So far, the MAGA crowd despises her. But she is also…
–a retired U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel
–an Iraq War veteran
–a U.S. Army helicopter pilot
–a casualty, losing both her legs due to severe combat wounds…although she received a medical waiver after incurring those wounds and continued to serve in the National Guard
Now what does the MAGA crowd think of her (don’t worry, we all know what they think, right?)
Anyway, in the wake of Donald’s Monday suggestion that Democrats who did not clap for him during last weeks’ SOTU may have been “treasonous,” Senator Duckworth had a worthy rebuke:
We don’t live in a dictatorship or a monarchy. I swore an oath—in the military and in the Senate—to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, not to mindlessly cater to the whims of Cadet Bone Spurs and clap when he demands I clap https://t.co/99gW1yalDl
Simple terms: the Dow Jones Industrial Average had its greatest single-day point loss (1,175 points) in history (and it never punted once, but still lost!). However, because the Dow was already in record-high territory, it was less than a 5% drop and not among the bottom-20 worst days in Dow history.
There are a slew of pics on the web of traders rubbing their eyes yesterday
Why did it happen? Andrew Ross Sorkin of CNBC and The New York Times explains that it may be “too much of a good thing,” which is puzzling. Let him explain it to you.
So what do we do now, O Champion of NVDA and Bitcoin, you ask? In short, nothing. To heed the words of Warren Buffett, “Widespread fear is your best friend. Personal fear is your worst enemy.”
2. UnPresidented (Cont.)
One of the more surreal things about yesterday’s Dow drop was that it took place as Donald Trump was giving a campaign rally-type speech in Ohio touting the success of the economy. First, the cable nets were airing Trump’s stump, then it went to split screen and finally they focused solely on the stock market free fall and resuscitated market analysts from the previous century (Hello, Ron Insana!) to appear on camera and spew explanations.
All this as the cosmically unaware prez said, “You know, you can work hard, but if you don’t have the right leader setting the right tone, in all fairness — I’m not even saying. I am non-braggadocious.”
I’m fine with him bragging about his impact on the economy as the Dow plummets more than 1,000 points, but I truly hope he doesn’t boast on his impact on the domestic commercial flying safety record while I’m on a flight.
Irv! (he passed away in 2009, which explains his absence)
Personally, I was a little disappointed not to spot Irving R. Levine.
Meanwhile back at the rally, Trump escalated it to maleficent dictator mode, noting that many Democrats refused to stand and clap for him during last week’s SOTU and asking, “Can we call that treason? Why not? I mean, they certainly didn’t seem to love our country very much.”
“Tonight, I call upon all of us to set aside our differences, to seek out common ground, and to summon the unity we need to deliver for the people…” —DT, Jan. 31 https://t.co/R2mKBNzWcn
I mean, it hadn’t even been a week since the kumbaya SOTU, but that’s what happens when one week you’re reading a speech off a teleprompter someone else wrote and the next you’re working the MAGA shift.
The US Constitution has a definition of treason as well:
“Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort.” https://t.co/QbCoJXGnzi
Of course, as Jake Tapper explains above, treason has nothing to do with not liking the Commander in Chief, and certainly less to do with not clapping for him. Besides, Trump claps enough for himself to compensate for the failure of others to do so.
Also, Trump actually said this yesterday: ”
3. Hero Takes A Fall
The maiden issue
Yesterday Newsweek, a magazine that has been in circulation since February 17, 1933 (it stopped briefly in 2013, fired its top two editors and two reporters. The publication has been in the news frequently of late, mostly for scandalous reasons, and this cadre of journalists were investigating the magazine as they would any other story worth pursuing.
Someone at the top did not like that.
All we’ll say for now is, Can you imagine such a thing: an investigative team investigating a powerful institution, to which it is connected, and then the person at the top reacting to the investigation by dismissing anyone who approaches learning the facts? I mean, imagine that.
4. Robbed Gronkowski
Gronk thought he’d scored the game-winning touchdown Sunday night
Foxborough police report on Monday night that someone broke into All-Pro tight end Rob Gronkowski’s home and burgled multiple safes and guns. In the big picture, this isn’t the worst news we’ve heard coming out of a Patriot tight end’s home in the past decade, but it still must be upsetting for Gronk. If this were Fast Times at Ridgemont High, he’d be taking it out on whomever the Pats are playing next.
This needs to become a new cottage industry: house-sitting for superstar athletes when they are out of town. I’m up for this gig.
