by John Walters

Starting Five

Fans “stayed away by the thousands” during the Chargers one and only season in Los Angeles in 1960

La La Palooza*

*The judges will also accept “A Rivers Runs To It” and “(Die)Go Now!”

Finally, an NFL team moving to Los Angeles that originated in Los Angeles. The Rams were originally the Cleveland Rams and the Raiders, who spent a decade or so in L.A. during the ’80s and early ’90s, were originally from Oakland.

Barron, Sid and Frank. “Now that we know where the treasure’s buried, let’s head to the Cafe Trocadero and hang with Lucy and Ricky”

But the San Diego Chargers, who will announce today that they are moving to Los Angeles, actually began there. In 1960 the Los Angeles Chargers opened play in the NFL. Owned by Barron Hilton, whose dad was hotel magnate (and frequent mentor to Donald Draper) Conrad Hilton, the Chargers were coached by Sid Gillman (HOF’er) and had a general manager named Frank Leahy (yes, the same dude who won two national championships as a Notre Dame player, won four more as a Fighting Irish coach, and still owns the second-best winning percentage in college football history; behind his own coach, Knute Rockne).

Those 1960 L.A. Chargers finished 10-4 and you may have heard of Gillman’s two assistant coaches: Al Davis and Chuck Noll.

The Chargers announcement is great news for the San Diego State Aztecs, who finished in the Top 25 (25th in both polls) for the first time in 30 years…

The L.A. Chargers were a very good team, they just couldn’t seem to attract a crowd (That’s cuz everyone had gone surfin’, surfin’ U.S.A.). Their last two home games at the L.A. Coliseum drew 9,000-plus and 11,000-plus. Can you imagine the photos Charger beat writers would have uploaded to Twitter back then with “20 minutes before Titans-Chargers kickoff” attached?

I sincerely hope there isn’t a subliminal message here, though by the fact of me noticing it there cannot be, can there?

Chargers to L.A. Yet another franchise missing the opportunity to become the Billings Bighorns…

2. The (Holy) Trinity Sessions

So this is a disturbing little bit of video from the Senator Jeff Sessions “I Wanna Be Your Attorney General and Latex Salesmen” hearings…

Sessions: “I think we should respect people’s views and, and, not demand any kind of religious test for holding office.”

What’s wrong with that, you ask? Read on.

Senator Sheldon Whitehouse: “And a secular person has just as good a claim to understanding the truth as a religious person, correct?”

Sessions: “Well, I’m not sure…”

See, if you don’t 100% believe that a virgin gave birth to God’s son, who then became the first and only person in history to rise from the dead, how can you be expected to understand what truth is?

(p.s. Why doesn’t Sheldon run for president? I’d never tire of saying, “We need to put a Whitehouse in the White House.”)

3. There Will Be Blood Exxon*

Daniel Day Lewis and Paul Dano in a memorable scene from a rather depressing film

*The judges really believe we should’ve gone “Backing The U.S.S.R” or “Tillerson: The U.S.S.Czar” or “Comradicalization”

Do you remember what Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis) did to Eli Sunday (Paul Dano) after the memorable “I Drink Your Milkshake” soliloquy, which was just a giant metaphor for having drilling rights to someone else’s land? That’s right, he murdered him.

To lead off her excellent eponymous MSNBC show last night, Rachel Maddow explained how almost all of the world’s largest oil companies are government-run. Then she noted that the world’s largest oil company not overseen by a government is Exxon. Then she noted that Exxon has 14 MILLION ACRES of land with drilling rights in the USA, which is far more than it has in any other country save one….Russia. Where it has 64 MILLION ACRES of land with drilling rights.

You’ve got the petroleum, I’ve got the drills, let’s make lots of money.

So, EXXON has more land to drill for oil in the USA than anywhere else, except for Russia, where it has FOUR TIMES-plus as much land.

Except for one problem. Exxon has only like one well or two in Russia that operate, because Russia makes money off that well, and the U.S. GOVERNMENT has imposed sanctions on Russia.

To recap: 1) Russia would love Exxon to be able to drill more in Russia and 2) Exxon would love to be able to drill more in Russia.

If it weren’t for those pesky sanctions. And then you remember which American is the only American to have received Russia’s Order of Friendship medal. Oh yeah, Rex Tillerson, the CEO of Exxon. Isn’t he also Donald Trump’s pick for Secretary of State?

