In an Oval Office interview with CBS’ John Dickerson, President Donald Trump gave the above response when asked if he stood by his comments in March that his predecessor, Barack Obama, was “sick” and “bad.” Trump also offhandedly told Dickerson that he refers to his Sunday morning program as Deface The Nation, which drew guffaws from Statler and Waldorf.
2. Decapitated Head Over Heels In Love
FBI translator Daniela Greene secretly wed an ISIS operative, Denis Hupert, in 2014, according to a story on cnn.com. Within weeks of the nuptials, Greene began to wonder if she had made a mistake, which is not uncommon. The newlywed may have seen the propaganda video in which her husband holds a freshly severed head, which is uncommon.
3. Can You Keep A Seacrest?
“Ryan & Ripa?” After a turbulent year of single-parenting Live following the defection of Michael Strahan, Kelly Ripa welcomes Ryan Seacrest as her permanent co-host. He’s not exactly Anderson Cooper, but he’ll do fine.
4. Rockets Blast Off*
*The judges will also accept “May Day! May Day!”
There was not a failure to launch in Game 1 of the Western Conference semis in San Antonio: the Houston Rockets attempted 50 three-pointers, burying 22, in a 126-99 Game 1 defeat of the Spurs. At halftime the Rockets led the Spurs by 30. Nine different Houston players converted three-pointers, led by Trevor “The World’s Most Famous” Ariza, who drained five.
Soiree, Not Sorry
Somewhere in there is an umbrella
Its formal title is the Costume Institute Gala, but New Yorkers know it as the Met Gala. Anna Wintour’s annual shakedown of the fashion industry—tickets are $25,000—for the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the site on which the event is held, brought out the beautiful people once again last night. Imagine Night at the Museum except that none of the characters come to life.
Music 101
No Time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqeSUAlI5uI
Originally released on the 1969 album Canned Wheat, this newer version was put on the 1970 blockbuster album American Woman by the Canadian band The Guess Who. It peaked at No. 5 while the title track shot to No. 1. In 1970 you could purchase hit albums by The Who and The Guess Who, which means there were probably a lot of teens who didn’t get exactly what they asked for at Christmas.
Note: the lead singer on this tune is Randy Bachman, who would later found a little band called Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
Remote Patrol
It Happened One Night
8 p.m. TCM
Was this 1934 gem starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert and directed by Frank Capra the original RomCom? It’s the first film and one of only three to sweep all five major Oscar categories: Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Director, Best Screenplay. If you haven’t seen it (“The Walls of Jericho!”), tonight’s your chance to fill in that hole.
I’d never heard of Hasan Minhaj before Saturday night. I know who he is now. So does The Worst Wing. Minhaj delivered the keynote address at the White House Correspondents Dinner and he knocked it far out of the yard.
Some of my favorite lines:
—“No one wanted to do this [gig]. So of course it lands in the hands of an immigrant. That’s how it always goes down.”
— “It is amazing to be among the greatest journalists in the world, and yet, when we all checked into the Hilton on Friday, we all got a USA Today. Every time a USA Today slides underneath my door, it’s like they’re saying, ‘Hey, you’re not that smart, right?’
–“Is Steve Bannon here? I do not see Steve Bannon. I do NOT see Steve Bannon. Not see Steve Bannon. Nazi Steve Bannon.”
And the gut punch…
—“You guys [the media] have to be more perfect now more than ever. Because you are how the president gets his news. Not from advisers, not from experts, not from intelligence agencies. You guys. So that’s why you gotta be on your A game. You gotta be twice as good. You can’t make any mistakes. Because when one of you messes up, he blames your entire group. And now you know what it feels like to be a minority.”
A list of the best lines from Minhaj, a 31 year-0ld Indian-American, are here.
