President No. 44, Barack Obama, returned from the tropics to his adopted hometown of Chicago last night to speak at the University of Chicago. B.O. completely avoided the T-word, instead choosing to focus on young people, who made up both his panel and audience.
He cracked a few jokes. Talking about how the younger generation gets its information from its phones, he noted how consumers ingest from news sources that align with their political views before adding, “Or maybe you’re just looking at cat videos, which is fine.”
2. Tesla Girl* **
*The judges hope you appreciate the musical stylings of OMD
**The judges will also accept “Assault Meets Battery”
So it appears that Amber Heard, whom I always confuse with Margot Robbie, is dating Elon Musk, 45, whom I don’t. Wait, I thought the Tesla titan was married. Or remarried (He was actually re-remarried, as he married his second wife, Talulah Riley, twice…and divorced her twice).
Heard, 31, a native of Austin, Texas, was formerly beaten up by married to Johnny Depp.
Good luck, kids!
3. Go, Josh, Go!
If you looked under the start lists for Monday’s London Marathon, neither the lists for “Elite Men” nor “Top Britons” included the name Josh Griffiths. Then the 23 year-old Welshman, in his marathon debut, ran a 2:14:49 to finish in 13th place overall. Griffiths, who was hoping to run a time fast enough to qualify for the Commonwealth Games, instead qualified for the World Championships in August.
4. Cindy Don’t Play That
The NBA Playoffs are decidedly, unlike March Madness, against Cinderella. I explain why in this piece in Newsweek. Related: The Cavs and Dubs went a combined 8-0 in the first round.
5. Bubble Boy
Gotta admit, I laughed.
Adult @LAClippers fan is a dick to kid in fun quarter-time race.@utahjazz mascot DEE-STROYS him.
A classic El Clasico from Madrid yesterday, as FC Barcelona out dueled Real Madrid, 3-2. Lionel Messi, elbowed in the mouth and left bloodied earlier in the match, was once again in the right place at the right time to score the game-winner in the 92nd minute of a 92-minute match.
Messi took an elbow to the mouth earlier in the match and was down and out….
Last week Barca was eliminated by Juventus in the quarterfinals of the UEFA Champions League (Real advanced to the semis). But yesterday, in a Clasico that lived up to the hype, Barca pulled even with Real in the standings (each have 75 points) with the head-to-head advantage.
….but he played through it, briefly stuffing cotton into his mouth.
By the way, it was Messi’s 500th career goal for Barca. He’s timely that way.
2. NBA Playoffs
kWh was unstoppable, but the Spurs were not
EAST
–Wait, did J.R. Smith really come up with the series-sealing steal and then nearly blow Game 4 by attempting a behind-the-back pass on a 2-on-1 break in which Cleveland did not even need to score? Yes. Yes, he did. Never change, J.R.
—LeBron James: 21-0 in his last 21 first-round playoff games. That dude be ‘balling.
–Did you see how desperately the Pacers passed the ball to the Half Beatle on that final possession? Twice? It’s as if they knew they’d never play another minute in the NBA if any of them took the last shot.
–Bully to Bulls coach Fred Hoiberg for calling out the officials on how no one ever whistles Isaiah Thomas for palming. He’s a great player. He’s a 20 ppg guy if he isn’t allowed to freeze defenders with palming the ball.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUu2A0RmsTo
WEST
–Steve’s back, which mains he may be leaving. Bummed that Warrior coach Steve Kerr may miss the rest of the playoffs with back issues. Intrigued that Mike Brown, who formerly coached the Cavs, may be the coach to lead the Dubs to the Finals.
Steve Kerr: “I can tell you if you’re listening out there, stay away from back surgery…Rehab, rehab, rehab.Don’t let anyone get in there.”
—Kawhi Leonard‘s performance in San Antonio’s Game 4 loss at Memphis was magnificent. Nothing short of that. He scored 16 in a row for the Spurs in the fourth quarter and checked Mike Conley. He’s just about right there with LeBron, and he’s about the closest to his body type.
