Starting Five

1. Jim Delany Does John Galt

And he’s not even running for mayor of New York City…

Yesterday Jim Delany took the podium at the conclusion of Big Ten media days and delivered the rhetorical equivalent of a Purdue-Illinois game. The Big Ten commish spoke for more than 23 meandering minutes and put a pack of reporters, likely already woozy from having just inhaled (a free) lunch, dangerously close to slumber.

Texas congresswoman Wendy Davis wonders if Delany is not long-winded.

One of the points that Delany broached, and has been promoting for some time now, is a “cost of attendance” stipend. The idea being that full-scholarship athletes would receive $3,000 to $6,000 per year as a cost-of-living allowance. Which is another term for “salary”, although you’d never hear Delany use that word.

Full-scholarship football players at big-time universities already receive the following:

Free tuition.

Free room and board.

Free books and often preferred status in registering for classes.

Free gear, from shoes to sweats to T-shirts. It may not be Hollister –although there’s no reason Hollister cannot strike a sponsorship deal with, say, UCLA– but most NCAA athletes do not seem to mind being clad in Nike or Adidas or Under Armour.

Free and highly attentive tutoring. THE Ohio State University, for example, has 21 (quick, Buckeye players: Is that less or more than two dozen?) “experienced and committed staff members” whose role it is to provide academic support.

This is Sammy Watkins of Clemson. He may be the most exciting player in the state of South Carolina, which is saying something.

Intangible perks that most college students can only dream of: girls, access to privileges at local restaurants and saloons, free tickets to home games, girls, rock-star status on campus, golf carts (when they are injured), favor with those who hustle trees (if they themselves are not the ones hustling trees), and girls.

Meanwhile, the average student who graduates with a four-year college degree finds himself or herself looking at a debt of $26,600, which is likely close to their entire first-year salary out of college, assuming they don’t tack on more debt by choosing to attend grad school.

Is the disparity between what big-time football schools earn off their players and what players receive (the above) the fiscal equivalent of an unbalanced line? Hell, yes. But are “student-athletes” already being paid? Of course. Anyone who believes that further giving football players, for example, $4,000 per year in cash will end the Oliver Twist-ian requests for “More, please”, well, I’d like to introduce you to every kid (every person?) who ever lived.

And I’d like some of those neon-yellow kicks that Oregon players get.

And once you break that seal, overtly paying payers to play, then it just becomes an annual issue of negotiating how much.

It does NOT have to be as Draconian as you may think I am being. My suggestions, some of which to Delany’s credit he echoed yesterday:

1) If a school sells a jersey with a player’s number or name or likeness on it, be it in the campus bookstore or to EA Sports, that player will receive a tiny percentage of that revenue (we can discuss the amount later). The player receives that money in a trust, which will be given him upon his graduation from college.

2) A player who finds himself in both decent academic and disciplinary standing within that school will be provided as much time as he needs to complete his undergraduate degree.

3) A player who graduates cum laude, magna cum laude or summa cum laude is eligible for either a financial reward or a grant that goes toward his graduate education.

4) A player who is below the poverty line may be offered, by the school(s) recruiting him, a second non-athletic scholarship to be used by a sibling (or parent) who is academically qualified to attend that school.

That’s a start. More can be done. As Delany (a commish whose surname sort of encompasses two of the most successful football programs in the history of the sport, Yale and ND) also mentioned, there needs to be a greater de-emphasis on the year-round time suck of being a college football player (hello, Dan Hawkins).

Recognizing the disparity between what big-time football schools earn and what rights its laborers should have is the right thing to do. Simply throwing cash at young men who already have unbelievable access to privilege and favor is the NCAA equivalent of the parent who buys his/her child another toy to stop them from whining. It’s not about the need for the toy; it’s about the guilt about failing as a parent in the first place.

2. Spain Rail Tragedy

This is awful. At least 78 people die in northern Spain as a high-speed train derails while curving around a bend. This raw video shows you the accident unfold in Santiago de Compostela in the northwest part of the Iberian peninsula.

3. He’s With Leathers

If Weiner wins the mayoral election, can we rename it “Eww! York City?”