Sanctions lifted. Exxon drills. More big oil money. More money for Russia. And if you don’t think a certain Fifth Avenue Billionaire is going to find a way to profit off that, you’re naive enough to have voted for him in the first place.

4. Break Up The Korverliers

“Why do you keep calling me Kevin?”

The Korvs lose 106-92 in Portland, their second defeat in 28 hours. The Korvs trailed by 21 in the fourth quarter, almost inciting LeBron to shave.

Kyle Korver, a career .428 shooter from beyond the arc, is 0-5 in two games from that distance. He’s been diagnosed with KevinLove Sickness.

The Korvs are in the midst of a bizarre six-game road trip that began in Brooklyn, then went directly to Phoenix (Did they catch the A train from the Atlantic Ave. terminal to JFK? That’s what I do), then to Salt Lake City and Portland on a back-to-back. Now they’ve got Sac-Town and finally the Dubs on Monday. Yes, Monday. Don’t ask. Susie B. is already flummoxed and perplexed.

5. Seth Vs. Kellyanne

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_dv5qAsJMU

A terrific sparring bout between Seth Meyers and Kellyanne Conway, whom I admire for her sheer stamina (and she’s quite proud of those arms, isn’t she?) and willingness to go toe-to-toe with anyone on CNN, MSNBC or CBS. She’s a gamer.

This was from Tuesday night, and I really liked the way Seth called her on her “pivot” while also giving her and the Trump team props where they’ve earned it. Well done. She seemed to enjoy herself, too, though at the end KAC got a little defensive and the fangs were exposed. Which is why Trump loves her.

By the way, notice that this took place on Tuesday night and Conway said that Trump had not been briefed by U.S. intelligence—Seth repeated the question for clarity. But he had. And she knew it. She simply casually lied because who watches late-night TV, anyway?

Reserves

Donald Trump: Life Hack*

*The overworked judges will concede to “Blind Trust Me”

I really am loathe to go all in on yesterday’s circus other than to mention that Trump noted that “Hacking is bad” and then in the next breath said, “But look what we learned from it.” This happened shortly before or after he said something to the effect that “Leaking is bad” but for some reason was unable to find the silver lining in it as he did with hacking. Hmm.

Also, read this to better understand the truth about the Russian spying, the M16 dossier, and how the news was leaked. It almost certainly was not an intelligence leak, as Trump claimed.

Finally, here’s Office of Government Ethics director Walter Shaub spelling it out fairly plainly on Trump’s conflict of interest problems and his “Blind Trust Me” stratagem:

Music 101

Nashville

I got off the Indigo Girls train in the mid-Nineties (after the first listen of “Chicken Man”), but I loved their first four albums and would still happily schlep over to Central Park Summerstage (or the Beacon Theater) to see them. This song off Amy’s and Emily’s 1992 album, Rites of Passage, is one of their gems that never received enough radio play.

Remote Patrol

The Imitation Game

Netflix

also TMC (NOT TCM) 8 p.m.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5CjKEFb-sM

I finally saw this 2014 film about the life of Alan Turing and how he cracked Enigma, the Nazis’ literal war machine, and I quite fancied it as compared to that year’s Best Picture winner, Birdman. Benedict Cumberbatch is extremely Cumberbatch and Keira Knightley does her thing, too. I love that some day she’ll be made a Dame and we’ll refer to her as Dame Knightley. It also stars Charles “A Lannister Always Pays His Debts” Dance, Mark Strong (like Cumberbatch, a Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy alum) and Charles Goode, who is very…How this film got made without Colin Firth being in it is beyond me.

Was nominated for eight Oscars. MH highly recommends.

by John Walters

Starting Five

44 says farewell

There Goes That Man

Two words that President Barack Obama never uttered during his nearly 50-minute speech? “Donald Trump” (or, for that matter, “golden showers”).

Here are a few things he did say (some as if he were speaking directly to Trump and his cronies):

On overdoing the War on Terror: “Democracy can buckle when we give in to fear. So just as we, as citizens, must remain vigilant against external aggression, we must guard against a weakening of the values that make us who we are.”

On health care: “And I’ve said, and I mean it, anyone can put together a plan that is demonstrably better than the improvements we’ve made to our health care system, that covers as many people at less cost, I will publicly support it. Because that, after all, is why we serve. Not to score points or take credit. But to make people’s lives better.”

