STARTING FIVE

Upside Dow

You can put those “Dow 30,000” t-shirts back in storage. On Monday the Dow suffered its single greatest points loss in history, 2,013 points. That broke the record by more than 500 points, a record that was set less than two weeks ago. The Dow closed at 23,851.

Less than one month ago, on February 12, the Dow had climbed to its highest level of ever, 29,551.

One less thing you can boast about on the reelection campaign.

The Greatest American Nero

The Roman emperor had a fiddle. Donald Trump has a five-iron.

Let’s examine if there may be any cause and effect between what happened after the markets closed on Friday and the president’s behavior concerning the pandemic. First, he visited the CDC and gave an all-timer of a press conference, filled with lies, empty boasts and shatteringly tone-deaf ignorance.

I wouldn’t expect anyone to watch this entire video. Stephen Colbert condenses it here and you can go to 9:16 to see my favorite moment…

… as the president says, “I just think this is something, Peter, that you can never really think is going to happen.” He is surrounding by health-care professionals as he says, this, doctors who work at The Center For Disease Control. You know who really thinks this is something that you can think is going to happen? People who work at a place whose mission is in its name: Disease Control.

And he said this while wearing an updated MAGA ball cap.

Then he tweeted some.

I don’t believe that Donald Trump is gonna get us all killed. But he’s going to get a lot more Americans killed due to his handling of the coronavirus than any other president, Republican or Democrat (even George W. Bush), I can think of.

It’s funny what happens when you mix ignorance, arrogance, insecurity, pathological lying and craven self-interest and put them all into one person: the president. That’s one dangerous cocktail. Read this.

Gasp Mask

Joke’s on you, kid

Karma is having quite a week, now that we know that a VIP-ticket attendee has coronavirus and has come in contact with high-profile Republicans such as Matt Gaetz, Ted Cruz and Doug Collins. And Gaetz, who is self-quarantining, rode on Air Force 1 with the president last weekend. And Mick Mulvaney didn’t look too well while speaking at CPAC, come to think of it.

More karma: The folks who supported putting children in cages and separating them from their families are now in isolation.

As we wrote at least two weeks ago, the coronavirus is the new Chernobyl. For both China and the USA. Government officials appear more intent on stopping the spread of information than they do on stopping the source of the disaster.

Lock Up: Italy

The greatest nation in Europe (the world?) and our ancestral home, Italy is closed. Pretty much. The president of Italy whose name no one knows has put the entire nation on self-quarantine. Finally, a manageable line for the Vatican Museum.

Is it time for a Roman holiday?

On Monday Italy’s coronavirus death toll jumped from 366 to 463. Only China has been hit harder.

Good Reads: The Big Goodbye

We finished Sam Wasson’s The Big Goodbye and so the first thing we’d recommend is seeing Chinatown (again, or for the first time). Then read this book on how the 1974 film that lost out to The Godfather II for Best Picture came to be made. One of the crazier aspects is how the murder of Sharon Tate had a direct and literal impact on parts of the film, including it’s most famous line.

Second, and here’s where Wasson blew us away, was the denouement. The film’s theme was very dark: corruption and evil will inevitably triumph over the earnest do-gooder. In the aftermath of the film, the four principle men behind it—director Roman Polanski, star Jack Nicholson, producer Robert Evans and writer Robert Towne—all in one way or another succumbed to their darker natures. And some in ways that mirrored the worst excesses and crimes of the characters in the film.

If you’re in any way a film buff, or are interested in Hollywood history, The Big Goodbye is a well-researched book and a fun read. And Wasson pulls no punches.

FILMS: THE FIFTIES

The Fifties were full of Grace

In which we compile our “Five Films” lists by the decade in a handy little one-size-fits-all post:

1950

All About Eve

Sunset Boulevard

The Asphalt Jungle

Rashomon

Annie, Get Your Gun

1951

The African Queen

An American In Paris

Strangers On A Train

Ace In The Hole

Showboat

1952

Singin’ In The Rain*

High Noon

The Quiet Man

The Greatest Show On Earth

Clash By Night

1953

Roman Holiday

From Here To Eternity

Stalag 17

Shane

The Big Heat

1954

Rear Window*

On The Waterfront*

Sabrina

Dial “M” For Murder

A Star Is Born

1955

To Catch A Thief*

Night Of The Hunter*

Marty

Mister Roberts

Oklahoma!

1956

The Searchers*

The Ten Commandments*

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

Giant

High Society

1957

The Bridge On The River Kwai*

An Affair To Remember*

12 Angry Men

Sweet Smell Of Success

A Face In The Crowd

1958

Touch Of Evil

Auntie Mame

Gigi

Vertigo

The Blob

1959

North By Northwest*

Ben-Hur

Anatomy Of A Murder

Some Like It Hot*

House On Haunted Hill

CONTAMI-NATION

–The stock market plunged 7% within five minutes of this morning’s open. The day of reckoning has at last arrived. Meanwhile, President Trump is in Florida preparing for a campaign fundraiser this evening. I hope Nero left him his playlist.

–It’s cute that Stanford and Princeton have told their students not to attend class. Meanwhile this virus has been incubating for at least one to two months stateside. Lots of barn doors finally closing after millions of horses were let out to roam wild in the streets. Containment is a swell idea, but at this point it’s far too late.

