Starting Five

1. “Look! Up in the sky! It’s a Shark! It’s a Tornado! It’s…Sharknado!”

“No! No! No! I want sharks with frickin’ laser beams shooting out of their heads!”

What happens when you don’t over-promote something but instead let Twitter do all the work for you? When the sports calendar is in its doldrums? You get Sharknado, starring Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. Brilliant, SyFy. You have to believe they’ve already greenlit “Sharknado 2” and that Andrew Shue’s agent is begging the producers to cast him alongside Tiffani Amber-Thiessen, and who the hell would have a problem with that?

Perfect for a Sharknado sequel.

This morning we woke up to learn that Kevin Durant had pledged $1 million to sharknado relief.

Expect similarly so-awful-they’re-awesome films to appear on TV in the future. In tehe age of Twitter, these movies are terrific because we all get to be the three dudes from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

2. Yasiel Puig and his .394 Batting Avg Not Good Enough for All-Star Game

Because who’d want to watch the most exciting player in baseball, after all?

Here are your American League and National League rosters. All of these players have been in The Show longer than the Dodger right fielder. But few of them put on quite the show that he does.

3. Ilya Kovalchuk Sets New Standard for Loathing New Jersey

Kovalchuk reacts to knowing he won’t be spending the next 12 years of his life in New Jersey.

Stolen from a Fred Armisen sketch in which he portrays David Patterson… Yesterday New Jersey Devils winger Ilya Kovalchuk, 30, abruptly retired. He announced that, in effect, he’d rather walk away from the remaining 12 years and $77 million on his contract and live in Russian than remain in New Jersey. Presumably, Venezuela will soon be offering him asylum.

Sports writer Jane McManus made the point that Kovalchuk’s maneuver reminds you of the money that Dave Chapelle once walked away from, and he cannot even skate.

Speaking of Edward Snowden –oh, were we? — I’d like to see him make an official visit to Venezuela before having to commit. When do they play USC next season, anyway?

4. Tough Crowd

Daleste

Brazil, the nation that brought you decapitated referees, also produced a rapper murdered onstage last Saturday night. Rapper MC Daleste had just finished a song when someone fired a shot that struck him in the abdomen (George Zimmerman: “Hey, don’t look at me!”) and mortally wounded him. Music aficionados will recall that this happened in Ohio in 2004 when guitarist Dimebag Darrell of Damageplan was shot to death during a show.

Elton John once released an album titled “Don’t Shoot Me! I’m Only The Piano Player.” But–and this is important to remember– he was joking.

5. China, the Toronto of the East

Widespread flooding in the Chinese provinces of Fujian and Zhejiang has produced at least 200 deaths in the past week, assuring that SI’s Richard Deitsch will be receiving few tweets in Mandarin (or Cantonese…or Szechuan) this week regarding his inquiry as to “The Best Moment In Your Life”. The flooding is the product of Typhoon Soulik, which officials report is not a shark-bearing weather system. So there’s a bright side.

Starting Five

Still being usurped by the network whose sole focus is a murder trial in Florida because it stokes racial animosity.

1. “O Captain! My Captain!”

The most celebrated Scranton-to-NYC move since Pam left Dunder-Mifflin to study graphic design.

The New York Yankees, who only three nights ago were reduced to a lineup of Robinson Cano and the Seven Dwarfs (Austin Romine, Luis Cruz, Alberto Gonzalez…) will welcome back Derek Jeter to the lineup for today’s matinee against the Kansas City Royals.

“Derek was scheduled to DH in Scranton,” said Yankee GM Brian Cashman, “so I figured, he could DH and sit around in the rain in Scranton, or he can DH and sit around in the rain in the Bronx.”

Cashman then added, “Alex should shut the f%$* up.”

As to whether Jeter, last seen in pinstripes in Game 1 of the 2012 ALCS before breaking his ankle, would play shortstop or DH, Cashmans said he’d discuss that with manager Joe Girardi and go from there. Our hunch? Derek Jeter did not return to Yankee Stadium to sit on the bench for half the game. Pencil him in at short.

