman who looks exactly like Demi’s daughter.

Joe McKeehen, 25, who was the chip leader throughout the final rounds of the WSOP and who seems like a genuinely nice guy even if he looks a little too much like an adult version of the kid from Two and a Half Men, wins the big pot — and the coveted bracelet—at the Main Event. A cool $7.6 million, with no attitude.

On the final hand, McKeehen held an A-10 when his opponent went all in with a pair of fours. McKeehen caught a 10 on the flop and the rest was legalized gambling-in-Nevada history.

Meanwhile in California, someone bought a lottery ticket at a 7-11 in Chatsworth in early August that turned out to be a $63 million winner. The problem is, they have yet to claim their prize. If no one does so by February 4, it becomes the largest unclaimed lottery prize in history. Was this you, Markazi???

5. Where In The World?

Yesterday: Wieliczka Salt Mine, Poland

Music 101

Live and Let Die

Paul McCartney and Wings performed the title track — key change! — from the 1973 Bond film starring Roger Moore. When you’ve got a job to do/You’ve got to do it well/You’ve got to give the other fella/Helllllllllll! The tune made it all the way to No. 2 on the Billboard charts, the highest-charting Bond theme to that point.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqdqAAzjgDE

Remote Patrol

The Longest Day 

NetFlix

There’s James Bond leading the charge

This 1962 film, which won 2 Oscars and was nominated for three others, is the perfect complement to Saving Private Ryan and a great idea for Veterans Day. It tells the story of D-Day from both the Allied and German side, and its special effects, considering the time, are outstanding (even if no one seems to bleed when they get shot). As for star power, how’s this: Sean Connery, Robert Mitchum, John Wayne, Robert Wagner, Henry Fonda, Paul Anka, Richard Beymer, Roddy McDowall and Fabian.

by John Walters

From the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, wishing the U.S. Marine Corps a happy 240th. Semper Fi!

Starting Five

Melissa Click: So rude and fascist that she’ll probably be working media hospitality for the NCAA at next spring’s Final Four

1. Missouri Loves Company

So much to say, don’t know where to begin. I’ll just leave with you some videos and the politically incorrect thought that it’s refreshing to see a U.S. college campus make national cable news without there being a body count involved.

This, from October 10…

And this, from early yesterday…

…and of course, this, from later yesterday…

Briefly (most of what I’m about to say I’ve already tweeted): There’s no excuse to use a racial slur (unless you’re writing a rap song) and racism is ugly and wrong. But it’s not illegal, because unless it turns to violence it is no more than free speech. There was no systemic racism, at least from this outsider’s perspective, at a campus that recently elected a black, gay student at its student body president.

Meanwhile, as soon as Professor Clickbait and her Mob decided that THEIR cause was more important than free speech, they forfeited any good will their cause may have engendered. In the end this was just another rabble deciding that their rights were the only ones that mattered. Respect begins by respecting the rights of your neighbor.

2. Black and White Lives Matter

This is what happens, Orca, when you demand a minimum wage of 15 baitfish per hour

At last, Sea World San Diego has opted to end its theatrical Killer Whale show…and I’m fine with this as long as they don’t start offering Orca Sushi at concession stands. Dear Professor Click: this is a righteous movement that took off after a member of the media produced a documentary (Blackfish) that fomented good people to action. None of the whales tried to physically intimidate any one. Try it sometime.

3. Goodbye, Mr. Chips

Pokers’ best hand. I wonder how many times during the Miain Event someone actually won with this hand.

Day/Night 3 of the World Series of Poker is tonight. This is it. Either Joe McKeehen, Neil Blumenfeld or Josh Beckley — all of them Yanks — will leave with all the chips and $7.6 million. Even the losers will be able to afford far more than a house of cards.

4. Michael’s Back (Stroke) (Of Genius)

Phelps has won 18 gold medals and appeared in four Olympics

I’ve only started reading Tim Layden‘s cover story on Michael Phelps in SI. First of all, Tim is a truly gifted writer so I look forward to it. Second, it’s a fantastic cover shot. Fantastic.

Third, I’m always weary of hagiographies or redemption songs about athletes/celebrities whose woes are self-induced (I’m jaundiced, sure, but I’ve become immune to the Gary Smithization of any jock), but I’ll wait until I read Tim’s story. Finally, the Meadows in Wickenburg has housed quite a few celebs and jocks of late, including Phelps and also reportedly Johnny Manziel and Tiger Woods. It may be located in Arizona, but it really is the Hotel California (You can check out any time you like/But you can never leave…)

5. Where In The World?

Monday’s Answer: Yungas Road, Bolivia (World’s Most Dangerous Road)

Music 101

Goldfinger

Day 2 of James Bond week, and here’s the brassy Shirley Bassey singing the title song from 1964. For me, this is the Bondiest tune outside of the original Bond theme. It reached No. 8 on the Billboard chart. No word of whether Bassey considered this gig an odd job.

Remote Patrol

Donny!

USA 10:30 p.m.

In the grand tradition of Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David and Louis C.K., ad man/TV personality Donny Deutsch is starring in a sitcom about himself. Not bad, actually. My review in Newsweek.

by John Walters

That’s Hedy!

Happy Birthday to the late Hedy Lamarr, the Rena Sofer of her age. Not only was she a Hollywood siren, but Lamarr and a neighbor received a patent for a frequency-hopping system that they developed during World War II that was basically the antecedent of Wi Fi and Bluetooth. 