Conley was a stud, too, in the Game 4 overtime classic. Best game of the playoffs so far.
—Russell Westbrook becomes the first player since Wilt Chamberlain to record three consecutive triple doubles in the postseason, but Houston wins to go up 3-1. Nene was 12 for 12 from the field, all bunnies.
–On Russell’s post-game snit: I get both sides. But, it WAS a basketball question and it was addressed to Steven Adams. Believe it or not, I concurred with Screamin’ A. Smith, who noted, if you don’t want uncomfortable questions about basketball, a sport you are paid ridiculously well to play in front of 18,000 or so in person and millions on TV, go play without a crowd.
Hayward’s belly was wayward
–Really enjoying the Utah Jazz renaissance, Iso Joe, and the best YMCA rec league player left in the playoffs, Joe Ingles (Wilder?). Fascinated that 19 years later, a player gets sick before a key playoff game in Salt Lake City and, unlike MJ, cannot play through it. I’m sure it hurt, Gordon Hayward, but that was part of how MJ burnished his legend. The flu game.
3. Yer Out (of line)!
My first thought upon hearing that Boston Red Sox pitcher Matt Barnes threw a pitch behind the head of Baltimore slugger Manny Machado was, There’s a psycho Matt Barnes in baseball, too?
The Sawx led 6-0 in the eighth inning on Sunday when Barnes opted to get even with the O’s for a hard slide into second by Machado the night before that Boston star Dustin Pedroia had been the victim of. Machado had texted an apology to Pedroia, whom he had spiked.
This is some low-rises, East Baltimore sh*t, yo (can you tell I’ve FINALLY begun watching The Wire?). Tell Stringer I’m woke.
4. Epitaph For America
My colleague over at Newsweek, Ryan Bort, went to a screening of the 2002 film Bowling For Columbine (the massacre took place on April 20, 1999) and spoke to its producer, Michael Moore. The following quote, I thought, should one day appear on America’s tombstone, a day that could come sooner than anyone expected based on recent events…
“It’s the American equation: Dumb down the population; make them ignorant and stupid. Ignorance leads to fear. Fear lead to hate. Trump knew that part of the equation really well. Hate leads to violence, or to use your ballot as an act of violence against the people you hate.”
Of course, not everyone agrees with me
You know, it’s funny: The 9/11 hijackers weren’t aiming for a body count. They were aiming for mass hysteria. Mission accomplished, guys. Mission. Accomplished.
5. TCM >>>> Cable News
Why watch Sean Hannity try to show boat when you can actually watch Show Boat? Last month I tossed the cable news-watching habit and, visiting family out in Arizona, began heavy doses of Turner Classic Movies. I wrote about it here in Newsweek.
Music 101
Message Of Love
Before Chrissie Hynde and the Pretenders began chasing radio-friendly hits, they were quite the punk band. Hynde, an Ohio native, was the Veronica to Deborah Harry’s Betty. And she also did the exact opposite immigration of Blondie’s lead singer, moving east across the Atlantic to live in London. This 1981 tune brings back great memories. The Pretenders were headed for stardom, and they achieved it, but it might have been so much more if the band members didn’t keep dying.
Remote Patrol
Better Call Saul
10 p.m. AMC
This should be the episode where Mike Ehrmantraut and Gus Fring finally, after a two-episode dance along the edges, finally meet. And whither Jimmy, now that he knows he’s been nabbed by Chuck? A change is gonna come in Albuquerque.
The funny thing is, there are at least three people in this photo I’d rather have running this country than the man who is seated at the desk.
Apparently he wants to build a a wall around the southern border of the White House as well
Meanwhile, the sidewalk abutting the South Lawn will now be closed permanently because the pwesident is a scaredy cat. Again, and for the 45th (!) time, imagine Obama doing this and the scathing criticism he’d hear from Trump. What a blow hard…and hypocrite.