New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner may have some serious ideas about the issues facing New Yorkers –Is it possible to make Citi Bikes lighter, for example? — but as long as he is sexting 23 year-old women with real names such as Sydney Leathers, do any of his bona fides matter? Weiner’s paramour-or-less first reached out to Carlos Danger (Weiner’s nom de selfie) after he resigned from his congressional seat.

Carlos Danger: And YOU want to be my latex salesman?

You might say that Carlos Danger is not unlike the narrator in the song “Flagpole Sitta”  (you have my permission to TURN IT UP!) by the late-Nineties rock group Harvey Danger: “I’m not sick/But I’m not well/And I’m so hot/Cause I’m in hell…”

Harvey Danger

4. Mosc-Ow! on the Hudson

Moment of Impact: Met baserunner Eric Young snaps Brave pitcher Tim Hudson’s ankle.

Freak play at Citi Field. In the eighth inning New York Mess batter Eric Young hits a hard grounder to Brave first baseman Freddie Freeman (who is white; we just want to mention that because surely he’s a member of the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars), who fails to field it cleanly. Brave pitcher Tim Hudson, 38, who owns a career record of 205-111, goes to cover the bag. Hudson steps on top of the bag just a split-second before Young’s right foot descends upon the same intended spot. Snap!

Hudson, who struck out nine and picked up the win, suffered a right ankle fracture and is done for the season. The Yankees responded by immediately placing Derek Jeter on the 30-day disabled list.

5. Edward Snowden now starring in The Terminal 2

Viktor Navorski (Tom Hanks) spent nine months inside JFK Airport in the 2004 film The Terminal.

So, Edward Snowden, who has spent the last five weeks inside Sheremetyevo International Airport in Moscow, still has a long way to go. Fortunately, there is this thing known as Russian literature, which is quite time-consuming. We hear that Snowden’s attorney has brought him some books to help pass the time. There should be a BoDog bet on whether Snowden will depart the airport or  finish Anna Karenina first.

Reserves

O’Leary in his Bishop Dwyer high school days. Not really pertinent, but how do we NOT run this photo?

The video is two months old, but the news was just released yesterday. Florida State tight end Nick O’Leary, who, yes, is Jack Nicklaus’ grandson and who first gained notoriety by making an obscene gesture at the end of a nationally televised high school football game inside Ohio Stadium –and being suspended for it; thanks, ESPN cameras! — was involved in a scary motorcycle crash.

No idea how fast he was traveling at the time.

O’Leary somehow walked away from this accident, so give it your best shots, ACC safeties.

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If you’re scoring at home, Jason Sudeikis is…

1) leaving Saturday Night Live

2) not leaving Olivia Wilde

Not making this up: Wilde’s actual surname is Cockburn.

Sudeikis confirmed the former news during an appearance last night on Late Show with David Letterman. Credit Dave for responding to the news with, “Now, do they know that? I mean, have you run this by someone?”

One of Sudeikis’ more memorable moments on SNL, as The Devil.

It was the right time for Sudeikis to depart, as Bill Hader and Fred Armisen –and by the end of 2013, Seth Meyers– are all making exoduses as well. That’s his era. Sudeikis certainly seemed like a prodigal son at SNL the past year or two, though.

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Sorority Girl News

Still working as an unpaid intern at ACN

A bit of tid on the comely young woman who plays “Sorority Girl” on “The Newsroom”, who initially gained fame on the series by standing up, in the pilot, and asking Will MacAvoy (Jeff Daniels), “Can you say why America is the greatest country in the world?”

She is in fact, not American.

The actress, Riley Voelkel, is actually from Calgary, Alberta (and initially had a non-speaking role in another Aaron Sorkin vehicle, “The Social Network”). Yes, it has come to this: America is even out-sourcing its All-American looking coeds. If you want a young lady who looks like the classic All-American girl, go to Canada. As Pamela Anderson says, “Hell, I knew that twenty years ago.”

CJ: Go ahead and make your “rescue cans” joke.

The Boy of Summer: The Way Way Back

by Chris Corbellini

Steve Carrell aficionados will note this is both his second film with Collette and second that takes place in the Cape Cod region.

“No, I’ve never seen ‘Adventureland’. What’s it about?”

James (L) and Rockwell.

