Sitting here thinking how many times this Martha Stewart SI swimsuit cover has been shared on pickleball courts coast to coast already today. Stewart, 81, becomes the oldest swimsuit cover in SI history and also, let’s face it, lands right in the middle of the magazine’s target demographic these days.
Sad reality: Stewart is 81, which means she’s already survived longer than SI probably will.
Caught Looking
Last night in Toronto, in the midst of an at-bat and just before smoting (smiting?) his second home run of the game, Aaron Judge was caught by the camera stealing a glance toward… what, exactly? The Blue Jay broadcast duo went on a “I don’t want to make unsubstantiated allegations, BUT…” rant, but really, in the age of Pitch.com, what advantage might Judge have gained?
Perhaps the Blue Jay hurler was tipping his pitches beforehand and someone in the Yankee dugout was onto it and telling Judge to look at him for a signal, but if so, that’s all part of the game. It’s not as if anyone was banging on a trash can. Judge, meanwhile, said he was distracted by Yankee chatter in the dugout considering it was the 8th inning and the Bombers were ahead 6-0 (or was someone in the Yankee dugout holding up the latest issue of SI?)
By the way, Aaron Judge homered in his first plate appearance of the season, then had five home runs in his next 125 plate appearances (one every 20 PAs), and now has four homers in his past 15. Someone is heating up.
Dollar Quiz
Name the three MLB teams on which Bo Jackson played.
Name two Friends characters who never lived together (either in the course of the program or in the backstory).
True-False: Italy and Croatia share a land border.
For more than 30 years, two schools were members of what is now known as the Pac-12 (but was not at the time). Those two schools, neither of which are based in Los Angeles, are no longer part of the conference. Name them.
The Edmonton Oilers lost Game 6 last night to the Las Vegas Golden Knights, 5-2. LVGK now advances to the Western Conference finals for the fourth time in the six-year history of the franchise. Edmonton, is the last Canadian club to bow out of this spring’s Stanley Cup chase, ensures that no Canadian franchise will hoist the Cup for what is now the 30th consecutive season.
Eh?
The Montreal Canadiens lifted the Cup in 1993. Since then, not one single franchise north of the border has won the championship in the sport Canada invented. To see how nutty this is, consider that in the 30 years before 1993 (1963-1992), four different Canadian franchises—Montreal, Edmonton, Calgary and even Toronto—had won 20 Stanley Cups between them.
Factor in that this season’s Edmonton squad had Connor McDavid, who led the NHL in Goals (64) and Assists (89) and compiled the most Points (153) in a single season since Mario Lemieux in 1996, and the Oilers’ (and Canada’s) flameout so early is even more confounding.
Doyle Brunson Folds
Yesterday Doyle Brunson, the man who basically invented Texas Hold ‘Em, passed at the age of 89. A two-time Main Event champion at the WSOP, Brunson literally wrote the book, Super/System, on strategic (Is there any other kind?) poker.
Brunson was the undisputed Babe Ruth of poker. Phil Hellmuth may have gone on to win more WSOP bracelets (16 to Doyle’s 10), but no pro who’s ever bluffed his way to the pot holding 3-5 unsuited would ever claim anything other than that Brunson loomed largest in the game’s/sport’s history.
Brunson, born and bred in Texas, was also a fantastic athlete. An All-State basketball player, he also ran a 4:43 mile in the state meet before a knee injury put him behind a felt table. If you want to read an absolutely enthralling book about poker, Brunson, and the WSOP, we could not highly enough recommend Positively Fifth Street by James McManus.
Seinfeld Sagacity
In the back of a comedy club, a struggling comedian got a chance to talk to Jerry Seinfeld.
He said he’d been struggling and sacrificing for about 10 years to “make it” as a comedian. Approaching his 30s, he was worried he’d taken the wrong path.
I’d never seen this clip before. Part of the reason I love it is that because no matter how famous and wealthy Jerry Seinfeld has become, he’s still just a guy from Queens who’d love to do nothing more than his set at The Comic Strip or Stand Up NY.