2. Summer of George…Zimmerman

Dutifully and assiduously, we have avoided the George Zimmerman murder trial in this space. All that can be said with certainty is that if Zimmerman had not come across Trayvon Martin on February 26, 2012 in Sanford, Fla., that Martin would not have died that night.
People get murdered –or killed in self-defense– every day in Florida. And other states. Few killers are as stupid as this guy, though. In fact, Martin was just one of 1,009 Floridians murdered in the Sunshine State last year. So the greater question is: Why is CNN more obsessed with this case than Michael Sondheimer is with ghetto girls? And when it’s all over, will CNN have any remaining credibility (particularly as, for budgetary and ratings reasons, it continues to ignore the Egyptian revolution)?
At least one columnist thinks that ship has already sailed.

3. The Body Issue

ESPN the Magazine just released its fifth annual “The Body Issue”, which is one of those simple, brilliant ideas that has editors at other sports (and non-sports) magazines wondering, “Why didn’t we think of that?” Above are rock climbers Chris Sharma and Daila Ojeda.

That’s Slovakian tennis player Daniela Hantuchova, currently the world’s 46th-ranked singles player, on the cover.

Our favorite pic may be the Matt Harvey shot. Because you just know that he has been in this position before. Be careful not to get locked out of your room, Matty.

4. Asiana Airlines Pilot Uses Greetings From Asbury Park, N.J., Defense

Or was it a Manfred Mann type of blinding light?

The pilot in last Saturday’s crash that resulted in two fatalities in San Francisco tells investigators that he was “blinded by a light” when the aircraft was at an altitude of about 500 feet. A blinding light? Like, maybe, the sun? In this case it was a 300-passenger airplane, and not a calliope, that crashed to the ground.

5. “Oh my God, Phil — You Were In The Hospital Last Night!”

What happens in Vegas…gets sussed out by the local newspaper six months later…

The first two paragraphs of the Chad Gaudin –he is a pitcher for the San Francisco Giants — lewdness tale sound like a deleted scene from “The Hangover” (Let’s just pretend the next two installments never occurred).

According to the Las Vegas Review Journal, which broke the story on July 2nd, Gaudin approached a woman lying on a gurney at Desert Springs Hospital in Las Vegas last January. Gaudin, who lives in nearby Henderson, Nev., during the winter, groped the woman, touching the face, leg and breast of the 23 year-old female (wire reports do not indicate which breast; that’s shoddy reportage right there, sports fans) and told her that she was “gorgeous.”

Maybe Gaudin was paging Dr. Faggot?

He also allegedly told her, “I will take care of you. Don’t worry about them.”

Why Gaudin, who appeared to be inebriated, was in the hospital at 4:30 a.m. is unknown. He also uttered profanities as hospital staff waited for police to arrive.

Of course, Gaudin’s attorney declares that he is innocent and was acting bizarrely due to acute “renal failure.” Which is to say that the lawyer was also groping… for a plausible alibi. He should’ve gone with the “blinded by a light” defense.

Perhaps the deeper message here: If you are a reporter at the Review-Journal, there’s gold in them thar old police reports if you are willing to scour them.

Reserves

Shiver Me Timbers

Cirque Alfonse has never had a fatality…yet.

Behold, a performance by Cirque Alfonse, a Quebec-based troupe of lumberjack-circus performers. Perhaps the world’s only such troupe. I think you can see why.

***

The Hersman Trophy

Ordering three beers that way in a German bier haus could get you killed, don’t you know that, Deborah?

The most-read story currently on SFGate.com, the news site for the San Francisco Chronicle. It’s not about last Saturday’s Asiana Airlines crash and it is not about the America’s Cup, which launched last weekend in San Francisco Bay. No, it’s a profile of NTSB chair Deborah Hersman, whose professionalism and beauty did not escape IAH!’s notice, either.

Whither the obsession? “First of all, she is much more attractive than I was,” says former NTSB chair Jim Hall.