Starting Five

1. Welcome to Weinerville

Erstwhile U.S. congressman Anthony Weiner, a.k.a. “Carlos Danger” (apparently, unlike Austin Powers, “Danger” is his last name), is once again in hot water –as wieners often find themselves before being put between a bun. See, Weiner has decided that he has paid for his sexual misadventures enough and wants to resume a career in public service (also known as “Spitzering“). In fact, he wants to become the mayor of the greatest city in the world.

And then earlier this week the gossip site The Dirty (“Scottsdale! Representin’!”) posted details of on-line correspondence between Weiner and other females that occurred after his inglorious exodus from politics. So, there’s that. Weiner is defiantly forging ahead because, let’s face it, Michael Bloomberg cannot live forever –although he certainly could afford to– and David Wright does not want the job.

Nick Gilronan: He’s no Geraldo.

Speaking of Weiners/wieners, remember a month or so ago when we reported that a Brooklyn saloon, the Kings County Bar, was going to stage a contest to find Brooklyn’s smallest wiener. Well, that happened and Nick Gilronan, 27, who happens to work at a UPS store –yes, he handles small packages for a living — won.

And Gilronan has our vote for mayor. He’s already won one more election than Anthony Weiner will in the next year.

2. Sharknado-esque

The beach at Recife, which has seen 10 fatal shark attacks since 1992.

If you’re thinking, There just have not been enough brutal videos of human carnage emanating from Brazil this summer, well, we have just the item for you. In what sounds like the cruelest “Baywatch” plot twist of all time, an 18 year-old female swimmer was fatally attacked by a bull shark as lifeguards were rescuing her from drowning. The woman, Bruna Gobbi, was struggling in rough waves on the beach in Recife when lifeguards, one riding a waverunner, came to her rescue. Just at that moment the shark took a bite out of one of her lower legs and the surrounding water turned red.

That’s the difference between bull sharks and humpbacked whales. The former don’t miss. And if you don’t think bull sharks mean business, watch this video.

3. Gainesville D.A. Pooch Punts Antonio Morrison Case

Soon after police put Morrison in a four-point stance

Florida linebacker Antonio Morrison will not be serving any time in the kennel following his arrest for barking at a police dog. State attorney Bill Cervone told the Associated Press that the “dismissal is based on the lack of evidence to warrant much less legally sustain those charges, and the complete inappropriateness of pursing court action against Morrison, or anyone else, under the circumstances involved.”

It’s only July and the Gators already have a leg up on the Dawgs.

To Morrison’s credit, he never appears violent or belligerent in the music video. At worst he seems bemused and surprised. Kind of like when my manager at the steakateria told me he was firing me for forgetting to wipe the steam arm of the cappuccino machine. Really?! Really!?! Really?

Things could have gone much worse for Morrison. After all, he could have come across a neighborhood watchman as opposed to Gainesville’s Finest. Or the RIPD. Either way, let’s take a moment to appreciate Morrison’s sartorial statement. He is wearing a T-shirt that reads “Hustle Trees”, which is slang for “sell marijuana.” I’m sure not a single NFL GM will take note of that (they will all take note of that).

4. “I Want To Break Free”

The chameleon-like Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G., Borat, The Dictator) has dropped out of portraying late Queen front man Freddie Mercury for an eponymous biopic due to creative differences with the band’s surviving members. That is SUCH a diva rock-star move.

Why can’t we give love one more chance? Why can’t we give love just one more chance? Why can’t we give love, give love, give love, give love, give love….

SBC had actually enlisted writer Peter Morgan to work on the script and make it, in his opinion, less PG in terms of Mercury’s flamboyantly gay lifestyle. Morgan won an Oscar for his script for The Queen.

“Oh, baby! Can’t do this to me, baby. Just gotta get out, just getta get right outta here.”

5. Lightning A-Rod

Two of the Big Apple’s more respected and veteran baseball writers took opposite stances on A-Rod in the past few days. It’s rare to see writers who have known each other, what, a quarter-century, do this. Joel Sherman penned a column for Sunday’s New York Post in which he visited the Yankee third baseman in the wilds of Triple A ball and came away with an “exclusive interview” about how Rodriguez continues to toil for the same reason Kevin Costner did, even though Kelly Preston had left him for John Travolta (wait, what?).

