by John Walters

A Medium Happy 65th to former UCLA QB Mark Harmon (and 68th to Terry Bradshaw and 52nd to Shane Falco, a.k.a. Keanu Reeves)

Starting Five

Dobbs’ least could have been disastrous for the Vols, but fortune was on their side

What’s App

Nine years to the date after shocking No. 5 Michigan in the Big House, Appalachian State came a fumble recovery shy of taking down the No. 5 Volunteers in Neyland Stadium (those are two of the biggest stadiums in college football). With the score tied in OT, Tennessee QB/aeronautical engineering major Josh Dobbs failed to properly calculate his trajectory while leaping for the end zone and fumbled the ball into the end zone. Teammate Jalen Hurd recovered, though, for the go-ahead score. Had the Mountaineers recovered, they’d only have needed to kick a field goal to pull off the upset.

2. The Grange Award 

He was the Ghost with the most, and that’s why our award is named in his honor….

It’s time for our preseason prognostication concerning Medium Happy’s very own award for the Most Outstanding Stud in College Football, the Grange Award. On October 18, 1924, Red Grange of Illinois took the opening kickoff back 95 yards versus Michigan, a team that had not been scored upon in two years. Two years. Then Grange scored five more touchdowns against the Wolverines, the shortest one being from 44 yards out. Later, he earned the coolest nickname the sport has ever seen: The Galloping Ghost.

It is in the spirit of Grange that last year’s winner was such an easy choice: Christian McCaffrey, who is a modern-day doppelgänger (our preseason choice had been Nick Chubb of Georgia).

Christian won the Grange, where the voting committee is less “S-E-C” mad than for that other award

There is no Grange Watch list—if you play, you’re on it—but here are the players we think are most zealous to win the coveted award, and the trip for two to Ogallala, Nebraska: Dalvin Cook, FSU: Deshaun Watson, Clemson; Baker Mayfield, OU; Josh RosenRosen, UCLA; Jabrill Peppers, Michigan; Sony Michel, Georgia; Royce Freeman, Oregon; Leonard Fournette, LSU; and McCaffrey, of Stanford. And our preseason pick for the winner is……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Deshaun Watson. Why? He’s driven, he has his top receiver back after missing all of last season (Mike Williams), and he has a shot at a signature win at Florida State.

Watson finished second in our voting last season

All that said, if Stanford and Notre Dame are both unbeaten when they meet on October 15th in South Bend, look out. McCaffrey will have the stage he needs to become a repeat winner.

3. A Few Words About The Double Neck Guitar

For guitarists with four hands, the double neck guitar is a must

I was thinking about the double neck guitar the other day, the guitar with 12 strings on one neck and six on the other. It technically has a functional use, but isn’t it more about “LOOK AT ME!” I’ve always wondered what the other guys in the band thought about the dude playing the double neck guitar. Do they look at him the same way they do the lead singer who can’t play a musical instrument but decides to pick up the tambourine or the maracas?

And what is the sports equivalent? A few people suggested the belly putter. I can see that. Or how about in baseball, that RoboCop-style elbow guard for the batter? Still taking suggestions….

4. The Book of Mormon 2

Sneddon

A crazy story in The Daily Mail this morning about an American student/missionary, David Sneddon, who was last seen hiking in southern China 12 years ago. The story suggests that Sneddon, who was 24 at the time and spoke both Mandarin and Korean, may have been abducted by North Korean officials and taken to Pyongyang to serve as an English tutor for Kim Jong Un. I can totally see James Franco playing him in the movie version.

Parker and Stone

When you remember that the same two dudes, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, wrote both Team America: World Police AND The Book Of Mormon, it all begins to make sense.

5. Brock Turner Overdrive

Persky

Less than six months after being convicted for two counts of felony sexual assault and one count of attempted rape, and just halfway through serving a 6-month sentence (handed down by a fellow former Stanford athlete), Brock Turner will be released from jail today. So that’s one month for each conviction.

