THE NCAA IS A BANK

by John Walters

The NCAA men’s basketball tournament commences today in Indianapolis, which is also home to the NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association) itself. The NCAA’s stated mission is to be the governing body of intercollegiate athletics, which it is. But when it comes to the NCAA tourney, a.k.a. March Madness, the NCAA is a bank.

According to Forbes, “the current agreement between CBS and Turner Broadcasting with the NCAA averages $771 million a year, and then via an extension averages $1.1 billion a year from 2025 through 2032.”

Each year the NCAA distributes money to its 32 member Division I conferences, via its NCAA tournament revenue, through something it refers to as “the basketball fund.” In 2019, the last year the tournament was held (due to the pandemic), the basketball fund’s total value was $170 million. That’s about 20% of what the NCAA receives from its TV contract with CBS and Turner.

The basketball fund is the not-for-children’s-ears aspect of the NCAA tournament, something you’ll never hear Jim Nantz or Len Elmore or Bill Raftery discuss. Here is how it works. The fund is split into units. Just for making the tournament, a conference (not the school itself) earns one unit. Hence, since every conference earns an automatic berth the NCAA is able to guarantee that each conference will garner at minimum one unit from the basketball fund.

Beyond that, each win by a member school earns that school’s conference another unit (with the exception of the national championship game itself, where a unit is not awarded). For example, the West Coast Conference landed two schools, Gonzaga and BYU, in this year’s field of 68 schools. If BYU wins one game and is then eliminated while Gonzaga cuts down the nets, the WCC will earn eight units. Two units for each school qualifying, one unit for BYU’s one win, and five units for Gonzaga’s five units leading up to the NCAA title game. Two plus one plus five equals eight.

In 2019 the value of one unit equaled approximately $1.6 million. If we use that same figure for 2021, and imagine the above scenario, the WCC should earn, via the basketball fund, $12.8 million ($1.6 million x 8) for its appearance and performance in March Madness.

And it will. But not right away. And this is how the NCAA behaves exactly like a bank…with no justifiable reason other than it can. For every and all conferences, whose member schools constitute the NCAA (“We the people…yada yada yada”), the basketball fund is not paid out in full. Instead, those unit payments are doled out in 1/6 increments over six years. Hence, that imagined $12.8 million payout to the WCC would actually be $2.13 million next year. And the year after that through 2027.

And here is where the NCAA behaves even more like a bank. Take a look at the NCAA’s financial statement for fiscal year 2019-2020. There, on Page 6. “Investment Income, net….. $40,488, 047.”

Now do a little arithmetic. The NCAA’s “basketball fund” in 2019 was $170 million, but as stated above, it only pays out 1/6 of that fund per year. Hence, the actual payout from the 2019 tournament to its 32 Division I member conferences in 2020 was $28.3 million. That’s more than $12 million less than it actually made in investments during that fiscal year.

The NCAA never needed to touch the principle from its TV contract in order to fund its basketball fund. The investment earnings more than took care of that, yielding more money for the NCAA to invest the following year and hopefully generate an even greater return on investment. Thus, the NCAA not only does not touch its television contract revenue in order to meet its basketball fund obligations, but with each succeeding year (should investments perform at a stable rate of return) it takes a smaller percentage of its investment revenue in order to meet its basketball fund pledge.

The NCAA will loudly trumpet that, yes, it earns plenty of dollars from its March Madness TV contract, but that plenty of that money is returned to its schools. Via the basketball fund. But that’s simply not true. Because of the 1/6 payout plus its investment revenue the NCAA is able, annually, to never have to touch a dime from the check CBS and Turner sends its way.

And all of that is smart business. Except that you must remember that the performers in this grand show, the players, do not receive a penny of that money. And that the NCAA is, for tax purposes, a non-profit. As my friend Bomani Jones told me recently, “Beware the non-profit that does not have a cause.”

The NCAA’s cause may ostensibly be overseeing intercollegiate athletics. There exists, however, an underlying mission to enrich itself by taking in revenue on an immediate basis while paying out its costs on an annuity basis. And using those funds that it is able to keep in-house as investment capital, hence generating secondary revenue that allows it to meet its costs without ever touching its primary revenue stream. This is how a bank operates, no?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Murders In Atlanta

A 21 year-old man (white) gunned down eight people, six of them Asian, in three separate massage parlors in Atlanta. We must be emerging from the pandemic if racially-motivated mass shootings are returning.

https://twitter.com/thekjohnston/status/1372210060546306050?s=20

“Yesterday was a really bad day for him?”

