The weekend is here but there’s no conference tournaments or even XFL matchups (I miss you already, Houston Roughnecks). So we’ll provide some content and if you’d like to as well, reach out to us.
Blue Flu
Per the New York Times coronavirus updates page, which is now free, so quit your whining, here are the top five states in terms of coronavirus positive cases this morning:
One of the many reasons that President Trump is not taking this seriously. He may even be giddy about it. Also, imagine when cage-’em-cuz-we-can’t-kill-’em Stephen Miller informs Trump that most of the fatalities will be people on Social Security, this will only please Trump more. And, please. Let’s not pretend that he cares about the American people. As soon as the presser was over yesterday, he actually autographed a chart of the Dow’s jump yesterday and sent it to Lou Dobbs.
You know that Beatles song, “Can’t Buy Me Love?” Trump universally disagrees with every word of that tune.
Diagnosis Murder
Want to see why there’s a better chance that one of your parents or grandparents is going to die in the next six months than there was before 2020 started? Watch the video above.
Earlier in the same presser, NBC News’ Kristin Welker asked President Trump what responsibility he feels about the pandemic that has accelerated on our shores due in part to his denial of it much of the past six weeks (yes, let’s give him credit for the ban on flights from China, but otherwise…) and he took the opportunity to write his six-word epitaph: “I don’t take responsibility at all.“
That’s my president!
Today in “Americans Suck”
Almost every time I see someone note on Twitter, after particularly bad behavior, such as shooting a lion with a crossbow or live-tweeting a couple’s breakup on an airplane, that “people suck,” I note to myself, Ah, but those people are Americans.
Wake up, America. We suck. We’re arrogant. We’re selfish. We’re self-absorbed. We’re… mostly stupid.
Oh, and thanks for reading this site. But you know it’s true.
Our latest example of “Americans Suck” is Tennessee man and (likely) serial masturbator Matt Colvin, who bought up nearly $18,000 worth of hand sanitizer bottles that cost $1 per and is now trying to sell them on Amazon for $20 apiece. I don’t often advocate arson, but if you happen to be driving past Mr. Colvin’s home and you just happen to have a Molotov Cocktail within reach, why not give it a toss?
Mr. Colvin does this for a living. He stockpiles items that he thinks are trendy and then re-sells them on Amazon. This hand sanitizer scheme is just his latest deal. That’s his idea of capitalism. Ours should be to boycott him.
Coping With Corona
Here’s Zack Rosenblatt of NJ.com (I think that was and maybe still is The Newark Star-Ledger) on how to cope with the coronavirus, particularly if you’re a sports fan, from A to Z.
Here’s some of our own suggestions: TCM, Books (read them!), Hiking, Running, Looking Up At The Sky, Road Trips To Remote Areas, Medium Happy, Twitter, Musicianship (If you were ever going to pick up that French Horn), Polyglotism, Binge-watching (but only in moderation), Pets (maybe buy one, and not just a dog or a cat) and Cooking, Reading Those Magazines You’ve Been Stockpiling, Binge-Boozing (again, in moderation).
Yours are welcome…
Sports Year
Had this idea last night. A sports channel should be dedicating original programming to one-hour shows that dissect a year in sports, beginning at some year in the late 1800s. By the end of the 19th century, after all, America already had Major League Baseball, college football, horse racing and I think 24-hour bicycle races. You wanna learn more about the Brooklyn Superbas? So do I!
Since we cannot count on ESPN or Fox Sports to do this, we’ll begin this at some point next week. If you have a suggestion as to which year we should start (1887? Why would you suggest that???), do tell.
Jersey Girl
It turns out that Tony Award-winning actress Laura Benanti, whom you may have seen imperonating Melania Trump on Stephen Colbert’s late-night show, is as beautiful inside as out. Of course she’s from New Jersey. Of course.
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You infer that being a serial masterbator is a bad thing…
Interesting how the 5 kids are dealing. There ages range from Gen whatever to millennial. The 2 youngest are following the news but spending a lot of time trying to figure out “how to stop worrying and learn to love the bomb”. (Dr Strangelove)
So far we’ve been told there’s $900 roundtrip available to Portugal….layover of 30 hours in NY. Rumors of 3500 Euro payment plus airfare to London for 3 week submission for infection and testing of Corona…..every internet mime….some pretty funny but definitely X rated and of course the news from Old Town.
Told that last night was pretty interesting as the MLB players with nothing to do were out and spending.
We are now hearing rumors from a bartender whose brother’s friend knows someone who is related to an unnamed person in the White House that a national quarantine is coming.
The good news for me is this is all pretty amusing. If testing was available my suspicion of having Corona after being in Orlando could be confirmed. Fever, severe headache, malaise but no respiratory distress. Work from home and stayed in the house, well did sit in the backyard, for 2 weeks until a trip to Costco yesterday for supplies…..bourbon, wine, cheese, organic whatever (Costco really has taken the mass organic to new levels). There were 0 paper products in the store. The fellow in Tenn has nothing over the good folks in Scottsdale. I was chatting with an employee who said they get 14 pallets of TP delivered every day. Lines form well before opening and it is gone within an hour.
I can definitely tell you millennials are not in any of those lines. I can also tell you if amazon can’t deliver they believe their parents or parent’s of a friend or parent’s of a friend’s cousin who hooked up with someone on spring break 7 years ago but follows on IG or tic toc will set them up.
In a quiet moment one of the millennials did confide “if I hear ‘it is what it is’ one more time” someone may be strangled.
Well, off for my run.
Hope things in the bunker/basement are going well.
I actually said, “It is what it is” to my mom while waiting in line at Safeway yesterday. The man in front of us turned around and said, “That’s right.”
Now I feel bad about it.
Question: Why isn’t there a national rationing of TP going on?
Their ages….and I proof read for a change. Arrgh.
”Wake up, America. We suck. We’re arrogant. We’re selfish. We’re self-absorbed. We’re… mostly stupid.”
That’s why I root for Burkina Faso every Olympics.
C’mon, Dray. You don’t even know when the Olympics are.
First Tuesday in November?
Really?! Serial masturbator?
I agree the guy is scum, but find a better word in your journalistic vocabulary, please.
Thanks and keep up the good work, as always.