STARTING FIVE

The USA was that close to a shocking upset of Belgium.

1. WOND’OH!

Belgium was totally better than the United States on Tuesday. And yet, in the 93rd minute reserve Chris Wondolowski fielded a header from Jermaine Jones and had this shot from six yards out that soared over the goal. Make that shot, and the Fighting Klinsmanns most likely advance to the quarterfinals.

Landon Donovan had the same reaction to Wondo’s shot as you did.

Argentina was totally better than Switzerland on Tuesday. And yet, in the 119th minute reserve Blerim Dzemaili fielded a perfectly placed cross from the right wing that he headed, from no more than five yards out, directly into the left post. So close was Dzemaili that the errant shot ricocheted off his leg and beyond the end line before he even had a chance to react. Had the shot gone in, Switzerland would at least have taken Argentina to a shootout.

Dzemaili Gears. After his errant header, Brelim reacted just like Donovan later would

The better teams won and will face one another on Saturday in the quarterfinals. But they didn’t have to win.

2. Two Men, One Cup

Copa Bananas: Davies and Bennett

By my count, and I did not watch every last Men in Blazers video on FC, although I did view more than half, Michael Davies and Roger Bennett told each other “I love you” at least twice while situated in “Bobley’s Panic Room in the crap part of Copacabana Beach.” I’ll miss them both as much as Roger will miss Mexican Hodor.

Here’s their final installment, in which they adamantly state  that while they are”Anti-war”, in the wake of three of the five U.S. goals in Brazil having been scored by sons of American military men stationed in Germany during those players’ (John Brooks, Jermaine Jones, Julian Green) youths, that they are “Pro-bases in Germany.”

3. Who’s at Fault? Or Double-Fault?

What exactly happened with Serena Williams during her doubles match with sister Venus on Tuesday? Officially, it was dubbed a “viral illness.” Serena’s longtime agent, Jill Smoller, was unable to be reached. Hmm.

Wimbledon legend Martina Navratilova, who has one more Grand Slam singles title (18) than Serena, was not buying it. “ “I think virus, whatever they’re saying it was, I don’t think that was it. I think it’s clear that’s not the case.”

Although there may have been a case involved. Of what, though?

On the flip side, this was the most interesting doubles match in years.

4. This Is 40 41

Ssssssssssssssssssssssomebody, stop me!”

That’s Cameron Diaz on the cover of the August issue of Esquire. This magazine is not allowed in the Timberlake household.

5. Maleficent Seven

I’m sure this went over well.

Do you remember when Mike Woodson had just been hired as the coach of the Knicks and, during the summer of 2012, he flew to Los Angeles to dine with Carmelo Anthony and Tyson Chandler, the latter of whom lives there? And up in the Bay Area, working out and about to become a free agent after launching a winter of Lin-sanity at MSG, was Jeremy Lin?

And Lin was all, “Hey, Coach, I hear that you and Melo are getting together and I’m not that far away” and Woodson was all like, “Uh, yeah, I guess, why don’t you, um (holds phone to see if it’s cool with Melo), yeah, why don’t you come on down and join us?

And Lin paid for his flight down?

Well, it’s two years later. And Lin is with Houston. And Melo is thinking of presenting Houston with a rose. So what do the Rockets do? They create images of Melo in a Rockets uniform…wearing Lin’s number. Awesome.

*That’s all’s I gots for today and I ain’t gots no more. Long day on the keyboard. And I’m no Clay Travis millionaire–yet.

STARTING FIVE

Neuer was equal to the Desert Foxes’ -geria tricks.

1. “Bad Day for the ‘-gerias”

As the Wayne’s World of World Cup, Men in Blazers, put it, it was “a bad day for the -gerias” in Sweet Round of 16 action yesterday. Nigeria lost to France, 2-0, and later Algeria lost to Germany in extra time, 2-1.

Both African nations held their imperialistic EuroFoes to 0-0 draws through 78 minutes. France scored twice in the final 12 minutes.

Germany, meanwhile, employed goal keeper Manuel Neuer as a virtual sweeper. He literally was employing outside-the-box tactics. Meanwhile in Rio, unwitting Medium Happy correspondent and GFoB (Great Friend of the Blog) Adam Duerson reported that in his bar, someone started yelling, “Allah Akbar.” (the bar then plummeted 30,000 feet into the Atlantic Ocean without explanation.)

So we will reluctantly say goodbye to Africa (Ghana and the -gerias) for the rest of World Cup. And France will meet Germany next, and as pop culture-spewing and history-loving Michael “Positive” Davies and Roger Bennett put it, “We’re not allowed to talk about that.”

2. Games, SETS and Matches

“With musical guest Paul Anka, and the comic impersonations of Rich Little…”

On Sunday, June 22nd, ESPN unveiled its new, TRON-tastic SportsCenter set in Bristol, Conn. The 194,000 square-foot facility reportedly cost $125 million (or 5/6 of a Tanaka), boasts 114 monitors (I think we’ve all concluded independently that 113 just will not suffice) and can safely land Max Bretos on one of Saturn’s moons.