We see either Claire Forlani or Famke Janssen in the role.

Forlani: “I hope to interview the pilots tomorrow.”

As noted earlier this week, MH will create the Hersman Trophy, given annually to a woman over 40 who combines mental acuity with dazzling features. Of course, we already have this year’s winner.

***

Headline Until They Flat-line

The Glimmer Twins: “Sucking in the Seventies” once referred to a decade and not their age.

Glastonbury. It’s the largest annual music festival in Great Britain, if not all of Europe, and it usually overlaps Wimbledon, so if ever there were an ideal time for a Yank to cross the pond… Anyway, here’s a roundup of the top 20 moments from this year’s festival (headliners were The Rolling Stones and Mumford & Sons), including when Pelle Almqvist of The Hives commanded the audience to sit down. And here, for good measure, are The Hives performing “Hate To Say I Told You So.”

Remote Patrol

You are watching this. You have an aversion to books.

Sharknado

SyFy 9 p.m.

I’m not watching it for the sharks. I’m watching it for Ian Ziering and Tara Reid.

Now usurped by CNN!

1. Canada Dry? Not exactly.

Toronto. You’re gonna need a bigger mop.

Since celebrating its national independence day on July 1st, Canada has been a lot like James Taylor:  They’ve seen fire and they’ve seen rain.

Last Saturday’s train derailment in Lac-Megantic, Quebec, which is situated about 150 miles due east of Montreal (and not so far north of the border of Maine), ignited a massive inferno that may have killed dozens. Why is the exact number of fatalities unknown? Because it is quite possible that the fire was so intense that a good number of people were literally vaporized.

When you read the details of the train derailment, it sounds like a combo of criminal stupidity and a Jerry Bruckheimer film (granted, I may have just been redundant). An unmanned train of 73 cars, all but one of which is carrying oil, was parked for the night in the town of Nantes, about four miles away–and tragically, uphill– from Lac-Megantic. The train somehow broke loose and began rolling downhill, and accelerating, until it jumped the tracks at a speed of approximately 63 miles per hour. All of this happens at night, so almost everyone killed –or vaporized –was sleeping when they instantly ceased to exist. How’s that for sudden?

Two days later the largest city in Canada, Toronto, was pelted by 3.9 inches of rain in one 24-hour span. That’s the largest deluge to blast the capital of Ontario in at least seven decades.

2. Rios? Bravo!

Rios’ BA jumped from .267 to .281 last night.

Most Major League hitters will never come to bat six times in one game. That would mean a minimum of 45 at-bats for your team which, when you subtract the 27 outs, translates to a sum of –again, minimum–  18 hits, walks, errors and HBPs. So what Alex Rios of the Chicago White Sox did last night against Justin Verlander and the Detroit Tigers was truly astounding: a 6 for 6 evening in the Sox’ 11-4 win.

Six hits, five singles and one triple, in six at-bats. A few notes, courtesy of Yahoo! Sports:

1. Players have hit for the cycle 302 times in MLB history, but only 97 batters have collected six hits in a nine-inning contest.

2. No player had ever gotten four hits off (former) Tiger ace Verlander, as Rios did, before last night.

3. The last player to collect six hits in a nine-inning game was Adrian Gonzalez, two teams ago, in 2009.

4. Other members of the six-hit club include Duff Cooley (who I believe also was a member of Guns ‘n Roses), Jason Glasscock (hello!), Kirby Puckett and Cal Ripken, Jr.

Stennett’s talent at 2nd allowed the Pirates to trade away a young 2B talent named Willie Randolph.

5. (Courtesy of me): Only one player since 1900 has had a seven-for-seven game. On September 16, 1975, Rennie Stennett of the Pittsburgh Pirates had seven hits as the Pirates routed the Chicago Cubs (shocker!), 22-0. Stennett had a hit versus both Cubs starter Rick Reuschel and later against his brother, Paul Reuschel. The score is tied for the largest margin of victory in a shutout in the modern era.