This very image bothers some people. Too many people. Sad!

On capitalism run amok: “While the top 1 percent has amassed a bigger share of wealth and income, too many of our families in inner cities and in rural counties have been left behind.” (Editor’s Note: I don’t know why people don’t take this more seriously; we’re headed toward a feudal society)

On Trump-ism, without directly calling it that: “If every economic issue is framed as a struggle between a hardworking white middle class and an undeserving minority, then workers of all shades are going to be left fighting for scraps while the wealthy withdraw further into their private enclaves.”

On the issues that will continually confront Trump: “As my grandmother used to say, reality has a way of catching up to you.”

On immigrants: “For native-born Americans, it means reminding ourselves that the stereotypes about immigrants today were said, almost word for word, about the Irish, and Italians, and Poles, who it was said were going to destroy the fundamental character of America. And as it turned out, America wasn’t weakened by the presence of these newcomers; these newcomers embraced this nation’s creed, and this nation was strengthened.”

On climate change: “Without bolder action, our children won’t have time to debate the existence of climate change. They’ll be busy dealing with its effects… Now we can and should argue about the best approach to solve the problem. But to simply deny the problem not only betrays future generations, it betrays the essential spirit of this country, the essential spirit of innovation and practical problem-solving that guided our founders.”

I seem to recognize his face. Yup, Eddie was there thinking, Can’t find a better man…

On a fact the GOP hates to admit is true: “No foreign terrorist organization has successfully planned and executed an attack on our homeland these past eight years.”

On social media: “If you’re tired of arguing with strangers on the Internet, try talking with one of them in real life.”

A quick anecdote. The day after Obama was elected, I was at my favorite neighborhood restaurant, La Caridad. Two black men were waiting for a to-go order and the first said, “Can you believe he won?” to which the second said, “Now how long until they kill him?”

It’s a relief and a mild surprise that the first African-American president not only survived four years in office, but eight. That he did so with his dignity and integrity intact, without a whisper of scandal, well, that must just destroy the racists who are so eager to see him depart. He did it, though. If he didn’t exactly win the Indy 500 in terms of every policy, remember that he spent eight years driving the car with Mitch McConnell pressing down on the emergency brake. More than a great man, he was a good and decent man. We’ll not see his like in the White House for at least four more years. Most likely longer. Speaking of which…

2. Golden Taint

From Newsweek…

The story began making the rounds at Washington dinner parties late last summer: Donald Trump had been caught in a compromising sexual position by Russian intelligence agents during a business trip to Moscow. 

According to one version, told by a high-ranking Obama administration diplomat, Russian intelligence services, acting on Trump’s well-known obsession with sex, had arranged an evening for him with a bevy of hookers, with hidden cameras and microphones recording all the action. The jaw-dropping detail that topped the story? Trump had somehow engaged in “golden showers,” sex acts involving urine. 

Now, according to a leaked annex to the combined U.S. intelligence agencies’ report on Kremlin intrigues in the American elections, Russian security agents watched Trump engaging in “perverted sexual acts” that were “arranged/monitored by the FSB,” the Kremlin’s leading spy agency. The FSB, it said, “employed a number of  prostitutes to perform a golden showers (urination) show in front of him.” Not only that, according to the report’s anonymous Russian sources, Trump deliberately chose for his escapade “the Ritz Carlton hotel, where he knew President and Mrs. Obama (whom he hated) had stayed on one of their official trips to Russia and defiling the bed where they had slept.”

Intelligence agencies should never have allowed this fake news to “leak” into the public. One last shot at me.Are we living in Nazi Germany?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 11, 2017

Now, let’s look at Donald Trump’s SEVEN tweets since this came out (originally reported last night by Buzzfeed). Notice that he never denies any of this directly. Instead, he just says “Fake News!” or “Witch Hunt!” or that he’s never been to Prague, which isn’t Moscow, but whatevs. This is the same man who for years pushed lies that Obama was born outside the U.S. and who also claimed that Ted Cruz’s padre was involved in the JFK assassination. Now he’s asking if we’re living in “Nazi Germany” because he for once is on the other end of it.

3. Angela’s Assets

By the way, Angela is about as nice and sweet a person as you could ever hope to meet. Couldn’t be happier for her big moment.