Seinfeld and I were “neighbors” on the Upper West Side for many years. He lived in a penthouse on W. 81st and CPW (just a few doors down from his fictitious residence on the eponymous show) and I lived on W. 79th and Riverside (hunting grounds for The Lopper). One day I had just finished a run in Central Park and I spotted Jerry in his natural habitat: walking aimlessly on W. 81st, the museum side of the street, with fellow comic and good friend George Wallace. It warmed my heart. Two comics likely cracking wise about all that they were observing. As you probably know, this was the genesis of Seinfeld the TV show.
The Joker
Iconic Batman villain.
Title of a Steve Miller Band song.
NBA superstar.
Nikola Jokic has already won two NBA MVPs and deserved a third this season, but as the Denver Nuggets have not previously advanced this far in the postseason during his career, the seven-foot Serbian is still somewhat under the radar.
No longer. With a seven-game series versus the LeBron Lakers beginning tomorrow, the NBA’s two most talented players (okay, two of the three…sorry, Steph) will garner millions upon millions of viewers. Be awed by the sheer size of Jokic—so wide without being heavy— but be wowed by his unbelievably soft shooting touch, his footwork, and his superior passing skill.
Jokic has 11 triple doubles in the postseason over his career. Wilt Chamberlain had nine. In the last three seasons The Joker has averaged roughly 26 points, 12 rebounds and 8.5 assists per game. And in one of those seasons, he missed not a single game.
There is no one else in the NBA currently akin to Jokic. Historically, another eastern European, Arvydas Sabonis, was close, and for a brief period, so was Bill Walton. But Walton did not quite have Joker’s girth and Sabonis did not begin playing in the NBA until he was 29 years old. Jokic, currently in his eighth season, is only 28.
If you’ve never watched Ted Lasso, this tiny moment from the previous episode will not mean much to you. But if you have, it’s a gem. The team trails at halftime and should be in disarray—its captain received a red card for going after a fan in the stands at the end of the first half, while another player has finally just outed himself to the team in the locker room as being gay.
Now Sam (the black dude) has always been the sweetest, kindest player on FC Richmond. And Jamie Tartt (white dude) has long been its best player and, in the first season, its biggest d-bag. But Jamie has been the greatest beneficiary of Ted Lasso’s program of “being the best version of themselves” program, and so his evolution to humble team player has been a gradual but fun thing to witness. Meanwhile, his teammates have also observed this wonderful metamorphosis.
So, in this moment, Jamie is clinging to his past a little (Sam’s just been handed the captain’s band for the second half and, as the team’s best player, Jamie wonders if he shouldn’t be wearing it). But Sam’s feeling his own self worth and he also recognizes that, at long last, Jamie is behaving like a teammate. So, as close teammates do, Sam feels comfortable razzing him a little.
It’s a wonderful and telling moment, with not a word spoken. Brilliant writing, without having to waste a second of dialogue.
Dollar Quiz
Where did the Hindenburg crash and burn (town and state)?
Name a state west of the Rockies that does NOT have a National Park.
True/False: Every NFL team name ends in “s.”
What two Houses were at the center of The War of the Roses (15th century… both Pa. town names now)?
What are the surnames of the families in Blue Bloods and Yellowstone (you may need to ask your parents).
For the second year in a row, the Phoenix Suns trailed by 30 points at halftime of a closeout game at home.
This one felt more permanent, in terms of this current iteration of the squad. Mat Ishbia assumed ownership of the club last February and immediately took out a second mortgage on the Suns’ future by trading away up-and-comers Mikal Bridges (an All-Star) and Cam Johnson for legitimate legend but over-the-hill’er Kevin Durant. Plus, Ishbia gave up a slew of draft picks.
Last night the Suns realized what Dallas also has in the wake of its blockbuster trade: your two superstars need to be complementary, not near copies of one another. The Suns, I’m sorry to say, are not going anywhere special with Devin Booker and Kevin Durant. Chris Paul, sadly, is 38 years old and is going to be playing like it…when he’s healthy.
Kari Lake needs to get on the PA at Footprint center to convince Suns fans they’re winning
And who knows what really happened with Deandre Ayton? At least when he quit on the Suns in Game 7 last year he was in uniform.
And Al McCoy is gone. After 51 seasons and zero championships. Which is just too bad.