3. Hawaii 5-0 in Business Rankings

If that’s your view on your commute home, who cares about profit margins?

You know those lists and rankings that frequently come out and incite mass opining on Twitter (e.g., lumberjack is a better job than newspaper reporter, but both are worse than being a restaurant dishwasher)? Well, the latest is CNBC’s “Top 50 States for Business 2013.”

And guess what? The Aloha State, the 50th state to join the Union, finished 50th in the rankings (South Dakota finished first, so if you are thinking of opening up a Hitler Fried Chicken franchise, proceed directly to Spearfish, SD). Hawaii is also last in terms of Cost of Living, according to CNBC, making it more expensive than even New York or Alaska (49th).

On the other hand, Hawaii did rank No. 1 overall in…..Quality of Life. (Louisiana was last…apparently CNBC has never attended a night game in Death Valley). And isn’t that kind of what it’s all about?

Magnum: Held down TWO jobs. Who says Hawaii is bad for business?

Besides, devotees of Magnum, P.I. would argue that Hawaii has a great job market. You can own a restaurant, give chopper tours, or be a caretaker of Robin Masters’ estate while occasionally hiring yourself out to do investigative work for clients who, as often as not, are wealthy and beautiful widows or divorcees. That’s a sweet gig.

4. How Many ABs to be an A-S?

In a column this morning on SI.com, Cliff Corcoran argues that he’d start Jose Reyes of the Toronto Blue Jays at shortstop in next week’s All-Star Game from Citi Field. That’s fine. Just a reminder that Reyes, who missed the first two months of the season with injury, has 93 at-bats in 2013. Yasiel Puig, whose potential inclusion on the National League All-Star roster would be a “complete joke” according to Philadelphia Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon, has 135 ABs.

A comparative look:

Reyes:  .323 BA, .366 OBP, 4 HR, 12 RBI, .484 SLG.

Puig: .407 BA, .441 OBP, 8 HR, 19 RBI, .659 SLG.

Important to note that Corcoran has never Papelbon’ed about Puig’s possible inclusion. So it’s not as if he is being hypocritical. It’s just strange that he never mentions the Puig scenario when stumping for Reyes. Granted, one is a veteran and one is a rookie, but why should that matter?

5. Worst Films of 2013

After Earth: How many Smiths does it take to make a truly horrible movie?

Over at Rolling Stone, film critic Peter Travers ranks “The Worst Movies of 2013” thus far. Your gut reaction, like mine, was probably, “All of ’em.”
Okay, we hear that Mud, Spring Breakers and Fruitvale Station are pretty good.

Reserves

A few nights ago @StudleyLee tweeted  that he was watching “Coming To America” and called it “The most quotable movie of the Eighties.”

Which got me to thinking: Is it? Well, no. Not by a long shot. But it is interesting to note that most of the films people my age quote that were NOT written by Aaron Sorkin, who was not invented until the 1990s, are from that decade. Here is one man’s list of The Most Quotable Movies of the Eighties. I welcome your suggestions and corrections:

“It’s easy to grin/When your ship comes in….”

1. Caddyshack (1980)

–“You’ll get nothing and like it.”

2. Airplane (1980)

— “I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley.”

3. When Harry Met Sally (1989)

–“I’ll have what she’s having.”

4. Fletch (1985)

–“I’ll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and… a steak sandwich, please.

5. The Princess Bride

–My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

6. The Breakfast Club (1985)

-“It’s sorta social. Demented and sad, but social.”

7. Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982)

–“All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.”

8. Say Anything (1989)

–“Nobody thinks this will work, do they?” “You just described every great success story.”

9. A Christmas Story (1983)

–“You’ll shoot yer eye out!”

10. Raising Arizona (1987)

–“Do they come in funny shapes?” “No. Unless round is funny.”

Just missed the cut: Broadcast News, Do The Right Thing, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Back To The Future, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. Films with one signature line (i.e., “Hasta la vista…”) are not what we were looking for here.

Starting Five

Now usurped by CNN!

