by Bill Hubbell
So where does Tony Parker’s bank shot fall in NBA Finals history? It doesn’t. It was game one. We won’t remember it by the first TV timeout tonight. It was big, but it was game one for god’s sake. His spinning drive was completely bad ass though.
Bill Simmons just mentioned the “A” block in the “B” block. Nobody remembers the A block Bill, it’s only game two.
Bill Simmons. Jaime Lannister. Newsies. Roger Sterling.
Chris Bosh. Ken Cosgrove. Mother of Dragons. Neil Patrick Harris.
LeBron. Lady Brienne. Pete Campbell. Nathan Lane.
Bill Hubbell. Chris Corbellini. Greg Auman. Yours Truly.
We will be with you all night.
A legendary (we didn’t even “wait for it”) night of live-blogging awaits.
As Magic Johnson would say, “Look, we are going to be live-blogging all night. Our blogging adjustment is to blog better.”
by Bill Hubbell
It’s do or die for the Heat tonight, if you lose the first two at home you are d-o-n-e. Done. Blah, Blah, Blah….
Tonight’s game, like game one, counts as one game. If the Heat win the series is tied. If the Spurs win they’re up 2-0, nothing more, nothing less. The talking heads are about to come on and tell you otherwise, they’ll try to dazzle you with a few parlor tricks and tell you tales of “code reds”…. they even might try to cut into a few officers….
Forget it. I butchered that quote too. Anyway, there’s a game in Miami tonight and the winner is one game closer to winning four times. Would it surprise anyone if the Spurs won tonight and the Heat won two in San Antonio? No, it wouldn’t, so let’s keep a little perspective tonight.
I read somewhere that everyone over the age of 40 wants the Spurs to win and everyone under 30 wants the Heat to win. People in their 30’s are too busy wondering what the hell they’re going to do with their lives to care. No, I’ve misremembered John’s quote, I’m sure people in their 30’s want someone to win.
I’m well into my 40’s and I want the Spurs for all the same reasons most people do. I don’t hate Lebron, but the Heat are certainly a contrived bunch. They seem to be able to live with that, so whatever.
My favorite player in the series is Kawhi Leonard, who we got to know quite well at the Mountain West Sports Network while he played at San Diego State. Great kid, great back story. He probably should have been drafted a lot higher than 15th two years ago. Right now he might go 3rd in a re-draft behind only Kyrie Irving and Klay Thompson. Yes, everything is situational, by Kawhi bats fourth on a fantastic team and has acquitted himself quite well.
Speaking of the 2011 draft, someone please rescue Jimmer from Sacramento. Mark my words, he’ll be better than ok at some point, but never in Sacramento. There couldn’t have been a worse spot for him to land. I can’t imagine Tyreke Evans and Muzzy Cousins are thinking they have to get that Fredette kid more shots. Flip Saunders, are you listening? The kid can shoot.
The pre-game show is starting now.
1. Au Bon Spain
Rafael Nadal wins the French Open — on Friday. Sure, he defeated David Ferrer in straight sets moments ago, but it was his 4 hour, 37-minute five-set classic versus No. 1-seeded Novak Djokovic at Stade Roland Garros (by printing it that way, you know I know my clay courts!) on Friday that clinched it. Rafi has now won a ridiculous EIGHT French Opens, a number that no male has amassed at any major. His career record at this tournament is 58-1. It’s like inserting Jadeveon Clowney into a Pop Warner game.
2. Speaking of Marathons…
The New York Mess trot out arguably the most dominant pitcher of 2013 versus the game’s worst team and, for the second time in a week, they lose (while that pitcher, Matt Harvey, gets a No Decision). This one was excrementally special, though:
–First of all, it went 20 innings at Citi Field.
–There were 28 hits, 27 of which were singles. The only extra-base hit, a double, occurred in the bottom of the second inning and plated the Mess’ lone run.
–Mess’ “reliever” Shawn Marcum, a starter, came on in the 13th inning and threw more pitches, 104, than any of the other 15 pitchers who appeared in the contest. Marcum, who retired 16 batters in a row at one point, also took the loss, moving his record to 0-7.
–The game lasted 6:25. It started five hours before the Belmont Stakes and three hours before the Yankees at Mariners, and ended after both of them.
–The Mess went 0-19 with runners in scoring position, and put the winning run at second base or third in the 9th, 10th, 11th and 13th innings.
— It was the longest game in more than three seasons. On April 17, 2010, these same Mess beat the Cardinals in 20 innings.
–The Rangers and Blue Jays went 18 innings; it’s only the second time in MLB history that two 18 inning-or-longer games occurred on the same day (August 18, 2006; both 18-inning games).
–Announced crowd was just above 20,000; by the end there were only hundreds at Citi Field. After the 14th inning the public address system played Chuck Berry’s “No Particular Place To Go” while the crowd broke into a chant of “Let’s Go Home!”