You keep Devin Booker, who left last night without speaking to the media. You’re stuck with Kevin Durant. Everyone else is expendable.
We should note that Cam Payne Supernova (31 points) had his best game of the year and Jock Landale showed up in ways Ayton just never does (Did you notice his first bucket of the game was a dunk? Deandre rarely dunks).
Gold Mine
Denver, meanwhile, looks like a championship team. The Nuggets scored 81 first-half points last night, playing a beautiful offense that did not rely on the three-ball as much as it did running the offense through Nikola Jokic. Those half-court sets would’ve brought tears to the eyes of John Wooden, and likely did to Dave Patsch’s partner, Bill Walton.
Meanwhile, did you see how many Phoenix pass routes the Nuggets jumped for steals? It was like Lester Hayes was in uniform for them. A couple of things: 1) Like the Lakers, and Boston, the Nuggets are a team of players who know their very different roles and yet also make beautiful music together. 2) Nikola Jokic was the 41st player taken in the 2014 NBA draft. Anyone could’ve had him. Also, if Nikola and Luka don’t tell you that teams need to be scouting eastern Europe harder, I don’t know what will. 3) Finally, if you watched both games last night—and granted, it’s just one day—there’s little doubt in your mind who should have won the MVP this season (and note that Philly had Embiid duck Jokic in their March game at 5,280). Jokic just put together his 11th career playoff triple double last night (two more than the next-best big man, Wilt), while Embiid mostly was absent in the fourth quarter of Philly’s squandered Game 6 at home. Mark Jackson, former NBA player and coach and now ESPN commentator, did not have Jokic on his Top 5 MVP ballot (the only voter not to do so). Last night Jackson went on social media to admit it was “an honest mistake.” Our suspicion is that Jackson had no idea the votes were made public. 4) How does one of the biggest men on the planet (7’0″, 280) have the NBA’s softest touch? Jokic’s shots whisper into the cylinder. Last night he finished with 32-12-10. Glorious.
Logo LOL-o
We asked people on Broadway to help us with our 2023 schedule release. 🤣
If you’ve ever walked down Broadway, you know it’s the Bourbon Street of Nashville. So major props to the Tennessee Titans social media department for this gem on the day that the NFL announced its schedule dates. What puts this over the top, besides the day drinking of the participants, is the Fox NFL theme music.
Maybe Rock Star Energy Drink finally pushed this cliche over the precipice. Either way, credit to Workday, or its ad agency, for this ad that lampoons the cubicle-life encomium. Favorite line: “I’ve done my share of bad things… also your share of bad things.”
Boy Genius
Keeping with the rock star theme, meet Phoebe Bridgers (blonde), Julien Baker (petite) and Lucy Dacus (larger brunette), the band known as Boygenius. All three musicians had burgeoning solo careers and would run into one another at festivals, etc. Then they decided that instead of playing Mean Girls they’d be more like The Joy Luck Club… or a Jane Fonda/Diane Keaton/Lily Tomlin movie.
Anyway, their track “Not Strong Enough” has gotten them visibility on Jimmy Kimmel. Before you (or I) say something snarky such as, “They should be selling out stadiums, not Taylor Swift,” do know that Swifty is not only a huge fan, but she gave them the stage to themselves at her concert last Friday night in Nashville (her adopted home town). She’s a fangirl, too.
Bo Peeps
We are unabashed fans of Bo Burnham (you’re right, Mulaney), so here’s a gem from a few years ago that we just happened upon…. David Allen Coe deserves credit for lampooning country first, though. So we need to include that here as well…
Dollar Quiz
Which of these creatures can be found in both the Arctic and the Antarctic: polar bear, walrus, penguin?
What NBA player is listed, correctly, as having played 83 games this season?
What is the largest city in Wales?
Name a TV show or movie that has each of the following in its title: asterisk, exclamation point, question mark.
Dollar Quiz Answers: 1. Andrew Jackson 2. Tulane 3. March 4. Ion 5. Serbia
Making Book
This is how extraordinary Devin Booker has played through nine playoff games this spring: Booker’s Phoenix Suns teammate, Kevin Durant, ranks fourth ALL-TIME in NBA career scoring average (27.27), behind only Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain and Elgin Baylor. This postseason Durant is exceeding his career scoring average by averaging 30.0 ppg for the Suns, and yet Booker is both outscoring him and outplaying him.