1. Project Runway

“Pull up, Stryker, you’re coming in too low!”

The target speed for a Boeing 777 upon final approach to a runway is 137 knots, or 158 m.p.h.

Yesterday NTSB Chairman Deborah Hersman stated that the speed just before impact of Asiana Flight 214 was 103 knots, or 122 m.p.h.

That’s knot-good.

“We’re not talking about a few knots,” said Hersman, who was not using a double negative.

I think we’d all like to hear more about the flight data recorder.

Hersman: kind of a babe, no? Has Today already approached her about becoming one of their “Today’s Professionals?”

Finally, I used to think that Airplane! was a spoof of all those “Airport” films from the mid-1970s. Come to learn that there was a 1957 film entitled “Zero Hour” in which the main character was named Ted Stryker and there’s a little boy named Joey. No, George Mikan was not a co-pilot, but thank you for asking.

A scene from “Zero Hour.” Look familiar? “Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”

2. “Scotch is a drink; Scots are a people. But we’re both quite tasty.”

Also not English: 007 (and, for that matter, former Denver Nugget Alex English)

So I wasn’t the only one all “a-Twitter” when sportswriters and others hailed Wimbledon champion Andy Murray as “English” on Sunday.

It’s amazing how testy people become when you invade their sovereign nation.

“Heed! Move! Now!”

3. Sailing Solo

Regatta de bland: One boat doth not constitute a race.

So the America’s Cup Regatta got off to a less than rousing start on Sunday in San Francisco Bay as only one yacht, Emirates New Zealand, actually raced. See, the other boats are disputing a judges’ decision for heavier rudders for safety reasons, changes that came about after a British sailor died during a practice run in May. Emirates will “race” again today in the round-robin section of the regatta, which will continue through early September, but will sail solo once again.

4. Neigh Means Neigh

A man in Hidalgo County, Texas, is a repeat sexual offender against…horses.

A police spokesman: “The guy is practically harmless, except for the horse.”

I’m no journalism school grad, by the way, but when did it become okay to name the victim (Nadia)?

5. Igniting a Fuhrer

Oh my, Thai.

In Bangkok, “Hitler Fried Chicken” (HFC) is a thing. I’m not getting within five miles of a joke here. Just thought I’d inform you.

Reserves

What Are You Waiting For?

Infamous secret-leaker Edward Snowden has been offered asylum in Venezuela, which is the world’s leading exporter of Miss Universe winners. We think this one is a no-brainer. Aaaaand, the coffee is excellent!

Bonita Caracas!

*****

This probably will not make “Media Circus”, but SI.com has a column this morning headlined “Wimbledon Grades: Andy Murray and Marion Bartoli score high.” I wonder why.

Also, SI.com states “This Won’t Be Fun” as it pertains to the 2013-14 Los Angeles Lakers. I beg to differ. Will the Lakers go far in the playoffs? Probably not. But I have yet to come across an NBA franchise whose priniciple players are foreigners that did not play well together and or have decent team chemistry (then again, I never really watch the Toronto Raptors). Consider that next season will begin with Canadian Steve Nash unburdened by the egos of Dwight Howard and Metta World Peace (yes, the Lakers did not give Peace a chance). He and Spaniard Pau Gasol, while both past their primes, will get along fine. And while he is an American, newly acquired center Chris Kaman is going to love all of the easy pick-and-roll baskets that Nash gets him.

Mikan. Wilt. Kareem. Shaq. Dwight. And this guy. Kobe just tossed up his Alpha-Bits.

When Kobe Bryant –who spent part of his youth in Italy –returns from Achilles surgery rehab, he will discover a cohesive, if not overly athletic, unit. I don’t love the Lakers to advance much beyond the first or second round next season.

But I do think that they will be a happy –as opposed to “miserable” — group. They’ll be the “Reds 2” of the NBA.