If you’ve seen La La Land, allow me to introduce you to Angela Parrish, the musician who actually sings the female vocals on the opening number, “Another Day of Sun.” The reason we love Angela is because her personal story mirrors that of both leads in the film (she actually plays jazz piano six nights per week at two different restaurants; sound like anyone familiar?).

The scene was shot six months before she ever was hired to lay down the vocals for the track, by the way.

4. The James Gang

I love Russell Westbrook as much as any of y’all, but James Harden is your indisputable first-half MVP

James Harden last night: 40 points, 15 rebounds and 10 assists. The Rockets launch nearly 50% of their shots from beyond the arc and win to move to 31-9. They’re basically on pace to finish 64-18 and no one’s saying it, but Mike D’Antoni’s “Seven Seconds or Less” offense is alive and well deep in the heart of Texas.

Also: Cleveland lost 100-92 at Utah. Bizarrely, LeBron James is 5-9 all-time in Salt Lake City (some notes are added simply to chide Susie B. into commenting).

5. Bono-roo?

Last week, it was Coachella (April), with headliners Radiohead, Beyonce and Kendrick Lamar.

This week: U2 announced it will be playing The Joshua Tree in its entirety on tour this summer (Why not just reach into my savings account, Bono, and take what you like?). Probably my favorite album, so yeah, you got me, Dubliners.

Bonnaroo (June): U2, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Weeknd.

BottleRock (in Napa Valley, in late May ): Tom Petty, Foo Fighters, Maroon 5.

Not a bad spring and summer of music.

Music 101

Girlfriend In A Coma

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qT4_BQFbCQQ

Thank God for The Smiths. Are there any artists around now who are as clever, dark and still melodic as Morrissey and his mates were? Okay, sure, a few hip-hop artists, but Phyllis can’t listen to that. This song reached No. 13 on the UK charts in 1987. Never charted in the US, but was popular in Dillon Hall in the fall of ’87.

Remote Patrol

Psycho

TCM 8 p.m.

This is not only Alfred Hitchcock’s masterpiece, it’s also his comeback hit (if you haven’t seen the film Hitchcock, it tells the backstory and has ScarJo plus Mrs. Timberlake, so what are you waiting for?). I like that the 1960 film starts in Phoenix with a female embezzler who decides to go on the run. I always imagine the Bates Motel being located somewhere between Blythe and L.A.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Renfrew’s game-winning TD catch wasn’t flagged, so it was legal

No Pick!*

The judges will also accept “Pick and Roll Tide”

Pick:

No Pick:

Williams’ score here made it 24-21, Bama

Pick:

An ACC team, a rub play against the No. 1 team in the land, an easy TD pass, but—not legal

No Pick! No Pick!

2. Hunter Gatherer

This was Renfrow’s first TD catch versus Bama, a 31-yarder, in the first half of last year’s NCG….

Clemson’s 5’11 former walk-on wideout Hunter Renfrow, who scored the championship-winning TD last night, now has 17 catches and four touchdowns against the Crimson Tide in the past calendar year. Thirteen of the Tide’s 14 non-Clemson opponents in the past calendar year failed to score four touchdowns.

A reminder that Renfrow was not offered a single FBS scholarship out of high school. Something to remember when National Signing Day is upon up in 22 days.

….and this was his fourth, last night.

Mike Williams, another Clemson wide out, is 6’3″ and will probably be chose in the top 20 picks in the upcoming NFL draft. And he deserves to be. And, more importantly, Williams’ two mighty, sky-walking fourth-quarter grabs last night were probably more decisive than any two catches Renfrow made. It’s just going to be interesting to see what happens with Renfrow, who also made a tackle on a Clemson fumble that saved a touchdown early in the third quarter, when his college career ends.

3. Meaningless But Fun

FCS Samford (Birmingham, Ala.) beat FCS Central Arkansas

FCS Central Arkansas beat Arkansas State

Arkansas State beat Texas State

Texas State beat Ohio

Ohio beat Kansas

Kansas beat Texas

Texas beat Baylor

Baylor beat Oklahoma State

Oklahoma State beat Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh beat Clemson (43-42)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_VhQt5gKS4

So by the ultra-transitive property, a team from Alabama defeated Clemson, so the Crimson Tide may as well add another natty to its list. By the way, recall that North Carolina State missed a game-winning 33-yard field goal in October in Death Valley. Granted, if I had to bet, I’d predict Clemson would’ve run the table after that presumed loss and beaten Pitt, but we’ll never know, will we?

