by John Walters

Humble Pie On The 4th Of July

In today’s New York Times, David Brooks with an essay on how 2020 and the pandemic has served up a long overdue double helping of humble pie to an America that is loud, arrogant and obnoxious. And he offers up a few insights:

“It amounts to a refusal on the part of lots of Americans to think in terms of the social whole — of what’s best for the community, of the common or public good. Each of us thinks we know what’s best for ourselves.”

He adds:

 “In the same way as men cannot for long tolerate a sense of spiritual meaninglessness in their individual lives, so they cannot for long accept a society in which power, privilege, and property are not distributed according to some morally meaningful criteria.”

A lot of people look around at the conditions of this country — how Black Americans are treated, how communities are collapsing, how Washington doesn’t work — and none of it makes sense. None of it inspires faith, confidence. In none of it do they feel a part.

In America we make bold proclamations of our patriotism (Let’s display a flag that covers every inch of the football field!) and then go about stiffing the government by collecting unemployment checks when we already have jobs or stiffing our fellow citizens by not wearing masks in public. You visit other countries and they lack oversized flags but they do display a sense of sublimating their egos for the common good. Not here.

Happy Birthday, America.

A Burning Bush In Arizona

Let’s take a moment to (socially) distance ourselves from the idiots and morally repugnant political leaders in Arizona (below):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGp7Ek2Yko0

and find wonder in the natural beauty that the state provides (as a state, Arizona is a beauty pageant finalist: You’re gorgeous, babe, but just don’t open your mouth.)

That tree exists somewhere in northern Arizona and the photo was taken by Peter Pallagi, who discovered the tree on one of his perambulations. I’m almost fearful of posting these because then the Instagram crowd wants to track it down and pose in front of it. But fortunately I don’t have a viral following so I think it’s safe.

Screamin’ A Goes Off On ‘The Bubble’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-QDiT0FBjY

I don’t know, how long have we been saying this? Three weeks, a month? The idea that NBA players would live in a quarantine situation for two months with only their wives or with only their top-rated girlfriend always sounded comical to us. Adam Silver really needs to watch an episode or two of ‘Ballers, ya know.

(You have to love how the female commentator—Is that Molly Qerim?— protests, “Stephen A., they’re going to have ping-pong tournaments.” The comeback SAS should’ve had to that shoulda been, “It’ll be the first ping-oping tournament to use blue balls.”)

Here’s the other thing that we’ve been thinking about recently: When/if (we still don’t see it) the NBA starts up in Orlando, the headline each morning won’t be who won which game or who scored the most points; the headline will be who tested positive (and players will test positive). And the follow-up story will be how the NBA and/or team plans to deal with that. And whether other players will want to face that player if he remains. And if he doesn’t remain, how it adversely affects his team/the postseason.

This will be the news cycle, day after day after day: how the NBA entered the Indy 500 with two flat tires and a half tank of gas and is shocked—shocked—to have conked out on Lap 38.

Mr. Silver, please. I know those TV contracts are gi-huge, but you’re uncharacteristically missing the forest for the trees here. Someone with decent PR knowledge should be telling you what a disaster this will be. And when it all crumbles you can’t just say, “We went in with the best of intentions.” Not good enough. Nope. You’re not allowed to be this obtuse.

UPDATE: Silver said as recently as two days ago that a large uptick in cases in Florida could delay the NBA’s restart in Orlando. Ya think? Well, the U.S. and Florida each set new coronavirus case records yesterday, Commissioner. So how big do you need to see?

Fall On Me

Here’s “Classic Rock Kid” covering our favorite REM tune and doing a fine job. He particularly nails the Mike Mills backup role, and not only because he’s wearing the specs.

I was a young reporter at SI and late on a Sunday evening, when most of us reporters had to work past midnight, sometimes as late as 3 a.m. or 4 a.m., MTV was airing the now-classic REM Unplugged episode. Maybe for the first time. A few of us were sitting on the couch and chairs in Bambi Wulf’s corner office (she has passed; yesterday was her birthday. Pour one out for Bambi, one of the legends of SI) and I was still, rightly, regarded as something of a poser and dilettante in this journalistic endeavor.

The staff’s ranking REM expert (and there were a few), Tim Crothers, tested me by asking what my favorite song from the band was. I think he expected me to say, “The One I Love” or worse, “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” or, even worse and potentially self-terminating, “Love Shack.”

But I replied, truthfully, “Fall On Me.” And I was permitted to remain among the bullpen cognoscenti for another week.