–Seeing as how there’s no vaccine for the coronavirus and that in most cases it is not fatal, I’m not sure what the inclination is for the average American to learn whether or not he or she has it. Is it a FOMO thing? If you’re sick, stay in bed and do what you’d always do. There’s nothing a hospital is really going to be able to do other than put you in closer to proximity with more sick people. If I’m wrong on this, please tell me. It’s not as if there’s a magic pill that will make you better. We’ve all been sick. Who cares if there’s a trendy pandemic attached to what you have? It’s the same difference at this point. Bed rest, proximity to a flushing toilet, maybe some chicken broth and perhaps watching Searching For Sugarman on Netflix if you’ve not yet seen it.

–Loathe as I am to do so, and I realize that his reasons for saying what he is saying are based solely in self-interest, Donald Trump does have a point about the relative (and I stress “relative”) danger of the coronavirus. Look, containment is pretty much out of the question at this point. And no vaccine is on the way probably in this calendar year. So the next issue becomes just how dire is it if you contract the coronavirus? And the answer, at least to this point, is probably not so dire if you are under the age of 70 years old. So at what point do we consider coronavirus as sort of a built-in cost of being alive, not unlike commuting or air travel or anything else that we gotta do to make a living but that comes fraught with potential disaster. Sure, there’s a much higher likelihood of dying from coronavirus than from dying in an airline crash, but the point is that both are very low odds.

Is the hysteria well-founded in terms of our ability to contain it? I’d say yes. Is it well-founded in terms of its overall effect on the young and middle-aged? I think not.

–If you are a fan of Shakespearian tragedy, or dramatic irony, you have to love what’s going on here. A few quotes come to mind, the first from Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park: “Nature finds a way.” The second from the title of Charles Blow’s op-ed in today’s New York Times: “You can’t gaslight a virus.”

So Donald Trump and MAGA have finally found an opponent they cannot ridicule, or accuse of promoting Fake News, or make fun of its size. It’s a totally agnostic, unassailable foe that is also lethal. Perfect.

Now here’s how the final chapter of the tragedy should play out. Someone finally approaches our Dear Leader, who is having coughing fits (while his Surgeon General maintains he’s the healthiest 73 year-old in America, healthier in fact than the SG), and explains to him that the stock market is tanking and Americans are panicking. Advises him that for the good of the nation the very best thing he can do is step down and calm both the markets and the populace.

And what do you think Dear Leader does? I think we all know the answer to that. Fade out with Slim Pickens riding a giant coronavirus globule into the Capitol rotunda and then it explodes. Fade to black.

STARTING FIVE

Tweet Me Right

https://twitter.com/JoeyMulinaro/status/1234517319436689408?s=20

Starting Five

Vernal Viral

The coronavirus just cannot get out of the news. Thanks to the inter webs and a pathologically dishonest White House, the pathogen is not only free to spread but we can literally update ourselves on the human cost by the minute.

The illness is spreading —now officially in 34 states and if we only had enough testing kits, probably in all 50—while the Trump administration continues to insist we appreciate that their response has been “perfect.” And the markets are about to open 1,300.

This is exactly the type of worldwide phenomenon Bowie was referring to

By the way, 11 years ago tomorrow Mark Haines of CNBC famously called the “bottom” for the market in the sub-prime mortage crisis. Not today, though. Not for this crisis. Not today.

The Orwellian White House

Human life, yeah, that’s kind of a big deal. But what’s a much bigger deal at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is to maintain the fiction that 1) the virus is no big deal and that 2) they’re on top of it. How many deaths is it going to take for President Trump to be able to look in the mirror and acknowledge that his arrogance at the outset of this outbreak only caused a lot more damage?

And what’s this all about? Is the president really this insecure? (Of course he is.)

This one will definitely be included in the Ken Burns’ 20-part series on the Trump presidency:

Kate And Liz On SNL

and…

For Goodness’ Snake

There were four XFL games this weekend, but the snapshot of the weekend is the above: fans in standing-room-only section for the D.C. Defenders spent the entire game fashioning a “beer snake” out of empties. By game’s end, the beer snake almost extended to the top row of the section. At one point league commissioner Oliver Luck even contributed a cup of his own.

The best moment came early in the second half as the brewery boa grew and a man stood on top of a railing and led the section in cheers of “U-S-A! U-S-A!” More fodder for the dystopian documentary.

Oil Plunges

Is it just me or does something about this photo seem unnatural, toxic and dystopian?

So Saudi Arabia and Russia could not come to an agreement on how to reduce production — i.e., to create an artificial scarcity of oil in order to maintain high prices— because the Russians would not agree to play nice. Or in this case, filthy.

So the Saudis announced that they were going to ramp up production, which means that oil prices are dropping precipitously, like 31%. Wait. Isn’t this good news for your family’s upcoming pilgrimage to Wally World?

I dunno. It sounds as if the people who traffic in oil futures and treasuries and 10-year yields and the type of stuff that we don’t quite understand (“Just buy Bitcoin! And Tesla! And Inovio!”) are concerned. We’ll have more info as soon as someone explains it all to us.

WHICH WILL BE THE LAST STATE TO REPORT A CORONAVIRUS CASE?

https://twitter.com/jdubs88/status/1236782244913721346?s=20

As of Sunday night 33 states (Update: 34, add Iowa to the list) had reported at least one coronavirus diagnosis, with Washington still out in front with the most cases and deaths. The Evergreen State reports 141 cases and 18 deaths, far more in each category than any other state.

As of now there are 530 reported cases nationwide and 21 deaths.

So what will be the final state to report a coronavirus diagnosis? I’m wondering, and I know it’s morbid, if Las Vegas has a prop bet on this. Here are the states that have yet to be officially affected by coronavirus:

Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Delaware, Idaho, Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, New Mexico, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, West Virginia and Wyoming.

My guess? Wyoming.