During his sentencing last June, judge Aaron Persky, who could have sentenced Turner to 14 years in jail, said this: “I think you have to take the whole picture in terms of what impact imprisonment has on a specific individual’s life. And the impact statements that have been – or the, really, character letters that have been submitted do show a huge collateral consequence for Mr. Turner based on the conviction.”

Perks would later sentence an immigrant who admitted guilt to sexual assault to three years, though in his defense, and I’m not making this up, the immigrant assaulted a woman who was conscious, while Turner assaulted someone who was unconscious, and currently under California law the former crime is taken more seriously.

Of course, if women were just physiologically as strong as men, none of this would happen.

Meanwhile, Stanford students are no fans of Brock, as the school has now banned hard liquor on campus. Thanks a lot, Brock. I mean, this is the smae place where LSD was originally developed.

Music 101

We’re An American Band

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwsgznR_T-g

One of the greatest fuel-injected navel-gazers in rock-and-roll history, this meta song from Grand Funk Railroad was written and sung by their drummer, Don Brewer. It went to No. 1 in 1974 for the trio from Flint, Michigan, and simply detailed their exploits while touring. More song facts here.  If ever there was a band that was the spiritual inspiration for Stillwater, GFR, loved by arena rockers while being panned by Rolling Stone, is it. If this doesn’t take you back to rolling the windows down in your Chevy Vega as you blew doors past that AMC Pacer, what will?

Remote Patrol

College Football

All Weekend

JuJu Smith-Schuster is going to need a lot of help to keep it close versus Bama

The glamour game is USC versus Alabama, but the best game just might be Notre Dame at Texas (closest, I mean). Will Houston pull off the upset of OU? Does Ole Miss have too much dirty laundry to play focused against an FSU team that hasn’t lost in Orlando since 1952? Here’s all your listings for the ten best games….

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 77th to Lily Tomlin….

Starting Five

We’d call Trump “borderline racist,” but he’s going to build a wall on that border….and Mexico’s going to pay for it.

Bully Pulpit

Really enjoyed Donald Trump‘s Nuremberg Rally 2.0 speech in Phoenix last night. If only Leni Riefenstahl had been there to film it.

Two of my favorite bon mots (here’s the whole speech):

The wall:

“We will build a great wall along the southern border.

And Mexico will pay for the wall.

One hundred percent. They don’t know it yet, but they’re going to pay for it.”

It’s funny. Earlier in the day Trump met with the president of Mexico, Enrique Pena Nieto, but I guess that topic never came up. It’s not as easy to be bold in a roomful of people who are not your minions, apparently.

If Clinton wins:

“The result will be millions more illegal immigrants; thousands of more violent, horrible crimes; and total chaos and lawlessness. That’s what’s going to happen, as sure as you’re standing there.

This election, and I believe this, is our last chance to secure the border, stop illegal immigration and reform our laws to make your life better. I really believe this is it. This is our last time.”

Nobody panic, but if you don’t elect Trump, it’s gonna be like Independence Day III in here.

Here’s Garrison Keillor, one of at least two thousand public figures I can think of who would make a superior president to Trump (who wouldn’t? Justin Bieber and that dude who played the dad on Seventh Heaven who turned out to be a pedophile), on the man who fans the flames of racism.

2. “PAWWWWWWLLLLL!”

Don’t understand why Paul Finebaum needed to apologize for saying “this country doesn’t oppress black people” on his radio show. It’s a complicated issue. You need not be a PC Bromani to appreciate that African-Americans have had a much more difficult path on this soil, but even if you find Finebaum’s comment outright wrong, then find your outlet or forum and say why.

There’s a difference between cops who operate above the law and a systemic, institutionalized acceptance of discrimination (e.g. apartheid, Jim Crow Laws) and those things do not exist here. And for that reason Finebaum’s comment is at the very least debatable.

So, yeah, this is political correctness run amok and it only further galvanizes the base of the man we discussed in our first topic. Oh, by the way and not unrelated, Clay Travis just landed a national three-hour morning radio show on Fox Sports. He’s angling for full Sean Hannity status, don’t you think he’s not.