Maybe that’s why Sherman got the exclusive. Suuuuh-mooch!

Sherman’s column inspired Bob Klapisch of the Bergen Record, who has only been covering the MLB in NYC since Fernando Valenzuela’s rookie year, to not-in-so-many-words call, “Bullshit.” Klapisch was respectful to his peer, but he asked the question, “How does A-Rod’s passion (for playing baseball) square with using steroids?”

And does A-Rod love baseball enough to come clean about his steroid use?
Klapisch reminds us of another former Yankee slugger/former MVP/steroid cheat, Jason Giambi who, like A-Rod, once tendered an eight-figure deal from the Yankees. Giambi is now earning $750,000 as a 42 year-old benchwarmer for the Cleveland Indians. Would A-Rod ever go that far to prove his love for baseball, Klapisch wonders?

Reserves

“After a Thoreau Search Near Walden Pond…”

Bulger: Basically, the Jack Nicholson character from “The Departed”.

One of our favorite, and most reliable, news sources, The Onion, with breaking news on the Whitey Bulger trial in Boston.

Yet Another Gem From John Oliver

This first aired a week ago but it’s worth it. John Oliver, who has been a rock star as Jon Stewart’s summer replacement at The Daily Show, on both the George Zimmerman verdict and the state of Florida (“Just because you’re shaped like a combination of a gun and a #$%* doesn’t mean you have to act like one…”). Our favorite moment, and this is why shows such as The Daily Show –and certain snarky blogs –exist, is to point out ironies that our more respected news media should have noticed the first time, is when George Zimmerman’s brother expresses fear (start at 3:26) that his exonerated sibling may now be a target (“There are people who would want to take the law into their own hands as they perceive it or, you know, be vigilantes in some sense…”) to Piers Morgan.

Also worth noting: Later during that same telecast, Oliver interviews Aaron Sorkin, creator of “The Newsroom”. The show loses power just before the interview is to commence, so they must do the interview with handhelds. Yes, it’s a scene like something you’d see from Will MacAvoy and McKenzie McHale.

It gets better.

The two men are seated in director’s chairs and at one point Oliver drops his cheat sheet with questions and facts about Sorkin. But both men pretend not to notice. Then, later in the interview, just as Sorkin is make a point about how he did NOT create his series “to show the professionals like you how it’s done” (1:45), someone off-camera hands the slip of paper back to Oliver. Both men laugh at the irony while never directly mentioning it. For a seasoned screenwriter such as Sorkin, it must be humbling to be reminded that reality is always incredible than fiction.

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“Wikipedia is quite useful…”

Let’s talk about dingoes!

The lovely and luminous Cate Blanchett, who apparently knocks it out of the park in Woody Allen’s new film, Blue Jasmine (Corbellini, get on it!), stopped by Late Show with David Letterman on Monday night. And I don’t know if you want to blame it on aging, or being flustered by Blanchett’s beauty and wit, but Dave seemed a little dense. After his fourth or fifth boiler-plate question about Australia, her home land, and that region of the planet (Former Penal colony? Tasmania? New Zealand? Marsupials?), a pleasantly frustrated Blanchett finally rebuked him (7:50 mark) with the above quote. That seemed to wake him up some.

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This video may be proof that we actually did not “hunt the dodo into extinction.” Stay classy, CNN. That’s CNN International anchor Jonathan Mann, who is now the best friend of every staffer at KTVU.

Starting Five

1. It’s a Boy-al!

The London sky last night.

All of England was pulling for Duchess Kate yesterday, while her physician at St. Mary’s Hospital was telling her, “Push!” Kate gave birth, as reports said, “to a baby boy”, though as someone wondered on Twitter, isn’t the word “baby” rather extraneous here? That cheeky tabloid, The Sun, renamed itself for the day.

There are now three potential male HRH’s alive –Prince Charles, Prince William, and The Prince Formerly Known as Fetus. Speculation is that the name will be George or James, and that you may rule out North and Barkevious.

Aunt Pippa. Future babysitter.

The youngest male to ascend to throne of England, in case you were wondering: Henry VI, who did so at the age of nine months in 1423. For multiple reasons, then, he never sang, “Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!”