2. LeBrontosaurus Rex Indiana*
*The judges realize there is no such thing as a Brontosaurus Rex and apologize to all of our paleontologist readers
Down 25 to the Indiana Pacers at halftime, Cleveland not only came back and won, hell, they tied the score up midway through the fourth quarter (the three makes it an entirely different game). LeBron James, a.k.a. Sweet Pea, a.k.a. The Man Whom Susie B. will someday go Kathy Bates in Misery upon, led the revival, scoring 41 points, grabbing 13 rebounds and dishing out 12 dimes, and yeah, if he really wanted to, he could play like this most nights and win the MVP without any questions asked.
More impressive to me, besides the fact that this was the largest halftime-deficit comeback in NBA history? The fact that this was the 20th consecutive first-round playoff game that James’ team has won.
Cavs up, 3-0. Now where is that fork I was searching for?
3. Blackhawks Down and Out
The Chicago Blackhawks, winners of three Stanley Cups in the past seven years and owners of the best record in the Western Conference, were ignominiously ousted, SWEPT (curled?), in the first round by the Nashville Predators (whose mascot is a middle-aged man sitting at a counter sheepishly asking questions posed by Chris Hansen…it’s true). Last night the Predators knocked out the Black Hawks 4-1.
Going back to regular season, Chicago lost its final 8 games. The Hawks not only lost as a top seed, they were swept, and by a team of y’alls. And were outscored 13-3 in the series. For shame, kids.
4. Trapped
Ehrmentraut Fishing, Caught By the McGill
Maybe it’s the fact that both protagonists (anti-heroes) in Better Call Saul have an allusion to fish in their surnames, but Episode 2 saw both Jimmy McGill and Mike Ehrmentraut take the bait and get caught hook line and sinker.
The final 10 to 15 minutes of the show played out with both men separately falling into the honey traps set by their nemeses. Jimmy, who assured Kim Wexler that he was okay, impulsively flew over to brother Chuck’s house in a rage, kicked down the door, destroyed property and threatened to hurt him (all with Howard and a P.I. hiding in a separate room to hear it all). He’s cooked and he knows it. How about that not-so-subtle harbinger moments before when Jimmy stops meticulously rubbing the tape off and just yanks it? A little heavy-handed with the symbolism, but okay.
As for Mike, how long do you think you can park outside Los Pollos Hermanos and not purchase a succulent roasted chicken before the manager becomes suspicious? He follows a car out into the high desert on a two-lane road with no egress only to realize he’s been literally led down a path with no escape. How’s THAT for symbolism?
Jimmy McGill is done. Jimmy and Kim are done. Mike, I suspect, is going to be recruited by Gus Fring who will make him an offer he can’t refuse. He can’t go back to being a part-time criminal any more. He’s all in now.
No sports media person I follow has a quicker trigger finger when it comes to Blocking followers than Bomani Jones. So I found this tweet funny yesterday for obvious reasons.
Fake News
BE AWARE: There is NO Limp Bizkit concert Wed. 4/20 at Sunoco station at Keowee St. & Wayne Ave. These ads FALSE. pic.twitter.com/wMo7bYxa9p
Life is just a party/And parties weren’t meant to last. On the first anniversary of the death of Prince Rogers Nelson, let’s go back to the song that helped take him to superstardom. Released in 1982, it only peaked at No. 44, but then after “Little Red Corvette” was released, it was re-released in the summer of ’83 and went to No. 12.
Remote Patrol
Rockets at Thunder, Game 3
9:30 p.m. ESPN
Russ went off for 51 points and a triple double on Wednesday and OKC still lost, falling behind 2-0. This is make or break time for the Thunder.
I don’t have any tips to give Bye Bye, O’Reilly on how to be better at TV—he was obviously gifted at that, as his top ratings in prime-time for 15 or so years demonstrate—but just on how to be better at humaning: Be nice. Especially to women. Watch this clip on CBS This Morning from last summer as Bill comes down Norah O’Donnell’s highway when she asks about another sexual harasser at Fox, his recently departed boss, Roger Ailes:
My favorite part about this? He was on to promote a book he’d written with James Patterson for kids about manners called Give Please A Chance.
