STARTING FIVE

1. The Iker Sanction

This is Sara Carbonero. As WAGs (Wives And Girlfriends) go, she is even more notorious right now than Shakira or Irina Shayk. Carbonero, a Spanish TV presenter, is also the girlfriend of and baby mama for Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas.

Four years ago Casillas helped lead Spain to a World Cup triumph, pitching a shutout in the final against Holland. Last Friday, again versus the Dutch, Casillas allowed five goals, two of them very careless.

Casillas was in goal for Real Madrid when they won the Champions League final last month, 3-1, but it was a late come-from-behind win (none of Real Madrid’s goals were scored before stoppage or extra time) and in that Casillas misplayed a ball that led to Atletico Madrid’s lone goal. The world’s most famous soccer teammate, Cristiano Ronaldo (Shayk’s boyfriend), has expressed unhappiness in the past with Casillas spilling team secrets to his reporter babe. And I imagine his national team teammates are a little wary of her as well right now.

Casillas went all Joe Namath on Carbonero after she interviewed him following the 2010 triumph, but relax: they were already dating.

The pressure is all on Casillas when Spain meets Chile in Maracana this afternoon ( 3 p.m., ESPN). A Spanish defeat bounces them from the tournament after only two games. Expect the partisan southern hemisphere crowd to be pro-Chile. Should be fun.

2. Oh, Lorde

Centerfielder Lorenzo Cain has gone 5 for 7 in the first two games at Comerica and he caught this ball on Monday night.

Nine games ago the Kansas City Royals were in last place in the American League Central.

This morning, after nine consecutive victories, K.C. is all “Crystal, Maybach, Diamonds on your time piece/Jet planes, Islands, Tigers on a gold leash” after last night’s 11-4 thrashing of Detroit. And it was a serious thrash.

The Royals scored 10 earned runs on reigning A.L. Cy Young winner Max Scherzer after putting up ssven earned runs on 2011 Cy Young Award winner Justin Verlander on Monday night in an 11-8 win. As hot as the Royals (38-32) are, Detroit, well, the Tigers stink right now, having gone 9-20 in their past 29 games. That’s with Victor Martinez, who leads the A.L. in hitting, and Miguel Cabrera in the lineup.

3. Guidry-esque

Guidry overwhelmed hitters with his slider, while Tanaka’s weapon of choice is the splitter.

Your faithful scribe is old enough to recall when, in the summer of 1978, 2nd-year New York Yankee starter Ron Guidry, a.k.a. Louisiana Lightnin’, a.k.a. Gator, a.k.a. Few Ever Wore a Mustache with more Panache, started out 13-0 en route to an historic season in which he led baseball in wins (25-3), ERA (1.74) and shutouts (9).

I mention this because the comparison between Guidry and Yankee rookie Masahiro Tanaka are only going to become more vocal. Last night, on the 36th anniversary of Gator striking out a career-high 18 California Angels, Tanaka moved to 11-1 and struck out 10 in a 3-1 defeat of the first-place Blue Jays (and it makes no sense that New York has defeated Toronto 14 consecutive times in the Bronx).

This was a valuable card to possess in Middletown, N.J., in the summer of ’78.

The Japanese import leads all of baseball in Wins (11) and leads the American League in ERA (1.99) and suddenly seems a viable contender for both Rookie of the Year and Cy Young. Yankee brass is just relieved he’s being compared to Guidry and not former Japanese imports Hideki Irabu and Kei Igawa.

As you know, Tanaka went 24-0 last season with the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles, which means that his only loss in the past two years has come to the Chicago Cubs…because baseball.

4. Double Tornado >>> Triple Rainbow

This two-udder storm slammed down in Nebraska, killing a five year-old

Nature is massive when it wants to be. This rare double tornado touched down in northern Nebraska on Sunday night, virtually demolishing the town of Pilger.

5. And That’s the Double Truth, Ruth

Lee wanted Robert DeNiro to play Sal, but Bobby turned him down. Danny Aiello was nominated for Best Supporting Actor.

I’ll have more on this in the days ahead, but June 30 will mark the 25th anniversary of the release of “Do The Right Thing”, which is not only an American classic but just may be the most honest film about NYC ever made (I moved here two weeks later; DTRT served as an orientation film for me; while the Big Apple is far from perfect in 2014, it is almost 180 degrees opposite of the racist dystopia depicted, accurately, in this film).