3. Knee-Deep In The Hoopla!

If I were Grace Slick, I’d blame the whole thing on LSD….

Kudos to GQ for taking a deep dive on Starship’s “We Built This City,” which was less a song than a pop culture infestation in 1985. In northern Indiana back then, this song played at least once an hour on U93 and absolutely forced me to turn off the radio and start studying.

The tag is that this is the Worst Song of All Time, but it’s so far from that. It may be the most annoying song of all time, but it’s super-catchy and you may be even tapping your foot to it right now. If this song were a person, it would be that someone whom you’d never admit to anyone you made out with, but you have to admit you kind of enjoyed it.

My worst song? Either “Feelings,” “All By Myself,” or anything by Matchbox 20.

4. Cool Kids Table

Rudolph & Friend: One of the best photos of the year

Yes, you have to love that Florida State wideout Travis Rudolph sat down with an autistic boy, Bo Paske, and ate lunch with him in a Tallahassee lunch room. It’s a scene right out of Freaks and Geeks. On the other hand, how much better is that than having to pose for selfies with a dozen or so gushing tweens? I’m with Rudolph here for all the right and wrong reasons.

Here are two good takeaway quotes from a story by Aaron Torres on Fox Sports:

Rudolph: “I just wanted it to become aware that everyone is the same, and one man can make a difference.”

Bo: “It was kind of like me sitting on a rainbow.”

5. Not Like They Planned It

When you fast forward to the 1:10 mark, those aren’t Paul Finebaum’s mentions. That’s a SpaceX rocket that ‘sploded at Cape Canaveral today.

Music 101

Borderline

Before all the big-name producers and major labels and backing tracks, Madonna was just a young lady with a dream and a penchant for missing curfew. This song off her eponymous debut album in 1983 remains, to me, her essential work. There’s an authenticity to it and the song, a lullaby, sends you somewhere far from wherever you happen to be listening to it. It peaked at No. 10, which in retrospect seems absurd.

One more thing: No idea how successful Madonna would’ve been without MTV (she was its original queen), but I can tell you when this song first started receiving play, even though we had no idea who this woman was, it only took an instant to realize that she was somebody.

Remote Patrol

The Usual Suspects

10 p.m. TMC

Back when other Baldwins appeared in real films

I’ve always had mixed feelings about this film. Yes, any non-documentary is a make-believe story, but if the entire story you’ve been watching is also made up in the main character’s head, if it’s all an alibi, haven’t you just subjected yourself to 90 or so minutes of cat fishing? Or are we all supposed to feel like Chazz Palminteri as the coffee cup crashes to the floor?

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 71st to Van the Man….

Starting Five

Bridgewater is two months shy of his 24th birthday.

Teddy: Ballgame?

Awful news for the Minnesota Vikings (and anyone who took him for their fantasy league), as quarterback Teddy Bridgewater suffered a non-contact injury at practice yesterday in which he dislocated his knee and tore an anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). He was dropping back to pass during a drill and appeared to hurt his leg as he planted.

You won’t be seeing the former Louisville QB this season, but the Vikes expect him to make a full recovery. So who steps in for the reigning NFC North champs? Should they try and get Christian Hackenberg from the Jets? Mark Sanchez from the Broncos? What kind of shape is Fran Tarkenton in these days? The current second-string QB is 36 year-old Shaun Hill.

2. Don Amigo

He’ll be so disappointed to learn that they don’t serve taco bowls in Mexico

Is Donald Trump really going to visit Mexico? Yes. Today. He’s going to have a private meeting with Mexican president Nacho Libre  Enrique Pena Nieto. If you’re scoring at home, the last three prominent Americans to visit our neighbor to the south have been Kenny Powers, Sean Penn and now Donald Trump.

Clearly we’re not sending our best to Mexico. We’re sending liars. We’re sending narcissists. We’re sending sociopaths.