That’s no knock on Durant. Booker, now in his seventh season, is having something of a national coming-out party this spring. Those of us who see him play regularly have been waiting for the rest of the nation to catch up; now they have. Booker is averaging 36.8 ppg, has shot 80% and 78% the past two games (on mid-range jumpers, not Shaq-range dunks), and is showing the type of resolve only seen with the all-time greats in the postseason such as Jordan, Iverson and Kobe.
Also, like those three, Booker’s game is aesthetically pleasing. I’d almost throw out AI from that list. Booker, in size and game and now, resolve, is very akin to MJ and Mamba.
Whether the Suns will advance past this round is anyone’s guess at the moment—it’s 2-2—but there’s little question as to Booker belonging in any conversation of, at worst, top 10 players in the league.
What does Shaq do all night at TNT studios?
Michael Jordan did not win his first NBA title until his 7th season. Booker is in his 8th.
Meanwhile, I’ll be surprised if the Suns don’t go shopping Deandre Ayton in the offseason. As Ralph Amsden tweeted on Friday (I’m paraphrasing), “There are, conservatively, 1 billion people on the planet who wish they were able to dunk but cannot, and every single one of them hates Deandre Ayton.”
Yup.
Vida Blue
And yes, those uniforms were fire
When I read that former Oakland A’s pitcher Vida Blue died at the age of 73 this weekend, what struck me was his age. Blue was a legend—with one of the more legendary names a sports figure has ever had—from the early ’70s. When I was just becoming aware of life, and sports.
So if Blue was only 73 when he expired, I thought, how old was he when he was making baseball history? The short answer: very young.
In 1971 Blue, who was 22 when the season began, won both the American League MVP and the Cy Young Award. The Louisiana native went 24-8, posted a 1.82 ERA and had eight shutouts. He threw 24 complete games! (Clayton Kershaw has thrown 25 in 16 seasons). And this was a year before the Oakland A’s advance to the World Series.
In the following three years southpaw Blue, along with Jim “Catfish” Hunter, would be the pair of aces that would lead Oakland to three consecutive World Series triumphs.
A three-time 20 game winner, Blue is not in the Hall of Fame and perhaps his overall career numbers do not support induction into Cooperstown. But, before he turned 26, few if any hurlers ever threw better or harder. It is said that only Nolan Ryan, from that era, threw harder.
In a high school game that lasted seven innings, Blue once struck out 21 and threw a no-hitter. He was also an outstanding quarterback who reportedly had offers from both Notre Dame and Purdue.
You read about a dude such as Vida Blue now–that name, that comet-like stardom—and it almost seems mythic 50 years later. As I age I’m continually reminded that the Seventies was the most extraordinary pop culture decade of my lifetime.
BookTok
Not sure who here is on Tik Tok. I’m not, but I am on Instagram, which I hear is very akin to it. I bring it up because a wonderful phenomenon has been occurring on both platforms, which someone cleverly has titled. It’s where bibliophiles do short videos in which they introduce and provide brief descriptions of books they’ve enjoyed. One person I follow, schizonphrenicreads, provides a list of must-read books by genre.
Love this. He’s gotten me excited about reading all over again. I cannot wait to pick up Plagues and People, The Indifferent Stars Above, Kill Anything That Moves, The Cold Vanish, and Empire Of Pain. That last book is written by Patrick Redden-Keefe, author of Say Nothing, which is easily the best book I’ve read in the past four years.
I know that some people turn off as soon as they hear the mention of Bill Maher, but this clip (not sure when it aired) is on the nose. And it’s not Bill on some rant. It’s Bill providing a few stats and allowing a pair of professors to weigh in.
What needs to be emphasized here, from someone who saw how the sausage is made for two years:
Yes, colleges/universities require administration, but the administrators-to-faculty ratio has gone completely out of whack. Schools are far too focused on customer retention and growth as opposed to…wait for it… education.