2. Onward, Hayward
We’re into Round 2 of the NBA Playoffs, and Gordon Hayward, Stephen Curry and Brad Stevens are all playing prominent roles. And where is John Calipari? He’s out at some AAU tournament in Portsmouth hoping some ‘baller named Jabbaronis McDavidson hasn’t already gotten the secret business card to Rick Pitino’s go-to brothel.
The Jazz took down the Clippers in Game 7 yesterday. And yes, I don’t mean to pour even more dirt on the Clips’ grave, but LOB City is over. The Jazz are rising, the Suns are on their way up, Houston is way better, the Spurs gonna Spur, and the Warriors are the gold standard.
Blow up the team? I dunno, but Doc Rivers is going to find himself with a team too good to land a great lottery pick and not good enough to get out of the first round. It’s a conundrum. Sure, if Gregg Popovich were in charge, they’d find a way to cure this, but he’s not, so what do you do?
3. Forever Rest*
*The judges are going to go ahead and point out the pun for our wordplay-impaired audience (“For Everest”)
The Swiss Machine, Ueli Steck, fell some 3,280 feet to his death this weekend while attempting an ascent of Mount Nuptse in Nepal (Rule No. 1: Gravity always wins). Stock, who was training for an attempt on Mount Everest without the aid of oxygen later this spring, was 40. He died a climber’s death, which fits because he was arguably the world’s most famous climber.
In 2012 Steck made the ascent of Everest without oxygen and three years later he summited all 82 Alpine peaks in 62 days. He climbed the Eiger when he was only 18. He saw more than most people ever have and he realized the wonder of it all, baby.
4. Jackson Jive
“Don’t speak! Don’t–Don’t speak!”
Donald Trump went on Sirius/XM radio this morning and went fake news on the 19th century, but what else is new?
“People don’t ask that question, but why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”
I read this and I could just picture Antonio Sabato, Jr., asking this question and Trump fidgeting as he hoped he’d done well enough in the swimsuit competition to get by. Probably no other president did more to expand slavery than Andrew Jackson, but hey, I’m sure he could have just written an Executive Order and all the slaveholders would have freed the slaves cuz we all know how swiftly paradigm-shifting EOs get passed without any fuss.
I just wish they’d have let Trump expound on this more: “And another thing, and not a lot of people know this, but I know this because I’m a great reader, maybe the greatest reader, is that the Civil War was not very civil. Buh-lieve me!”
5. Mr. Irrelevant Is Highly Relevant
The downside of quarterback Chad Kelly, whom the Denver Broncos made the 253rd and final pick of this year’s NFL draft: He’s recovering from an ACL injury and he’s kind of a jerk, having been booted from Clemson and having some sort of dust-up in social media with a porn star, the details of which I don’t have the stomach to plumb.
The upside: He’s Jim Kelly’s nephew, he has a rocket arm, he’s one of only three quarterbacks in the past EIGHT years to have beaten Alabama in Tuscaloosa, and the other two (Cam Newton, Johnny Manziel) were Heisman Trophy-winning first-rounders, he had Ole Miss up against both Florida State and Bama by double digits last season (they’d lose both games) and, oh year, quarterbacks from Mississippi schools have a decent NFL track record (Brett Favre, Eli Manning, Dak Prescott).
Smart move, Denver.
Music 101
Magic
I LOVE the Seventies! This is Pilot, a Scottish rock band who landed in one-hit wonderdom with this song that rose to No. 5 in the USA in the glorious summer of ’75….
Remote Control
Better Call Saul
10 p.m. AMC
Okay, you can watch Game 1 of Rockets-Spurs if you like (Susie B., we all know what you’ll be watching), but this is, what, Episode 4 now of this season. I missed last week so I’ll have to be in by 9 p.m. for the double shot. It’s a tough life.
The Chicago Bears did what?!? Traded up from No. 3 to No. 2 in the draft so that they could get Susie B.’s favorite quarterback, Mitch Kubitsky*, while giving the Niners defensive lineman Solomon Thomas at a discount at No. 3? Nothing against Kubitsky, who started 13 games at North Carolina, but Thomas is a sure thing.