— Rob Reiner (@robreiner) August 31, 2016

Rob Reiner got in a good zinger on the GOP nominee on the Twitters yesterday, but as someone else tweeted, if Trump returns with a check from president Nieto to pay for the wall, that could be a game-changer.

3. Bad Week for ISIS (Good Week For Everyone Else)

Earlier this week ISIS’ spokesman (Isn’t it “spokesperson,” ISIS? Well, isn’t it?) Mohammad al-Adnani was killed, and the Russians are taking the credit for his death (let them; I wanna see ISIS try and attack Putin). Meanwhile, Pentagon officials are saying an American drone strike killed the 39 year-old Syrian, whom Medium Happy sources confirm was also in charge of ISIS’ decorating committee and its reunion committee.

Kids, kids, stop bickering. There are plenty of other ISIS’ers who are out there just waiting to be killed. Share the wealth.

4. Tebow’s Tryout

How did Tim Tebow’s baseball tryout at USC go yesterday? Not terrible, but you won’t be seeing him in the Major Leagues (any time soon). The scouting report: Tebow hit some bombs in BP, 400-plus foot shots, but against live pitching he could not pull a single ball because he has such a long swing. In the outfield he looked sub-par, as was his arm.

Someone will give him a minor-league shot, and why not? But if the messianic 29 year-old is serious about this, he’s going to need all autumn and winter to devote to this pursuit.

5. The Night Of

Box found out you can’t put things so neatly into a…box

So I didn’t say all that much about The Night Of finale yet, so let me say this: I loved what they did. This was never a show that needed to identify THE killer of Andrea Cornish; it was all about watching whether justice was prevailing in terms of the prosecution of Nasir “Naz” Khan.

The finale opens with the three alternative suspects taking the stand, and what we are left to see (as the TV jury) is that any of them may have potentially done it (especially Duane Reade), but it’s not the defense’s job to convict any of them. It’s only defense’s job to sow seeds of reasonable doubt, which it did.

The theme of the finale was redemption, and not even for Naz, who when asked directly if he killed Andrea, replied candidly, “I don’t know.” No, there was redemption here for Detective Box, a pro’s pro who as the trial went on realized that he had done a hasty and sloppy job investigating the case. Now in retirement, he feels bad about the way he left those dishes in the sink. He wants to clean up the mess.

There was also redemption for John Stone, whose efforts (including working with Chandra, whom he would eventually betray) ultimately were what got Naz off. And I absolutely love the final scene, which tells us subtly that Stone saved the cat, which translates to him believing in justice, in second chances, in hope and in life itself. He’s no longer just playing out the string. Great ending (as a middle-aged Upper West Sider named John who lives with a rescue kitty, I may not be unbiased in this assessment).

I loved the minor touches of reality in the finale, as with the entire series: the opening scene at the bar where one of Box’s colleagues suggests someone should write a cop show about a cop “who doesn’t give a shit.” Or Helen Weiss putting her sneakers back on as she exits the court room; everything about the hangdog Box; Freddy not saying goodbye, but looking out the window as Naz departs to his old life. The kitty.

Emmy nominations should be coming to Riz Ahmed (Naz), Michael K. Williams (Freddy), John Turturro (Stone), Bill Camp (Box) and especially to Jeannie Berlin (Helen Weiss), who was just fantastic.

Music 101 

Head Over Heels

By the time this song came out in 1984 off the Go Go’s third album, Talk Show, they were close to disbanding. What might have been. Here they are playing it at the Greek Theater, an outdoor amphitheater in the Hollywood hills, in 1984. The band played there again last night in what they say was their final show. Note: this song peaked at No. 11 in 1984; a year later a different tune with the same title by Tears For Fears peaked at No. 3. Also: guitarist Jane Wiedlin has called this her favorite Go Go’s song; she may have something here.