That more than two-thirds of faculty are adjunct profs, basically the equivalent of job off-shored to Manila or Mumbai, is just wrong. It’s wrong for the students, who are paying more for tuition than they ever have, and it’s wrong for the faculty: the tenured faculty feel under cut while the adjuncts are hilariously underpaid—I taught three courses in the spring of ’22 and would earn just as much working at CostCo. When I was given a third course, which by law obligated my university to provide benefits, the person offering me that third class and informing me of this boon literally said to me, “We do not want to do this. Oh, I’m doing you a favor and none of this comes directly out of your pocket and you need to tell me you’d rather not have to do something that is required? Good leadership.
When Maher asked why shouting someone down is fun and the prof replied, I think both missed the point. It’s not about fun; it’s about entitlement. Schools are not selling education as much as they are the experience (Storm the field! Get drunk after classes on Thursday!) and the cost is such that students (even though dad and mom are likely paying) feel as if they’re entitled to get the grades they want, the classes they want, even the opinions they want. Not to mention the jobs.
I don’t blame tenured profs for feeling threatened by, or resentful of, adjunct profs. But that’s also a simplistic way to look at it. In a field such as history or literature, for example, it helps to have a PhD who’s put in years of study on the topic. However, in a field such as medicine or journalism, students benefit more from those who’ve spent much of their careers practicing such. The school that cannot differentiate between the two does its students a disservice.
The lesson I learned from my lifetime in education is this: There may be some teachers you like in the moment who you will appreciate and be grateful for just as much 20 to 30 years down the road. But the teachers who you more likely will appreciate when you reach middle age are the ones who did not need you to like them; who challenged you and whom you cursed under your breath. As John Powers once wrote of a priest who taught him in high school, “At the time, I thought he was the hardest teacher I’d ever had. Ten years after high school, I thought he was the best. Today, I realize he was the only teacher I’d ever had.” If I can realize that, why can’t schools? Because the higher priority for them these days is to keep the customer happy.
Dollar Quiz
What planet corresponds to Tuesday?
What Shakespeare play takes place in Scotland?
In the 20th century, four U.S. presidents died in office. Name them.
What Canadian province borders British Columbia to the east?
*The judges will also accept “Dead-On Wood” but will not accept “Royz ‘N The Hood”
If you missed Roy Wood, Jr.’s keynote speech at Saturday evening’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, here’s your chance to catch it. It was fantastic. Unlike some other comics who’ve taken the podium previously (and also killed), there’s a down-home, regular-guy aspect to Wood that makes it impossible for even those who might say so to refer to him as “elite.”
Wood had arrows for everyone. Some were Nerf arrows, but others drew blood. He told the audience to stop worrying about kids being groomed at school by drag queens because they’d probably die in a mass shooting, anyway. When that drew groans, he shot back, “Don’t groan. Pass some legislation.”
The HBCU grad saved his sharpest tip for Clarence Thomas, with a line whose set-up came a full minute or two earlier. He referred back to it, subtly, and it was a thing of beauty. I don’t want to spoil it here. If you are unfamiliar with Wood’s work on The Daily Show, maybe this is a reason to tune in.
Also, I came across two funny lines from black comics on Instagram. The first is from Wood, who notes that an abundance of American flags in one area (I live in such a community that overdoes it with the red, white and blue) has that whiff of racism. Wood asks, “How many American flags equals one Confederate flag?” Bingo.
The second is from a comic I didn’t know, but see if you don’t like the line as much as I do. “To a lot of Americans, black people are what pennies are to a cashier. Yes, you’ve got to accept them, but if anyone shows up with more than a handful you’re not happy.”
Gordon Lightfoot
Canadian singer/songwriter, Yacht Rock HOF’er Gordon Lightfoot passed yesterday at the age of 84. Lightfoot will forever be remembered as the man who penned one of the more incongruous chart toppers of the Seventies, “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.” Here was a ballad about a ship that sank in a storm in Lake Superior, a true story that had taken place just one year before its 1976 release.
If you were a child of the Seventies and your parents listened to AM radio in the car, you’re familiar with Lightfoot’s three TOP FIVE hits: the aforementioned, which reached No. 2, “Sundown,” which went to No. 1, and my personal favorite, “If You Could Read My Mind,” from 1970, which topped out at No. 5.