The headline from the Chicago Tribune: “Are The Bears Rebuilding Or Just Hallucinating?”
Thomas chasing Kubitsky in last December’s Sun Bowl
And why did Chicago get bluffed into trading up (giving away draft picks in the later rounds)? Did they feel the heat from someone else (YES)? Meanwhile, Pat Mahomes goes to the Chiefs at No. 10 and Deshaun Watson to the Texans at No. 12. Three QBs in the first dozen picks. We’ll see how this all shakes out, but not any time soon.
Dig: If you think the QB you’re picking at No. 2 overall is the next Aaron Rodgers, then by all means, go ahead.
A reminder that Thomas’ Stanford, minus Christian McCaffrey, beat Kubitsky’s Tar Heels in the Sun Bowl last December, a game in which Kubitsky dazzled at points but also threw a pick-six and had a referee-induced fumble. Highlights here.
*See yesterday’s comments. He’s Kubitsky for as long as we want him to be.
2. NFL Draft (Cont.)
Better than just drafting Dalvin Cook, some team today will draft a pissed off, they passed-on-me Dalvin Cook. Even better.
Other insights/observations:
–Three wide receivers (Corey Davis, Mike Williams, Jon Ross) in the top nine picks? Highly dubious.
–Leonard Fournette goes No. 4 to Jaxville and Christian McCaffrey No. 8 to Carolina (as everyone predicted), but Dalvin Cook and Joe Mixon go undrafted. Eight of the top 12 picks were skill-position offensive players.
–Love Adoree Jackson, but he’s a pretty small dude (Listed–LISTED–at 5’10”, 186)to be playing defense in the NFL. Or at least to spend a first round pick on, as the Titans have. He’s going to see Will Fuller twice a year now in the AFC South or whatever it is.
–Gotta like what the Browns did, selecting Myles Garrett and Jabrill Peppers in the first round, but with their third first-round pick they could have had T.J. Watt or Reuben Foster. Why not go all in on defense there, dudes? I’ll admit I don’t know much about Miami TE David Njoku.
—Takkarist McKinley stole the draft:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDM9e5HHeNs
–Packers pick first on Friday. I don’t care what their “needs” are, you take Dalvin Cook. You’d be crazy not to.
3. Tanaka Blast
Yankee ace Masahiro Tanaka, who got rocked for seven runs in 2 2/3 on opening day in Tampa Bay (“Tanaka Blasted”), pitched the gem of the season (at least as far as the Yankees are concerned) last night at Fenway Park. Tanaka outdueled Medium Happy‘s pick for the AL Cy Young, Chris Sale, pitching a complete-game, three-hit shutout against the Red Sox.
Tanaka, who has won 10 of his last 11 decisions (the outlier being that Tampa Bay game), became the first Yankee pitcher to throw a complete game since August of 2015 (that was also him). Yes, the Yanks did not have a pitcher throw a complete game all last season, a first in franchise history (including the Highlanders).
Meanwhile, Chris Sale has received—wait for it—four runs of support in his first five starts. Not cool, Sawx. Not cool. Do they know he has a little bit of a temper? They’ll find out soon enough.
4. Ann’s Far Right, But She’s Also Right
Of course Ann Coulter is a soulless phantom carved out of the cliffsides of Mordor, but she has First Amendment rights, too. Such a bad look for Berkeley activists, who threatened violence if Coulter, who was invited to speak on campus by a student group, appeared.
She canceled the visit. They celebrated. “All you did today was ruin a country, son.” Free speech is free speech. Hate speech simply doesn’t exist, like hate crimes don’t exist. They’re euphemisms coined by the left in an attempt to separate what’s allowed versus what they don’t like. You can’t play the game that way, kids.