5.Messouri
This photo was shot by a drone. It’s a shot of a massive pileup on I-44 in Missouri yesterday, and what isn’t clear is whether the ball crossed the plane of the goal line before the runner’s forward progress was stopped.
Is it us or is that just a light dusting of snow? What the hell? Two people died in this crash.
Reserves
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZ9drv78dCQ
Jimmy Fallon is an incredible performer, even if his conversational skills leave much room for improvement. Not only does he nail Dylan’s voice while playing the guitar here, but he’s almost certainly memorized the lyrics for this brilliant “The Times, They Are A Changin'” parody. And yes, he’s actually being political, which is also a departure for the Tonight Showhost.
Everything about this video is fantastic, from the lyrics to the way they shoot Fallon walking on stage (I didn’t quite get the Mel Gibson reference, though; little help?).
****
RIP, John Mahoney. If Frasier’s not in your Top 10 sitcoms list, we shouldn’t be speaking…
Music 101
Mystery Of Love
This song by Michigan-born and raised musician Sufjan Stevens is our pick to win the Best Song Oscar next month. Stevens did a few songs for the film Call Me By Your Name, which very well could win Best Picture (the best song in this film, though, is an oldie: Love My Way by the Psychedelic Furs). Stevens’ tunes evoke a similar feeling to the Simon & Garfunkel songs in The Graduate. Worthy trivia: Armie Hammer is the great grandson of famed oil tycoon/philanthropist Armand Hammer.
Remote Patrol
Wizards at Sixers
8 p.m. TNT
If Philadelphia is still standing, this game will take place. Try the Beal!
The play of the game: Brandon Graham with the strip sack of Tom Brady. No Tuck Rule to save the Pats this time.
Philly, Philly*
*The judges will also accept “The Philadelphia Glory” and “Beak Condition”
Philadelphia, the city of Rocky Balboa, hoagies and Harold Carmichael (but not of Hoagy Carmichael), wins Super Bowl LII, 41-33. It is the Eagles’ first Super Bowl victory.
Harold Carmichael, who at 6’8″ was a freak in his day.
–The Eagles and Patriots combined for 1,151 yards, breaking the all-time record for ANY NFL game ever played. E-vah. The previous record of 1,133 yards was set in 1950 when the Los Angeles Rams and the New York Yanks (yes, a real team) tangled. The Rams won 43-35 in a game that was played at…Yankee Stadium.
The Yanks, who lasted all of 2 seasons
—Tom Brady, in a losing effort, broke his own Super Bowl passing yardage record (466 yards) with 505 yards. He also threw for three TDs and zero interceptions. No NFL QB has ever thrown for 500 yards and three TDs without a pick and lost. E-vah.
–The game MVP was Eagles QB Nick Foles, who was not the QB the Eagles selected No. 2 overall in the draft before the 2016 season. Foles became the first player in NFL history to both throw and catch a touchdown pass in a Super Bowl. We think the Eagles stole the play, on 4th-and-goal from the one, from Oklahoma in the Rose Bowl. Just a minor alteration.
—Al Michaels referred to the Detroit Lions as the Pistons, Cris Collinsworth would have overturned both Eagles’ TD catches in the second half, and both of them really got off on saying “RPO,” even if a play was not a run-pass option.
2. No Ifs, Ands or Butler
Butler (21) dressed out and never played
Fact: No New England Patriot defender played more snaps this season than cornerback Malcolm Butler, who was on the field for 97.8% of them. The fourth-year pro also made the Pro Bowl in 2015, was a second-team All-Pro last season and, oh, made arguably the most pivotal play in Super Bowl history three years ago to secure Super Bowl XLIX for the Pats.
For some reason on Sunday night Butler did not play a single defensive snap. His replacement, Greg Eric Rowe, only found out he’d be starting shortly before kickoff. Coach Bill Belichick was his usual cryptic and evasive self when asked about Butler’s DNP, calling it a “coaching decision.” Butler simply said, “They gave up on me. F**k. It is what it is.”
No one in New England will ever forget this play
Makes little sense. Butler was likely informed very shortly before kickoff and you have to wonder why Belichick would have him dress out or not put him on the inactive list. You also have to wonder how the other Pats felt about this decision, considering a player such as Butler could have made the difference in a contest that saw a few second-half lead changes.