This, by the way, happened just three weeks ago. It was the first drip in the wave of O’Reilly’s self-imposed downfall:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ej_woHoeXM4
2. The Empire Strikes Back
These photos lack context. Facts: In 2015, over 40 football staff were on the stairs. In 2017, they were seated on the South Lawn. https://t.co/iIYtV0hR6Y
The New England Patriots’ official website took aim at those of us who compared the photos of their White House visit yesterday to the one two years ago with Obama. The Pats did so by also tweeting comparison photos from 2005 and 2017.
Comparable photos: The last time the #Patriots won two Super Bowls in three years, 36 players visited the White House. Today, we had 34. pic.twitter.com/Aslvf1RaXU
Which of course brings up the obvious question, Why don’t the Pats like white presidents?
Much thanks to Bob Kraft for the information, but that doesn’t quite explain why Tom Brady missed yesterday’s event on the same day that his wife tweeted about an April 29 march in Washington D.C. in which she wrote, “March for climate, jobs and justice—to change everything, we need everyone.”
The tweet has since been deleted. Must’ve been an interesting day at the Brady-Bundchen home.
3. 51-13-10 AND 0-2
Terrific photo here by the Edwardsville Intelligencer
Dat dude, Russell Westbrook, had the highest triple double in NBA history last night (51 points, 13 assists and 10 boards) but the Rockets went on a 10-0 run with the score tied late in the fourth quarter. Houston wins 115-111. Russ: “I don’t give a (bleep) about the line. We lost.”
4. Sobibor
Last night on PBS I learned about Sobibor, a Nazi extermination camp in Poland where in October of 1943 the prisoners initiated an uprising. Led by a Russian Jewish military officer who had been put in the camp and who formulated a plan, they assassinated most of the top SS officers and the camp and then simply fleed for their lives.
Many of them were cut down by machine gun fire.
Others were blown to bits fleeing across a mine field toward the forest (they knew the mine field was there).
About 50 of the 200 people who escaped evaded death or capture and survived. One of the survivors said, “I didn’t care if I died that day as long as I could taste one minute of freedom.”
That resonated with me as I then watched Rachel Maddow detail the latest incident of a Trump-related official (former Blackwater CEO Erik Prince, who is Betsy Devos’ little brother) secretly meeting with a Russian agent. To round up: Mike Flynn, Jeff Sessions, Jared Kushner, Carter Page, Paul Manafort and now Prince.
And so it occurred to me: Distilled to its essence, Trump vs. Not-Trump is a matter of Safety vs. Freedom. And the people who keep voting for Safety don’t appreciate how precious freedom is. They truly don’t.
The other thought that occurred to me? HOW HAS NO ONE IN HOLLYWOOD NEVER MADE A SOBIBORFILM???? This is Oscar gold, Mr. Spielberg.
5. Ol’ Blue Eyes Is Back
Highly recommend this book by Bill Zehme. It’s not as much a celebrity bio as a guide to living. Sinatra was arguably the first real rock star (living after midnight, rocking till the dawn), but he also was extremely generous and loved gathering people together.
One of my favorite stories from the book: Dean Martin, one of his closest friends, threw a wedding anniversary bash for himself and his wife at his Beverly Hills home in 1965.. Sinatra was there and quickly became master of ceremonies and libations. Dino, by the way, was a 6-handicap golfer: he loved his morning tee time far more than he did drinking.
Anyway, the party is raging and suddenly the cops show up at the front gate. Sinatra walks down to meet them. “Sorry, Mr. Sinatra, we’ve had a noise complaint and you’ve got to shut the party down.”
“You know me,” Sinatra said. “Who phoned?”
“Um, Mr. Sinatra….”
“Who WAS IT?” Sinatra fumed.
“The call came from inside the house.”
Sinatra ran into the house where he found Dean, in bed and watching TV, holding his putter (not a euphemism), in his hand. He smiled at Dean and said, “You bastard!”
