IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

The Rosen Bowl

Three and out. It’s the worst three-word sentence a quarterback can be responsible for on the field. If you look at Josh Rosen’s career in Westwood/Pasadena, though, that’s what it is. Three seasons, no Pac-12 championships (or even championship games), no major bowls and no bowl wins.

Rosen, who should go among the top five picks next spring in the NFL draft, and possibly number one overall, sat out last night’s Cactus Bowl, which UCLA lost 37-14 to Kansas State and a 78 year-old man. In his three seasons Rosen, a Manhattan Beach native, took the Bruins to the Foster Farms Bowl, which they lost, then to a losing season in 2016, and then yesterday to the desert.

 

The truth is that Rosen is a fantastic quarterback—he’s third in the nation in passing yardage and I’ve never seen a UCLA game this season in which his receivers do not drop at least four gimmes—but Rosen, whose name is tailor-made for a New Year’s Day game in Pasadena, never took the Bruins to anything special and in fact, coach Jim Mora was fired last night. It would’ve been fun to watch Rosen play even one year under Chip Kelly.

2. Of Trae and Tra

Hey, remember about three weeks ago when the MH college hoops staff alerted you to Trae Young? Well, the rest of America has caught up. The 6’2″ Sooner frosh leads the nation in both scoring (28.7 ppg) and assists (10.4), acting as if he’s all Russell Westbrook or something (playing just 15 miles south). Also, weren’t all the sports blogs telling us that Marvin Bagley III and Michael Porter were the only two frosh to watch this season?

Speaking of Bagley, if only the Duke frosh had remained in his hometown of Tempe, Arizona, he’d be playing for an undefeated team (12-0) that is ranked higher than Duke at the moment. The Sun Devils are the surprise of the season, as six-foot-nothing guard Tra Holder leads Arizona State in points and assists. ASU gets their second true test of the season this weekend versus arch-rival Arizona in Tucson (the beat Kansas at Allen Fieldhouse earlier this month).

3. When You Have To Finish The Round

This photo was snapped at Beacon Rock Golf Course in Bonneville, Washington, last September and it made the BBC’s gallery of the year’s most striking images. Take a gander.

4.  The James Gang

Even his cranium is muscular

If you had to select one Pittsburgh Steeler who symbolized the Mike Tomlin era in the Iron City, you’d go with face-smashing, participation trophy-denying linebacker James Harrison. The Steelers released the 39 year-old, five-time Pro Bowl selection two days before Christmas, which likely did not make the Kent State alum very merry.

But then Lord Belichick plucked him for the Patriots yesterday. Evil genius! The 15-year veteran, who made the Steelers as an undrafted free agent in 2002, will undoubtedly help the Pats, who ended the Steelers season last year in the AFC Championship Game.

5. A Gentleman In Moscow

We’re only halfway through it, but the MH Book Club is pleased to report that this 2016 novel by Amor Towles is the best book we’ve read all year (including The Sellout). It’s the story of a charming Russian count who, just after the Bolshevik revolution, is sentenced to a lifetime of confinement within the Moscow hotel, the Metropol, that he has called home for the past few years.

You’re already yawning. Don’t. In much the way that the blank page is a gauntlet for any writer, it almost feels as if Towles, a former investment banker, issued himself the challenge of taking this premise and turning it into an exciting novel. He has more than succeeded. As our protagonist, Count Alexander Ilyich Rostov, deduces early on, Better to define your circumstances than to let your circumstances define you. He overcomes them, as does Towles.

An enthralling read, on the level of Catch-22. Pick it up. Put down the smart phone. You won’t be sorry.

Reserves

 

****

 

***

Suns win! Suns win!

Music 101

The Scientist

Coldplay‘s second album, A Rush of Blood To The Head, remains one of the best rock albums of this century (ducks, avoids tossed fruit). In order for this reverse narrative video to work, singer Chris Martin had to learn how to sing this song, the second single from the album, backwards.

Remote Patrol

Pinstripe Bowl

Boston College vs. Iowa

5:15 p.m. ESPN

Jackson’s pick versus Ohio State was the most athletic defensive play of the season

Keep an eye on Boston College freshman running back A.J. Dillon, who nearly won the Herschel Award and may one day win the Heisman Trophy. Iowa linebacker Josey Jewell is one of the nation’s best while Hawkeye cornerback Josh Jackson should have won the Thorpe Award as the nation’s best defensive back.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

If you snap a photo of that one black dude, will blood trickle out of his nose and will he scream at you to “GET OUT!”?

White (Collar) Christmas

The overwhelmingly popular (51 to 48 in the Senate and a 2:1 disapproval rating in polls) gets passed, and President Tee Time gets his first major win in office. Great news if you’re a millionaire or above or in the board room of a publicly traded company. We’ll see what happens to the rest of us.

 

Meanwhile, Trish Regan over at FOX BUSINESS NEWS (yes, really!) did some actual reporting and showed how a man like Blackstone CEO Steve Schwartzman will actually pay less in taxes than a New York City cop because he calls the $400 million he earned this year “an investment.”