A Giant Fracking Mess

We made a lot of money off Chesapeake Energy (CHK) the past five years—and we lost some, too. This week CHK finally filed for bankruptcy and now the stories can begin to roll out.

Background: You may recall that the company’s bombastic and charismatic founder, Aubrey McClendon, ended his own life by driving into the side of a railroad overpass a few years ago. No skid marks on the road. Yeah, sure it was an accident.

This week comes word that the company had its own wine cave on-site, located behind a broom closet. Also on-site “a lavish campus that was modeled after Duke University, complete with bee keepers, botox treatments and chaplains for employees.” CHK also spent more on NBA season tickets (with the Thunder) than any single company anywhere in the NBA. Also, it had the largest tab of any single client with one of those private jet companies (Wheels Up! or Net Jets or Blade, I forget).

And yet, for all that, you could have bought shares of CHK on June 3 for $14 and by June 8 those shares were worth $70. You’ve just quintupled your stake in five days. That’s a Pump and Dump HoF moment, especially since the shares are now worth less than $5. If only we had a competent and legitimate federal government, someone from the SEC or Dept. of Justice might be looking into that curious uptick.

by John Walters

Without A Plan(demic)

Congratulations, America! On Wednesday we set a record for the most new cases in one day with more than 49,000. Arizona and California each achieved record highs. It was the fifth time in the past eight days America has set a new record-high and Dr. Fauci assures us we can get to 100K.

Here’s the thing: Americans by and large aren’t truly afraid of the coronavirus. They see the gigantic disconnect between cases and deaths and, unlike AIDS, they don’t believe that contracting it is a death sentence. Because, well, it isn’t. Right now in the U.S. you have less than a 5% chance of dying if you contract Covid-19.

But, of course, the more people who do contract it, the greater the number of people that will die (America, with 4% of the world’s population, has 25% of its cases). It’s just that too many Americans don’t care to read the fine print on the Social Contract. It only applies to what’s convenient for them.

AZ vs NZ

Meanwhile, let’s compare two nations. Or one state and one nation.

Arizona is a state that has 113,998 square miles and 7.2 million people.

That equates to 63 people per square mile.

New Zealand is a nation of 103,489 square miles and 4.89 million people.

That equates to roughly 47 people per square mile.

To complete the ratio, for every four New Zealanders in an enclosed area, you’re talking about 5 1/4 Arizonans in that same space. A little more crowded, but not quite 30% more.

Arizona, which is not as isolated as New Zealand (almost no place is) but is still relatively unto itself, has had 1,740 coronavirus deaths. New Zealand has had 22 coronavirus deaths.

In short: Arizona has had nearly 80 times as many coronavirus fatalities as New Zealand despite having a population density only 1.3 times greater. With a comparative population and land mass.

It gets worse: Let’s do Japan versus Arizona. Japan has nearly 18 times the population Arizona does in an area that is not even 1 1/2 times as large. Again, Arizona: 1,740 coronavirus deaths. Japan? 94.

We are failing spectacularly. As a country. And here, as a state. Cuz Americans and Arizonans are proudly defiant… even if it kills them.

And Yet, A Quarter Like No Other

As of April 1 there were officially 3,170 coronavirus deaths in the U.S. That means that in the second quarter of the year (April-May-June) there were at least 127,000 official coronavirus deaths in the country. To our knowledge nothing outside of cancer or heart disease has ever killed that many Americans in one year (much less three months) since at least the Spanish flu of 1918-1920.

Also, a just-released Yale study speculates (based on the average number of deaths in that three-month span year after year) that at least 25,000 more Americans may have died from the coronavirus than is presently thought. Any way you slice it, an unprecedented (in the past century) circus of death in the U.S. the past three months.

And yet (or “And thus?”) the stock market just had its most bullish quarter in 32 years. The Dow was up 17.8%, its best quarter since 1987. But the Dow wasn’t even as bullish as the S & P 500 (up 20%) or the NASDAQ (up 30.6%).

Go figure.

28 Pages

Twenty-eight pages. Wow. 28. Twenty + Eight. 28 pages. Really. 4 x 7 pages. Fuh real.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary*

• The judges will also accept “Mary, Mary, Why You Buggin'” cuz they love the hip hop (hurray, oh, ay, oh, ay, oh)

For us, the book is not even out yet, and the most shocking revelation to come from the hubbub about the book by Mary L. Trump, the president’s niece, is that Donald Trump has a younger brother. And he’s alive.

Did you know this? I did not know this. How has this guy managed to stay out of the news the past five years? His name is Robert Trump and Mary, who has written a “tell-all” book about her wealthy uncle titled Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World’s Most Dangerous Man, is actually not his daughter.

