by John Walters

Deja Vu Doo

Rule No. 7. Which, as you longtime readers know, states that “at any given Major League Baseball game there is a chance you may witness something that has never before occurred in a Major League Baseball game.”

It happened last night in Texas, and then some. Not only did the Houston Astros become the first team ever to perform two immaculate innings–an immaculate inning is nine pitches, all strikes, three outs— in the same game, but the two Astro pitchers, Luis Garcia and Phil Maton, faced the identical three Texas Rangers batters in so doing. Those men whose names are infamously and inextricably linked to baseball lore are Nathaniel Lowe, Ezequiel Duran and Brad Miller. Those are the Rangers’ 6, 7 and 8 hitters.

Houston won 9-2 on manager Dusty Baker’s 73rd birthday.

Pence-ive Response

While his boss was playing the role of Dr. Heckle on the afternoon of January 6, 2021, vice president Mike Pence was clearly Mr. Hide. Here he is in his Senate office, his wife drawing the curtains closed, as the rioters stormed the Capitol. Mike Pence is certainly no hero, but if he had bent to Donald Trump’s will that day he definitely would have had plenty of support from the bearded goons and ghouls who’d likely illegally parked their F-150 trucks on side streets off Dupont Circle and in the Adams Morgan district. We might be in the midst of a civil war right now (I know, I know… ha; we already are). Karen Pence pulling the curtains is the ultimate tell here, and you have to wonder what Pence’s daughter it thinking. Moreover, look closely at Pence’s face, as he seems deep in thought. Reminds me of the look on the face of Sir Alec Guinness in the final scene from Bridge On The River Kwai, as just before death, he utters, “My God. What have I done?”

Madness.

Mo Brooks: “It’s quite clear that Donald Trump has no loyalty to anyone or anything but himself." 🧵 https://t.co/ZkniUdCQI7

— Kyle Whitmire (@WarOnDumb) June 15, 2022

Jock-Strapped*

*Judges will only accept “The Pathetic” if it is deemed to be apolitical

Six months ago, when everyone’s stock portfolio was bulging, The New York Times purchased The Athletic for $550 million. The company’s bro-code founders, Adam Hansmann and Alex Mather, must have thought they were being punked or they were living inside a Silicon Valley episode. After all, while The Athletic is a quality product, it hadn’t exactly been doing anything since its 2016 launch except losing money. Even Jim Cramer at CNBC quipped that the NYT could have landed the sports subscription website for 1/10th the price.

Today, the bill came due for the company’s journalists as The Athletic laid down a “no politics” rule for staff. In the words of Chief Content Officer Paul Fichtenbaum, who used to occupy an office right across the hall from your scribe at SI, “We could stand up for our rights but we should not say we disagree with somebody’s politics.” Never mind that standing up for your rights will implicitly, often, be a direct refutation of someone else’s politics. If you’re Kyle Rittenhouse, your standing up for your right to carry a weapon into a strange town was a tacit disagreement with BLM. Of course, that type of non-committal statement from Fichtenbaum is exactly the type of banal corporate-speak that allowed him to rise to the station he now occupies.

How would The Athletic now cover Jack Del Rio? The LIV Tour? Herschel Walker’s candidacy? Sports has NEVER been devoid of politics, culture or society. It has ALWAYS been a conduit for people to discuss such matters.

I don’t know if this is a fatal move for The Athletic, but it’s a sad day for independent journalism. Been a lot of those lately. When this purchase happened in January, I smiled. Having been through one or two of these marriages before, what I know is that the one doing the buying is going to be the one calling the shots. The idea of the entity being purchased retaining its independence is hilariously naive. I imagine Jerry Hall was a tad surprised when her husband Rupert Murdoch actually suggested they consummate the marriage. You gotta serve somebody.