2. Fellatio Hornblowers

I’m SO MUCH RICHER today than I was yesterday

The GOP members who’ve often sparred with Trump used yesterday as an occasion to give him the one Christmas present he desires above all else: an ego-stroking. Orrin Hatch suggested that if things keep moving at this rate Trump could go down as the greatest president in the history of America, while Mitch McConnell said, “This has been a year of extraordinary accomplishment for the Trump administration.”

Well, except for health care, Matthew Petersen, firing at least half his staff and being under investigation by the FBI. CNN ranked all 11 “over-the-top” speeches in which Republican legislators hailed the tyrant yesterday. The funny thing is, he’s so needy that he actually believes them. Or he doesn’t care that it’s not true, he’s just that insecure. How’s it feel to wake up in a Third World nation, peeps?

3. Down Go The Heels

Fletcher Magee (above)—who is not a character in a William Faulkner novel—scores 27 points as Wofford defeats defending national champion North Carolina in Chapel Hill, 79-75. Wofford, which entered 0-25 versus ranked opponents, was 4-4 before the contest.

The Terriers shot 44% from the field

It’s a nice story for December, but Wofford’s going to have to win its conference tournament to make the NCAAs and the Tar Heels (10-2) are going to need to lose at least half of their remaining games not to. As if this was the first item in today’s blog to broach the topic of class privilege.

Meanwhile, Duke beat Evansville by 64.

4. Legends of the Fall

The Oscars need to create a Weinstein Award for the Worst Person in Hollywood that year

On this first day of winter, let’s remember all the miscreant males who had jobs and fame and public adoration (they still have money) when the autumnal equinox arrived but no longer do: Harvey Weinstein (still the worst), Louis C.K., Garrison Keillor, Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Kevin Spacey, Morgan Spurlock, Mario Batali, Warren Moon, Russell Simmons, Al Franken, Jeffrey Tambor, Matthew Wiener, Roy Moore, Dustin Hoffman, Brett Ratner and Mark Halperin.

Still outstanding, in more ways than one: Donald Trump.

5. Whoa, Christmas Tree*

*The judges will also accept “Panic in Needle Park”

Whoever supplied the Christmas tree to Rome (Charlie Brown?) may not have his contract renewed yesterday. It’s odd to see a southern Italian that revels in being thin.

The tree’s needles are also falling at an alarming rate, and I don’t know if there’s enough propecia in Italy….

Reserves

Picture This

A holiday treat. Enjoy. The New York Times‘ Year in Photos.

Holidelic

This Christmas, get funked up!

Music 101

Last Christmas

Last Christmas was spoiled when the artist (okay, technically it was Wham!) who brought us this song, George Michael, died far too early at age 53. As our last entry until after December 25, we thought it would only be proper to pay tribute to the man born Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou. The only superior British male vocalist? Freddie Mercury, who also was not of Anglo-Saxon birth.

Remote Patrol

Miracle on 34th Street

8 p.m. AMC

Is the Macy’s department store Santa koo koo or is he actually Kris Kringle? This 1947 film was a Best Picture nominee.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

8 p.m. ABC

A classic. Linus gets the big soliloquy at the end.

McAFEE METER

by John Walters | Leave a comment

Days remaining until New Year’s, 2021: 1,108

Yesterday’s Bitcoin Price: $17,874

Current Price of Bitcoin: $16,542

Yesterday’s magic number: $885.60 per day.

That is, the price of Bitcoin must rise this much on average every day to reach $1 million by January 1, 2021. The price of the cryptocurrency dropped more precipitously today than any since we’ve started this little operation. Bring on the condiments!

Today’s magic number: $887.60

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 7 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Tax Man

Lower taxes for everybody? Yay!

Seriously lower taxes for corporations, billionaires, private-jet owners and inheritors of large estates? Woo-hoo!!!

The MH staff, not unlike the Democrats who actually had to vote on it, hasn’t had time to read over the tax bill (as if we’d understand it, anyway). We did find it funny when Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Kent.) said, “If we can’t sell this to the American people, we need to get in another line of work” followed by a Monmouth University poll that said 47% of Americans disapprove of tax reform and only 26% support it.

Your move, Mitch.

2. Errin’ Judge

Missed this from last week, but you have to wonder why Matthew Petersen was ever nominated by The Worst Wing for a federal judgeship. Watch this. At a certain point I was hoping Senator John Kennedy to turn his line of questioning to, “Have you ever even read a John Grisham novel? Seen My Cousin Vinny? Can you tell me who Aaron Judge is? Anything?

Kennedy, who is a Republican, actually later told a TV station, “Just because you’ve seen My Cousin Vinny doesn’t qualify you to be a federal judge.”  Not even if you’re a ute.

3. Bravo, Geno!

Using only six players most of the game, Geno Auriemma secured his 1,00th career victory (all of them at UConn) last night with an 88-64 defeat of Oklahoma. The Huskies play all their most interesting games before Christmas because they now belong to a suck-ass hoops conference, but that’s just me quibbling.