5. And This Guy Is Thought To Be Brilliant?
We’ll let Senator Ted Cruz speak for himself:
Today I introduced the EL CHAPO Act, which reserves billions in forfeited assets to pay for border security https://t.co/Z89EJF2Vg9
***
Amazon killed it on quarterly earnings report after the bell yesterday. Stock is up 20 points (i.e dollars) today and in the past year has now climbed 58%. That’s nutty. Kids, it’s not early, but it’s not too late to jump on board, either. Think of where this stock will be 10 years from now. Don’t be the guy who says, “I should bought Amazon in 2017” while the rest of us are tooling around in our Tesla hovercrafts to that beach resort in Orlando, Florida (I know; that’s the joke, silly).
****
Related, CNBC held its “Stock Draft” yesterday afternoon, a cute idea in which eight different “teams,” ranging from Kevin O’Leary (“Mr. Wonderful”) to the Beardstown Ladies of Beardstown, Illinois, each picking stocks in a two-round draft.
So, 16 picks overall. How did it break down? Six tech companies, Gold, Boeing, two banks a couple pharmaceuticals, an outlier or two and ZERO ENERGY OR OIL COMPANIES. None. Nada.
Useful.
Music 101
Life’s Been Good
Vivid memories of our little Clan Walters driving from New Jersey to Arizona in August of 1978 (a.k.a. The Great Migration) and this tune by Joe Walsh OWNING the radio. I’m sure we heard it in every state from Virginia onward. This song, which hit No. 12, is the perfect ’70’s rock star anthem and confession.
Remote Control
Let It Fall
9 p.m ABC
Before there was O.J. and the murders, there was the 1992 Los Angeles riots. The beating of Rodney King was the spark that ignited this, but this had been festering for decades. As a 25 year-old at the time, this was for me the first incident of mass civil unrest in our country I could recall ever having seen. Disturbing not just because of what happened, but because of what must have transpired all those years before to provoke it.
How did New York Yankee right fielder Aaron Judge celebrate his 25th birthday last night? By hitting a home run and making a Jeets-style hustle catch, going into the seats, at Fenway Park. The Yankees, THHHHHEEEEEE Yankees win, 3-1.
I was thinking about this yesterday: In May of 1995 two friends from Sports Illustrated and I embarked on a crazy, ambitious tour of Europe (What were we thinking???). Anyway, near the end of the trip my good friend Dave Gabel, a Houston Rockets diehard, and I, a Phoenix Suns, fan had seen enough museums and slow wait-staff service and were completely obsessed with finding out how our favorite teams were doing against one another in the playoffs.
But how to find out? There was no cable TV. There was no internet. There were no cell phones. We didn’t want to spend the money to find a phone to call the USA. We were in Paris and could not find a sports bar that aired the games. So each morning we’d head out to find the International Herald Tribune and search for the scores. Or maybe it was the USA Today. Anyway, that day’s edition of the paper would only have the USA sports scores from two days earlier, which is why we dubbed it the “USA Todays Ago” (get it? Yes, you do.)
Anyway, that was the world in which ESPN thrived. But we no longer live in that world. Twitter and your phone has made ESPN’s “sports nation” concept mostly obsolete. The net still does excellent work: College GameDay and Scott Van Pelt‘s show come to mind.
However, it, like Sports Illustrated in the Seventies and Eighties, is never going to monopolize the sports landscape in the way it once did. That’s what yesterday’s layoffs illuminated. If all of this makes ESPN a little less hubristic, that would be a good thing.
Still, my heart goes out to anyone who lost their job and is reading this. Also, it’s a minor quibble, but I disagree with my friend Richard Deitsch’s policy of not releasing names of those fired until the people themselves announce it. Some of those names are bigger names, and that’s news, especially if your beat is sports media. Losing your job is tough—believe me, I know—but it’s no less difficult for a football or basketball coach as it is for Ed Werder or Jay Crawford. No one gave Steve Sarkisian the option of waiting until he was comfortable about discussing his dismissal before reporting it.