Jay Walking

Yesterday Fed Chair Jay Powell announced that he was raising the prime lending rate by 75 basis points, an act that at least 10% of Americans probably actually understand. And by understand I mean that they could explain it to a total stranger and

that stranger would be able to walk away understanding what he or she was talking about. But the idea behind it all is to curb inflation, which will help hold off a recession. And so the stock market spiked higher after Powell’s announcement. And overnight the European markets had sober everyone up and today the stock market is stumbling around with a terrible hangover. It’s almost as if Russia invading Ukraine, China refusing to accept American vaccines, and half the country being baths crazy racist gaslit is a toxic mixture. But what do I know? I’m just an apolitical sportswriter. When I’m working.

by John Walters

Relax, Kevin Costner Is Safe

Massive flooding at America’s first nations park, Yellowstone, sounds like quite a two-part season premiere for its eponymous adult soap opera. But no, this is real. As flash flooding has knocked out roads and even a bridge, parts of the park will remain closed for the foreseeable future (as well as for the unforeseeable future, which goes without saying). But what of the buffalo and bear and elk that inhabit this captivating park? Will they be laid off? Furloughed? Half-pay? They gotta eat, too.

Holy sh*t! https://t.co/pXUb2PxFyz

— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) June 15, 2022

One-Hit Wonder Bummer

St. Louis Cardinal pitcher Miles Mikolas was one out away, actually one strike away, from his first no-hitter. The 6’4″ 33 year-old, who has been in and out of baseball the past 10 seasons (fewer than 70 career decisions despite an 18-4 record in 2018), had a 2-2 count on Pittsburgh’s Cal Mitchell. Busch Stadium, or whatever it’s called these days, was ready to erupt. After all, the Cards have not thrown a no-hitter in 21 seasons.

Mikolas, who sports a classic old-timey baseball face, threw a curve. Mitchell jumped on it, hitting a straight and true shot to dead-center. Cardinal centerfielder Harrison Bader, a Gold Glover, was on his horse. This had the chance to be the perfect ending to a nearly perfect game (an unearned Pirate run scored in the fourth following an error). It would be a Top Plays catch. But the ball sailed a foot or so over Bader’s head and dropped. You could argue that if Bader had simply gone into a dead sprint instead of tracking the ball as much as he did, he might’ve caught it. Yes, maybe Willie Mays or Jim Edmonds or Mike Trout or Andrew Jones makes that catch. But it was a clean hit.

Mikolas was lifted, having tossed 129 pitches. That’s the most in the majors this season.

Stock Shock

We’re not going to discuss the economy, or Jay Powell, or basis points, or stagflation…. because we don’t really understand it. But we will note where some of the gucci stocks of a year ago find themselves this morning, where the stimmy kids went wrong, so to speak.

Peloton (PTON): July 7, 2021……… $129 Today: $9.75

Robin Hood (HOOD): August 8, 2021…..$85 Today: $6.96

RIOT Blockchain (RIOT): Nov 15, 2021……. $46.28 Today: $4.86

Unless you were short, you took it in the shorts. Or, better, avoided these altogether.

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooallllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!

In the rain and mud of San Salvador, the USA and El Salvador met in a CONCACAF matchup. The U.S. trailed early in stoppage time when a perfectly lofted pass to found Jordan Morris’ head, and then found its way into the net. Andres Cantor had the rest. It’s jarring to hear him transition to “Stanford Cardinal,” no?

Liz Means Biz

A message from Vice Chair @RepLizCheney about Thursday’s hearing. pic.twitter.com/SsnOOEnyVq

— January 6th Committee (@January6thCmte) June 14, 2022

Friday marks the 50th anniversary of the Watergate break-in. Thank God we’ve eliminated corruption from the highest office in the land and are no longer vulnerable to such chicanery.

by John Walters

Wiggin’ Out

The best player on the court for Golden State, for the second NBA Finals contest in a row, was former No. 1 overall pick Andrew Wiggins (perhaps the Suns should reconsider that rumored sign-and-trade with DeAndre Ayton). On an evening when the planet’s top shooter, Stephen Curry, went 0-9 from beyond the arc (the first such night since Nov. ’18), Wiggins, now in his 8th season, finished with 26 points and 13 boards. For the second game in a row, both Dubs wins, it was Wiggins who buried the important shots in the decisive moments of the fourth quarter as GSW won, 104-94.

Everyone’s favorite Twitter follow, @rexchapman, noted that 36 years ago Andrew’s dad, Mitchell Wiggins, had a solid Game 5 versus the Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals (the Rockets won that game, but the Celtics won those Finals).

Pops. Yes, three of Golden State’s five starters are the sons of NBA players. At some future date, at least 90% of NBA players will be the offspring of NBA players. It’ll be like almost a whole other species.