You’d expect Kate to be a stay-at-castle mom, and for William, the father, to become the next reigning monarch in England. After all, his grandmother, who currently has the gig, is 87. Who does she think she is? Vin Scully?

2. Braun is Gone

Braun will be stripped of his yellow jersey…for the remainder of the 2013 season.

Milwaukee Brewer slugger Ryan Braun, the “Hebrew Hammer” and winner of the 2011 National League Most Valuable Player award, has been suspended for the rest of this season due to “violations of the Basic Agreement and its Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program.”

Braun skated by on a technicality last season –thanks, FedEx–but Major League Baseball apparently assembled enough information to compel him to step down without a fight. He’ll cede about $3.25 million in salary. Last year Braun defiantly denied ever using PEDs. Yesterday he admitted, “I am not perfect. I realize now that I have made some mistakes.”

Although this was not one of them.

With Braun shelved, Milwaukee native and baseball commissioner Bud Selig can now turn his attention to investigating Bob Uecker. I mean, look at this guy. He’s 78!

Jussssssst a bit outside the line of decency.

3. Carlos Hyde Will Likely Miss Ohio State’s Key Games Versus Buffalo and San Diego State

This actually is a wall in the Buckeye locker room. Maybe if they made the words bigger?

Things Ohio State football has beaten this summer so far: Cancer and, allegedly, women.

Starting running back Carlos Hyde, a senior who rushed for 970 yards last season, was “suspended indefinitely” after he was named a “person of interest” in an assault at Sugar Bar 2 in Columbus early Sunday morning. Why can’t B1G players just bark at dogs (“S-E-C!” S-E-C!”). Whether Hyde actually struck the female or, as video may suggest, simply patted her on the cheek after she struck him (and what did you SAY, Carlos?), is still being investigated.

Roby’s arrest is the reason football powers schedule patsies in September. It’s suspension season.

Teammate Bradley Roby, an All-American cornerback who is a likely top ten draft pbick next spring, was arrested in Bloomington, Ind., that same evening. Roby was charged with misdemeanor battery after an altercation at Dunkirk Bar. At this point all we know is that Roby has been scratched from attending next week’s Big Ten media days in Chicago, which is actually a reward, not a punishment.

4. Another Banking Failure

July 22: Both Netflix stock and Adam Silberman plunged. But they’ll both recover.

Adam Silberman, 47, a Wall Street banker and president of Solas Investments, attempted to leap to his death yesterday from his 7th-story apartment. According to Silberman’s wife, Monique Ender Silberman, Adam was distraught over constant battles with their building’s coop board over the family’s three French poodles. We’ve all been there.

Anyway, a second-story awning broke Silberman’s fall and he survived. Apparently, both stocks and Silberman can plummet and rebound.

5. Jahar

I read the news today, oh boy. Okay, not the news but I did read the Rolling Stone cover story on the Boston Bomber by Janet Reitman. I urge you to read it and decide if you agree with some of the larger points being made about the brothers and their descent into being dissidents. One quote that really struck me, from Tom Neer, an analyst at the Soufan Group, a strategic consulting agency: “A person is angry, and he needs an explanation for that angst. Projecting blame is a defense mechanism. Rather than say, ‘I’m lost, I’ve got a problem’, it’s much easier to find a convenient enemy or scapegoat. The justification comes later.”

The Mass. State Trooper who released this photo without authorization was suspended.

The older brother was a stay-at-home dad who’d just had his housing welfare cut (that evil America! How dare they stop giving me handouts!) while the younger brother was a stoner who was flunking out of a college that he was largely paying for on his own. Yes, there were family problems, but who doesn’t have them? Instead of facing their problems –character is how you react to the bad times — they opted to blame the country that provided them freedom. Kinda the way miserable adults blame their functional and loving parents for all their problems, yaar?

Or, as Uncle Ruslan so aptly put it, “Because they’re losers.”

Meanwhile, Massachusetts State Trooper Sean Murphy (I know. A cop in Boston named Sean Murphy?) released the above photo and others to Boston magazine as a rebuttal to the RS cover.

“I hope that the people who see these images will know that this was real. It was as real as it gets,” Boston magazine quoted Sgt. Murphy as saying. “This guy is evil. This is the real Boston bomber. Not someone fluffed and buffed for the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.”