4. At Tritt’s End

Travis Tritt Treets:

Yesterday:

Advice to all actors, musicians and entertainers: Please stick to your crafts that we all love you for and drop the political rhetoric.

— Travis Tritt (@Travistritt) January 9, 2017

And this was Travis Tritt 51 weeks ago:

In the upcoming election, I will be voting for the ABC candidate (Anybody But Clinton)! She is a lying troll who isn’t good for America!

— Travis Tritt (@Travistritt) January 15, 2016

It ain’t about whether you agree or disagree with Tritt on the tweet directly above. It’s about fighting the “War on Hypocrisy!” (How’s that one going, Sean Hannity?). For example, can you believe Kellyanne said this yesterday referring to someone who dared to stand up to her boss?

“I’m concerned that someone with a platform like Meryl Streep is also inciting people’s worst instincts.” That’s good, Kellyanne! You are good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilMkBavpVPE

5. Pay ‘Em? (More?)

Deshaun Watson is worth far more to Clemson than his scholarship and stipend. On the other hand, would you (or the NFL) know who he is if he just played sandlot ball in his hometown?

So last week Ray Glier, who is a terrific reporter for The New York Times, asked as many playoff-bound college football players as he could what they do with their monthly cost-of-attendance stipend of just under $400.

He received replies from fewer than a dozen players, all of whom spend their money on responsible things like rent, car repairs, sending $$ home to parents or even buying stuff for the homeless. Cool. Apparently, the “Pay ‘Em!” crowd (my friend Jason McIntyre at The Big Lead introduced Glier’s piece in his daily Roundup by writing “To the few dolts who don’t think college football players should be paid, read how they spend their “stipend.”) believes that those of us who don’t believe they should be paid (more) assume they’re all going to use the money for spinning rims or bling or ice or Yeezy’s because you know, we’re all closet racists with a plantation mentality.

Item: What someone uses their income on should never have any impact on how much they are paid. That’s like saying of two sportswriters, one who’s married with three kids and the other who’s single, that the former deserves to be paid more because she buys more Gerber products. Why you’d make that your “Pay Them (More)” argument is asinine.

Item: College football players already are paid. You may have noticed the item dealt with the fact that these players receive checks of $388 per month. That is income. That is payment. They also receive free educations. If you think they should be paid MORE, that’s fine. But that’s the issue. Not that they are not paid at all. By continually saying they should be paid, you are either being intellectually dishonest (read: disingenuous) because it doesn’t help your argument or you’re just not very bright.

Item: Glier spoke with less than 12 players. About 10,000 young men play FBS football. Just something to remember.

Item: As far as I know, any college football player at an FBS school is eligible for free housing all four years he’s at that school (I’m not 100% positive on this, but I think so). Moving off campus and getting your own crib, for which you’d have to pay rent, is a discretionary spending move. No one is forcing these players to do that and pay rent. They make that choice.

Item: Most of us didn’t have a pet in college because we 1) didn’t have the time and 2) didn’t have the money to take care of one. I’m all for pets, and I’m all for players having them if they treat them well, but again, this is discretionary use of income.

Item: Same for vehicles. When you’re a college student.

You’re welcome to believe college football players should be paid MORE THAN THEY ALREADY RECEIVE. That’s a debatable topic, because I feel that most sportswriters that espouse this haven’t looked far down the road to explore the Law of Unintentional Consequences here. But that’s another matter.

As I’ve written before, when 100% of the people you make an offer to accept it (Hello, National Signing Day), there’s very little incentive to sweeten the offer. And when about 3% of the personnel playing college football make it to the NFL, the deal as is for the other 97% is far better than if it didn’t exist.

Yes, but colleges and ESPN and FOX are reaping billions off their labor. They DESERVE to be paid more, you say. Maybe. So go on strike. In the adult world, “deserve” and “fair” have very little to do with anything. It’s a lesson one should learn earlier rather than later.

Music 101

Vienna

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DuCIGvsbMA

The British New Wave act Ultravox was almost too New Wave, as if the barrier to entry to even listen to them required a black trench coat, military boots and eyeliner (You weren’t around in the early Eighties, but this was an actual thing; they were called “Mods”). The song spent four weeks at No. 2 in the UK in the winter of 1981, held off at No. 1 by John Lennon’s “Woman” (he’d been murdered a month earlier) and then for three weeks by the novelty hit, “Shaddup You Face,” proving that listeners had poor taste then, too.