Two incredible nuggets: 1) People forget that not only did “Do The Right Thing” not win Best Picture, but it was not even nominated. Even more incredible, and proof that we live in a better country today than we did then, the Best Picture Oscar went to “Driving Miss Daisy”, a film of which no one has ever said, “I’m going to DVR that tonight.”

And, really, could you make a movie that was any more different than DTRT?

2) When Barack Obama met Spike Lee, he thanked him. Seems POTUS’ first date with FLOTUS was to see this film, after which they went for ice cream and discussed it.

Remote Patrol

Crazy Heart

CMT 8 p.m.

Even better than The Dude: Bridges in “Crazy Heart.”

I love Jeff Bridges in this role as a down-and-out country crooner (he won Best Actor and even wrote the songs, which are fantastic) and some day an indie movie house will show this on a double bill with “The Fabulous Baker Boys” (in which he’s a down and out lounge act piano player). Maggie Gyllenhaal is fabulous, too, and Colin Farrell is wonderfully likeable as a character whom you are predisposed to dislike before meeting him. Also, scenic and credible depictions of Santa Fe and the American southwest.

STARTING FIVE

Zusi (left) lofted the corner cross that Brooks headed in for the winner.

1. Johnny Futbol *

The Yanks hold off the Black Stars of Ghana, 2-1, in both sides’ Group G opener in Natal (which means that all U.S. qualifying matches for the 2014 World Cup were pre-Natal). John Brooks, who subbed in after halftime, scored the winning header just three minues after Ghana had evened the score in the 82nd minute.

The six-foot-four Brooks, 21, is the son of a U.S. serviceman and was born in Berlin. This was his first international goal and the first for any U.S. sub in a World Cup match.

I took in the entire affair from a Ghanian restaurant in the Bronx.

*kudos to the Philadelphia Inquirer for that hed

2. Portuguese Men-of-Woe*

Pepe was given a red card for attempting to mind-meld with Muller.

Poor Cristiano Ronaldo. His Portugal side was silenced, 4-0, by Germany in their World Cup opener. Thomas Muller of die Mannschaft (Beavis and Butthead’s favorite national team nickname) scored a hat trick. The Germans hosted the World Cup in 2006 and lost to Brazil in the final of the 2002 World Cup. Might we be seeing a role reversal this time around?

*kudos to Greg Auman for this

3. Tony Gwynn

Yup. And both were San Diego natives…

There is only one man in the post-integration era of Major League Baseball whose career batting average is in the all-time Top 20 and that player is former San Diego Padre Tony Gwynn (.338), who died of cancer yesterday at the age of 54. It is remarkable to note, as Tyler Kepner did in his poignant and personal New York Times tribute, that Gwynn’s lifetime average against Greg Maddux, arguably the greatest pitcher since Sandy Koufax, was .415. Or that Pedro Martinez never struck him out in 36 at-bats.

Gwynn, who dipped tobacco much of his career, died of cancer to the mouth and salivary glands. I never met Gwynn, but to see him and to HEAR him, he always sounded like an 11 year-old boy. And I mean that in the best possible way. In a way, he reminded me a little of SNL’s Kenan Thompson.

A few days ago I tweeted out a quote from Jim Carrey, who said, “The only real currency is the effect you have on other people’s lives” and judging from the plethora of encomia that greeted Gywnn’s passing, like here, he was a very wealthy man.

4. Whitney Cummings and Goings

The comedienne appeared on Letterman last night and he asked her about her doing shows in 40 different cities last winter. The host wondered how arduous that was and what was her longest stretch away from home. “Only six or seven days, I go in and out,” she says, “but now that there’s Tinder out there, I really have a better time.”

Dave did not know what Tinder is.

I’m having a hard time believing Whitney Cummings is on Tinder.

5. You’re Wrong, Kobe

Gotta admit: I would not mind seeing Kobe take over Jozy Altidore’s vacant spot, at least for a few minutes.