Another Vote For Bitcoin

Morgan Stanley, the nation’s largest brokerage, has just released a report titled “The Case for Cryptocurrency as an investable asset class in a diversified portfolio.” If they’re in, Bitcoin may be inevitable. Time to put away your tulip analogies?

Powder Predators

Lions and hyenas never see snow in their natural habitats, but like most four-legged creatures, they seem to take to it quite naturally. There’s nothing like seeing wild animals at play. Or maybe they’re just happy that school was canceled.

Portnoy’s (Latest) Complaint

Barstool founder Dave Portnoy is a complicated character. He’ll never back down from a fight and he sat down with the Former Guy for a gushing interview last summer and his site is somewhere between early National Lampoon and the worst of frat bro culture. On the other hand he employs bright individuals such as @PFTCommenter and Joey Mulinaro, is buds with big finance names like Jim Cramer, and has helped give away millions to small business owners in need the past year.

One day earlier hockey broadcaster Gord Miller tweeted that he had some free time before a flight, so fire away with questions. A follower asked when he’d appear on a Barstool podcast that is geared to hockey, “Spittin’ Chiclets”

When asked to expound, Miller tweeted:

Which prompted Portnoy’s above tweet. Portnoy has plenty of Trump in him, except that unlike Trump he does have empathy and is not always looking out for himself. However, when someone points out—accurately—that he and his site promote misogyny and objectification of women, he always plays the free speech and/or Cancel Culture card.

It’s important to note: Miller isn’t attempting to shut down Barstool. He’s simply saying that he does not want to be associated with it. And Portnoy is not attacking the verity of Miller’s claims. He’s attempting to say this his own free speech is being threatened. Which, of course, it is not.

March Madness Meets Reefer Madness

In Indianapolis, where the NCAA tournament commences tomorrow and will be held for the next two-plus weeks, a German Shepherd with a keen snout sniffs out more than a half ton of weed with a street value of $8 million.

The tourney’s first upset.

You have to love that the pooch is posed in front of his bust. But you do worry about the safety of his family.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters*

*The recently appointed TechnoKing of MH

Jersey Guys

It took two months and thousands of hours of poring over footage, but investigators have at last found, arrested and charged two men in connection with the death of U.S. Capitol policeman Brian Sicknick. They are New Brunswick, N.J., natives Julian Khater, 32 (in Trump beanie) and George Tanios, 39 (red cap).

(Tanios)

The two men, who until this week lived in State College, Pa., and Morgantown, W. Va., respectively, allegedly plotted and then sprayed Sicknick and other officers with bear spray on Jan. 6. Tanios runs a drunken-hour sandwich shop in Morgantown and is a veteran of the famed/infamous Rutgers “grease trucks” (his uncles owned one).

Tanios is also accused by a former business associate in New Jersey of embezzling $435,000 as well as not paying his employees at his Morgantown shop. The lengths AntiFa will go to disguise someone, eh?

The two men have not been charged with murder, but rather “with one count of conspiracy to injure an officer; three counts of assault on a federal officer with a dangerous weapon; one count of civil disorder; one count of obstructing or impeding an official proceeding; one count of physical violence on restricted grounds, while carrying dangerous weapon and resulting in significant bodily injury; and one count of violent entry and disorderly conduct, act of physical violence on Capitol grounds.”

So they might be going away for awhile.

Goo Goo Goo Joob*

*The judges acknowledge that they should have gone with “The Trip Of The Iceberg”

A cute 5 year-old Irish lassie walking with her dad on Valentia Island spotted this wayard walrus over the weekend. See, Daylight Savings Time affects everyone. Biologists suggest the walrus may have fallen asleep while drifting on an iceberg.

It now finds itself living on the southwestern coast of Ireland. This will be a bummer come mating season.

Zahm-bie Apocalypse

This note was sent out by Notre Dame’s Office of Residence Life yesterday to all students:

Is this Cancel Culture or Cancel Dormitory?

Brees, He Does It

After 20 seasons and one Super Bowl ring, and with an assist from his four cute kids, New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees officially retires.

Brees, 42, exits as the NFL’s all-time leader in passes completed (7,142), and passing yards (80,358) and No. 2 in touchdown passes (571, or 10 behind Tom Brady). Not bad for a second-round pick.