Also last night, North Carolina’s Sylvia Hatchell, in her 43rd season, secured her 1,000th career win (most of them at North Caolina, where she has coached for 32 years.

How do Geno’s 1,000 wins stack up against the other four college coaches from major programs who’ve passed this milestone?

Pat Summitt (Tennessee): 1,098-208 (.841) EIGHT national championships

Mike Krzyzewski (Army, Duke): 1,082-331 (.766) FIVE national championships

Jim Boeheim (Syracuse): 1,014-358 (.739) ONE national championship

Not the hair! Not the hair! Kia and Katie Lou have a little fun with their coach

Tara VanDerveer (Stanford): 1,018-235 (.812) TWO national championships

Geno Auriemma (UConn): 1,000-135 (.881) ELEVEN national championships

Sylvia Hatchell (Frances Marion, UNC): 1,000-376 (.727) ONE national championship

Highest win percentage, most national championships. Not bad. Someone should write a book about him.

By the way, you had to scroll down pretty far on ESPN’s home page to read news of Geno’s feat. Perhaps if UConn were located closer to the WWL headquarters, or if more UConn alums worked there, or maybe if Geno were good with the media and the sound bytes, occasionally. I dunno…

4. Every Vote Counts

In Virginia, Democratic state senate candidate Shelly Simonds defeats Republican incumbent David Yancey by a count of 11,608-11,607. That win gives the Dems a 50-50 tie in the state Senate house. I’m just wondering if the election official pulled out an index card to see whether Simonds had made it or not.

5. Notre Dame’s Early Signing Day Haul (a.k.a. “Houston, Hello!”)

Jack Lamb—the “ert” is invisible— is from Temecula, so you know he knows how to fight

We like the idea of the Early Signing Day for two reasons: 1) it allows schools and high school seniors who don’t believe in shenanigans (“FARVA!”) to save themselves six weeks of such and 2) because Nick Saban doesn’t like it.

A third reason? For those who don’t sign, they can take a good look at who has signed where and get a better idea of where they’ll fit in or what they want to be a part of. Makes total sense.

Trevor Lawrence, the nation’s No. 1 rated player and a QB, is headed to Clemson….as soon as he goes to buy Aerosmith tickets with Wooderson

For a school like Notre Dame, which doesn’t go full-Harbaugh at recruits but hopes the academics, the facilities and the gridiron tradition sell themselves, early signing day is a boon. That may be why the Fighting Irish are killing it today. As we write this 10 of Notre Dame’s 20 slotted commitments have signed and the other 10 are expected to do so. Experts are calling this the school’s best defensive signing class since 1990 (keep your eyes on safeties Houston Griffith and Derrik Allen and linebackers Bo Bauer, Shayne Simon and Jack Lamb). Also, wide receiver Kevin Austin, who is very good at catching El Pasos.

Also, Bonzie Colson scored a career-high 37 points last night as the Irish (9-3) outlasted Dartmouth, 97-87. I still haven’t forgiven him for missing the bunny with the Irish up high last Saturday and the other thing is that it’s worrisome that Bonzie needed to go for 37 versus a middling Ivy team. Don’t fall in love with this team. Right now, at least, it’s a two-man squad.

 

Reserves

Dutch Treat

It doesn’t actually snow in Amsterdam all that much, so last weekend’s white out was welcome in the lovely city in the Netherlands. If you’ve never been, you should visit.

****

 

Excuse us, Jay, but don’t you earn a comfortable living by speaking into a microphone at live collegiate sporting events?

Music 101

The Christmas Song (a.k.a. “Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire” a.k.a. “Merry Christmas To You”)

Is there a better Christmas caroler than jolly old Nat King Cole? We don’t think so. He was born for the gig. The most played Christmas song of all was written in the midst of a “blistering hot summer” in 1945 by Bob Wells and Mel Torme, a.k.a. “The Velvet Fog.” Wells had written down a few phrases as cool thoughts (e.g. “folks dressed up like Eskimos”) and within an hour the pair had an unforgettable holiday song.

Remote Patrol

Pitch Perfect

8 p.m. NBC

Stop. We’re done. No need to scroll down any further on the TV Guide machine. If you’ve never seen this flick, you’re in for a tremendous treat. Time for a riff-off! (Look closely: Ben Platt, the Tony Award-winning star of Dear Evan Hansen has a minor role; they hid him from us for most of the film).

McAFEE METER

by John Walters | Leave a comment

Days remaining until New Year’s, 2021: 1,109

Yesterday’s Bitcoin Price: $18,722

Current Price of Bitcoin: $17,874

Yesterday’s magic number: $884.03 per day.

That is, the price of Bitcoin must rise this much on average every day to reach $1 million by January 1, 2021. The price of the cryptocurrency dropped yesterday so we’re headed in the wrong direction, Mr. McAfee.

Today’s magic number: $885,60