There are a plethora of stories like this within. If you love ring-a-ding-ding, you’ll love this book.
Music 101
The Things We Do For Love
The year was 1977 and 10 CC had a huge hit with this song that basically has the same tempo/chords as the Welcome Back, Kotter, theme song. Also there’s a dash of Manfred Mann’s “Blinded By The Light” in the opening. Song shot to No. 5 in the USA.
Remote Patrol
On The Town
8 p.m. TCM
The last of the Gene Kelly-Frank Sinatra trilogy of films, made in 1949. Three sailors with a 24-hour shore leave in Gotham City. And nobody gets arrested (I don’t think). Kelly directed (by the way, check out the pollution when they’re atop the Empire State Building in this clip).
Rage-monger, author (wink, wink) and huge Bill O’Reilly fan Bill O’Reilly has been forced from his cush 8 p.m. slot on Fox News. Damn bitches! Apparently women don’t like hostile middle-aged multimillionaires preying on them sexually (okay, Melania, not all women).
Give O’Reilly credit: in the hyper-competitive world of cable news, he had by far the most popular nightly program. If Stephen Colbert‘s alter-ego does not resurface tonight on CBS to lament/salute this epochal moment in cable news.
Meanwhile, if I were the Murdoch boys I’d check the batteries in my ghetto blaster and stand outside Megyn Kelly’s window blaring “Baby, Come Back!”
Meanwhile, count O’Reilly as the latest man to be given a public vote of confidence by Trump to lose his job.
2. The Clock Runs Out
Hernandez blew a kiss to his daughter just a few days ago in court….
Sometime over night Aaron Hernandez took his own life by tying a bed sheet around the bars of his jail cell window and hanging himself. An ignominious end for a tight end. Hernandez was acquitted of two murders just last week, but he had already been convicted of another and faced life without parole. He knew the score.
Hernandez did this on the eve of the New England Patriots’ trip to the White House. Coincidence? We’ll never know.
Legally, under an arcane and archaic Massachusetts law, the 27 year-old goes to eternity an innocent man. “Under the doctrine, known as ‘abatement ab initio,’ criminal convictions are essentially nullified if a person dies before they have a chance to complete the process of appealing it,” according to The New York Times.
Hernandez was an all-Pro who, teamed with Rob Gronkowski, had the potential to be the most devastating tight end duo in NFL history.
3. BEcca LONGo
Chandler, Arizona’s Basha High School is not even 10 years old (I don’t think), but the southeast Valley of the Sun school has already made history. Its kicker, Becca Longo, just became the first female to be offered a football scholarship. Longo, who converted 35 of 38 extra points this season, accepted a full ride to play at Division II Adams State in southwestern Colorado.
4. Harshing My Melo
So La La (that’s three notes!) is divorcing Carmelo, and not being nearly half as passive aggressive about it as Phil Jackson. Seems Anthony got a stripper pregnant and that young shorty is exercising her option to have the baby. Apparently the ball is not the only thing Carmelo holds on to too long.
5. Look! Frozen Water
The town of Ferryland, Newfoundland, is the place to spot YUUUUGE icebergs drifting south right now. They’re like massive massifs of ice. Residents have already spotted 600 large bergs this year, which is usually about the number they get for the whole season. Lots of high winds global warming climate change yada yada yada….
Music 101
They Can’t Take That Away From Me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMBKYPb49l8
Written by George Gershwin in 1937 (and first sung by Fred Astaire in the film Shall We Dance), this song was re-recorded by literally dozens of world-class artists, among them Billie Holliday, Ella Fitzgerald and Ol’ Blue Eyes. Ring-a-ding-ding, baby!
Remote Patrol
Caps at Maple Leafs
7 p.m. NBC Sports Net
The Capitals were the best team in the NHL this season. They have the best player of the past decade, Alex Ovechkin. And they trail the Maple Leafs, who last won a Stanley Cup 50 years ago, 2 games to 1. Kind of a must-win tonight north of the border….
/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/54400537/670922786.0.jpg)