He’ll be joining Mike Tirico in the Notre Dame booth next season, marking the second ex-San Diego Charger quarterback to hold that job in the past three years.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Patrick, Rafters

Knick legend Patrick Ewing, now coaching at Georgetown, was stopped multiple times by security at Madison Square Garden yesterday during the Big East tournament. He was not amused. Ewing is 7’0″ after all and the greatest Knick to not have played on the 1970 and ’73 championship squads.

Maybe if he’d have beaten Michael Jordan in the playoffs just once…

Johnny, Dangerously

Here’s retired A’s, Red Sox and Yankees star Johnny Damon failing a field sobriety test on his driveway in Windemere, Fla. That’s his wife going all Karen on the cops. If only he’d played for another AL club we’d have been able to headline this White Sox Privilege. Alas…

Not only did Damon fail the field sobriety test, he tested FOUR times the legal limit for intoxication. Damon can be heard saying, “I’m being targeted because I’m for Trump.”

Kawhi Ask Such A Dumb Question

On “Inside The NBA” last night, Charles Barkley asked Clipper forward Kawhi Leonard—you’ll remember when he took over the 2019 NBA Finals for the Toronto Raptors—if he has seen a difference between Ty Lue, the LA Clippers’ new coach, and Doc Rivers, the team’s coach last year (1:14 of the Clip clip).

“Yeah,” answered the laconic Leonard. “They’re two different people.”

I expect the Inside The NBA gang, particularly Ernie Johnson, to be using this line plenty in the coming weeks.

Rail Improvement

New Yorkers justifiably take great pride in the beauty and grandeur of Grand Central Station, the rail depot that connects New Yorkers to all points north and northeast. Ah, but as for Penn Station, which has for decades sat beneath Madison Square Garden, where no one knows who Patrick Ewing is anymore, not so much. It is a decrepit and cramped and low-ceilinged basement that is even possibly nastier than the Port Authority (the city’s bus depot).

But now they’ve fixed all of the that. The Moynihan Train Hall, opened in the old U.S. Post Office just across 8th Ave. from MSG, has just opened. For those headed out on Amtrak, or to the Jersey Shore or Long Island, things no longer need be so depressing.

I know what you’re thinking: What’s a post office?

Rebirth Of A Nation

President Joe Biden gave his first national TV address last night, on the one-year anniversary of The Former Guy’s national TV address in which he assured Americans that the “foreign virus” was no big deal.

We didn’t listen, but we’re going to go out on a short limb and assume that Biden did not remind everyone that he received more votes than any presidential candidate in history, or that he did not take personal credit for the Dow Jones hitting an all-time high, or that he did not belittle anyone who has dared to disagree with him while also falsely bolstering his own reputation. Just a guess.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Drone Footage

Remember when “drone footage” meant you were about see a site in Baghdad about to be bombed? No more. Now, thanks to drones, everyone (or at least talented auteurs) can be like Marty Scorcese.

That’s Bryant Lake bowl in Minneapolis. We used to live less than a mile from here. Always loved the neon sign outside.

Happy Coronaversary

One year ago today I was packing for the next day’s flight to Phoenix—just a short week or two away from New York City in March—and was channel-flipping between the news that Rudy Gobert had tested positive, thus canceling the Jazz-Mavericks game, and a presidential address from the Oval Office from “the former guy.”

This was the day that the World Health Organization (WHO) officially declared the coronavirus as “a global pandemic.” Notice that Trump said, “It only matters how you respond and we are responding with great speed and professionalism.”

HA!

One day earlier, March 10, sh*t had gotten real when the stock market dipped 1,400 points in one day (the Dow). Ironically, it was the 11th anniversary of the famed “Haines Bottom” on CNBC.

Smoking Gun

This seems rather significant, no? The January 4th memo from acting Secretary of Defense Chris Miller to the D.C. National Guard. Verrrrrry interesting, as Arte Johnson might have said.

This man—and the man who directed him to send it—ought to be tried for treason and the punishment should be 10 minutes alone with Champ Biden.

The NHL Returns To Melrose Place

The National Hockey League just signed a seven-year deal with ESPN, which will be tantamount to longtime ESPN analyst and mullet aficionado Barry Melrose finding the Fountain of Youth.

ESPN will pay the NHL approximately $420 million per year and in return air four of the next seven Stanley Cups, along with other NHL contests. This was a marriage that needed to happen. Long live the Levy Lounge.

Get Your Madness On

Buried far down on ESPN’s home page is a nice review of the Indiana gyms that will either play host to this unique NCAA tournament or are themselves historic. It’s a cool story.