Reserves

Louis CK on The Daily Show. You even have to ruminate about clicking this? Louie on appearing in the upcoming Woody Allen film: “That’s all I wanted to do, was to meet him before he died.”

This is Nina Agdal, 21, and there’s absolutely no reason for her to be appearing in this space at this time. She’s a great Dane.

Six Flags at Half Mast?

The good news for Six Flags corporation? Yesterday it reported record earnings for the first half of 2013. Yayyyy!

The bad news for Six Flags? Over the weekend a 52 year-old woman, Rosy Esparza, fell out of one of its rollercoasters and, as we’ve been reporting since the inception of this blog, gravity won. Booo!

The good news for Six Flags? They have $100 million in liability insurance coverage so go ahead, Esparza clan, bring your best suit forward. It’s what they refer to as “an insured loss.”

The Annotated “Newsroom”: Episode 2

If there’s one thing that the second episode of “The Newsroom” taught us, it’s that bars in New Hampshire and New York have not updated their playlists since 1982. We get “Take It On The Run” by REO Speedwagon (1981), “Hold The Line” by Toto (1979), “Head Games” by Foreigner (1979) and Willie Nelson’s incomparable version of “You Were Always on My Mind” (1982). Is Aaron Sorkin exposing his personal preference or is he trying to tell us something?

Sorority Girl: Sorkin’s latest ingénue. I see her hooking up with Slumdog and going off in search of Bigfoot together.

1. “How long does it take New Yorkers to stop giving people shit over a mistake?”
     “Ask A-Rod.”

Zing! Jerry Dantana –and is his surname a reference to Robert Urich’s “Vega$” character?– asks McKenzie McHale the morning after the Cyrus question mark West ellipses debacle. A great line for a New Yorker to say, even if she’s a Brit expat.

2. Sylvia Plath

Sloane and Maggie decide to take the 7 train to Queensboro Plaza to hunt down the blogger/YouTuber who exposed Maggie’s ridiculous rant. Sloane drops the name of the Pulitzer Prize-winning confessional poetess. This scene is one of the most unbelievable in Sorkindom, as no news anchor would ever be seen on the 7 train unless, and only unless, he or she were headed to a Mets game or the U.S. Open.

3. Salvador Dali mask/Guy Fawkes mask

“You’re lookin’ swell, Dali/I can tell, Dali/You’re still growin’ — wait, what?”

Two of the MM’s (McKenzie Minions… my coinage) debate the type of mask they are seeing during the arrests at the “Occupy Wall Street” rally. The female calls it a Salvador Dali mask, while the male corrects her and informs her that it is a Guy Fawkes mask, which sends me to Google to search “Guy Fawkes.” Do you think it is a coincidence that within the first minute of Season 2 Sorkin sets up a moment in which Will MacAvoy calls out an attorney for searching a term he just used on Google? I don’t. That’s Sorkin saying that he is MacAvoy and all of us are the attorney and that, well, he just knows things. “Some people call it a gift; I call it a burden.”

5. “John Dillinger said that the problem with living outside the law is that you no longer have the protection of it.”

“That doesn’t sound like Dillinger.”

From now on let’s attribute all famous quotes to Dillinger. “John Dillinger once said, ‘One small step for man…”

Will gets the first line, and Charlie gets the second in this battle of “I’m not an Actual New York City prosecutor, but I’ve played one on TV”. My Google search informs me that Charlie is correct. Apparently it was Truman Capote, most of who’s crimes were fashion-related, actually said this. So now we know.

John Dillinger was shot and killed while leaving a theater in Chicago. The movie he had seen, which is ironic considering the show to which we are devoting this annotation, was Manhattan Melodrama.

Starting Five

1. Triumph and Triomphe

Relax. Those are French fighter jets flying over Paris.

The biggest sports stories on a mid-summer Sunday took place overseas. In Muirfield, Scotland, Phil Mickelson shot a final round 66 to win the British Open, his fifth major. Lefty won his first Claret Jug hard on the shores of the Firth of Forth, which is either a body of water or a Monty Python sketch (it also reminds us that people with a lisp cannot properly pronounce “lisp”, which just seems mean-spirited).