Mary is the daughter of Fred Trump, the oldest of the five Trump tykes and the one who was an alcoholic and died of a heart attack at age 42. But there is a Robert Trump, who is also Mary’s uncle. Never knew that.

Robert, 72, is the one technically suing Mary about the release of the book (due out July 28) because she signed an NDA in 2001. A lower court blocked publication of the book but yesterday an appellate court said that the book may proceed on schedule (hence Team Trump will go from attempting to block the book to defaming it as “Fake News,” but will not file a libel suit because it isn’t Fake News, after all, and they’d be afraid of what would come out in discovery, but you won’t hear any of this on Fox News).

Mary Trump has a PhD in psychology, a Masters in literature from Columbia, and a lifetime in the Trump family. Who better to write this book?

About six months ago—you can search for it in a post from mid-January if you’re interested—we predicted that anyone holding on to Tesla shares for the next six months would be very happy that they did.

How’d that work out?

On January 3rd, the first day of trading in 2020, Tesla opened at $440 per share as analysts warned that Tesla shares were getting a little too far over their skis.

Today? July 1st? Six months later. Tesla currently trading at $1,123, a better than 180% jump. I’m going to be ill.

by John Walters

We awoke on Monday morning and revved up the computer machine and saw the same thing you saw: there was no MH server (as a sometime server, I was nonplussed… minused, even). Oue first thought was, Guess we’ve finally pushed Susie B. too far. But as it turns out we’d simply forgotten to pay the electric bill. We scampered over to our “In Case Of Emergency, Break Glass” friend, Tim “Oak” O’Connor. He understands how computer machines work. And fixed the problem. I owe him $20. That’s right, Susie B.: you get to read this for free, but I have to pay to write it. ‘Merica!

But no Jacob, this was not a Cancel Culture moment. Nor was this a response to Gov. Ducey’s latest shutdown about-face (about-facemask).

On with the show…

Cam, Patriots: Compatriots

The New England Patriots have signed free agent quarterback Cam Newton and why not? He’s still one of the most physically gifted human beings to ever play the position. Now Bill Belichick needs to go “two solariums!” and sign Colin Kaepernick as his backup. Two guys who’ve led their teams to the Super Bowl in the past ten years: How many other dudes can you say that about who don’t already have a starting spot or are named Manning?

Answer: Zero (Nick Foles and Joe Flacco are likely to start for the Bears and Jets, respectively, whose fans are immune to torture by this point).

Newton is also a former NFL MVP (and Heisman winner). Not a lot of those around on the junk heap.

A Meme Is Worth A Thousand Lives

Thanks to our friend in Park City, the great and Powerful Oz, who sent this along yesterday. A few of us were texting and one friend was unhappy because he thought other friend(s) had blocked him on our text chain. And so, being the insensitive puke that I am, I texted back, “Blocked Lives Matter.” And then Oz sent this.

****

We interrupt today’s blog to note that our Arizona State online course, “Sports and Media” (MCO 465 in your scorecards) goes live today. We have no idea (yet) how you can take this course as a non-degree seeking student, but you still can for the next 24 hours. We’ll look into it or you can if you are sufficiently motivated. Sorry, Susie B., you’ll have to pay for this.

******

To Russia With Love

So over the weekend The New York Times releases a report that says U.S. intelligence believes the Russians were issuing bounties on U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan and were paying off the Taliban for scores (Sean Payton was exonerated early in the process). And, AND THIS IS THE BIG DEAL, President Trump was notified of this. Back in February.

Pret-tee, pret-tee big. Particularly because at least one incident in which three Marines were killed in a roadside blast is directly linked to this.

So what does the President do? He retweets a video of some old white folks in The Villages, Fla., having their own private golf-cart assisted race war (with a “White Power!” chant). And then two days later he retweets the godawful, overweight St. Louis couple who stepped out of their mansion to go Rambo on protesters who’d committed the sin of walking down a “private street.” (The dude was a total cliche: about 30 pounds overweight and trying to fit into khakis he purchased 25 pounds ago).

Anyway, we’ve just wasted a paragraph on the President’s latest dog whistles (air horns) to his racist base and lost track of the actual issue: Donald Trump is Russia’s bitch.

I personally think it’s this simple: When Trump was bankrupt the Russians “lent” him a ton of money in the form of overpaying for Trump properties. He also got their money in the door at Deutsche bank as a means of lending it to him through supposedly above-board means. Why Deutsche would do business with a three-time bankruptcy loser like Trump in the early ’90s is beyond anyone’s ken other than to note that the Russians were really bankrolling him behind the scenes.