Remote Patrol

President Obama’s Farewell Address

CBS, NBC, ABC, etc. 9 pm.

Watch it with your favorite Deplorable.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Streep used her six minutes to speak not a whiff about her own career

Streep Fighting Man*

*The judges will also accept, “The Devil Wears Trump Ties Made In China”

Accepting the Cecil B. DeMille Award (lifetime achievement) at the Golden Globes last night, Meryl Streep took up where Hugh Laurie had left off, noting that the tosser of last night’s event, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, had three words in its name that were anathema to Deplorables. Then she went all in:

An actor’s only job is to enter the lives of people who are different from us, and let you feel what that feels like. And there were many, many, many powerful performances this year that did exactly that. Breathtaking, compassionate work.

But there was one performance this year that stunned me. It sank its hooks in my heart. Not because it was good; there was nothing good about it. But it was effective and it did its job. It made its intended audience laugh, and show their teeth. It was that moment when the person asking to sit in the most respected seat in our country imitated a disabled reporter. Someone he outranked in privilege, power and the capacity to fight back. It kind of broke my heart when I saw it, and I still can’t get it out of my head, because it wasn’t in a movie. It was real life. And this instinct to humiliate, when it’s modeled by someone in the public platform, by someone powerful, it filters down into everybody’s life, because it kinda gives permission for other people to do the same thing. Disrespect invites disrespect, violence incites violence. And when the powerful use their position to bully others we all lose. O.K., go on with it.

Of course, this morning the man above is claiming president-electsplaining that he was not mocking The New York Times reporter, Serge Kovaleski, who suffers from arthrogryposis. And then he doubled down by becoming a film critic:

Meryl Streep, one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood, doesn’t know me but attacked last night at the Golden Globes. She is a…..

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 9, 2017

Then this happened, from professional blonde news reader Tomi Lahren:

These Hollywood elites wouldn’t know average, every day hard-working Americans if we bit them in the ass. #GoldenGlobes

— Tomi Lahren (@TomiLahren) January 9, 2017

But as someone else pointed out, the person she is defending lives in a 32-story glass tower on Fifth Avenue with his name in gold letter atop it. But he’s not an “elite?”

2. More from The Golden Globes

So, Naomi Campbell hasn’t aged a day since the Freedom ’90 video? She’s 46. This is the very definition of arm candy

–Host Jimmy Fallon recovered well from his teleprompter not working at the outset of the show. And he still got off this zinger: “What would it be like if King Joffrey had lived?” Fallon asked. “Well, in 12 days we’re going to find out.”

–Thoughts and prayers to Tom Hiddleston, who probably took the stage with good intentions of sharing the plight of people in South Sudan but instead came off sounding like a wanker. That was like a scene out of Extras.

For a moment there, I had a “Wild Things” flashback

–God bless Emma Stone, who double-hugged director Damien Chazelle as he was leaning over in the other direction to hug his babe, and who then said, “God, that was really awkward.”

The miracle of two-sided tape

–You could park a bus in the area that was open on Jessica Chastain‘s dress above the midriff. It seemed like a competition between she and Mandy Moore to show more decolletage.

–I think the director of Elle has the hots for the star of Elle.

—Brad Pitt: separation suits you. Notice the extra-long applause Pitt received. It was like the room was saying, “We’ve been wondering for years when you were going to open your eyes about that woman.” I half-expected Billy Bob Thornto to jump up and high-five him (also, Angelina Jolie and Tom Hiddleston would be a terrific match, no?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_QQgz74qpo

—Steve Carell‘s Fantasia anecdote was the best. “I never saw my father again after that day.”

–Jessica Chastain, Amy Adams and Emma Stone: Ginger is the new black.

–“Golf Boy” sounds like a film Adam Sandler would make and that I would not see.

–Such a strange evening, I still don’t believe it. The movies/shows I was rooting for (La La Land, The Crown) got their just due while those I found somewhat overrated (you know, like Meryl Streep) did not. And I don’t even know if I heard the words “Modern Family” except for when Sofia Vergara did her anus joke. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if someone had done a Vinyl “In Memoriam.”