Starting Five

When you think the overtime is over, but it’s not yet time

1. Crazy College Football Finishes (Cont.)

We really don’t deserve this, college football. You’re too kind. After The Punt in Ann Arbor and Son of Kick Six in Atlanta and See No Evil, Flag No Evil in Durham, now we get not one but two nutty finishes this week.

The first, in Oxford. With Ole Miss leading Arkansas 52-45 in overtime, the Mach3backs face a 4th-and-25 from the 40. The following ensues. That’s No. 84, tight end Hunter Henry, who threw the first Hail Mary Lateral I can remember seeing, and that’s running Alex Collins who brings it home.

What may be lost to history: 1) Collins fumbled at the end of his run, but a teammate recovered it, and 2) After the Soooey Pigs scored to make it 52-51, quarterback Brandon Allen appeared to be sacked on the 2-point conversion, but the Rebel defender who tackled him, Marquis Haynes, was flagged for a facemark (the right call, alas). Allen, who threw for 442 yards and six touchdowns, ran it in himself on the next play for the victory.

The second finish, though more conventional, was more cataclysmic, at least if you are a fan of Sparty. Nebraska completes a game-winning TD pass against Michigan State with :17 left even though the receiver, Brandon Reilly, clearly was out of bounds before he caught the pass inbounds and clearly was not pushed out. Even the announcers caught that Reilly was out as the play was happening. And I just don’t understand why video review could not overturn this.

Here’s what Big Ten Coordinator of Officials Bill Carollo said by way of explanation: “They can’t review whether it was a force out/contact on the play. They can only review if there was clear evidence of no contact and he (Reilly) re-established himself in the field of play. If he goes out of bounds on his own with no contact, it’s an illegal touch. Therefore the call stood.”

I’ve read that five times and still have no clue what Carollo is saying. Technically, I refer to this as ‘mumbo jumbo.’

2. Will There Be A (nother) Missouri Compromise?

Racial tension at the University of Missouri…a black grad student, Jonathan Butler, decides to go on a hunger strike until university prez Tim Wolfe resigns…black members of the football team decide to go on strike (as opposed to the Mizzou offense, which has been on strike most of the season) and coach Gary Pinkel respects their stand, calling off all football activities yesterday… other members of the Mizzou team not on board with this…I guess what I’m trying to say is take BYU minus the points next Saturday night in Kansas City, where they’ll meet (a certain irony in the whitest football team you can imagine being Mizzou’s opponent this week, no?).

Meanwhile, an unidentified white player on Mizzou’s 4-5 team told ESPN’s Brett McMurphy, “Half the team — players and coaches — are pissed (about the strike). If we were 9-0, this wouldn’t be happening.”

Tim Wolfe. Not popular with many on campus.

Eggs-actly. Racism? Bad (wow, what a bold stand by me). But I don’t know enough about the sitch to say whether Wolfe deserves the blame for the conditions on campus, or even whether they are isolated incidents in a state that’s dealt with so much racial strife in the past 13 months (incited by the Michael Brown death, where there were no angels or innocents on either side).

Black students protested during MIzzou’s recent Homecoming parade. That’s Wolfe sitting atop the back seat

Jonathan Butler went all in on with a pair of 7s, it feels like, and now we see that Wolfe has called his bluff. So how far do you want to take this hunger strike? And who’s to say whether the players who are striking are being courageous or selfish?

3. Reply to Prince Oseph 

“Sign me up!”

I believe I recall reading an article in which Bill Hader told the writer that he’d had a movie idea about responding to an email about a Nigerian prince offering “millions in currency” and that the joke was it happened to be a legitimate offer. With that as your subtext, the new iPhone ad starring Hader has an extra degree of fun.

You know what else is awesome? Only a year ago Hader was doing ads for T-Mobile and taking sh*t from Jonah Hill at a comedy roast for “leaving SNL and landing an endorsement deal with America’s 4th-largest mobile phone carrier.” Now he’s doing ads for Tim Cook. How do you like me now, Jonah?

Simple idea, a ruse that everyone on the internet is familiar with, and a wonderfully gullible lead character chomping on a monster sammich. Funnier in :30 than any sketch SNL has done this season.

4. Donald Ducks Controversy

What’s worse than SNL being offensive? SNL being boring, which is the word we got about Saturday night’s episode with Donald Trump as host. Maybe Lorne Michaels should invite Ben Carson on to “make America great again.” You wouldn’t even have to give him a script. Just let Dr. Carson start talking. Besides, Carsons on NBC late night have a pretty decent track record, no?

5. Where In The World?

Friday’s Answer: Muscat Gate Museum, Oman

Music 101

Nobody Does It Better

Moving on to another theme week at Medium Happy: “James Bond Week.” Is this the best  Bond song? Gotta be in the Top 5: Those are the trenchant vocals of Carly Simon, who ruled the early- to mid-Seventies. This 1977 tune from the film The Spy Who Loved Me, starring Roger Moore, was nominated for an Oscar for Best Original Song.

Remote Patrol

World Series of Poker

ESPN2 8 p.m.

Cannuli does not embrace the “Let the chips fall where they may” ethos

We’ve reached the “November 9,” the final table of the Main Event, No-Limit Texas Hold ‘Em, at the WSOP. This year’s odd wrinkle? The chip leader is an unassuming, affable guy that you’d actually enjoy sitting with at a poker table. Joe McKeehen held 57% of all the chips heading into last night’s play, in which the field was slimmed from 9 to 6. Tonight they’ll get it down to a final 2 players, as long as that takes. My dark horse: A youngster from South Jersey named Thomas Cannuli who looks like a young hit man. Scary intensity, but an instinctive player.