by John Walters

Starting Five

1. The Wisdom of Crowds

One day after Donald Trump‘s inauguration as our 45th president, nearly 3 million people peacefully assembled in Washington, D.C., New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Denver, Boston, St. Louis, Philadelphia, Phoenix, Atlanta and even Boise. There were similar marches (more like rallies; I spent three hours on 2nd Avenue between 49th and 48th Streets; we literally “took a stand”) in London, Paris and other parts of the globe.

In New York City, bump-her to bump-her traffic….

Let’s call them “Rally Caps”

A University of Connecticut professor named Jeremy Pressman is keeping a running total of the crowd sizes in a Google Doc spreadsheet and estimated the crowd at 2.9 million, the largest ever protest in United States history. And if a guy named “Pressman” is not an experts on crowds, who would be? It’s like a library cop named Bookman.

A mass protest in Paris!?! That’s nearly in Seine!

In Washington, D.C., an estimated 500,000 peaceful protesters marched without a single arrest (or punched-out Nazi). Of course, those numbers might have been different if Ricky Williams had chosen to join them.

Can’t a Heisman Trophy-winning brother even go out for a walk without the po po hassling him?

So what was it all about? A feminist guest on MSNBC’s show with Brian Williams got it 100% wrong when she said, “If it’s just an anti-Trump thing, it’s a missed opportunity.” No. Saturday wasn’t about finding tributary causes (pro-choice, equal pay, etc.), though those matter. Saturday was a call to arms (and legs) to stand up and be counted if you don’t agree with the direction in which this president and his cabinet seem intent on taking this republic. No more, no less.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffb_5X59_DA

Ashley Judd hit it out of the park here. Find Scarlett Johansson’s speech, too. She acquitted herself well. They could probably do without Madonna the next time.

2. CIA: Chronically Incensed Autocrat*

Trump’s first visit as president to “Nazi Germany”

*The judges will also accept “Clinically Insane Asshat” and “Clownish Individual Attacks”

On Saturday Donald Trump crossed the Potomac into Langley, Virginia, to make the Central Intelligence Agency his first stop on his first full day as president. Standing in front of the Memorial Wall, whose 117 stars signify the sacrifices of agents who have lost their lives in service to the United States, Trump blathered on about:

–the media: “They are among the most dishonest human beings on earth” (only when discussing our bench press max)

–intelligence: (his, not the agency’s middle name): “Trust me, I’m like, a smart person” and ” Now, I know a lot about West Point. I’m a person that very strongly believes in academics.”

–support: “I am so behind you. You’re gonna get so much backing. Maybe you’re gonna say, please, don’t give us so much backing, Mr. President” and “There is nobody that feels stronger about the Intelligence Community and the CIA than Donald Trump. There’s Nobody. Nobody.”

I’ve never been more convinced than I am now that Donald Trump is a true danger to the Republic. https://t.co/ZtohQNGjgV

— Evan McMullin (@Evan_McMullin) January 21, 2017

That’s a conservative former CIA operative tweeting.

–as long as we’re here: “I wasn’t a fan of Iraq. I didn’t want to go into Iraq. But I will tell you. When we were in, we got out wrong. And I always said: “In addition to that, keep the oil. But, okay. Maybe we’ll have another chance.”

–crowd size at his inauguration: “The field was…. It looked like a million, a million and a half people.”

—Time magazine: “I have been on their cover like 14 or 15 times. I think we have the all time record in the history of Time magazine.” (Nope: Richard Nixon has it, but Donald will likely catch him)

–Truth (a.k.a. Non-alternative facts): “I love honesty. I like honest reporting.”

As Trump said all of this, he may have if he were so inclined, looked out to the opposite end of the building’s lobby. There he would have spotted a biblical verse from the Gospel according to John: “And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.”

You can’t make this stuff up.

Of the few Trump columns I read this past weekend, this one by a Republican, Pete Wehner, who worked in three GOP presidential administrations, felt the most insightful.

3. The Sean & Kellyanne Show

Spicer’s post-inauguration debut was simply a scolding of mean tweets.