3. Howlin’ Wolfpack 

Okay, so call it the second-most unbelievable basketball game ever staged at The Pit in Albuquerque. On Saturday evening Nevada trailed New Mexico by 25 with 11 minutes to play, by 19 with just over four minutes remaining and by 14 with 90 seconds to play.

The Wolfpack won, 105-104 in overtime. How’d they do it? By making eight threes in the final four minutes and by the Lobos (who are also a wolf pack, just a Spanish-sounding one) missing six of their final 10 free throws. What a game.

4. Stolen Car-ma

On Friday on Long Island, someone stole a 2010 Honda. Yesterday afternoon a state trooper on the Long Island Expressway noticed the car (apparently there’s a gadget that reads license plate numbers and alerts the fuzz if it’s a license plate of a stolen vehicle). The trooper did not turn on his lights but followed the vehicle at a safe distance as he called for backup.

At some point after pulling off the LIE, the driver noticed he was being tailed and sped up. The problem? The temps were in the teens yesterday and many roads were slick. As the driver attempted to make a sharp right turn, the car skidded off the road way and rolled over upside down into a frozen pond. The driver and two other occupants died before they could be rescued.

5. Oh, The Places They Invite You To Go: Detroit, Tijuana and the South Bronx!

Capetown, South Africa (been there, loved that)

The New York Times came out with its list of 52 places you should visit in 2017. It’s very well done, really.

Music 101

December, 1963 (Oh, What A Night)

Franki Valli and The Four Seasons were already your parents’ band when this song was released in late December, 1975. It wound up soaring to No. 1 on the charts in March of 1976 and remaining there for three weeks. All of this came at least a dozen years after those Jersey boys had been in their prime. The lead vocals here are not sung by Valli (he sings backup and bridge) but by drummer Gary Polci. An essential time-capsule song of the Mid-Seventies.

Remote Patrol

Alabama vs Clemson

8 p.m. ESPN

Fitzpatrick (speaking of Jersey boys) won the Pop Warner Super Bowl in 2010 with his team from Old Bridge, N.J.

Despite an alarming lack of pregame analysis, they’re still going to rush ahead and play this game (I’ve studiously avoided any ESPN studio chatter on the game; they’re ruining Christmas for me here). Always tough to win a rematch (ask Apollo Creed), but I like the Tide because that defense is filthy. Minkah Fitzpatrick is a future NFL star.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Korver was apparently upset that Popeye’s chicken staff in Atlanta referred to him as “white boy,” or do I have the wrong alliterative Atlantan?

The Kleveland Korver-liers

On Wednesday the Cavs shot 8 of 25 from beyond the arc in a loss to the Bulls. On Thursday, with serial in-game hugger J.R. Smith still weeks if not months away from a return, they made a deal to acquire white boy three-point marksman Kyle Korver from the Hawks. Korver, in his 14th season who has been an All-Star, is 6’7″ and can rain buckets.

Korver is a career 43% shooter from outside the arc, has thrice led the NBA in 3-point %, and has drained 1,952 career threes. In contrast, LeBron James, who like Korver entered the NBA in 2004, is a 34% shooter from outside the arc and has made 1,400 career threes.

The game is now dictated from outside the arc, if you hadn’t noticed (I’m working on a story on this at the moment), and Cleveland’s maneuver is going to set the Cavs up well for the Finals. Besides, now Kevin Love will have someone to talk to.

2. Black Ops*

This tweet wasn’t admiral-ble

*The judges will not accept “But I thought black people couldn’t swim”

Is this why they called David Robinson The Admiral? This Yahoo! Finance tweet remained up for about 20 minutes, but it got a lot more people talking about Yahoo! Finance while reminding us that Denzel Washington was the protagonist in Crimson Tide.

3. The Three Stooges

How do you say, “Piers Morgan without a British accent?”

Fox News announces that middle-aged Princeton eating club member Tucker Carlson will replace Megyn Kelly, giving the cable news channel a nightly 8-11 p.m. lineup of  Bill O’Reilly, Carlson and Sean Hannity. That’s three hours of white-mansplainin’ of Donald Trump each night for those of you who live in states that only border other states or The Great Lakes (or Mexico or the Gulf of Mexico).

Jon Stewart appeared on Carlson’s show “Crossfire” a few years back and singlehandedly destroyed it. I mean, like, it was canceled soon after this appearance.