***

It’s a day later and I’m still wowed by the tale of Jason Everman, former Nirvana guitarist and U.S. Army Special Forces operative who now, at the age of 45, is an Ivy League undergrad at Columbia (just a few subway stops on the 1 train north of me). First, I’m astounded that I did not think of the headline “Guitar Hero.” So. Obvious.

Can’t find a better man. Wait, that’s the one grunge band he was not in.

Also, I love this line from Everman, who is studying philosophy, that I should have included:
“The way I look at it, life is meaningless. The meaningfulness is what you impart to it.”

*****

Red carpets are the only aisle George Clooney will walk down with a fabulous babe.

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler move from Lake Como to Splitsville. She wanted to focus more on her career, while he wanted to focus more on his crossover dribble on asphalt. We can respect that.

****

FS1, Fox Sports’ new cable channel, hires Clay Travis of “Outclick the Coverage” as its college football analyst, as Jason McIntyre of The Big Lead first reported yesterday. It’s similar to the deal that NBC Sports pulled with Mike Florio, purchasing his site (Pro Football Talk) and then adding Florio as a talking head. A few years ago Clay wrote of his now studio partner, Erin Andrews, “ESPN put her on television for one reason, because viewers, mostly male, are sexually attracted to her.”

So that should be a fun time when the Fox on-air talent convenes for its annual weekend retreat next month in Westchester.

Also, I disagree with a point that Clay–who humblebraggedly points out that he married a Tennessee Titans cheerleader — makes in this piece. He writes, “Erin Andrews is smart.” I don’t necessarily believe that’s true at all.

***

Happy 40th!

Russell in Boulder

Russell in slammer

Denver Bronco director of player personnel Matt Russell (college football fans may remember him as a stud linebacker with the Colorado Buffs in the mid-1990s) turned 40 on Friday, and apparently the festivities carried on to the following day. On Saturday evening he struck a car in Frisco, Colo., in the Rocky Mountains, and fled the scene. A few minutes later as he was approaching the lovely ski resort haven of Breckenridge, Russell rear-ended a police car. He was booked on a DUI charge. The Broncos have yet to announce if you may turn in your Matt Russell jersey and exchange it for another front-office exec’s jersey.

Starting Five

1. Pilot Terror

Asiana Airlines Flight 214: It could have been much, much worse. Or, with more attentive pilots, much better.

As the carcass of Flight 214 lies on Runway 28 of the San Francisco International Airport like a beached whale, here are a few takeaways:

1) “Too low and too slow.” That’s the initial word. Yes, pilot Lee Gang-guk was making his first landing in a Boeing 777 at SFO, but it is not as if he is an inexperienced pilot overall. And, of course, there is only one way to accrue experience. That’s not the problem. The problem is, if the air speed on approach was, as NTSB chairman Deborah Hersman told Matt Lauer on Today, “significantly lower” than the minimum mandatory airspeed of 137 knots, then WHY? Four crew members and nobody noticed? Or was there a problem with the instruments? I’m guessing the former. We’ll see.

(By the way, notice how there’s an NTSB to investigate air crashes? Because if it were left to Asiana Airlines to investigate itself, I’m guessing that “pilot error” would be a very inconvenient, i.e., expensive, conclusion to be drawn.)

Hersman: NTSB’s top gun.

2) Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg, 43, was supposed to be on board this flight –along with a few other FB execs and her own family members– but she switched to a United flight out of Seoul and landed 20 minutes before the crash. Sandberg apparently switched to United in order to take advantage of frequent flyer miles. Sandberg is a billionaire. Which only proves that everybody likes a deal.

3) Had you visited the website of the San Francisco Examiner, the paper of record in the Bay Area, on Saturday night, you would have seen that the main story on the crash was written by “Wire Report.” Even today’s story, which is linked above, has a byline from The Associated Press. Where are the paper’s reporters?

4) Investigators say that the pilot attempted to abort the landing and execute a “go around” two seconds before impact. Oops. I’ve been involved in two “go arounds”, one at this very airport on this very runway. Scary events. My “go around” at Chicago’s O’Hare was launched about, I’d guess, five seconds before we were due to touch down. I think they call it “go around” as if to remind you that you only go around once.