A few hours later in the White House Briefing Room, the lies got bolder. White House press secretary Sean Spicer came out for the first time in that role since the inauguration and went gonzo Pinocchio.

Spicer: “This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration — PERIOD.”

It wasn’t, not even close. The estimated attendance for Friday’s attendance was estimated at anywhere from 250,000 (conservative estimate) to 600,000 (Alt-Right estimate). Compare that to comparisons of Barack Obama in 2009 (1.8 million), Obama in 2013 (1 million) and Bill Clinton in 1993 (800,000).

Stars Jumbotron with a topical joke. pic.twitter.com/9vsmTG1Agj

— Kate Morrison (@unlikelyfanatic) January 22, 2017

Spicer also said 420,000 people used the D.C. Metro on inauguration day compared with 317,000 for Obama in 2013. The Washington Post reported that the Metro actually had 557,000 trips between 4 a.m. and midnight on Friday, but that in 2013 there had been 782,000 over the same time. As for the 317,000 figure from 2013 Spicer cited, that was from 11 a.m. to midnight; during that same period on Friday, Trump’s inauguration drew 193,000.

These were simply inaccurate statements. The next morning a weary-looking Kellyanne Conway called them “alternative facts” in an interview with NBC’s Chuck Todd, who referred to them as “falsehoods.” Watch Kellyanne pause and look down, eyes closed, as if even she’s having trouble swallowing it.

Worrying about crowd size (or girth) one day into one’s presidency is inane, but what should sound off alarms is that the administration is willing to prevaricate over such a trivial matter when anyone with eyes can see the truth. On top of that, let’s remember that they chose to make this an issue on the same day that the largest single peaceful protest in American history took place.

Then again, maybe that was the point of it all. To take that off the top of everyone’s news feed.

4. Aziz Is Astounding

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9PpuYTgNQ4
Comedian Aziz Ansari was up to the challenge of hosting Saturday Night Live “the day after Donald Trump’s inauguration. His “lower-case kkk” monologue was as strong as Louis C.K.’s monologue a year or two ago, and his La La Land sketch was hilarious (loved the Black Mirror/Uber parody film, too). And if you missed Kate McKinnon just destroying Kellyanne, here it is (yes, the tribute to Obama at the end of the show was off-putting, but this show has never hidden its affection for 44; were you really that surprised?)

5. Coco: Oh No!

Coco is the niece of Kiki Vandeweghe and the granddaughter of a Miss America, Colleen Kay Hutchins

Down in Melbourne, both No. 1 seeds fell (how much farther can you fall when you’re that far down?) within hours of one another. Angela Kerber lost to “Team” Coco Vandeweghe while Andy Murray lost to Mischa Zverev. We still have a shot at the Williams sisters meeting and of Roger Federer taking an 18th Grand Slam singles title.

Music 101

Marching On

“The power on the right side fights the power on the left/We have got to stand together/Forget the East and West”

Another song from The Alarm, “The Stand,” might also have been apropos following the past few days. This early Eighties Welsh band fell under the New Wave umbrella, but they were really late-punk (their original name was “The Toilets”) who sounded a lot like U2 and Big Country. This song never even charted.

Remote Patrol

MONDAY NIGHT

Se7en

SyFy 8 p.m.

As you re-watch this gruesome classic, notice what a friend once shared with me: keep an eye on the different processes that Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt use to find their assailant. Freeman is all about being methodical and using research; Pitt is far more impulsive. It’s what comes back to bite him, because Kevin Spacey sees the difference in the two men.

by Michael DePaoli

COMRADE TRUMP INAUGURATION EDITION 

1. LIBERALS HAVE ALREADY WON 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avcyqp_10Yk

Why are you liberals so sad on this inauguration day? Why are you trying to snatch defeat out of the jaws of your own golden-showered liberal victory? Seriously, you should be celebrating!