Fortunately, Boston is not the type of city that feasts on palace intrigue, so I’m sure this story will die very soon. 🙂
3. Jack, O Lantern*
*The judges will also accept “Blaze of Gory” or “You’re Fired!”
The fire itself did not kill Jack Pearson, the Peerless Patriarch of This Is Us(eless). It turns out John Elway did.
Maybe I wasn’t watching closely, but the family was asleep in their beds, then they were awakened by the fire, then Jack rescued everyone including the pooch and some family photo albums, then he went down to the hospital to be examined, and then he keeled over as he was watching the Super Bowl???? Whaaaaat?????? So they were asleep and then an hour or so later the Super Bowl was on? Huh?
Now, perhaps what Jack was watching at the hospital were post-game highlights (the doc said something about Elway finally winning one, but if that’s true who goes to sleep DURING the Super Bowl?). Also, in present-day, the mom is watching the game in New Jersey (?) but it’s light outside as she’s talking to one of her sons on the phone? What? Hunh?
Also, just a note, but why was the family using Super Bowl Sunday to mark the 20th anniversary of Jack’s death on a previous Super Bowl Sunday, when the one happened on a January 25th and this one is February 4th. The family wasn’t even watching the game. It may have had a little cross-promoting to do with the other show NBC had on last night?
4. And The Oscar For Eggs-cellence Goes To…*
*The judges will not accept “Yolk? Oh, oh no.”
Scrambled. Soft-boiled. Hard-boiled. Why have eggs come to play such a prominent role in this year’s Best Picture oeuf-re? SPOILER ALERTS APLENTY TO COME:
—In Phantom Thread, a mushroom omelette plays a pivotal role in the climactic scene.
—In Call Me By Your Name, one of the two main characters takes sensuous pleasure in ripping into soft-boiled eggs for breakfast before declaring, “Later.”
—And in The Shape Of Water, hard-boiled eggs are the bait that our mute heroine uses as bait to initiate a friendship with a river god.
Where were all the provocative pancake films in 2017? The blintz breakthroughs? The mueslix movies?
5. Sasquatch What Happens Next
In the state of Washington, senator Ann Rivers (R) has introduced a bill to create a special license plate honoring the Sasquatch, a.k.a. Bigfoot. In what may be a related story, recreational marijuana is legal in the Evergreen State.
Rivers is proposing a $40 price tag for the plates, $28 of which will go to public parks in the state. The funny thing about a Sasquatch license plate, of course, is that there are people who are claiming that they’ve already seen one.
Music 101
Philadelphia Freedom
I mean, why not? The fourth of Elton John‘s SIX No. 1 hits in the 1970s was actually written as an anthem for his friend, Billie Jean King, who played for a professional tennis team of the same name at the time in 1975.
Remote Patrol
The War
Netflix
Football’s over and March Madness is MORE THAN FIVE LONG WEEKS away. If you were ever going to invest yourself in an outstanding and exhaustive documentary on World War 2 by Ken Burns, this is the time to do so. Also recommend Band of Brothers on HBO Now or HBO Go.
*The judges will also accept “Memo?…Random!” or “Addition by Distraction”
The average mouth-breather in a MAGA hat has already made “Release the memo!” their 2018 “Benghazi!”, which is to say they couldn’t put together 15 coherent words on the topic. Ostensibly, Devin Nunes, the Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee,is upset about how the FBI obtained a FISA warrant against Carter Page. Never mind the reasons behind why FBI was under surveillance, never mind that Christopher Steele’s dossier is factually accurate, never mind that they were applying for an extension of an already-granted warrant, etc, etc.
When The Schiff Hits The Fan: Democrat Adam Schiff is not the guy who breaks news on where Kirk Cousins is headed, in case you were confused….
Anyway, what’s really going on here is your prez and mine, Donald Trump, is trying to shift your gaze from the investigation into his campaign’s alleged collusion with Trump. It’s his go-to strategy: accuse your accuser of that which you are suspected of.
Meanwhile, did Donny, Jr., just say that Andrew McCabe did not in fact resign but was fired (by his pop)?
It was good enough to fire McCabe, no one argues its factually inaccurate, but now days later they want to protect the names of those involved in a scandal that was big enough to fire a senior official a month before retirement? They don’t deserve a pass on that!
Lot’s of people asking me over the past two days whether my bet is still on (that I will eat my dick if Bitcoin does not reach $1 million by the end of 2020). ABSOLUTELY!!! It is a bet that I cannot possibly use. Use your heads people! Run the numbers that crypto folks well know.