5) I’ve landed at SFO, on that very pair of parallel runways, dozens of times. So have you perhaps. Have you ever approached from any direction other than south –as the Asiana Airlines flight did? I have not. Why do I ask? Why have a seawall at the end of the runway to prevent planes from skidding into the drink if they nearly never land from north to south, which is the only time such a seawall would be in use? I’m sure someone has an answer to this, but I do not.

6) As cable and local news stations continue to flounder and fall behind the times, Twitter continues to ascend in the NEWS NOW department. I’m a waiter who had just finished my daily swim at a gym 2,500 miles away when I saw a tweet from @StefanieLaine, a passenger on another flight on the tarmac at SFO, who first brought the crash to my attention. I posted a tweet on the crash at 11:46 a.m. Pacific time. Within 25 minutes I had posted both Laine’s and passenger David Eun’s photos, plus a short video from someone else. I constantly checked both CNN’s and MSNBC’s websites. Nothing was up. Nor was anything on the local San Francisco station’s sites, nor on SFExaminer.com.

Stefanie Laine’s pic, as it appeared on Twitter. News orgs would catch up half an hour later.

No one’s asking for a story here. Just a large banner declaring BREAKING NEWS, etc. I’ve written it before so I’ll write it again: Twitter is to the internet what the internet was to the computes. It changes everything. It may not be the world’s most accurate news source, but it is the world’s most immediate.

At about 12:20 p.m. Pacific time, I tweeted, “As dozens of news producers contact Stefanie Laine and ask her to follow for a DM” and Laine actually retweeted it. I’ve never met Laine. That’s the power of Twitter.

David Eun: At the intersection of Twitter and history.

7) First deadly plane crash involving a commercial airliner that seats more than 100 passengers in the United States since November of 2001. Of course it’s tragic that two Chinese teenagers died (out of 307 passengers and crew), but it is now being reported that one of the two may have died after being struck and run over by a fire engine responding to the crash. No better way to illustrate the relative safety of air travel.

8) Meanwhile, a prop plane crashed on the Kenai Peninsula in Alaska yesterday, claiming the lives of all 10 people on board. The flight was either taking off or landing.

8) Gravity. Still undefeated.

2). Murray wins Wimbledon

Great Scot! Murray becomes the 77th consecutive non-Englishman to win Wimbledon’s Gentlemen’s Singles title.

It’s the All-England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, not the All-Britain Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club.

We say this not to rain on Glasgow native Andy Murray’s parade -bully for him and his persistence. It’s been a long and dogged climb for Murray, who has never had the talent of Nadal, Federer or this year’s top seed, and yesterday’s second-place finisher, Novak Djokovic.

Instead, we say this to note that it is convenient for the English to include their neighbors to the north as countrymen at times like this (I’ve seen Braveheart, you’ve seen Braveheart; we all know the story), and use the term “British.” As in, “Andy Murray becomes the first Brit since Fred Perry in 1936 to win the men’s singles title at Wimbledon.”

Wallace: Shanks for the memories.

But at other times, such as when it comes to selecting a World Cup roster, they refer to themselves as England. Which sort of sucks for the United Kingdom– and the rest of us–, since the best footballer on that island is Gareth Bale of Wales, who will be unable to compete for England in Brazil next summer. And Wales will fail to qualify for the World Cup.

3. Penultimate Fighting Championship?

MMA: Where fighters literally go toe to toe

Chris Weidman knocked out Anderson Silva in the second round of the featured bout of Ultimate Fighting Championship 162, leading anyone I follow on Twitter under the age of 35 to go slack-jawed. Those of us old enough to remember watching Mike Tyson, Sugar Ray Leonard and –yes– Muhammad Ali wonder, If something can take place 162 times (in less than 20 years), is “Ultimate” (“last in a progression or series”) truly the most accurate modifier for it?