You destroyed that utterly fake “family values” lie that the Republicans have been pushing for too many decades. You proved that the conservative movement has produced nothing more than a sociopathic desire to praise a leader who is a marital cheater. The conservatives just elected a reactionary jerk who was caught on tape bragging about molesting women. Come on, celebrate! The GOP family values thing has been exposed as a fraudulent ideology.

Liberals have won! Look at the evidence! Tattoos are everywhere. Drugs are everywhere. You can download porn on the internet. We have gay marriage. You forced the Republicans to admit that they need to help fix our health care system, that they need to help create a jobs program, that their wealthy backers need to stop outsourcing jobs, and that a stimulus to the economy is sometimes vitally necessary! Republicans have backed away from their “States Rights” bogusness. The GOP is becoming liberal, as it fights to stay relevant. So, please celebrate your liberal victory!

FYI, your president is 70, your first lady is 46, and Ivanka Trump is 35

Here is your action plan, going forward:

First, whenever talking about the sociopathic liar, call him Comrade Trump (as an alternate nickname, you can just call him WPE, which stands for Worst President Ever) (Editor’s Note: Until Eric Trump is elected).

Second, thank the GOP profusely for becoming liberal.

Third, start referring to the Mexican Wall as The Southern Border Jobs Program, because that is its true identity.

Fourth, every time the GOP votes to spend money, call it a liberal stimulus package.

Fifth, on a weekly basis, talk about that campaign “contract” that Trump has already breached.

Sixth, whenever possible, ask Comrade Trump when he is going to drain the swamp.

Seventh, regardless of what kind of health care plan the GOP puts forth, call it the Semashko System (what the Russians used to call their health care under the Soviet Union).

Eighth, laugh at Comrade Trump, and never let him forget that he is a joke.

Ninth, keep asking for Comrade Trump’s tax returns. T

enth, go have fun and be happy, because that will eat Comrade Trump from the inside.

2. XXX: RETURN OF XANDER CAGE 

This movie presents (avoids begs teases) the question: Why do you want to go to a movie, anyway? If your answer might be that you want to sit down for two hours and be thoroughly engrossed in a slowly-progressing drama whereby you can feel smug and elite inside your intellectual arrogance (Ed Note: Isn’t that what this site is for?), then you need to avoid XXX: Return of Xander Cage. However, if your answer might be that you really and truly want to experience a ridiculous rollercoaster of entertainment that will allow you to escape your own slowly-progressing reality of life, then run (do not walk, but run) to the nearest movie theatre this weekend and buy a ticket to see Vin Diesel in his latest vehicle of fantastical fun.

This movie has a skateboard scene. And, if that might not be enough to convince you, there are also fights, and pretty girls, and satellites, and computer screens that go blip and beep, and motorcycles, and a huge airplane, and a little bit of dialogue, a lion hunt (that ends with justice being done), a few plot twists (yes, there is a plot), all mixed up with the bad people and the good people, and saving the world, and Donnie Yen being the action star that he is, and even Mr. Ice Cube being just so cool. Finally, on top of all that, Samuel L. Jackson is just so amazingly exceptional.

A Nina with fewer luftballoons

Deepika Padukone is stunning. Ruby Rose is stunning. Hermione Corfield is stunning. (It is almost as if the producers of the movie intentionally found some amazing eye candy, and yet all of these women play powerful roles.) Toni Collette is also stunning. (She played Muriel in Muriel’s Wedding, which I mention because in case you have never seen that movie you certainly should, forthwith.) But, my favorite actor in the movie is Nina Dobrev. As an aside, I was walking out of the movie theatre, with Nina Dobrev’s performance on my brain, and I thought to myself that someone should write a movie starring Nina Dobrev and Emma Stone and Anna Kendrick wherein each would try to out-adorable the other.

So, there you have it. Even if you might not be a Vin Diesel fan (you should be because he is so unique), this movie is still great entertainment. Plus, this is a great movie to see on the weekend of Comrade Trump’s inauguration, because the good people fight against the corruption (see, there is a parallel).