Also, a special shout-out to Jane McManus, whom I don’t know well, who was laid off by ESPN and then went in and taught her J-School class at Columbia University last night. That’s a tough woman. And what a lesson she provided her students.
Finally, to Brett McMurphy: a good friend and an amazingly dogged reporter. He breaks college football news before people in that school’s SID office know about it. I’m not worried about Brett’s future and in a sense am happy for him, because ESPN grossly underused him. You’re free, my friend.
I’ll have more on the layoffs in a Newsweek story later today….
3. Draft Day
Dudes We All Know You’re Never Going To Regret Having Picked: Solomon Thomas, Christian McCaffrey, Myles Garrett, O.J. Howard, Corey Davis, T.J. Watt aaaaaaaand Deshaun Watson.
Teams are making a big mistake not taking Johnny Manziel – he is going to be really good (and exciting to watch).
I’m curious to see where Jake Butt, he of the torn ACL in the Orange Bowl, goes. The Jaylon Smith of this draft. Speaking of which, yeah, curious to see where DeShone Kizer goes. Both Kizer and Mitch Trubisky are northern Ohio kids, so I’m not going to be surprised if one of them is plucked at No. 12 by the Cleveland Browns. But if Cleveland uses the No. 1 pick on a QB, any QB, they should be relegated to the CFL and let’s bring up the Calgary Stampeders.
4. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?
Lovely and talented and Russian tennis star Maria Sharapova is out with a memoir titled Unstoppable, but that’s just what fellow pro tennis star Eugenie Bouchard wishes someone would do: Stop her.
“”I don’t think that’s right,” Bouchard said yesterday, referencing the 15-onth doping ban Sharapova, who turned 30 last week, just finished serving. “She’s a cheater and so to me, I don’t think a cheater in any sport should be allowed to play that sport again.”
Eugenie, c’mon. Russians never cheat!
5. If A Tree Falls On Bumper-To-Bumper Traffic….
Dashcam video captures large tree crashing down into traffic on Interstate 5 in Washington. At least one person was injured in the incident. pic.twitter.com/mjkYTUEYKN
I’ll take “Reasons To Live In Kansas” for $100, Alex.
Music 101
Baba O’Riley
Why does this 1971 tune from The Who have its title and not “Teenage Wasteland?” It is a combination of two of Pete Townshend’s mentors/influences, Indians spiritual master Meher Baba and musician Terry Riley. So how come it isn’t Baba Riley? I dunno, okay. Shaddup! While this song rightly belongs on any “Greatest Rock Songs” list that goes to 100, it failed to chart in the U.S. and the U.K.
Remote Patrol
The President Show
11:31 p.m. Comedy Central
I’ve been banging the drum for Donald Trump impersonator Anthony Atamaniuk for awhile now, and tonight his show makes its debut. He’s Trump, all the time. As Stephen Colbert advised him last week, “How do you expect to impersonate a right-wing blowhard night-after-night and be successful?” Ha.
Russ got T’ed up for a yack fest with Patrick Beverley, too.
Oh, Thunder Woes, Oh Thunder Woes
The Houston Rockets eliminate the OKC Thunder in five games, despite Russell Westbrook’s 47-point game in which he finished one assist shy of a triple double. For the series, Westbrook averaged 35 points, 12 rebounds and 11.3 assists per game. However, he also shot 25.8% from beyond the arc.
Houston versus San Antonio or Memphis next.
Epitaph on Russ’ historic year: He was magnificent, and while he may not be the NBA’s best player, he had the NBA’s best season. But he’s going to need help going forward and a lot of it. Victor Oladipo is a nice player, but he’s no second- or even third banana. If only Russ could get a team with guys like Kevin Durant and James Harden and Serge Ibaka. Oh, well.
2. Bristol Massacre
Jim Miller, the dude who co-wrote Those Dudes Have All The Fun: Inside the World of ESPN, tweeted this morning:
John Skipper has just sent memo to all @espn employees. Layoffs announced today. Around 50 names you will recognize; another 50 you may not.