RIP, Officer Bookman

Philip Baker Hall, renowned character actor, passes away at the age of 90. Yes, he appeared in Boogie Nights and Magnolia and a plethora of other films and TV shows, but his appearance on Seinfeld as the hardscrabble New York Public Library cop will gain him eternal (or as long as YouTube exists) renown. So many great lines that a few get lost (“hippies burning library cards”). Only Col. Flagg’s appearances on M*A*S*H are in the same league, and might it be said that Hall is channeling Col. Flagg here?

Questions, so many: Did Larry David/Jerry Seinfeld write this scene with Hall in mind? Or, with the character Col. Flagg in mind? Was it originally this long or did they see Hall’s potential and expand it? Did Hall just take this scene and run with it– the finger-pointing, for example?– or did they map all of this out for him? How did he keep a straight face?

Lowering The Barr

So, if you’re scoring at home, the former Attorney General, William Barr, testified that his former boss, Donald Trump, was “detached from reality” in terms of his ELECTION FRAUD! imprecations in December of 2020, but instead of informing the country that Trump’s cries were fraudulent, he simply resigned and went on his way. Listen, if you guys wanna burn down the Sequoia National Forest, leave me out of it. I won’t call the fire dept. or the cops, but I don’t wanna be associated with it.

I mean, don’t lawyers get disbarred every week for far less than this? This man was an accomplice to the greatest election fraud in presidential history, and his only response is to walk away as Trump’s tossing the match onto the pile of logs? Wow. And he behaves as if he is somehow the sensible adult.

Meanwhile, where did most of that $250 million the the Trump Election Fraud fund go? Man, he never changes, does he? It’s his birthday today. Thought we’d mention. He should be serving the rest of them in prison. #LockHimUp

Archie Bunker On Gun Control

A few years ago I had the pleasure of sitting down with Rob Reiner for an hour and the first thing I said to him was, “You once were on an iconic sitcom featuring a bigoted blowhard from Queens…”

Reiner smiled. “Yes,” he said, “but at least Archie Bunker had empathy.” Which is true.

Two clips here, from 50 years ago, demonstrating how little progress the USA has made on gun control. Notice in the first clip that the audience guffaws at Archie’s suggestion of arming passengers. Today that’s practically a GOP talking point.

All In The Family was such a smart, hilarious and important show. And it’s every bit as relevant today. Just think about the theme song (“And you knew who you were then/Girls were girls and men were men…”). That’s in 1972. The more things change….

Montrezl With the Fezl in the Wezl

Charlotte Hornets forward Montrezl Harrell, 28, is in some serious trouble. On May 12th in Richmond, Ky., Harrell was pulled over for following a car too closely (that’s a thing?) and then cops found THREE POUNDS of weed (even Britney Griner’s like, “HOW MUCH???”) in vacuum-sealed bags. That’s a felony and in the eyes of the law makes him a dealer. The po po said they smelled the weed, but it was, again, in vacuum-sealed bags, go I dunno on that one.

If convicted for drug trafficking, Harrell could spend up to five years in prison. As he’s right in his NBA prime at the moment. Do they even have chain nets in the yard? Tough to maintain your game in the joint.

The Hornets are/were Harrell’s fifth team in eight NBA seasons. That’s a red flag. Someone knew something long ago.

by John Walters

Catholics Vs Coon Ticks

Notre Dame 7, No. 1 Tennessee 3.

Always fun to witness the Irish light up a top-ranked, orange-clad, smack-talking team from down South. The Vols entered the weekend in Knoxville with a 56-7 record, meaning they’d won an average of eight of nine games all season. In a best-of-three set, the winner advancing to the CWS in Omaha, Notre Dame won Friday, got smoked Saturday, and then came back from a 3-0 deficit beginning in the seventh inning to send the Vols home. The Irish and Oregon State (a perennial baseball power, believe it or not) are the only non-southern or California schools to advance to the 16-team CWS, which opens play Friday.

Judgment at Capitol Hill

Even though it did not air locally until 11:45 p.m. Friday night on TCM, we stayed up late to watch the 1961 classic Judgment at Nuremberg. One reason? Few films have a superior cast, spanning three generations of Hollywood royalty: Spencer Tracy, Richard Widmark, Judy Garland, Marlene Dietrich, Montgomery Clift, Burt Lancaster and William Shatner. There’s a scene where a young Shatner, at the tribunal, swears in Garland. Captain Kirk meets Dorothy. Whoa.