Trump will never take on Putin. Never. And so he’s either got to be shown to be incompetent for not paying attention to the intel or callous for not caring about American soldiers’ lives. What he does instead is get people talking about how he supports racism while implausibly denying even that.

Fossils & Foxes

You don’t even need a locator to realize within five seconds that this band is from the South. Or that at least one of the young ladies is the daughter of the guitar player fronting the band. This video is 10 years old now, but the aptly named band still plays gigs and if you go down a YouTube rabbit hole you can see them covering “Our Lips Are Sealed” (!), “Rolling In The Deep”, “I Can’t Let Go” (an all-timer favorite tune of MH), “Doctor My Eyes,” “Seven Bridges Road” and a few too many Todd Rundgren covers for our liking.

But this tune, this cover of “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” by Crosby, Stills & Nash, is mesmerizing. That’s a really, really difficult song and they simply nailed it. Not bad for a dad-bod band.

They’re from the Atlanta area, by the way.

Talk About Cross-Promotion

Three days ago the HBO true-crime series “I’ll Be Gone In The Dark” premiered. Two days ago the serial killer-and-rapist who is the impetus behind the series, and the object of amateur sleuth Michelle McNamara’s obsession for the last 10 or so years of her life, confessed to all the crimes.

We won’t write his name here, but his first rape occurred on June 18, 1976. And he was free and unknown up until just two or so years ago, when DNA evidence linked him to the crime (a family member had gone on a genealogy site and that’s how they got a DNA match to the killer). Still, nearly 45 years of not being apprehended and then he comes to trial just one day after the premiere of the HBO series.

McNamara, a Notre Dame alum who was married to comedian Patton Oswalt, died of natural causes in 2016 at the age of 45. Her book on her obsessive quest to find the killer, I’ll Be Gone In The Dark (released posthumously with the help of two writers and Oswalt), is excellent if you’re looking for a good read.

by John Walters

Jejune June

As we head into the final weekend of June, I don’t think it’s too soon to believe that this month will be remembered as “naive, simplistic and superficial.” The Dow and the NASDAQ soared without any fundamental reasons to do so; many states “reopened for business” while here we are on June 26 with yesterday being a RECORD day for new coronavirus cases ( > 40,000).

Oh, and the chief of… wait, let me see with whom this dude is affiliated again…checking… oh, yes, the CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL says that actual positive Covid-19 cases are likely TEN TIMES the number that have been diagnosed. Or more than 20 million.

All that plus sports commissioners blustering with confidence that their sports will be reopening soon (“full speed into that iceberg, lads!”).

It’s been quite the jejune June.

Kung Flu Pander

A spot-on editorial by Paul Krugman highlighting how America overall is not to blame for the coronavirus, but rather gung-ho blinders-on Republicans who just looked at the coronavirus as if it were Al Qaeda or climate change and thought that a red baseball cap would be enough to overcome it.

Krugman’s most blistering sentence(s):

It’s not that the right is averse to fearmongering. But it doesn’t want you to fear impersonal threats that require an effective policy response, not to mention inconveniences like wearing face masks; it wants you to be afraid of people you can hate — people of a different race or supercilious liberals.

Eggs-Actly.

And now, in the face of overwhelming evidence, the right and Fox News is still clinging to its stupidity. It’s a lesson for all: they will NEVER yield in their stubborn refusal to acknowledge the world has changed. Ever. Even to the death.

Will The Sh*t Ever Hit The Fan?

In brief, Yes.

Airlines and banks and travel industry and the hospitality industry and the food service industry and Wall Street analysts and ESPECIALLY CNBC are blithely going about their business telling us how good of a sun tan we’re able to get now that the ozone layer has been destroyed. Or encouraging us to hunt for sea shells now that the tide just went out 500 feet. There’s a reason the tide is out 500 feet, however.

A tsunami is coming.

Right this minute, if I had the means and the smarts and was someone like Michael Lewis, I’d be doing the deepest of dives into the artificial propping up of the stock market. I guess even I could use stock phrases such as “cheap money” and “the Fed” and “stimulus packages,” but I’m not sophisticated enough to know how they all work.

What I do know, from watching enough Kurt Russell Disney films as a lad, is that The Computer is Wearing Tennis Shoes. In short, something unnatural is taking place to prop up the stock market. Something probably unethical and perhaps even illegal. And we’ve seen enough to know that in the end the market will come crashing down, the rich folks who engineered it will say that nobody was able to foresee it, Lewis will have his bestseller and eventually an Oscar-nominated picture, and the little guy will end up footing the bill.

We’ve seen this movie.