3. THE NFL AGAINST TOM BRADY 

This really should be hanging in a museum somewhere

I want to take the time to point out the tremendous success that the NFL had in its prosecution (witch hunt) against Tom Brady. The hard-fought legal battle against under-inflated footballs has finally proved once and for all that Tom Brady is so phenomenally awesome that he is capable of leading his team into the AFC Championship Game regardless of the hardness, softness. density, pressure, or temperature of his balls. Indeed, this weekend will be Brady’s sixth AFC Championship Game in a row (to go along with being four-time Super Bowl Champion, three-time Super Bowl MVP, twelve-time Pro Bowl). Thank you, NFL. We now know that all of Brady’s prior success was real.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Thanks, Obama

Cool.

Intelligent.

Decent.

Funny.

Scrupulous.

Unwavering.

Transparent.

Parent.

No, that’s not his

Insightful.

‘baller.

Charming.

Ethical.

Wise.

“It’s twuuue! It’s twuuue!”

Barack Obama rode into town like Sheriff Bart (Cleavon Little) rode into Rock Ridge, set up to fail in front of a citizenry of white folk who couldn’t wait to see him fall on his face or be killed. Rock Ridge was in dire trouble: massive unemployment, a plummeting stock market, financial meltdown, and Slim Pickens was threatening to pull the Old No. 6.  Instead of an apocalypse Obama, using charm, wit, intelligence and superior skills,  saved the town.  And now we’re all the Waco Kid, just wanting to say thank you.

There goes the best president of your life time. If you don’t already realize it, you will soon. Stephen Colbert had a few words to say about that.

2. Net Gain For New York City

On the day that Donald Trump flies out of New York City toward his new home (but not the “Winter White House”) of Washington, D.C.,, El Chapo flies in to face federal charges and is held in Lower Manhattan. So, yeah, occasionally Mexico is not sending us its best citizens. Someone in the Justice Department and Mexico has a sense of humor.

3. A Brief History of the American Worker

This is literally how slaves were transported, with often as little as 18 inches of vertical space between decks.

As we prepare to inaugurate this man president let’s remember that he declared his candidacy in June of 2015, making the first targets of his animus illegal aliens from Mexico:
When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

The first illegal aliens (at least from their perspective) arrived on the shores of what would become the United States in 1619. They were 20 slaves from Africa. By 1800, 10 to 15 million blacks had been transferred to the Americas. Unlike modern-day Mexicans, they did not come of their own accord. Much like modern-day Mexicans, their entrance into the work force helped make wealthy men wealthier. James Madison, a future president of the United States, told a visitor that for the $13 of upkeep he spent per Negro annually, he made $257.  Meanwhile Donald Trump tells people that he’d like to employ full-time American workers at Mar-A-Lago, but they won’t take the jobs (left unsaid: at the salary and lack of benefits he is offering).

You don’t want them here, but you probably don’t want to pay three times as much for produce, either, do you?

Donald Trump was elected in part by telling white America that people with a brown complexion were coming to take their jobs (and rape their daughters or kill them), while ignoring the fact that this same country kidnapped people by the millions and transported them across the ocean to do jobs these Mexicans are now doing, and did so for centuries. I guess it’s all about your lowest-class workers having the same liberty as you do and whether or not you control their every move.

4. NBA All-Star Game

For those with extremely short memories, a reminder that Russ is also the two-time reigning All-Star Game MVP, besides being the NBA’s leading scorer

Yes, Russell Westbrook. the NBA’s leading scorer and No. 2 man in assists, was left off the starting five for the West. Yes, the West should start three guards (or bring Curry off the bench), especially considering that the game will be nothing but threes and dunks. Note: In the new system, the voting goes 50% for the fans, 25% for media, 25% for players. Russ was voted top guard by both media and players.

Actual Starters…

East: Kyrie Irving, Demar DeRozan, LeBron James, Jimmy Butler, Giannis Antetokounmpo.

West: Stephen Curry, James Harden, Kevin Durant, Kawhi Leonard, Anthony Davis.

Medium Happy Starters….