4. Guitarist for Nirvana? Check. Special Forces? Check. Jason Everman is not Everyman.

Everman, directly behind Cobain. Put up the $606.17 to record “Bleach.” Was never repaid. Album has sold 2.1 million copies.

“In Nirvana — a band with a lead singer so famously tortured that he would commit suicide — Jason Everman was kicked out for being a head case.”

An absolutely is-this-really-true? profile of Jason Everman, a former guitarist for Nirvana and then bassist with Soundgarden who then became a Special Forces soldier. I can’t add anything beyond that other than it’s a mesmerizing read. Thanks to Richard Deitsch for informing me of this story. It was in the weekend edition of The New York Times, but who can afford that?

You hold a rifle just like you hold a guitar…kinda.

5. “I Beheaded To World Cup 2014”

da Silva

Can you red card an entire nation?

Referee Otavia da Silva expels Josenir dos Santos Abreu during a match in Maranhao, Brazil.

Abreu attacks da Silva, who defends himself with a knife and fatally stabs Abreu.

A mob of friends and family of Abreu storm the field, stone da Silva to death, quarter him and decapitate him, placing his head atop a post.

Enjoy World Cup 2014, everybody!

(Posting this NSFP –Not Safe For Phyllis — photo here.)

Reserves

Asik reacts to news that Howard is about to take his job as Houston’s starting center.

Houston center Omer Asik, who started all 82 games for the Rockets last season and who finished 3rd in rebounding and 11th in field-goal percentage, wants to be traded after Houston acquires Dwight Howard. DH finished 1st in rebounding and 2nd in FG %, it should be noted. So nobody in Houston thought to massage Asik’s ego before chasing after Dwight? We saw this coming when on Friday we tweeted, “I’d rather have Omer Asik than Josh Smith” and then Jason McIntyre of The Big Lead agreed with us on Twitter, and THEN Asik himself retweeted the exchange.

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It’s been more than two weeks since Bill Simmons said on nearly live television, “I wanted to say about ‘The Decision’ –” and then the screen went black. Simmons has yet to state what he wanted to say. If only Bill had a forum of some sort to express his views.

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A minor Twitter skirmish erupts between SI’s “Media Circus” columnist Richard Deitsch and Clay Travis’ biggest fan. It all began when Deitsch took exception to a comment by the BBC’s John Inverdale on Wimbledon Ladies’ Singles champ Marion Bartoli’s paucity of pulchritude. Deitsch tweeted that he’d expect that from a local sports radio guy, which appeared to encourage Travis to bait Deitsch by replying that he could not wait until SI’s editors assign Deitsch to pen a profile on him. Deitsch retweeted that SI only covers “national figures” and that perhaps “you should contact The Tennessean.”

Ultimate Slap-Fighting Championship 162.

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Los Angeles Behind The Times

Sondheimer: Apparently loves the ghetto girls.

Still nothing from Bill Plaschke, T.J. Simers or Bill Dwyre on the resignation of Michael Sondheimer from UCLA. Simers never needs an excuse to head to Westwood — or USC’s Heritage Hall –to stir up the poop, so where is he now? Could it have anything to do with the fact that Sondheimer’s brother is a colleague of theirs on the sportswriting staff?

Also, has anyone done a FOIA request for Sondheimer’s emails at his UCLA computer?

There’s being an alleged pedophile. Then there’s being an alleged pedophile AND having a job that for decades puts you in contact with high school teens, male and female. And then there’s a university that operates via state funding that may very well be attempting to sweep this mess under the rug. Now more than ever we need LA-based SportsbyBrooks to return.

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Philadelphia Eagle rookie QB Matt Barkley marries college sweetheart Brittany Langdon on the same weekend that Washington Redskins’ second-year quarterback Robert Griffin III marries HIS college sweetheart, Rebecca Liddicoat. Even in July RG3, Heisman Trophy-winner and NFL Rookie of the Year, overshadows his NFC East counterpart.

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Irony Alert: The Newseum in Washington, D.C., is “struggling mightily to cover its costs”, reports the Associated Press.