Before we come to the reason behind this item, two more things: 1) Werner Klemperer (i.e. Colonel Klink) plays a nasty Nazi and 2) Maximilian Schell, who would win a Best Actor Oscar here for his portrayal of a German defense counsel, simply blows the room away. In a cast of LEGENDS, this relatively obscure actor steals every scene.

Burt Lancaster, by the way. As highly regarded as he is, he was even better. He was so handsome and athletic that I think sometimes he is short-changed in terms of his performances. Five we love: 1) From Here To Eternity, 2) The Train, 3) Judgment at Nuremberg, 4) Elmer Gantry, 5) Sweet Smell of Success. And yes, there’s also his later films: Atlantic City, Local Hero, Field Of Dreams.

So now we come to the video embedded above. Lancaster, one of four German judges on trial for war crimes, experiences a crisis of conscience and asks to be allowed to give a statement. Listen to him. How much do the early days of Nazi Germany sound like the late days of Donald Trump? I ask because I sincerely hope we do not slip-slide away back into that abyss. You wonder why more Americans fail to see the obvious parallels.

Khaki KKK

On Saturday 31 members of a white-supremacist group calling themselves Patriotic Front piled into a U-Haul in Boise, with designs on disrupting a gay pride event. But someone provided officers an anonymous tip, and officers were awaiting them, guns drawn, when they pulled the vehicle over. As someone on Twitter noted, “Thirty-one guys crowded into the back of a U-Haul sounds like the most Pride thing ever.”

Pro tip: beware of anyone who needs to announce they’re “patriotic” or “American” too often. We’re all Americans here. What they’re really saying is, “I’m a white American, and that’s the only real American.” Always amused that these same people constantly invoke “the Founders,” failing to appreciate that one of the motivations to break away from England was to be free of tyranny. In short, declaring independence so no one could pigeon-hole them into what religion they needed to follow or if they must start the day with tea instead of coffee. And now, nearly 250 years later, we’ve got a wave of white supremacists believing they are “saving the country” from people who don’t think, look or earn exactly the way they do. Ah, the irony.

Dawn Patrol

Was listening to an interview with South Carolina women’s hoops coach Dawn Staley on NPR on Saturday (lots of really smart and wonderful people interviewed on NPR). So, the two-time national championship coach of the Gamecocks was asked, as a professed introvert, about all of the roles she must play: coach, motivator, mentor, therapist, psychologist, surrogate parent. And here is where Staley replied in such a way that ensures I will always respect her. I won’t be able to reproduce it verbatim, but here’s an attempt: “I deal with a lot of parents. And what all of these parents have in common is that they never want to see their daughters have a bad game, never want them to fail a test, never want them to go through a breakup with their boyfriend. I’m the exact opposite. I want them to experience all of that. How else do you expect them to grow if they never have to confront failure, never have to overcome a hurdle?”

Amen, Dawn. Amen.

Get Smart

Our old, old friend (and occasional commenter) Andre may not be a fan of Emily In Paris (see recent comment), but surely he loves Hacks, no? If you haven’t seen the HBO comedy that’s basically a cross-generational update on The Odd Couple, it’s fantastic. Jean Smart plays legendary Vegas comedienne Deborah Vance, while Hannah Einbinder (daughter of SNL original cast member Laraine Newman) is Ava, a know-it-all Gen Z type who’s thrown in to work with her to touch up her act. Deborah’s a little too much of a workaholic while Hannah’s too woke and snotty. But along the way they find common ground.

The supporting cast/subplots take the show to a new level. Boyish agent Jimmy (Paul Downs, one of the show’s creators) is our favorite, while Laurie Metcalf’s brief run as “Weed” won’t soon be forgotten. If I had the clip from her first scene, I’d share it with you.

by John Walters

After today’s IAH posted (because of it?), Washington Commanders head coach Ron Rivera announced that the team was fining defensive coordinator Jack Del Rio $100,000 for his comments earlier this week about the January 6 “dust-up.” And that inspired us to rewrite the chorus to Duran Duran’s 1983 classic, “Rio”:

His name’s Del Rio and he’s down a hundred grand,

That’s what you get for talking like you’re in the Klan,

And though he’s fined you know he still don’t understand,

Del Rio, Rio, go patrol the Rio Grande