Certain songs immediately transport you across the decades. That last one puts me in the back seat of my parents’ wood-paneled Chevy station wagon as we drive to the beach or to the home of one of our countless Italian relatives or maybe even just on a get-lost Sunday drive.
What Joni Mitchell was to singing/songrwriting for Canadians, Lightfoot was her male counterpart. Thank you, Gordon. RIP.
Ted Lasso Discovers Johan Cruyff
The last two episodes of Ted Lasso. Wow. So much to say, but I’ll limit my comments. The first finds the team in Amsterdam playing a midseason friendly versus Dutch power Ajax and getting waxed, 5-0. First, the little I understand about EPL, midseason friendlies between club teams from different leagues are highly, highly unlikely. But that’s neither here nor there.
The episode was shot in Amsterdam and it’s partly a travelogue and a love letter to that magical city of canals and pancakes and hash. In the early 2000s, before Jason Sudeikis had even made it to 30 Rock and SNL, he was part of an improv troupe along with Brendan Hunt (Coach Beard) called Boom Chicago. It was there that the two first developed an interest in football; so this episode was their prayer of thanks, in a way.
But it was also an ingenious means of steering the ship onto its homeward course (the series ends after this season, I believe), and it ties Ted Lasso’s hopelessly American sports brain to the future of FC Richmond. Sitting alone in an American-themed restaurant, Lasso watches footage of the 1992 Chicago Bulls playing the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals. He hears the announcer intone about Tex Winter’s triangle offense and how it works. Inspiration comes to Ted: Why can’t we do something like that with 11 players on the pitch instead of five on the hardwood?
When Ted shares his epiphany with the ever-studious Coach Beard, the latter asks Ted if he came up with that on his own. Yes, Ted says. Coach Beard congratulates him and informs him that he’s just discovered “Total Football,” which was the Dutch squad’s innovative strategy that took them as a decided underdog all the way to the finals of the 1974 World Cup (where they lost to Germany).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqMNciLw2f8
In the subsequent (most recent) episode. Coach Beard gives the Richmond squad (and, more importantly, us the viewers) a brief history lesson on Total Football. He expounds on how the Dutch were led by all-timer Johan Cruyff (their Michael Jordan) but how they played more as a synergistic group in flow than as a one-man band (i.e., Zava).
Next, he tells them how Cruyff went on to a highly successful coaching career at FC Barcelona, where one of his star players was Pep Guardiola, who is now the manager at Manchester City. All true. But here is where Ted Lasso receives an unexpected boost from current events. Right now Manchester City is looking, in real life, to win the Premier League and has advanced to the semifinals of the Champions League. They’re also still in the running for the championship of the FA Cup.
The last time a single club has won all three, i.e., pulled a treble, in one season? The year was 1999 and the squad was Manchester United (helmed by David Beckham).
Kind of a spoiler alert here: the full transformation of Jamie Tartt from self-absorbed diva to Richmond’s Cruyff is the signature victory of Lasso’s tenure at Richmond. It is the embodiment of all that he was trying to instill in and teach his squad. What’s the fourth factor, thus far, unnamed? Initially I thought it was “Trust,” but now I believe it is either “love” or “sacrifice.” Kinda the same thing in this context, no?
Also, when Sam and his dad entered Ola’s and the team were inside, cleaning up the joint?… I gotta admit, a tear welled up in my eyes. That’s what great shows do.
An aside: Did Rebecca or did she not get impregnated on that houseboat by the charming bachelor who reminded me a little too much of Tom Tolbert? If so, is he the same Dutch guy who’s been ordered to stop donating sperm due to his 500 fertility clinic offspring? Geez, dude, give it a rest. Literally.
Is This Simply A Meme For Grad School At Cronkite-ASU?
Dollar Quiz
Who was the first president (while president) to survive an assassination attempt?
Who beat USC in a bowl game last season? (I know you know this one, it’s just fun to remind everyone)
What, in ancient Roman times, was considered the first month of the year?
What do you call an atom that does not have the same number of protons as electrons?
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/Martha-Stewart-SI-Cover-Lead-84a80a0f97bd4b3c9541e3c859856107.jpg)