–The Mess blow. Did I say that? That was Harvey’s 8th No Decision in his last nine starts, even though he is 5-0 and his ERA is 2.10. You can’t match Doc Gooden’s 24-4 season when your lineup averages about one run per game for you.
3. Kuwait ’til Next Year!
No, it’s really not THAT cold outside.
I’m sure most of you have been avidly following qualifying for the Women’ Asian Cup, but for those of you still living in a cave (our drones will find you!), Jordan beat Kuwait 21-0 the other day (it was Jordan’s most impressive effort since Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals). The funniest part? In the four-team qualifier, Jordan trailed Uzbekistan in goal differential by 17 goals. Jordan and Uzbekistan are playing today.
4. Cullen Finnerty in The New York Times
Greg Bishop of TNYT pens the definitive “Barry Special” piece * on the mysterious death of former Grand Valley State quarterback Cullen Finnerty. Excellent reporting. Print still has a pulse.
*A “Barry Special” refers to a human-interest story that is usually miles away from the front page but that has so much pathos that it begs to be written. Named for the unsinkable Barry Werner, editor and human search engine, who once dispatched this scribe to the town of Anaconda, Montana, for one week to research the death of Wayne Estes (and I’d like to thank NBCSports.com for wiping all the stories we wrote for them off the internet so that I am unable to link to it here). Credit for coining of this term belongs, I believe, to sports editor Chris D’Amico, owner of the best head of hair of any man over the age of 50.
5. Vanderdoes Not Want To Sit Out a Year
The five-star defensive lineman from Auburn, Calif., Eddie Vanderdoes, who chose not to enroll at Notre Dame and has since enrolled at UCLA, is appealing his one-year hiatus on the grounds of “extenuating family health circumstances.” This according to the ever-awesome Bruce Feldman of CBSSports.com. As soon as Feldman wrote this report, Gregg Doyel tweeted “Shame on Notre Dame” because of course he did. All I’ll say is that UCLA is still a six-hour drive from Vanderdoes’ hometown and that the last time a five-star defensive recruit signed with Notre Dame and then was involved with a mysterious illness in California, well…
Tonight…TOO MUCH SENSORY STIMULATION!
NBA Countdown and Game 2, NBA Finals
ABC 7:30 p.m.
Tony Awards
CBS 8 p.m.
Game of Thrones, Season 3 Finale
HBO, 9 p.m.
Mad Men
AMC, 10 p.m.
“Actually, a tie is not like kissing your sister.”
As our extremely loyal commenter, Greg Auman of the Tampa Bay Times notes, it’s “an undercard battle of AMC (“Mad Men”) versus gay emcee (Neil Patrick Harris on the Tony Awards),” while I’d add that the main event pits KingSlayer versus KingJames Slayers.
1. Beat The Clock
Memories — and legends — are created and/or burnished in the final moments. Magic Johnson’s game-winning baby sky hook in Game 4 of the 1987 NBA Finals at the Boston Garden (or Kareem Abdul Jabbar’s game-winning sky hook in double overtime of Game 6 of the 1974 NBA Finals, again at Boston Garden). Michael Jordan, Game 6, 1998 NBA Finals. And now, Tony Parker’s 24-second-shot-clock-whisking 16-foot jumper (did he call “bank?”) that evoked both Curly Neal and Kobe Bryant. And though it was not a game-winning shot that the Spurs guard buried with 5.2 seconds remaining, while being guarded by a man who is both six inches taller and has won four of the last five Most Valuable Player awards, it was the coup de grace on the most entertaining and memorable NBA Finals games in years.
Coup de grace? “Morticia, you spoke French!”
Well, of course I did, Gomez. After all, it was a Frenchman whose shot was the nail in the coffin on the 69th anniversary of D-Day.
Fanboys will remind us that 1) LeBron James did have a triple-double (18-10-10) and 2) that Michael Jordan occasionally lost, too (although his Bulls were 5-1 in Game 1’s and they never, in six visits to the Finals, once needed a Game 7), but when winning time came last night, it was Parker, Tim Duncan and the Spurs who stepped up.
The Heat committed four turnovers in the fourth quarter, whereas San Antonio committed four all game.
The Heat scored 16 points in the fourth quarter, their lowest output since the second quarter of Game 1 (15 points) versus the Indiana Pacers.
Chris Anderson (“Birdman! Birdman!”) made as many field goals (2) in the fourth quarter as James, whose first bucket of the period did not come until 3:10 remained.
Not a good week to be named Bosh — or Bosch — in South Florida
Afterward, ABC analyst Magic Johnson –yes, the same dude I referred to atop this item–, the Unfrozen Caveman Analyst of the NBA, said, “Look, LeBron played a great game–” at which point Bill Simmons, who is graying at a Waltersian rate, interrupted the erstwhile NBA Finals MVP and said, “He played a good game, not a great game.” Amen to Simmons, both for having the temerity to challenge an NBA legend on that assessment and to refute the narrative. A triple-double is a nice and manufactured benchmark –created by the Lakers’ P.R. guy back in the Magic era, by the way– but a “great game” does not require us to peruse the stat sheet.