Remote Patrol

You’ve got five straight nights of football beginning tomorrow. Rest up, or hit the gym, while you are still able.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 86th to the Oracle of Omaha, who has made an average of $2 million per day every day of his life, while living in the same house the past 58 years (he bought it in 1958 for $31,500

Starting Five Three

“We Are The Music Makers, and We Are The Dreamers of Dreams…”

Rest in peace, Gene Wilder. He appeared in at least three Mel Brooks films that I can think of (The Producers, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein), while starring in arguably the best “children’s film” of all time, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, back when children’s movies weren’t saccharine or insipid, but challenged both kids and adults to appraise the story on multiple levels.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz9jc5blzRM

I love this scene from Willy Wonka; Wilder added the limp and somersault on his own. He wanted to add depth to his character, illustrating that he had a certain sense of mischief and also that he could not entirely be trusted.

As for Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein, here are two of most genuinely funny movies ever made, and Wilder starred in both of them (the sane individual setting the table for his co-stars to get all the laughs).

So long, Waco Kid. Goodbye, Dr. Frankenstein (“That’s Franken-STEEN!”)

2. Get Up And Go Go

The greatest all-female rock band in history, The Go Go’s, play their final show tonight at The Greek Theater in Los Angeles. My story on them in Newsweek…

3. Duck Dynasty Deadspin

Is it just me or is Clay Travis auditioning to be the next Bill O’Reilly/Sean Hannity for Fox?  I liked Clay well enough when we worked together at AOL Sports and I always respected his intelligence. Lately, though, every issue is “You’re a PC Bromani” (a knock on ESPN’s Bomani Jones, who on Twitter can often seem as militant in the polar opposite direction of Clay) and I’m not.

I’m not sure what Clay believes, or if he actually believes in anything outside of more hits, more clicks. Last week he wrote a piece on how White Privilege is a myth, and while I’d agree that some of the Black Lives Matter/Safe Spaces movement has gone beyond too far, it’s interesting that he never mentioned the Stanford rapist of Dylann Roof’s kid-gloves arrest. Or the homeowner in Arkansas who shot two cops recently and was taken away without being shot himself.

After the Kaepenick episode, Clay wrote a breathless, likely unedited or even second-drafted “takedown” of Kaepernick in which he challenged Kaepernick to tell him, “First, who is getting away with murder? That’s a strong accusation. Who in particular has committed murder in this country and not been charged with it? If you’re going to make this statement then you need to give us particulars that motivate your decision and your beliefs. I don’t want bland generalities, I want specifics here.”

I don’t have all day, Clay, but let’s begin with the cops who killed Eric Garner in Staten Island. And while some cases are murkier than others (Michael Brown, Freddie Gray), it’s comical to think that anyone can’t name situations of black men and women being shot and killed presumptively by cops who will never be tried for a crime.

What I find intriguing/funny is the following: 1) Clay lives in Nashville and writes for an audience that, like himself, has no interest in leaving the South or in seeing life from any other perspective than their own. They’re like a highly successful SEC program in that way:     four cupcakes at home and then and SEC schedule where once every few years we may have to travel as far north at Lexington, Ky., to get a bizarre view of the world. 2) Clay writes this article, “Colin Kaepernick Is an Idiot,” on his site, Outkick the Coverage, but that site is a financial partner of Fox. So let’s not pretend that Fox isn’t making money off that viewpoint, because it is. It’s just easier for Fox, an NFL partner, to excuse it that way.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 78th to the original Trapper John, M.D., Elliott Gould (right)

Starting Five

Kaepernick, flanked by Gatorade coolers, sits out the Star-Spangled Banner

“If You Don’t Stand For Something…”

The beauty of the First Amendment is that it allows for someone to express wholly unpopular, even outright unpatriotic, views. Which is what San Francisco 49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick has done all preseason—it’s just that last Friday was the first time in three games he was in uniform, so it’s the first time anyone appeared to notice that he was seated during the national anthem.

This is Hot Take gasoline. Perhaps the bigger question is how come we play the national anthem before sporting events (and not before films or theatrical performances). It’s funny  that this little Colintroversy is taking place just a few months before the Nov. 11 release of Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk, a film that will have a lot to say about the conflation of the National Football League and patriotism.

