Wow! Wow! Wowza and double wowza! How lucky am I –and how much luckier were you! Here I am, serving three-to-five (days) for aggravated loitering, up in the joint, and an outstanding cast of scribes carried the ball across the line. I felt like (Notre Dame alum) Dave Casper fumbling the ball forward (on my 12th birthday) against the Chargers and then watching as Gene, An Inconvenient Ruth, and then a Double Hubbell (Katie and her brother, Bill, only one of whom still employs that surname) carried the ball over the line. Thank you to all of them! Outstanding job. And if you didn’t read Katie’s review of “Jersey Boys”, it’s better than the movie, says this Jersey boy…Bill H. is better at this than I am; I hope we can get him to do this more often… Also, no making fun of pickleball. It’s the quickest way to incur An Inconvenient Wrath.

Starting Five

Fenway: Good seats will abound for the rest of 2014 to see (what remains of) the reigning World Series champs…

1. The Sell Off

The Dow Jones plunged 317 points, its biggest one-day drop since February, as investors feared…. well, what? Isn’t everything hunky-dory (it is when you have no access to the internet for three days). And the Red Sox will probably continue their deep-water drop in the A.L. East after dealing Jon Lester, John Lackey, Johnny Gomes (“Theeeeeere’s Johnnys!”) and Stephen Drew on Thursday after dealing Jake Peavy over the weekend. At last report, the bullpen cop is still with the Red Sox.

And poor Yoenis Cespedes. How many Home Run Derbies do you have to win to be considered untradeable? You go from this year’s World Series champ to last year’s World Series champs? Oy, papi! I suspect he may just defect from Boston and return to Cuba. Besides, isn’t it just wrong to put the best arm in baseball in left field in Fenway Park? Do the people who produced “Blackfish” know about this little bit of animal cruelty?

2. California Cream

California: Where the grass and the gov are both Brown

A brief update on the Golden Brown State:

In short supply: Water

In abundant supply: Quality baseball teams. Four of California’s five teams should be headed to the playoffs –this has to make L.A.-based FOX Sports and TruBiotic spokesqueen Erin Andrews happy– this autumn. The A’s, Angels and Dodgers, respectively, have the three best records in the game, while the Gianst will probably find a way once again to weasel their way into the postseason and usurp a World Series crown –it ishttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_World_Series_champions, after all.

At least one Cy Young Award winner will come from here (Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers) and at least one MVP (Mike Trout, Angels). My question is simple: Will these teams be fined for watering their lawns each day between now and the end of October?

3. The HitchBOTer’s Guide to the Galaxy

Not as annoying to share a cross-country drive with as Zach Galifianakis

Meet hitchBOT (not to be confused with PimpBOT 5000 from Team Coco). He/she/it is attempting to hitchhike across Canada this summer, having started out in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and aiming to finish in Vancouver, B.C. If you happen to come across hitchBOT, why not stop and pick it up and maybe even take it out to a Tim Hortons for a donut?

4. As The Band Perry and Steve Perry Wait Their Turns

Pop potentate Katy Perry appears on the cover of Rolling Stone for the third time –fourth, if you count Zooey Deschanel. But this is the first time she appears without decolletage. Our little girl wants to be taken seriously.

5. The Caesarean Section

July and August, to which we’ve just crossed over, are easily the two most summer-est months of the year –at least in the northern hemisphere. They’re the only two months for which every day is a summer day. They’re also the only two months named after Roman Caesars, July after Julius Caesar and August after his successor, Octavian, who became Augustus Caesar upon being named emperor.

And then I guess they got bored with the idea. Frankly, I’m totally in favor of Caligulary.