Tony Parker made two amazing buckets in the fourth quarter and NEVER committed a turnover the entire contest. I don’t know how many points he scored (a game-high 21, you say?) but it was he who had the great game. And the legendary one.
P.S. The Spurs’ and Heat’s respective last men on the bench are Tracy McGrady and Rashard Lewis. Both men were All-Stars with the Orlando Magic and combined, these two men who may not see a minute of action this series have earned just over $300 million in their careers. Take that, Gloria Mackenzie.
2. Four Career Games, Three Curtain Calls
Only a matter of time before Dodger Stadium’s outfield bleachers become known as the “Bay of Puig’s.”
Fernandomania swept Chavez Ravine in 1981, when the Dodgers rookie pitcher won both the N.L. Rookie of the Year AND Cy Young awards. And, no, ABBA did not write a song in tribute to him. That came first.
Now we have, what? Puig Passion? Cuban defector Yasiel Puig made his Dodger debut on Monday night, but he has already hit three home runs that incited as many curtain calls. Last night Puig, who is 22 and has already signed a seven-year, $42 million contract with the Dodgers, hit a grand slam in his 16th Major League at-bat. Puig is batting .438 with three home runs and nine RBI –since Monday.
Vin Scully, 85, has only been calling Dodger games since Harry S. Truman was president.
Who is Yasiel Puig? If you ask me, he’s the baseball gods’ gift to Dodger announcer Vin Scully as he nears the end of arguably the most esteemed broadcasting career in baseball history.
3. The Good Old Days
I’m a simple man. I don’t ask for much. I just want to live in a world where I can buy Ring Dings, where the government does not tap my phones, and where my Miss World contestants compete in bikinis. Is that too much to ask? Lord, do I miss 2012.
Miss World pageant, Indonesia, this September. In case you ever wondered what a Super Bowl played without shoulder pads and helmets would be like.
By the way, the term “Patriot Act” is as tragicomically ironic as George Orwell’s “Ministry of Truth.” How long until “1984” moves from “Fiction” to “True Crime”, or have we already crossed that bridge? You may argue that the government has the right to abuse our rights in the name of protection; I’m going to side with a dude who’s been dead for nearly 200 years. Just a few of the things he said:
“The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground.”
“I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.”
“The two enemies of the people are criminals and government, so let us tie the second down with the chains of the Constitution so the second will not become the legalized version of the first.”
T.J. Max! The wisest American who ever lived?
The dude? Thomas Jefferson. Day-um, he was prophetic. And, if you were to ask him, probably not in favor of burkha-clad Miss World competitions.
4. Troll Ide
Granted, it appears on a Notre Dame fan site (“Her Loyal Sons” comes directly from the lyrics of the school’s world-renowned “Victory March”), but in this piece author NDTex eviscerates, on a line-by-line basis, CBSSports.com’s Gregg Doyel’s column from earlier this week on Brian Kelly and Eddie Vanderdoes. And, I’m willing to bet that he put more time, energy and thought into penning it.
5. “Life Coaches Commit Suicide.”
I love this! And I won’t even begin to apologize for it. Back when I was younger, they had another name for “life coaches.” We called them “parents.”
Oh, and the pair authored a book titled “The Pursuit of Happiness.” Which, I bet, did not involve placing a plastic bag over your head and filling the space with helium. (Granted, this may be the most “Get Off My Lawn” item I’ve ever posted, but I don’t care.)
You May Want to Postpone that European Vacation
Word of advice: Don’t play ‘Marco Polo’ in an Italian-language country.
Germany, Austria, Hungary and northern Italy –and probably Montenegro, but I haven’t checked– are enduring perhaps the worst flooding in the continent’s history. If you’re headed to central Europe this week, bring floaties.
***
“It’s Not About the Nail!”
Damnit, honey, why are you always trying to fix things? Why can’t you just listen?
***
Heat Boobs. Kudos to The Big Lead for having this post up less than 10 minutes after these mammary glands made their network television debut. You are doing the Lord’s work, Stephen Douglas.
My first thought: Why can’t Brent Musburger call the NBA Finals (anymore; he used to, after all)?
***
Do you want to watch a comedian bomb? I mean, really bomb? Here’s Andy Kindler on Letterman last night. (“I think we can all tell by now that I have not found a way to connect my material thematically.”) Kenny Bania weeps for you, Andy.
***
GET OUT AND PLAY!
This weekend…
Sunday
Muir Woods (just north of San Francisco)
You start by climbing these steps. Have fun with that.
One of the coolest, oldest and most idiosyncratic foot races in the world. So iconic that Bruce Dern (the bad guy in the 1970s Gatsby film) starred in a movie centered around this race. Not very good as a spectator event, but the 7.4-mile course from Mill Valley to Stinson Beach should be traversed, even if you do it on foot at another time, at some point in your life.
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