John Skipper could get $2,200 a month for this space on the Upper West Side.

That same week, ESPN unveiled a decidedly low-tech storage closet “from the crap part of Copacabana Beach” in Rio de Janeiro  and its hosts refer to it as “Bobley’s Panic Room.” I don’t know how much it cost, but its two hosts barely have room to devour cupcakes while doing up to 43 uninterrupted minutes of podcasting. Of course, because if you’ve lived life these things shouldn’t surprise you, it’s the latter studio that is delivering all the best broadcasts this week.

3. Boston Weak

Not weak? The Fenway fans’ standing O for Arrieta after he was pulled after 120 pitches and one hit by Stephen Drew.

It’s not just that the Cubs came within four outs of the first no-hitter at Fenway Park against the Red Sox since 1958 last night. The Chicago Cubs. Yes. Jake Arrieta, 28,was on the hill. In Boston’s defense they arrived back at Logan Airport at around 4 a.m. after a 3 1/2-hour Sunday night marathon at Yankee Stadium and Arietta did enter the game having no-hit two of the three previous three teams he’d faced at least through four innings.

Contrarily, that was already the eighth time this season, which is just barely halfway over, that the defending World Series champions have been shut out. The Sox –yes, the club with Dustin Pedroia and David Ortiz–have the lowest run production (311) in the American League and have struck out more times (683) than any A.L. team that doesn’t put Adam Dunn in its batting order.

4. Lutzenkirchen

Great player, great guy. Lutzenkirchen was an Academic Honor Roll member who also took a Down’s Syndrome student to her high school prom.

My two favorite and most joyous college football names to proclaim the past few years have been SANZENBACHER! (former Ohio State WR Dane Sanzenbacher) and LUTZENKIRCHEN! after the former Auburn tight end who played on the Tigers’ 2010 national championship team. Sadly, Philip Lutzenkirchen died in a one-car accident near LaGrange, Ga., at 3 a.m. on Monday morning. The driver of the vehicle, Joseph Ian Davis, was also killed.

According to police, the vehicle failed to stop at a T intersection, crossed the perpendicular roadway, went into a ditch, and then traveled another 89 feet before coming to rest.  The police also suspect alcohol use was involved, although toxicology reports will take weeks.

Tight ends are the toughest football players, in my opinion, because they perform dual roles –blocking and receiving –while also not playing a position that by definition allows them to be the hitters (as defensive players to). They’re the guys who’d be the platoon leaders or Navy SEAL commanders. Lutzenkirchen fit that bill at Jordan-Hare Stadium and was also incredibly clutch. In 2010 it was his fourth-quarter touchdown catch that gave Auburn the 28-27 winning margin over the Crimson Tide in Tuscaloosa –in one of the most memorable Iron Bowls ever. One month and change later in the BCS National Championship Game, Lutzenkirchen had a carer-long 39-yard reception versus Oregon.

Lutzenkirchen had been cut last year by the St. Louis Rams and was working in Montgomery, Ala. At the age of 23, he is gone way too soon.

My friend Bruce Feldman wrote a thoughtful piece yesterday on Lutzenkirchen and how he was unafraid to tweet in support of Michael Sam last month, a move that he knew would lose him many followers in the deep South.

5. GoPro!

The thrill-seekers’ go-to-camera had its IPO last Thursday at $28. Five trading days later it is opening at north of $44. What’s going on?

1) CEO/Surfer dude Nicholas Woodman is a charismatic, likeable, non-wonky dude who, unlike say Mark Zuckerberg or Lloyd Blankfein, you could actually picture yourself having a beer (and a shot of Patron) with.

2) The product is an actual tangible product, not a social media service. You can hold it.

3) The product lends itself to visually striking TV segments about the product.

4) Now that it’s kind of a stock market success, every stock manager feels the need to have at least a little of it in his portfolio because who knows if this is not the next NetFlix?

Kelly Slater is the biggest name endorser of GoPro, and he also shoots some of its most vivid surfing pics/video.

Two things: 1)  I got in at $31 per share (under 50 shares, a cautious dip of toe in water) and I won’t buy more until it dips. Remember how Twitter rose to $70 from the $40s and then plunged back to $29? 2) I went to an off-road race (Baja 500) in Mexico in early March and had my eyes opened wide on this product. Everyone had a GoPro. Recumbent sports fans –many of whom read and/or write this site–are not GoPro users. But they are out there. in force.

That is why I’m urging Woodman to develop a camera for people like me: GoProne!

Where in the World

Yesterday: Mano de Desierto (“Hand of the Desert”), Atacama Desert, Chile

Hint: Your author has been to this spot.

Remote Patrol

USA vs Belgium

ESPN 4 p.m.

Mane attraction: Belgium’s Marouane Fellaini. If only he played for Costa Rica or Mexico, he’d have a CONCACAFro

Quite a few cranks will silently be rooting against the USMNT, not because they hate America but because they despise this summer fling with football (“It’s soccer!”) so many of us are having. Don’t worry, guys (and Ann). Sandy will be going back to Australia soon and we’ll hang out with Roz and Konicky again.