Kobe Bryant was asked about Jurgen Klinsmann’s remarks about American pro franchises overpaying for past-their-prime talent as a thank you, and naturally he laughed. Bryant, who is in Brazil enjoying the World Cup, was actually quite diplomatic in his response. “I see his perspective,” said Kobe, who grew up in Italy but is supporting his “Nike family”, i.e. Brazil. “But the one perspective that he’s missing from an ownership point of view is that you want to be part of an ownership group that is rewarding its players for what they’ve done, while balancing the team going forward. If you’re another player in the future and you’re looking at the Lakers organization, you want to be a part of an organization that takes care of its players while at the same time, planning for the future.”

My question? Do you really want to be part of that ownership group? How often does a Kobe Bryant come around? Is a future player really not going to sign with a team just because that team doesn’t overpay a 36 year-old icon in his twilight years? Besides, as Kobe knows well, the Lakers cannot at all plan for the future as long as he is part of their present.

I love Kobe. Love his game, love his competitive streak. Don’t begrudge him the salary. And of course, what is he supposed to say? But, objectively speaking, Klinsmann is correct here.

STARTING FIVE

At least Sandor Clegane got to hitch up his pants before dying.

1. Game of Throne

Tywin Lannister takes two arrows while going  number two. As everyone else noted, “Happy Father’s Day.”

Elsewhere, women rule: Cersei, Lady Brienne and especially Arya Stark conquer. Maisie Williams (Arya) is just phenomenal in her final scene with Sandor Clegane, a.k.a., The Hound, in what was the episode’s, if not the season’s, most riveting and visually striking scene.

As for Khaleesi…it’s “How To Train Your Dragon”, not “How To Chain Your Dragon.” This will not end well for her –although I did force my pet critter to watch the scene as a warning for him to behave.

2. Falling Out of the Countdown

Zoinks

The inimitable Casey Kasem, who made Sunday radio a weekly staple of the 1970s –we really DID care what song reached No. 1, unless it was something by Leo Sayer or Andy Gibb, in which case we just retched– passes away at the age of 82. He was also the voice of Scooby Doo and Shaggy, which no child of the Seventies was immune to watching. As loyal MH reader Jones said after hearing of the news, “Is it too soon for a long-distance dedication?”

3. Argen-times!

Unlike last year, the 2014 NBA Finals rubbed San Antonio the right way.

I’ll let everyone else recap the NBA Finals. For me the coup de grace was Manu Ginobiliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’s first-half dunk (after a blatant offensive clearout with his right elbow on Ray Allen that the referees chose to ignore) that no one saw coming, and the aftermath when Timmay! ruffled his bald spot as the two headed back up court.

Only an hour or so earlier, fellow Argentine Lionel Messi scored a brilliant goal that would ultimately provide the winning margin in Argentina’s opening World Cup match. If you see the replay, watch how Messi’s wizardry causes two Serbian defenders to collide and somersault over one another.

We should note here that many Argentines are of Italian heritage, which makes them even cooler and better-looking.

4. Beauty and the Burkha

Currently the only person named Holly in Iraq, we think.

This year’s early favorite for the Lara Logan Award is Holly Williams of CBS News, who is reporting from an Iraq that may be as dangerous as it’s ever been. That the Aussie-born Williams is tall, blonde and striking should not make her stick out on the road to Mosul at all, should it.

This story on the Turkey-based (as opposed to the turkey-basted…did you honestly think I could resist that pun?) Williams, who is a wife and mom, is revelatory. Here’s wishing her safety in this assignment.

5. Elton Johnaroo

John opened with the first three songs from an album that made its debut 41 years ago. But rock is not (cough) dead.

Another Seventies icon, Elton John, closed Bonnaroo Sunday night by dedicating “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” to Casey Kasem. You know what was different about mega-concerts when I was young versus those of today? NOTHING. The SAME ACTS were playing them. If rock-and-roll is not dead, it’s on life support. It may need the same blood transfusion they’re giving to The Mountain back in King’s Landing.

Reserves

What more could he have done? (and another classic sports pic from this month)

Yes, we watched the third period plus both overtimes of Game 5 of the Stanley Cup finals. Yes, we are at best casual hockey fans. But we agree: there’s nothing more exciting than the prospect of sudden death in overtime of the Stanley Cup. We were riveted. And even though the L.A. Kings won, it felt as if Henrik Lundqvist was the most heroic.

Remote Patrol

Listen up! Game of Thrones and Mad Men are over. So is the NBA and NHL. Baseball is occasionally entertaining. Let’s all step away from the TV set because when we’re out there in the Afterlife discussing how we spent our time, no one’s going to want to hear about how we watched “The Bachelorette” and “Mistresses” back to back on ABC. We can do this, people!