I may as well go all-in on coastal elitism, if I’m going to be accused of it, anyway. Meanwhile, Greta Van Susteren, who ceased being relevant about a decade ago, is moving to MSNBC (which ceased being relevant three months ago?).

4. We Never Gave James Madison and Youngstown State Their Proper Props

Rader pinned the ball against his defender’s back to make the game-winning catch of a lifetime. Something out of a movie.

Tomorrow in Frisco (“Kid, was a friend of mine!”), Texas, will be the FCS National Championship, pitting a pair of underdogs (or overcats, if you will) against one another: James Madison U. vs. Youngstown State.

JMU, Jason McIntyre’s alma mater (he even has the same initials), got there by taking down FIVE-TIME DEFENDING NATIONAL CHAMPION NORTH DAKOTA STATE in Fargo, and with a first-year coach, Mike Houston (Hello!). The final was 27-17. Quite a feat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nz4vBqXa5FA

Youngstown State also defied the odds, traveling out west to Cheyney, Washington, to upset favorite Eastern Washington (a school that took down Holiday Bowl participant Washington State) in the snow under its own first-year coach, Bo Pelini (you know him). Kevin Rader made a SICK catch with just :01 remaining to give the Penguins a 40-38 victory.

MH regrets not appreciating all this when it happened. The game airs tomorrow at noon on ESPN2.

5. Give It Away, Give It Away, Give It Away Now

Feeney made his fortune as co-founder of Duty Free Shoppers Group, which George Costanza claimed he knew nothing about.

(Erstwhile) billionaire Charles Feeney is a man whom I imagine is familiar with the scripture verse Matthew 19:24:

“Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

(proof that Jesus visited zoos? We digress….)

Five years ago Feeney, then 81, pledged that he would give away the remaining $1.5 billion of his accumulated wealth (he’d already given away $500 million, or half a billion). Last week Feeney, now 85, gave $7 million to Cornell University, his alma mater, as a grant for students doing community service work. He and his wife, Helga, who live in a rented apartment in San Francisco, will now get by on his remaining $2 million.

Feeney’s quote? “You can only wear one pair of pants at a time.”

Feeney is “subsisting” on .01% of his former liquid assets. According to The New York Times, no American philanthropist has given away a greater proportion of his or her wealth. Charles Feeney is a real-life superhero.

Word Up

Ephemeral (adj): Lasting for a very short time

Johnny Manziel’s quixotic and ephemeral NFL career….

2017 Stock Pick!

We thank An Inconvenient Ruth for her suggestion of Vandalay Industries (you roll that up with Moland Spring Water, the Penske File and J. Peterman and you’ve got quite a promising portfolio), but we’ll pass. So what should we pick?

This is hardly a risky choice, since the stock soared 220% in 2016, but with the coming emphasis on Artificial Intelligence and the company’s early entry into the sector, we like Nvidia (NVDA), which is based in San Jose. It’s getting a lot of attention at the CES show in Vegas this week and at the very worst it’s a takeover target.

NVDA opened at $101.80 this morning, Jan. 6, so let’s say that the MH coffers are going to open up to buy 100 shares. That’s an outlay of $10,180. We’ll see you all on December 31st to see how that investment turned out.

(P.S. MH is always happy to hear the investing thoughts of the great and powerful Oz, our old high school friend who has the coolest hair of anyone over the age of 50 and owns a domicile or two in Park City. Oz is the best investor we personally know.)

Music 101

Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man (and….

Bob Seger released this song in 1968, when he was an unknown, and I’m sure when people heard it they thought, Well, this is a very nice effort by the Spencer Davis Group. The song shot up to No. 17 on the charts in early 1969 and it also became the title song of his debut album.

….Ramblin’ Man)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VxoXn-0Ezs

Then, five years later, The Allman Brothers released this song about a character who I can only assume is the son of Seger’s protagonist (“My father was a gambler down in Georgia/He wound up on the wrong side of a gun…”). It shot up to No. 2 on the charts and remains the band’s lone Top 10 hit.

Remote Patrol

Sunday 

The Golden Globes

NBC 8 p.m.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnIGdb-sT-s

The above was only last year. It feels like about five years ago….

Tune in despite the fact that Jimmy Fallon is hosting. You get film and TV awards, drunk and well-dressed celebrities, and the obligatory cracks made at the expense of the Hollywood Foreign Press. Have we really gone from the caustic (and hilarious) Ricky Gervais hosting to the fawning Fallon? Yup.