Hassan has gone from head case to All-Star

East:

Kyrie Irving, Isaiah Thomas, LeBron James, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Hassan Whiteside

Whiteside is the league’s leading rebounder and is tied for sixth in double doubles. 

The league’s surliest player is also a legitimate star

West: Russell Westbrook, James Harden, Kevin Durant, Anthony Davis, DeMarcus Cousins

Cousins is one of three players in the top ten in scoring and rebounding. The other two are Davis and Westbrook.

5. Tower Tumbles In Tehran

A 53 year-old, 17-story high-rise in Tehran catches fire, collapses, and kills nearly three dozen firefighters battling the blaze. There’s got to be a better way to fight high-rise infernos.

Music 101

Pride/City of Blinding Lights

From a time when we were concerned about concepts such as liberty, equality and decency as opposed to strength, wealth and greatness. Kinda needed this today.

The Rising

And this.

Remote Patrol

He’s not everyone’s cup of tee hee, but there’s some solid, no B.S. debate on issues here

Real Time with Bill Maher

HBO 10 p.m.

As Maher ruminates on his 61st birthday, the show premieres for its 15th season hours after the inauguration of Donald Trump as 45th president. Guests include Eric Holder, David Axelrod, Ana Marie Cox and John Legend.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Up to 30 people are still missing…okay, not exactly missing…just somewhere under that roof and unaccounted for.

Valanga!

Four earthquakes struck central Italy on Wednesday, which likely led to an avalanche that buried the Hotel Rigopiano, in Farindola, about 100 miles northeast of Rome. Rescuers had to travel at least five miles by ski or snowshoe just to reach the four-star hotel, as snow continues to fall, and it is believed up to 30 people are trapped inside. Stay tuned to Medium Happy’s 24-hour cable news service for updates (Not yet, but won’t that be cool?).

And here we just watched Force Majeure earlier this week.

2. Basketball Becomes—Shorter

Taylor is actually Allen Iverson’s god son, and plays very similarly; he put up 62 points in one game in November.

This is 5’10” Phil Taylor of Division II Shorter University. He’s averaging 35.3 points per game, more than any player at any level, male or female.

Marcus Keene, 5’9″, plays for Central Michigan and is the top scorer in Division I.

Amely Del Rosario, 5’5″, is a senior at Lehman College in the Bronx and her 25.3 points per game is tops in Division III.

Julian Marx, 5’11”, is the top three-point shooter in Division III. He plays for Grinnell.

At Division III Greenville, which literally borrowed Grinnell’s playbook two years ago, they’re averaging a nation’s best 133 points per game. The Panthers put up 178 points earlier this season. Their coach, George Barber, eschews recruiting low post players.

What’s happening? Two things: 1) Schools and players are embracing the three-point shot at levels unlike any we’ve ever seen and 2) embracing the three has opened up the lane, so that players who have a terrific handle (cough, can palm the ball, cough) and can drive to the hoop are finding a more traffic-free lane or finding contact and foul calls (because refs are afraid to call charging unless you’re an oaf).

My story in Newsweek….

3. A Speech In Sharpie?

Writing my inaugural address at the Winter White House, Mar-a-Lago, three weeks ago. Looking forward to Friday. #Inauguration pic.twitter.com/S701FdTCQu

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 18, 2017

The president-elect himself tweeted out this photo of himself yesterday, taken either from the lair of an Arab sheik or his “winter White House,” Mar-A-Lago. What he may not have anticipated is assiduous and antagonistic news producers and reporters blowing up the photo and noticing that in his right hand he holds a Sharpie pen. Which is not conducive to writing long speeches (you know what is, in the 21st century? A computer). Donald, isn’t it a little early to be filling out your NCAA bracket? They haven’t even picked the field yet.

Every day Trump recalibrates the crazy line in American life. Yesterday, no lie, he announced what he wanted his slogan for his 2020 campaign (which he’ll begin going out on the road and staging rallies for, presumably, on Saturday) to be: “Keep America Great.” As more than a few horror genre fans noted, that was the tagline for last summer’s film, The Purge: Election Year, the plot of which has to do with draining the swamp and murdering undesirables. It’s described as a “dystopian” movie, but I think there are a few people in the new administration who think of it as a training film.