If we don’t win, we’re Ghanas! And we’ll miss you, Landon.

Wait, what? USA-Ghana at 6 p.m.????!!!!??? My bad. ESPN.

Today’s IAH! Weekend Edition post is a Father’s Day (poor man’s ) television guide. And you are welcome, Disney, for subtly promoting your brand. You can send the check to Medium Happy’s headquarters. 

Brought to you by Jacob Anstey (aka The Intern) 

Starting Five 

Lionel Messi looks to lead Argentina to their first World Cup final since 1990.

1. More Futbol

Watch some soccer and leave. Come back, watch more soccer. Leave again. Come back — more soccer!

Today’s matchups feature six countries, three continents, two top 10 teams in the FIFA national rankings, and Lionel Messi.

Switzerland versus Ecuador, 12 p.m., ABC

France versus Honduras, 3 p.m., ABC

Argentina versus Bosnia-Herzegovina, 6 p.m., ESPN

No World Cup analysis just yet; I am still learning. But, for now, I’ll be your messenger. And my message for today is simple: Watch some soccer. Preferably Argentina and the Swiss.

2. America’s Pastime

Daisuke Matsuzaka plays for the Mets? Where have I been?!

No rockstar aces on the mound today. A few solid ones, though.

Twins (Ricky Nolasco, 4-5) at Tigers (Rick Porcello, 8-4)

Padres (Ian Kennedy, 5-7) at Mets (Daisuke Matsuzaka, 3-0)

Blue Jays (J.A. Happ, 5-3) at Orioles (Chris Tillman, 5-3)

Pirates (Vance Worley, 0-0) at Marlins (Henderson Alvarez, 3-3)

Indians (Corey Kluber, 6-4) at Red Sox (Brandon Workman, 1-0)

Cubs (Travis Wood, 6-5) at Phillies (A.J. Burnett, 4-5)

Royals (James Shields, 7-3) at White Sox (Andre Rienzo, 4-3)

Reds (Mike Leake, 3-6) at Brewers (Marco Estrada, 5-3)

Rays (David Price, 4-6) at Astros (Brad Peacock, 2-4)

Nationals (Doug Fister, 5-1) at Cardinals (Jaime Garcia, 2-0)

Yankees (Vidal Nuno, 1-2) at Athletics (Jesse Chavez, 5-4)

Rockies (Juan Nicasio, 5-5) at Giants (Madison Bumgarner, 8-4)

Rangers (Nick Martinez, 1-3) at Mariners (Hisashi Iwakuma, 4-3)

Diamondbacks (Bronson Arroyo, 6-4) at Dodgers (Josh Beckett, 4-3)

Angels (Hector Santiago, 0-6) at Braves (Mike Minor, 2-4), ESPN, 8 p.m.

3. College World Series

Nice ballpark. Few home runs.

Yesterday’s Opening Day featured an Anteaters (University of California – Irvine)  victory over the Longhorns (Texas), as well as a Commodores (Vanderbilt)  victory over the Cardinals (Louisville).

The College World Series is a weird event. You watch absolutely none of it during the regular season (the season starts in February), but get slightly excited for it when it comes to Omaha (there were over 23,000 people at the opening game yesterday). As a viewer, I encourage you to watch anywhere from 3-5 innings of the ball game.

You won’t be blown away by massive home runs (TD Ameritrade is a big park — 375 ft in center), but will get a taste of the atmosphere and a lot of small ball. Both are quality components.

Texas Tech (Chris Sadberry, 5-3) versus TCU (Preston Morrison, 9-4), ESPN2 , 3 p.m.

Mississippi (Chris Ellis, 10-2) versus Virginia (Nathan Kirby, 9-2), ESPN2, 8 p.m.

4. Nascar? Yes, Nascar

Deep down, I want to post today’s WNBA schedule. But, because of unwarranted hatred by some, I will not oblige with my own interests. Instead, you can watch cars go around in circles for 400 laps. Hippie!

The Quicken Loans 400 takes place at 1 p.m. and it’s on ESPN TNT.

5. Spurn the Heat

This was 2007.