We haven’t gazed at the McAfee Meter, which we invented in late December, lately. The MM calculates how much value Bitcoin must gain daily in order for billionaire John McAfee to avoid having to ingest his genitals after the last day of 2020 thanks to a proclamation he made.
So let’s look at the numbers: McAfee has 1,064 days remaining. The price of Bitcoin is as of this very moment $7,884 (more than $10,000 lower than when we were measuring this every day).
Why is this man smiling?
So…
$1,000,000 minus $7,884 equals….$992,116
And $992,116 divided by 1,064 equals…$932 per day.
At today’s price, Bitcoin must leap 11.8% per day for McAfee to avoid, um, doubling down on himself.
3. Suspensions of Disbelief
In the United Arab Emirates, the world’s longest zip line—1.76 miles—makes its debut. The wire extends from atop Jebel Jais mountain, which is the UAE’s highest peak and more than one mile above sea level (5,512 feet). The ride lasts nearly three minutes.
Meanwhile, in New Zealand, the Nevis Swing, which is the World’s Largest Swing and offers riders an arc of 900 feet, will put you back $210.
4. Fantastic Finish—Or Was It?
If you looked at the NBA TV schedule for last night, you may not have been terribly enthused about OKC at Denver for the late game. But it was a bucket-fest that Doug Moe would have enjoyed. The Nuggets won 127-124 on this Gary Harris three (Russell Westbrook’s fingertip may have grazed it) at the buzzer.
Of course, the play should have been waved off. The inbounder, Nikola Jokic, took more than five seconds to throw in the ball (If you’re wondering, Didn’t he also travel? Well, he did, but the rule is that the player “shall not…leave the designated throw-in spot,” which allows the ref leeway in terms of a traveling violation), which is a no-no. The NBA doesn’t care, while the NFL spends five minutes trying to determine if something is a catch. Can’t we meet in the middle somewhere?.
Also, ESPN will attempt to make something out of this nontroversy (it’s the lead story on ESPN.com’s lineup right now), but why is that fan on the court and heckling Russ? By the way, Russ finished with 20 points, 21 assists and 9 boards. Some wonder if he was lingering near the rim on that final play in search of a triple-double.
Time expires, fan whooping it up, Russ not having any of it with the little push to the boob pic.twitter.com/vSadKsTiv2
In his life, Harold Ramis (who died four years ago) co-wrote the Holy Trinity of modern film comedies: Animal House, Caddyshack and Groundhog Day. As today is Februay 2nd, we thought it worth pointing out that all three of those films have small, furry creatures, two of which are rodents:
Groundhog Day: Punxsutawney Phil
Caddyshack: Mr. Gopher
Animal House: Otter
Music 101
There’s No Home For You Here
A face-melting rocker from The White Stripes off their 2003 album, Elephant.
Remote Patrol
Fiddler On The Roof
10:30 p.m. TCM
Zero Mostel Topol (nominated for a Best Actor Oscar) stars as a Jewish milkman trying to make the Ukraine great again, or something like that. We may hit Zabar’s for some matzoh ball soup and Gefilte fish for a viewing party.
Robert Wagner may have played No. 2 in the Austin Powers films, but LA homicide detectives have always wondered if, in the case of his spouse’s death, he’s Dr. Evil. On the night of November 29, 1981, actress Natalie Wood apparently fell overboard from a yacht that was moored off Catalina Island. Wood, Wagner, actor Christopher Walken and the yacht’s captain were onboard.
The death was ruled accidental but has long been shrouded in suspicion as Wood was found with bruises on her arms. Also, the most popular high school joke of the next few months was, Q: What type of wood does not float? A: Natalie.
Anyway, at the time of Wood’s death Wagner co-starred in a hit ABC series titled Hart To Hart in which he and his onscreen wife (played by Stefanie Powers) were wealthy sleuths. The tagline for the show was, “When they met, it was murder.”
That’s what LAPD seems to want to know now, after all these years. He has officially been named a “person of interest” in Wood’s death for the first time. Remember, there is no statute of limitations on murder. Don’t know what new evidence has, um, surfaced for his status to have changed. We’ll have to stay tuned.
Wood, by the way, wasn’t just any actress. She’d been America’s sweetheart since childhood, with prominent roles in Miracle On 34th Street, Rebel Without A Cause, The Searchers, Splendor in the Grass and of course West Side Story.
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