To be fair, whoever put together the marketing for this film probably borrowed that tagline from Trump’s “MAGA” phrase. They knew what demo they were targeting.

4. Logan’s Run for Novak?

In five sets Denis Istomin, a wildcard from Uzbekistan, defeats Novak Djokovic at the Australian Open. It was the Serbian superman’s first loss against an unseeded opponent at a Grand Slam in 34 matches. Djokovic, who will turn 30 between now and the French Open, owns 12 career Grand Slam singles titles. Is this significant?

Istomin: “Another win for Milos!”

Roger Federer, who owns the most with 17, won one Grand Slam title after turning 30. He’s now 35.

Pete Sampras, who has 14, also won one after turning 30.

Rafael Nadal, who also has 14, is 30 and last won a Grand Slam at age 28.

Speaking of futuristic dystopian films….in this one, turning 30 meant you needed to be exterminated. If you’re old enough to remember this movie, you should definitely be gone.

Djokovic, who won literally half of the 22 Grand Slam titles between the beginning of 2011 and last year’s French Open, has now failed to win the last three Grand Slams.

5. “I Think We’re Going To Be Okay“

So long, suckers

Oh, you think? You think??? And with that, Mr. Keating left the White House briefing room as most of the assembled fourth estate (and a few of us watching) stood on our chairs and desks and proclaimed, “O captain! My captain!”

President Obama departs 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue 1) alive (most importantly; admit it, you all had him in the dead pool, ahead of even Wade Wilson) 2) untouched by scandal and 3) with his integrity and senses of humor and decency intact.

No, not THIS Wade Wilson

Even Obama’s most ardent enemies (many of whom cannot wait to Make America Great Again) must admit that at his core he is a good man. And what they believe is weakness, well, they’re about to discover, was simply good old fashioned “discretion is the better part of valor.”

A lot of American are upset about ISIS (Did any of them care about Syria before James Foley was decapitated?), or Obamacare (what’s their better plan?), or about job loss (which is more a product of how major corporations are slaves to their earnings reports than about anything a president can do), and I get that people want to work. Will it be better under Trump?

As the Zen Master said, “We’ll see.”

Music 101

 Kiss You All Over

Kinda disco, kinda power-pop, this song from Exile was all over FM radio in autumn of 1978. I can’t believe Paul Thomas Anderson hasn’t used it in a film yet. The song was No. 1 for four weeks in late ’78. Lead singer Jimmy Stokley died seven years later at the tender age of 41.

Remote Patrol

Skyfall

3:30 p.m. SyFy

When you’re looking for a movie whose title matches your mood. This James Bond film from 2012 stars Daniel Craig and made up for the disaster that was A Quantum of Solace (worst title for a 007 film ever).

by John Walters

Thought du Jour: With all that’s going on, does anyone else think The Newsroom ended way too soon?

Starting Five

Harden probably does this at least once per half, if not more often. Refs ignore it.

1. “Crowd Wanted A Travel”*

*The judges suggest this should be the new NBA slogan

Russell Westbrook has 20 triple doubles this season. James Harden put together his 13th last night, a 40-point, 12-rebound, 10-assist night (ESPN’s anchors were so busy splooging over the feat that they barely remembered to tell me who won).

Westbrook and Harden are two of my favorite NBA players to watch. But I’ll submit this: If NBA referees actually called traveling, they’d each have half as many triple doubles at most (and, to be fair, Harden travels far more often than Westbrook does).

They’re not the only two NBA players who travel. LeBron travels a lot, too. It’s mind-numbing to me why the NBA does not police traveling (or hugging players around the waist who are standing away from the ball). I’ve hit this note before but no one at the NBA continues to listen (Phil, if you’re reading this, can you please ask your son-in-law, and I mean this with all due respect, “What The F&$k?”).