Tim Duncan and the San Antonio Spurs won an NBA championship when I was four, eight, ten, and twelve. It is now 2014, and the core of those same Spurs championship teams are looking to add their fifth title in the past 15 years.

They must be defying something other than age, because that is way too damn impressive.

If you remember, I picked the Heat in six on my first weekend on the job. Hopefully you can still respect me. I can’t promise any better predictions in the near future…

Anyhow, the Heat are looking to become the first team in NBA history to overcome a 3-1 deficit in the Finals and win it all. Can it be done? Sure.

Will it be done, though?

It’s very hard to believe this Spur team dropping three straight games (two on their home court) to this overwhelmed Heat team.

Michelle Beadle is going to troll a lot of Miami fans tomorrow, folks. Be prepared.

Remote Patrol

Game of Thrones, Season Finale 

HBO 9 p.m. 

The experts tell me that tonight is the highly-anticipated season finale of Game of Thrones. The Intern runs on a budget, so no HBO for me.

But, all of you Game of Thrones fans should indulge yourselves. Season finales are always bittersweet. Don’t miss it!

Jacob, the intern, reporting for duty. Before the midwest falls victim to Mother Nature’s beauty, I’ll be spending my time at the College World Series this morning. Today’s Weekend Edition will be brief, but I’ll be back tomorrow in a raucous manner. 

Starting Five 

The Kings celebrate a Stanley Cup victory over the king.

1. Kings win, attain Stanley Cup

The Los Angeles Kings win their second Stanley Cup in three years, defeating the New York Rangers in five games.

Unlike that series in that other sport, the NHL provided a five-game series that was seven-game worthy. The Kings, who were heavy favorites, needed five overtime periods to dethrone the king and his mighty Yanks

The Rangers held the lead in all but one game.

I hope the Dodgers, Lakers, Yankees and Knicks were keeping a keen eye on this series. We need more cross-country rivalry.

2. Can’t Touch the Dutch

Now being coined as the Flying Dutchman, Robin Van Persie delivers this beauty of a goal.

The above spectacle took place in the 44th minute of yesterday’s Netherlands and Spain World Cup match, in which the Dutch asphyxiated the defending World Cup victors, Spain, 5-1.

With the defeat, the Spaniards now look prime for a match with Brazil in the Round of 16.

I can get use to this whole soccer thing.

3. Instability Creates Volatility

The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) are moving with feverous speed.

As John pointed out yesterday, all of this is bad news — very bad news. I’m always wary to draw connections between the needless slaughter of humans and the global impact it has on the global markets, but the correlation is evident.  Iraq is a major supplier of oil, and this political unrest will definitely test the stability of the oil markets in the coming weeks.

Further, this is no one-stop event. ISIS means business, and this is going to get nasty fast. As evidence (not that you need any), this is a portrayal of the inane behavior that the insurgents act with.

4. Shutout City

The most enigmatic of all numbers, zero.

Yesterday, Major League Baseball produced five shutouts – with the losing teams all having a winning record.

Here’s the breakdown:

Blue Jays over the Orioles, 4-0

Twins over the Tigers, 2-0

Yankees over the Athletics, 7-0

Cardinals over the Nationals, 1-0

Rangers over the Mariners, 1-0

In fact, one of the teams above — the St. Louis Cardinals — have shutout their opponent in four out of their last five games. That’s crazy.

Oh, and not to be missed: Felix Hernandez, the man with the least amount of run support this decade, went eight and a third innings last night, giving up one run (in the ninth inning, nonetheless) and still lost, 1-0. Leave Seattle, Felix! Leave!

5. Soap Box

No, not this Jim Carrey!

This is only one of many commencement speeches that have gone viral in the past month. But, as you will find out, I am a man with a great interest in inspiring words.

Early on, Jim Carrey states, “So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.”

Those are the words that are far from unique, but nonetheless powerful when spoken. I won’t ride too long on my soap box this morning for you, but the idea of banishing irrelevant fear from life is something I take to heart.

Maybe you’ll learn more about me later on this summer, maybe not. We’ll see how it goes.

As the kids say, YOLO (You Only Live Once). It is quite simple; you only live once. Why not kick ass and have some serious fun the one time you are granted?

Remote Patrol

England versus Italy, Group D play 

ESPN 6 p.m. 

Mario!

It’s England and Italy in soccer. Need I say more?

Maybe…

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal!