IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Three-Rim Circus

Moments after taking a hard foul to the face from Draymond Green (and going full Gloria Swanson drama queen), LeBron James hit this :24-clock beater from nearly 30 feet away. There was just under one minute left. The score was tied.

LeBron ripped off a seemingly fresh quote afterward: “I saw three rims and I just shot at the middle one.”

The winners of this play-in game? The Lakers.

The losers? The Phoenix Suns, who finished one game off the NBA’s best record but will draw the Lakers in the first round. Ouch.

It’s Easy

On the House floor yesterday, 35 Republicans had the temerity to vote in favor of a bipartisan commission to investigate the January 6th insurrection. You know, the domestic tour-orists. But a full 175 voted against.

Here’s the three possible reasons for those cravenly 175 voting as they did: 1) they’re afraid of Donald Trump calling them out to “the base” 2) they were in on it or 3) they’re good friends or professionally linked to a Rep who was in on it.

It’s actually helpful to see who the bamboozlers of the Benghazi Boomerang are. Any Republican, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, who bluntly comes out against such a commission is basically saying treason over truth. The GOP had its Benghazi moment (eight of them, actually), hounded Hillary for nearly a decade and then made her spend 11 hours in the witness chair. And we didn’t even have Benghazi footage.

So why don’t they want to get to the bottom of January 6th? Why no interest? Because the truth will be illuminating.

75 and Cher

Cher celebrates a 75th birthday today.

Half-breed (her term), singer of a No. 1 song on the Billboard charts (“I Got You, Babe”) back when she was just 19 years old (1965), co-host with husband Sonny Bono of a prime-time variety hour on CBS, Oscar winner, comeback queen, diva, legend. As Greg Kinnear’s character in Stuck On You once quipped, “Boozin’ with Cher.”

Happy Birthday. And yes, we do believe in life after love.

Another No-No

This time it was Corey Kluber of the New York Yankees blanking the Texas Rangers. It’s not even Memorial Day and we’ve had six no-hitters this season. The single-season record is seven. Curiously, only three different teams have been no-hit, each of them twice: the Indians, Mariners and Rangers.

Here, the NYT attempts to explain why…

Crypto Crash (And Rebound?)

Bitcoin plunged some 30% yesterday as more and more Americans shared Bill Maher’s withering rebuke of 10 days past (No? That’s not the reason? Well, the timing sure fits). Five weeks ago, a single Bitcoin was worth $64,000. Yesterday, that same mined cryptocurrency (which, let’s face it, only exists in all of our mutual imaginations or it does not exist at all) was worth $33,000. And yet, it’s currently up to $42,000 so if you bought at the very bottom you’re up about 30% in one day.

I go back to Maher’s “New Rules” essay and to “Weekend Update’s” “What is dogecoin?” bit. Those happened on consecutive nights nearly two weeks ago. And right after crypto began to crater.

It’s Not Complicated

As you may know, I spent the past 13 months working a minimum-wage job as a side job. But for some of my co-workers, it was their main job. This is at a major American corporation, publicly traded, that is successful. There’s no way you could work there 40 hours a week and afford an apartment and a car payment or even gasoline (as well as food). The bare essentials.

And yet that company brags about the tens of billions in profit it made in that year. Companies ought to be successful. But employees ought to earn the bare minimum to live a minimally respectable life (food, shelter, clothing, and maybe Netflix or Amazon Prime, ya know).

I could’ve taken unemployment. I never have and I never will. But for the amount of time I devoted to earning barely more than someone on unemployment did, I was a sucker. Of course, if you eliminate unemployment, there’s no way companies will ever raise their compensation.

There’s an easy solution here: dock executive pay and pay the infantry workers a respectable wage.

The Kid

… was quite pleased with LeBron’s long-range missile.

That earned him $200 and brings his bank to $1,220. Also, he’s now 5-2.

Stay tuned…

Tonight he likes the Maple Leafs -200 to win $100 over the Canadiens.

Beauty

…and a beast who is a beauty. I’m constantly impressed with how intelligent elephants are. They have empathy and understanding and anybody who kills one should go straight to hell (This will be a happy video, don’t be afraid to watch):

https://twitter.com/sats45/status/1394866990309789701?s=20

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 5 Comments

by John Walters

(Rep. Andrew Clyde, far left in this pic and far right in his politics, who’d later call the insurrection a “tourist visit”)

Truth, Trump, Treason

It feels as if these three alliterative articles have been dancing around one another for years now, no? Aren’t you dizzy? I am.

The latest: House Republicans want to prevent a bipartisan commission investigating the January 6th insurrection/”tourist visit” because, well, the tricky thing about treason from inside the house is that the very folks perpetrating it are the ones charged to investigate (see: Catholic Church, police internal investigations). So you have that going on while the New York Attorney General announced that the Trump Corporation (“I never met them, I may have taken a few pictures with them, I take pictures with a lot of people”) is now under criminal investigation.

Let us proceed to the finish line: the Republicans are hoping they can forestall any meaningful investigation into who was responsible for January 6th while passing voter repression laws. They’re attempting to stall the game until election day 2022 at the very least. Meanwhile the other side is attempting to bury Trump in legal issues—subpoenas, indictments, even trials—before he ever has a chance to re-run for president in 2024.

Meanwhile, Joe Biden is test-driving electric Ford trucks in Detroit.

Now you’re all caught up.

Spencer Grit(s)

Two years ago Spencer Turnbull led all Major League pitchers in a most dubious statistic: Losses. The Alabama native’s record that season was 3-17.

On Tuesday night Turnbull, in his fourth season with the Detroit Tigers, tossed a no-hitter against the Mariners in Seattle. Turnbull’s 117-pitch gem, also his first career complete game, was baseball’s fifth no-hitter this season (and second against the Mariners in Seattle). The last time baseball saw a quintet of no-hitters before June 1 was in 1917. They were tossed by Eddie Cicotte of the Chicago White Sox, George Mogridge of the New York Yankees, Fred Toney of the Cincinnati Reds, and Ernie Koob and Bob Groom of the St. Louis Browns, on consecutive days, versus the White Sox.

There would be six no-hitters, total, in 1917. The last was started by Babe Ruth, who failed to record an out before being tossed. His reliever, Ernie Shore, recorded 27 outs without a hit.

Last night’s no-no improves Turnbull’s career record to 9-25.

India

The land of Gandhi set a single-day record for Covid-19 deaths for any nation yesterday: 4,529 fatalities. More than 71,000 Indians have perished from the pandemic just this month, which puts the Asian nation on pace to record 100,000 Covid fatalities in May alone. A late comer to the pandemic’s scourge, India now ranks third in reported Covid deaths (283,000) behind only the USA (approx. 600,000) and Brazil (439,000).

Around 1,000 Indian doctors and nurses have also died during the pandemic, in the line of duty, you might say. India is a mess right now. It will get worse before it gets better there.

There Goes Galapagos

Above, that is Darwin’s Arch in the famed and remote Galapagos Islands off the coast of Ecuador. Well, that was Darwin’s Arch.

Today Darwin’s Arch is simply a pair of twin towers. Scientists blame it on erosion, but it sure seems like Joe Biden’s fault to us. Before he was president, we had an arch. Now he’s president and… no arch.

Porter, House, Stakes

There’s no one better at making powerful people of avarice squirm than Rep. Katie Porter (D-Cal.). Here she is demonstrating that Big Pharma’s claim that their prices are so outrageous due to R&D is a lie.

Now we just have to hope that these shaming displays actually lead to some effective policy, otherwise folks will begin to feel somewhat coarse to the effects.

R.I.P. Charles Grodin

Actor Charles Grodin dies at the age of 86. Employing the three D’s of comedy—deadpan, dry and droll—Grodin stole films such as The Heartbreak Kid, Seems Like Old Times and our favorite, Midnight Run. He was also an all-timer of a talk show guest, ranging from mild annoyance to outright provocateur. An outright original. Thank you, sir.

Grodin’s best work, many say, was reserved for his appearances on Letterman.

The mild annoyance and faux rivalry obviously tickled Dave.

THE KID

…returned to the Win column last night with Vegas’ 3-1 win over Minnesota in the Stanley Cups playoffs.

He’s now 4-2 and standing at $1,020, or plus-$20.

Tonight The Kid is putting $400 on the LAKERS to win $200 versus the Warriors. Hate to see anyone bet against Steph, but it’s his money.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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by John Walters

Here Comes The Sun

Little darlings, it’s been a long, cold, lonely pandemic.

Little darlings, it’s been more than a year since we been here.

This week’s issue of The New Yorker poignantly captures the spirit of renewal, reawakening and reopening that is happening in Gotham and elsewhere as businesses and restaurants return to 100% capacity and mask-free. The illustration is titled “Venturing Out” and the artist is Istanbul-baed Gurbuz Dogan Eksioglu.

Only 600,000 deaths later, with at least two-thirds of them unnecessary. The lives sacrificed to, in effect, rid this nation of Donald Trump.

Electric Luxe Orchestra

Yesterday we were out moseying on our bike and noticed, parked amidst the BMWs and Mercedes and Lexuses at a somewhat tony retirement village, a car we’d never seen before. It looked like a Ferrari or even a Maserati, but we knew it was not. Nor a McLaren. We pedaled for a closer look and the tag read…

FISKER.

Now we’d never heard of the Fisker (the above model is a Fisker Karma with a sticker price of $130,000) but apparently the SoCal automotive company has been around since 2011. The vehicles are electric-based and the company is publicly traded (FSR). There’s also a Fisker Ocean, which looks as if some giant stomped on the roof of your Volvo sub-SUV.

The company name comes from founder and Danish auto designer Henrik Fisker, who knows how to build a sexy car. He previously worked on Aston-Martin and BMW designs.

The Shohei Kid

https://twitter.com/WUTangKids/status/1394485984826380289?s=20

Look at this home run that Angels hybrid superstar Shohei Ohtani launched last night. That’s a high fastball that he pulled and took over the fence. It’s also his 13th home run of the season, which leads all big leaguers. Ohtani also pitches, as you know.

In five starts this season he has a 2.10 ERA, a 1.20 WHIP, and has struck out 40 and walked 20 in 25 2/3 innings.

The Japanese native is 6’4″, 25 years old and not very quotable. Nor is White Sox catcher Vermin Mercedes, baseball’s batting average leader who is from the Dominican Republic.

Oh, Burry Me Now

Remember Michael Burry, the off-kilter, flip-flop wearing genius played by Christian Bale in The Big Short? Recent public filings show that his company, Scion Asset Management, has puts (sort of a managed short position) against 800,000 shares of Tesla. A put gives him the option to sell TSLA shares at a given price by a certain date no matter what the actual price (hence, if the price goes down you look like a smarty pants).

I’d not bet against Burry. Then again, Tesla rose 700% last year and has dropped more than 30% in stock value since its all-time high of $832 in February. It has been due, overdue, for a dip. What to do next? That’s up to you and Susie B.

Exhuming McCarthy

1950: The term “McCarthyism” is coined, a reference to Sen. Joe McCarthy (R-Wis.) who would smear anyone he believed too liberal as being “un-American” or “communist.” He would accuse them of either subversion or treason simply for not showing overt loyalty to conservative ideals. It should be noted that the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) had been around since the mid-1930s to investigate alleged disloyal and subversive activities of private citizens.

In 1946, HUAC considered opening an investigation into the Ku Klux Klan, but ultimately decided against it. That prompted one white conservative senator (John Rankin, D-Miss) to comment, “After all, the KKK is an old American institution.”

1987: Athens, Ga., -based band REM releases “Exhuming McCarthy,” a song that warns of the new McCarthyism sweeping the USA in the midst of the Reagan era. Everyone thinks it quaint and clever, if not overly ominous.

“Vested interest united ties, landed gentry rationalize,

Look who bought the myth, by jingo, buy America…“

2021: House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (there’s that name again), a California Republican, announces that he opposes a bipartisan commission to investigate the events of January 6th. Almost from the git-go Republicans have attempted to downplay what Americans saw with their own eyes, for hours, that afternoon. Moreover, even if a commission is created, McCarthy would be a relevant material witness, as he had heated conversations with Trump in the midst of the attack. However, both sides would likely have to sign off on that and the chance of Republicans ever permitting McCarthy to be forced to testify is zero.

It’s funny: Benghazi was not even then Sec. of State Hillary Clinton’s fault and yet Republicans kept that tragedy (in which fewer Americans perished than on Jan. 6) alive for years. Clinton even submitted to 11 hours of committee hearings on the event.

And yet Republicans, once again, refuse to play by the same rules that they once set (see: confirmation of Supreme Court justices). The Republicans’ game is to win at all costs and to never fight fair if there is even the slightest chance of losing. Some people consider this a savvy strategy. But it’s no way to operate within a democracy.

Justice is never the goal for them. Power is.

The Kid

…took a fastball to the face, like that Mets dude, as the Rangers, owners of a six-game losing streak, beat one of the top pitchers in baseball, Gerrit Cole. That -280 puts him under water at $920.

Tonight’s pick: LAS VEGAS -170 over Minnesota (NHL)

Betting $170 to lose $170 or win $100.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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by John Walters

Laundered Money*

*The judges will also accept “Ticket-Take Charade”

What we do know: A lottery ticket that came in and is worth $26 million was sold at a service station in Norwalk, Calif., last November 14. No one redeemed it by the six-month deadline.

What is believed to have happened: a woman who purchased the life-changing ducat claims she left it in her pants when putting them through the washing machine. While there is video footage of the woman purchasing a ticket, there’s no real way to prove that she is purchasing the winning ticket. The prize, taken as a lump sum, would be worth $19.7 million. That money will now be sent to California public schools.

Camo Lot

This weekend I was buying items at a supermarket and before my card was approved, I was asked if I wanted to make a donation… to military families. WTF?

This as various teams (including the Phillies and Blue Jays, above) were wearing camo outfits this weekend. That was in honor of Armed Forces Day, which is not to be confused with Memorial Day or Veterans’ Day.

A couple of items:

  1. So, the USA already spends $15 of every $100 in the federal budget on the military, but somehow that is not to enough to keep soldiers and their families from being charity cases? As I’ve harped on before, let me know when a supermarket machine has the same option for teachers.
  2. You’ll notice that nearly 50% of the federal budget goes to two major socialist programs benefitting seniors. These are the same seniors watching Fox News and decrying socialism and voting MAGA. How self-unaware can you be?

Winter Olympics Of Our Discontent

You remember Beijing? It’s that massive city in China that hosted the 2008 Summer Olympics.

Well, about seven or eight months from now Beijing is scheduled to host the 2022 Winter Olympics (as far as we can tell, a first in Olympics history, the Summer-Winter combo). Anyway, the problem is that Beijing happens to be in China, and China happens to have the worst human-rights record anywhere (though Israel sure is making a late push, isn’t it?). And now folks are calling for a boycott.

You’ve got the genocide being committed against the Uyghurs. And the Tibetan situation. And then there’s Hong Kong. We don’t even get to Apple employees until page 2. Part of the problem is that you and I probably aren’t related to or know a single Uyghur, or Tibetan, or even Hong Konger (is that what they’re called). And people tend not to take action unless it’s personal.

Yes, objectively, China’s actions are reprehensible. But America boycotted Russia in 1980, and look what happened (the U.S.S.R. ceased to exist as is less than a decade later, but that’s not important right now). It’s the Roger Goodall-Ray Rice deal all over again. You can know what is taking place, but unless there’s video proof of it to move the masses, nothing happens. Derek Chauvin is free today if not for that cellphone video. Man, isn’t today’s blog a bummer? This is what happens when you forget to restock the coffee bucket.

The Games will likely go on. Americans will wag a finger. Mike Tirico will likely steer clear of the subject with the possible exception of a tangential remark. That’s showbiz.

Najee Whiz

What if Marshawn Lynch maintained his degree of obtuseness but happened to be personable and a little more loquacious with the media? Welcome, Pittsburgh Steeler rookie Najee Harris (the only running back drafted in the first round). I think myself and yinzers are gonna love this kid.

A League Of Her Own

We don’t know her name, but she’s a Helen Reddy All-Star, no?

The Kid

…demonstrated he was human on Friday night as the Reds lost to the Rockies, 9-6.

He’s now 3-1 and down to $1,200.

So what’s up for tonight? He’s playing it safe, taking Gerritt Cole and the Yankees at Texas -280.

So if he wins, $100; if he loses, down $280.

Cole, at 1.37, has baseball’s 3rd-lowest ERA (and New York City’s 2nd-lowest). The Rangers, despite being in last place in the A.L. West, have the 7th-best hitting team in the A.L.

By the way, how much does pitching matter? The Twins, who have baseball’s worst record, have better team hitting numbers than Texas.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

She’s No Racist; She’s Just Doing Her Job

This is Jessica Anderson, a cum laude graduate of the University of Florida. She’s the executive director of Heritage Action For America, a D.C. conservative ratfuck group. Yesterday Mother Jones obtained this leaked video in which Anderson tells big-money donors how Heritage Action is writing voter suppression bills for Republican legislators.

Here’s the thing we all must remember: common sense and a simple belief in what is ethical will always win out is not enough. It’s a nice start, but it’s hardly enough. The far right and its big, BIG money backers are pissed that Trump lost. They’re pissed that we’re turning into a democracy in which whitey doesn’t always win.

Remember when you were a kid and you asked your parents for something and they said, “We’ll see.” And then you laid out your argument for whatever it was that you were advocating for and your argument was stronger than theirs ( I was an easy child to be around, as you can see). And then remember when they realized that they could not win on points so they just struck down your request based on, “Because I said so.”

That’s where the Republican Party currently is in terms of our fragile democracy. They’ve reached the “Because I said so” stage.

Yachta Yachta Yachta

Jeff Bezos is starting a navy.

The Amazon founder and world’s wealthiest man apparently read the William Randolph Hearst/Howard Hughes playbook and realized he had yet to do enough in the way of overcompensating for loneliness and lack of an honest, loving relationship with hyper-expensive toys.

So now he’s building a yacht (with its own support yacht) valued at $500 million.

Of course, he could take that same cash and pay EVERY SINGLE AMAZON EMPLOYEE an extra $950 for the year, but why do that, right?

What’s $950 to each of them? As opposed to a $500 million yacht he sorely needs. The yacht will be 417-feet long, or longer than the Statue of Liberty is tall. God Bless America.

Royals

(Danny Duffy still has an ERA below 2.00)

Remember back in April when we noted that the low-budget Kansas City Royals had the best record in the American League? Probably about the same time that we pointed out that Bitcoin was shattering another ceiling.

Anyway, the Royals have lost 11 in a row, plummeting back to terra firma and below in spectacular fashion. They’re now 16-20, which is the same record the Angels have. But then the Halos have Mike Trout and Shohei Ohtani in their lineup, so how do you explain that?

In The Good Ol’ Summit Time

Here’s John Branch of The New York Times with a fascinating article about whether people who’ve climbed the world’s tallest peaks have actually reached the summit. Which we’d always assumed was synonymous and identical. But apparently… well, read for yourselves.

The Kid

…won again last night as the Avs beat the Kings, 5-1. The Kid took the same team two nights in a row against the same opponent and that team, the Avs, outscored the Kings cumulatively 11-1.

The Kid now stands at 3-0 and is his bank is up to $1,300.

Today’s wager: Reds +101 at ROCKIES

Betting $100 to win $101

“Reds are 13-3 in their last 16 Friday games FWIW. I will take the better offensive team with the better pitcher on slight plus money here.”