On the south side of Hadrian’s Wall, and then across the English Channel, Chris Froome 28, won the 100th staging of the Tour de France. Froome, who was born in Kenya and raised in South Africa but is technically British, led the Peloton through the Palace of Versailles — someone has a major mopping job to do this morning -and then the streets of Paris at sunset, which is a departure for the famed race.

In two years they will all be riding Citi Bikes.

Froome eagerly answered all PED questions and, in a reference to previous Tour champions whose victories have since been stripped (e.g., Lance Armstrong, Floyd Landis, Alberto Contador, etc.), promised, “This is one yellow jersey that will stand the test of time.” Or, the drug test of time. We’ll see.

Andrew Talansky of Banner Elk, N.C., finished 10th and was the top American finisher. He will probably never sit down for an interview with Oprah.

Lefty has won five majors in the past nine years, while Tiger has won six. Lefty had won zero before 2004, Tiger had eight.

Mickelson won $1.4 million. Froome pocketed 450,000 Euros, which is about $550,000. He also did this, which is cool.

Next year’s British Open will be held in Liverpool, England (Fab Foursomes, anyone? Hello?). Next year’s Tour de France’s first three stages will also be held in England, commencing in Leeds.

2. Woofers and Tweeters

On Saturday night University of Florida linebacker Antonio Morrison was arrested for barking at a police dog. This led to a misdemeanor charge and an explosion on Twitter by college football scribes who are trying to survive the doldrums of July.

Greg Auman, a Florida alum and college football writer for the Tampa Bay Times –and faithful friend and reader — tweeted, “I heard they were moving (Morrison) to rover this fall.”

To which Spencer Hall, the genius behinds EDSBS and also a Florida alum, tweeted, “GODDAMNIT!” (presumably because Auman beat him to the punch line).

Then Andy Staples, a Sports Illustrated college football writer and yet another Florida alum (and former Gator player), also joined the conversation. At one point Auman tweeted to both of them, “(Florida coaching staff) will just keep him on a short leash from here on out.”

Florida has announced that Morrison will be suspended for at least two games and will be required to remain at least 20 yards away from UGA IX at all times during the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.

3. Another Continent, Another Tour

RAGBAI: The Iowa Cycling Confederacy.

As the 100th Tour de France was closing on Sunday in Paris, the 41st annual RAGBRAI was commencing in Council Bluffs, Iowa. RAGBRAI (an acronym for “Register’s Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa”, as in Des Moines Register) is exactly what the name promises. No one keeps score. Just a caravan of tens of thousands of cycling –and fun–enthusiasts pedaling their merry way across the Hawkeye State.

This year, for the first time in 16 years, RAGBRAI will stop in Des Moines along its 406-mile route. Bands play every night, and this year’s lineup is an ode to ’90s bands and includes Live, Everclear and Filter. Hey, wasn’t Pearl Jam just in Chicago last Friday night (ironically, the band’s forthcoming album is titled “Lightning Bolt”)? They should hop on for a night? Either them or noted cycling enthusiast Dave Matthews.

Vedder at Wrigley Field three nights ago. Granted, this pic could be from any year since 1991.

4. The Annotated “The Newsroom”

Season 2’s promo pic: Will’s tie flies, while Jim’s is limp. Where’s Reese and Sorority Girl?

So this was an idea I hatched last year and still hope to do to its full effect. After each episode of The Newsroom I’d like to provide annotations so that all of us can catch/review/comment on Aaron Sorkin’s Sorkiness. To view any Sorkin show is to know that he loves to drop his favorite lines quickly, often while another character is talking over them. Sometimes he gives them to actors with thick British accents so that we deliberately miss them. Of course, Sorkin is the dude with the most expensive wrist watch who enjoys telling you what time it is a little too much. Still, for all the haterade showers he endures, I’ll happily watch. No, it’s not Mad Men or Breaking Bad, but The Newsroom is, at least for me, intensely enjoyable. So here are the annotations –and it’s hardly comprehensive — from the first two episodes of Season 2.
Season Premiere

1. “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

We see this on the screen before we see any character this season, as Will MacAvoy is being deposed. It’s a line from Shakespeare’s “Henry the Sixth” (which, we should note, is not the sixth in a series of Shakespearian plays about a guy named Henry)

2. Genoa

Sorkin feels compelled to educate us –here is where he is at his most infuriating –that Genoa is not only not Geneva (a city in Switzerland famous for its conventions), but that it is also a city in Italy, a type of salami and also a headsail on a boat. This will be continued in the second episode. In the context of The Newsroom, it is also the codename for an alleged US military black op.