Kids emulate their favorite NBA players (I had the Earl the Pearl spin move down at age eight).  All the NBA is teaching kids is to take an extra step on their way to the bucket, which is not basketball. As I wrote in this piece three years ago, the reason I know it’s traveling is because when I watch a pre-game lay-up line, no one is taking two steps after picking up their dribble. They only do that in games.

2. “Woke Up, It Was A Chelsea Manning”*

Brilliant, dis guy’s

*The judges are considering “Chelsea Lately” but are unlikely to approve

I’m just going to make a word salad of this news and you kids pick out what you’re allergic to: Transgender Leavenworth Commuted Sentence WikiLeaks Edward Snowden Wut WUT!? Obama The Fifth Estate Bradley Manning Attempted Suicide Julian Assange Joey Heatherton (I’m not sure what Joey Heatherton has to do with any of this, but I mean, c’mon, Joey Heatherton!).

3. Nigerian Nightmare

From FoxNews.com: “A Nigerian air force fighter jet on a mission against Boko Haram extremists mistakenly bombed a refugee camp on Tuesday, killing more than 100 refugees and aid workers.”

Nigerian military commander Major General Lucky Irabor confirmed the strike. No, you can’t make this stuff up.

It’s a tragedy, and yet the first thing I thought of was the closing scene from Das Boot. The next thing I thought of was the opening scene from The Gods Must Be Crazy. Either way, that blows.

4. This Is What Happens When Your Humanities Teacher Shows The Revenant During Fourth Period

You’ll never believe this, but a Trump cabinet nominee is a complete joke. This is Betsy DeVos, who is up for Secretary of Education. You can watch all of Senator Chris Murphy’s interrogation here. It’s…what’s the word….deplorable.

And here’s Senator Bernie Sanders, who notes that Devos’ family has given roughly $200 million to the Republican party over the years (she said, “That’s entirely possible”), asking, “My question, and I don’t mean to be rude, but do you think if you were not a multi-billionaire, if your family had not made hundreds of millions of dollars in contributions, that you’d be sitting here today?”

Listen, we’ve gone over the game plan before, but one more time: Rich people wanna stay rich (and get richer). To do that they need to stay in power. To do that they need to fool poor people into voting for them. To do that they must 1) keep them ignorant and/or poorly educated and 2) tickle that spot that poor people have about darkies  or non-Christians, you know, people who aren’t “real Americans,” being responsible for all societal blights. Right now the game plan is working wonderfully.

5. Democratic, Republican and Birthday Parties

Chief presidential agitator Bill Maher tursn 61 on Friday, inauguration day. His friend and erstwhile guest on both shows that he has had, chief presidential manure peddler Kellyanne Conway, turns 50 on Friday. Maher will be hosting the premiere of the 15th (and last?) season of Real Time on HBO that night. Kellyanne will be doing the boogie up to 3 Doors Down.

Music 101

Cathy’s Clown

Don and Phil Everly, the Everly Brothers, were the biggest American recording artists not named Elvis Presley during the Kennedy years. The Kentucky-born duo were the first band signed to a fledgling label named Warner Brothers, in 1960, and this was their first single. It sold eight million copies and spent five weeks at No. 1. If they sound similar to Buddy Holly, he was a good friend. Don Everly, the older of the two, was so broken up by his death that he stayed in bed during the funeral.

Side note: Don had a daughter named Erin who would later become the inspiration for the Guns ‘n Roses hit, “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” She would marry Axl Rose in April of 1990, but the marriage ended ten months later.

Remote Patrol

The Umbrellas of Cherbourg

TCM 10 p.m.

I already know you’re going to tune into Thunder at Warriors (Can we have 73 ESPN segments analyzing whether or not this is a rivalry, pretty please?) on TNT, but I may check this out. Never heard of this melancholy Sixties French musical (your’e saying, “After those last four words, I’m SOLD!”) a month ago, but it is referenced in nearly every review of La La Land. Even critics who’ve never seen it reference it just to let the other critics know they’re legit. Is it any good? It’s French and it has umbrellas. Sure, why not?

Tip of the cap to the programmers at TCM for noticing the trend and airing this.