Having been laid off myself on the morning of a colleague’s wedding while at SI (Was I supposed to be the something blue?) and having to sit through the whole day keeping that to myself, I have tremendous empathy for these people. At the same time, most of them will develop a hard (harder?) outer shell that will only help them professionally in the years to follow.
No names yet and I won’t speculate. Kind of odd, though, considering how much emphasis ESPN puts on the NFL Draft, to do it one day beforehand.
3. Jeered in Germany*
Ivanka, IMF chief Christine Lagarde, and Angele Merkel
*The judges will also accept “Miss Hissed” and “Fraulein Ivanka”
The first daughter appeared in Berlin yesterday and was jeered by the audience after she said that her dad has been “a tremendous champion of supporting families and enabling them to thrive.”
When the moderator, Miriam Meckel, asked her to react to that reaction, she calmly said, “I’ve certainly heard the criticism from the MEDIA,” who of course were not the ones booing.
The moderator also said, ““The German audience is not that familiar with the concept of a first daughter. I’d like to ask you, what is your role, and who are you representing, your father as president of the United States, the American people, or your business?”
Ivanka, who has been coached sooooo well, replied, “Certainly not the latter,” which displays a keen understanding of never using proper nouns in sound bites and also does that uniquely Trumpian thing of getting English language usage wrong, as “latter” can only be used in a comparison of two items.
WATCH: Jesse Watters on Fox News re Ivanka Trump: “I really like how she was speaking into that microphone” pic.twitter.com/HoJHLpMtq1
She’s definitely his daughter, with the giant exception of that always cool (some would say icy) exterior. Meanwhile at Fox News, O’Reilly wannabe Jesse Watters made a crack implying that he thinks there’s one job he knows Ivanka could do well.
To Ivanka’s credit, she made no mentions in Berlin advocating the construction of a wall…
4. Could Marijuana SAVE The NFL?*
*The judges will also accept, “The Pot Thickens”
I was talking to a doctor who would know last night who told me about experiments currently being done with CBD (cannabadiol), which is the lesser-known chemical compound in the cannabis plant, which makes marijuana. Basically, and this is no big secret, both doctors and Phish fans know that CBD is able to “stop spasms, calm anxiety, and soothe those in chronic pain.”
And if you’ve spent any time around NFL players, you know how prevalent marijuana usage is, not as a facilitator to watching Seth Rogen films but as a pain reliever. Now comes the possibility that CBD may be the greatest weapon against long-term effects of concussions and CTE.
How funny and ironic would it be if the very drug against which the NFL has been so vigilant becomes the one that rescues The Shield from its CTE problem.
5. A Reason To Feel Good About The Coming Nuclear Holocaust
Great piece here in NatGeo.com about how, three decades following the Chernobyl nuclear disaster, animals rule there. Because no humans live there. So if a self-imposed genocide of mankind does happen, I’ve got that to look forward to and be happy about. Your mileage may vary (psst: this planet is way better off without us).
Music 101
Time Passages
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRRXg1yhsEk
A few things you may not have known about British rocker Al Stewart, besides the fact that he is not related to Rod Stewart: 1) He played the first Glastonbury Festival in 1970, 2) He knew Yoko Ono before John Lennon did, though I don’t know what they mean by “know” and 3) he was the roommate in a London flat with a young Paul Simon.
This 1978 tune, which climbed to No. 7, was Stewart’s biggest hit in the U.S. He’s 71.
Remote Patrol
Yankees at Red Sox
7 p.m. ESPN
Last September the extremely young and recently resurrected Yanks entered Fenway having won 8 of 11 and with a realistic shot at a wildcard slot, something that seemed ridiculous a month earlier. Then the Sawx swept them four straight after a 9th-inning gut-punch comeback on Thursday night. It’s a different year, and both teams are off to solid starts.