3. “Otherwise, we’ll stay with Sandy”

This is Sorkin’s biggest clue to us, the viewers, that the deposition is taking place last October, while the events that are being discussed in the deposition occurred one year earlier.

4. “She looks like the girl with the dragon tattoo.”

ACN lawyer lady –played by Marcia Gay Harden — notes Margaret Jordan’s spiked ‘do and makes a reference to Stieg Larsson’s Swedish heroine, which would have a higher Q rating back in October of 2012 than it does now.

5. “At Benihana with my kids”

People still dine at Benihana? Really?

6. “7 a.m. waking up in the morning/Gotta be fresh” and “Partying partying yeah!/Partying partying woo!”

This is my favorite Sorkin pop culture reference-drop of the season thus far. As Will bides his time at the anchor desk during a commercial break (oblivious to the fact that things have gone FUBAR in the control room), he is singing Rebecca Black’s annoyingly infectious “Friday.” Again, this would have been big in August of 2011. The song and the artist are never mentioned by name.

7. “Of Thee I Sing”

MacAvoy commands Sorority Girl, now his intern as well as his pet project, to return in five minutes with the five Broadway shows that have won Pulitzers. She only has an opportunity to name this one before he cuts her off. I’m sure it’s hardly a coincidence that the show, a George and Ira Gershwin musical, was a lampoon of American politics.

8. “Cats and kittens, grab your mittens…”

This entire scene, in which Will and McKenzie do the Harry-and-Sally after-midnight-in-Manhattan phone banter thing, is an ode to overnight FM radio in general and deceased WNEW-FM deejay Alison Steele in particular. Steele, who died of stomach cancer in 1995 at age 58, was a pioneering overnight deejay in NYC whose on-air sobriquet was “The Nightbird.”  The song is “Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison, off his 1970 album “Moondance”, which does not have a single bad song.

9. “Ben Franklin. Nailed it.”

Don, who we all hated at the launch of the series but who grows cooler with each episode, has some fun at the expense of American education when Sloane Sabbith notes that 75 % of Oklahoma students don’t know who the first U.S. president was. Of course it was Alexander Hamilton.

10. Roger Daltrey/You Better, You Better, You Bet/Pete Townshend

“Know British rock” versus “No British rock.” Another –for some–infuriating Sorkinism in which he uses a pop culture staple as a theme for a scene. Here, it’s The Who’s “You Better, You Better, You Bet” off 1981’s “Face Dances”, their final solid album. Will uses the theme of the song — an unquenchable thirst for love — to express his relationship with his audience, while failing to appreciate that it also defines his and Mac’s relationship.

Say what you will about Daltrey, but the opening of this song is one of the most identifiable in ’80s rock. Townshend, who wrote the song, is a genius when it comes to lyrics and riffs. Duh. It was during this same period when Townshend, for a solo album, wrote “Let My Love Open The Door” which, if The Who had recorded it, would belong on their Greatest Hits album.

11. “Our ‘Pentagon Papers'”

Classified documents that the New York Times published in 1971 that showed beyond a doubt that the Lyndon Johnson administration had systematically lied to the American public about Vietnam.

You know what? This went a little long. I’ll do Episode 2 tomorrow. Stay tuned.

5. Summer Stunt Deaths (Continued):

Precarious? How?

A woman in Arlington, Texas, falls to her death from a roller coaster. Rosy Esparza falls to her death while riding the Texas Giant at Six Flags over Texas and now there’s a report that she may have asked an attendant if her bar was secure before leaving the station. That’s a massive lawsuit you smell.

Reserves

–Just a note that Matt Harvey of the Mets beat Cliff Lee of the Phillies yesterday. As @stumptherob noted on Twitter, that’s “two-thirds of an assassination.” (Lee, Harvey)

–That reviled Rolling Stone cover boy turns 20 today. No, not Bieber. Recommended reading: Boston native, RS reporter and near-Chechen terror victim Matt Taibbi’s blog on the controversial cover.