2. Dak To The Future

Prescott will become the Cowboys’ first rookie starter at QB since Quincy Carter in 2001

Tony Romo’s aching back is back. Romo, who has started the last nine Dallas Cowboy season openers at QB, suffered a transverse fracture in his back after taking a hit early in the Seattle exhibition game last week. So here comes Dak Prescott, the rookie out of Mississippi State, who is the NFL’s top-rated quarterback this preseason, having thrown for the most touchdowns (5) and the most yards (454) and having not thrown a single pick (curiously, Jimmy Garoppolo of New England is the No. 2-rated QB).

Speaking of New England, is a Bledsoe-Brady situation brewing in Big D? Prescott has some decent weapons at his disposal, such as potential Rookie of the Year running back Ezekiel Elliott, and Pro Bowlers Zack Martin (G), Dez Bryant (WR) and Jason Witten (TE). He’s stepping into a great situation, and the Cowboys don’t play a 2015 playoff team that won at least 10 games until Week 5 (Dallas was 4-12 last season).

3. The Other Gang of Eight 

Big Papi is one of three Red Sox in the top five in hitting in the A.L. The mofongo can wait.

As we close in on September, EIGHT American League teams are vying for the two spots for the one-game playoff: the Red Sox (72-58), Orioles (71-59), Tigers (69-61), Royals, Astros and Mariners (68-62), and Yankees (67-62) are all within 4 1/2 games of one another.

Someone will fade, someone will choke, and someone will play .667 ball in the month of September. We just don’t know who yet. The irony, at least for my Yankees, is that they didn’t need to trade both relievers Andrew Miller and Aroldis Chapman—or either of them—to field the team they have at the moment.

For the heck of it, I’ll pick Boston (best hitting team in A.L.) and K.C. (defending World Series champs, hottest team in August) to advance.

4. Does Gary Johnson Have A Shot?

Gary would become the third Johnson to be president, making it the most popular surname (goodbye, Adams, Bush, Cleveland and Roosevelt) in POTUS history

Former New Mexico governor Gary Johnson, a triathlete who is far fitter (and younger) than Hillary Clinton OR Donald Trump, appeared on Fox News on Sunday morning sounding like a serious presidential candidate. Johnson needs to be at a 15% minimum in five major polls to be allowed to participate in the upcoming presidential debates. Wouldn’t it be great to at least see a third person on that stage?

Johnson lives in Taos, N.M., in a home he built himself

Born on New Year’s Day, 19523, the 62 year-old Johnson has completed THREE Hawaii Ironmans and has reached every one of the Seven Summits (including Everest). Worth noting: the two previous Johnsons who took office did so as vice presidents who stepped in for assassinated presidents.

5. Top Billings!

Earlier this year, when the Rams announced that they were moving from St. Louis to Los Angeles, I advocated for them to move instead to Montana and become the Billings Bighorns (I still believe it’s a great idea).

Well, Outside magazine just named Billings as the Top Place To Live in America in 2016. See?

Reserves

Save The Cat!

Isn’t it ironic that the closing scene from The Night Of was a visual expression of the cardinal rule of Hollywood story-telling? Coincidence? We’ll have more on the finale tomorrow, but as a New Yorker I must ask why Raymond Halle was smart enough to not use EZ-Pass at the Queens Midtown Tunnel but too dumb to realize that if he’d taken the 59th Street Bridge, which has no toll, there’d be no video evidence of him leaving the city?

Music 101

Heart and Soul

Does anything say mid-Eighties, post-New Wave synth pop quite like this summer ’87 hit from T’Pau? The vocalist is Carol Decker. The song reached No. 4 in 1987.

Remote Patrol

The Late Show 

CBS 11:35 p.m.

Actor Riz Ahmed (Naz from The Night Of) appears. I really hope they have him drive a taxi from West 87th and this time he learns where to legally make a left turn.