He waited nearly four years, but Barack Obama finally dunked on Donald Trump yesterday in the city that invented the shattered backboard. Wow. The whole speech is below:
President Trump does not react well to being mocked (few of us do). The last time Barack publicly humiliated him, back in 2015, Don reacted by running for president (and winning). Just sayin’.
Still, this must have been a cathartic moment for President Obama. Stay tuned.
Meanwhile, if you’re looking for a meme to perfectly encapsulate the Trump presidency:
How It Started…
….How It’s Going
Someone on Twitter thought of the above conceit, but I cannot find the tweet now. So, yes, I’m stealing his or her idea and I’d love to credit them for it.
Spare Parts
This is one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen watching bowling. And I’ve see a lot of strange stuff. pic.twitter.com/fQwyFqWqgk
We hear it all the time: Hey, Dubs, when are you going to stop messing around with politics and provide more bowling coverage?!? So here you are. We’ve done this move quite often while bowling, just never intentionally.
Some malevolent and lost soul attempted to shame Bill Murray Joe Biden and his son for being affectionate. Well, as the kids say, he got ratio’ed. But maybe he just posted the wrong photo. It happens. Maybe he meant to post this:
Or this:
Or this:
Raiders Of The Lost Yak
Along the India-China border, peace and cooperation breaks out and you may credit lost yaks for being responsible. A Chinese soldier, Capt. Wang Yalong (I know, sounds like a John Hughes foreign-exchange student) inadvertently crossed into India while helping local herdsmen search or a missing yak (how do yak go missing, you ask? They’re rather large).
Indian forces captured Capt. Wang, but instead of treating him with nefarious intent, they simply returned him to his outfit. Of course, this may have been a Chinese spy mission (dressed undercover as lost yaks), but the Indian army acted in good faith. After all, this is the country that invented karma.
Is it too much to say that Game 1 of the World Series turned on a no-outs, 5th inning walk Tyler Glasnow yielded to Mookie Betts? The Dodgers’ five-tool stud stole second and third, then scored on a one-hopper to the first baseman (Take the out, Rays! Take the out!).
L.A.’s three studs showed up: Betts and Cody Bellinger both homered and Clayton Kershaw retired 17 of the last 18 batters he faced in the 8-3 win.
Pandemic Baseball Changes We Like: 1) Games every night, which means 2) The season ends before Halloween even though 3) Eight teams in each league made the postseason. Keep as much of this as possible, please.
One suggestion, and we’ve said this before: If MLB can play an entire 60-game season minus fans, why not start the first two weeks of the season in Florida and Arizona, at spring training sites? Let Opening Day be on the Ides of March. This way you can start the postseason a week earlier and be done before Halloween with 16 teams making the playoffs.
Me Tua Movement*
*The judges will not accept “Ahi Tua”
The Miami Dolphins announce that Tua Tagovailoa, the fifth overall draft pick last spring, will replace Ryan MisFitzpatrick as the starter. The Dolphins are 3-3 and Fitz, now in his 16th season after being the last of 14 quarterbacks selected in 2005, has the 7th-best QBR in the NFL.
That photo, above, represents a cool moment. After Tua was put into the game last Sunday versus the New York Jets in a Fish romp and completed his first NFL pass, he returned to the field postgame alone. One assumes he was thinking about how far he’d come in just 11 months after suffering a potential career-ending injury at Mississippi State. A very cool moment. Happy for him.
Lekki Massacre
Details remain scarce, but in Lagos, Nigeria, at the Lekki Tollgate, an unknown number of peaceful protesters were set up on by soldiers who cut them down with bullets. Many deaths. The #EndSARS protesters were assembling about the government’s poor response to its epidemic (any of this sound familiar?).
Oh my God!!!! Pls circulate this video; I can see their uniform clearly; these are Nigerian Army – these people are heartless even with the waving of Nigerian flag they were firing shots at peaceful protesters at Lekki toll gate #EndSARS#LekkiMassacre#EndBadGoveranceInNigeriapic.twitter.com/4cySdTfvIg
This is what happens when you empower a bad-faith government that abhors free speech and insists on “LAW AND ORDER” at all times. We’re really not that far away from Lagos… if the wrong man wins in less than two weeks.
By the way, check out the caption in this story and see if you cannot spot the irony…
Summers In Rangoon
My acting teacher told us to perform a dramatic monologue from any movie and I did mine from Austin Powers and no one noticed. pic.twitter.com/1ZZtIsJdvE
By the way, if you’re on the Twitter and not following Rex Chapman (yes, the former hoops star), you’re missing out on great humor and humanity. That’s where we found this.
Which Biden Ad Do You Prefer?
This official one that candidate paid for and that aired during the World Series last night…
It’s time we see each other as fellow Americans who live in — and love — the United States of America. pic.twitter.com/xawem14X61
*The judges will also accept “Polling Up” and “Jeffrey Tubin’ It”
The New Yorker has suspended writer Jeffrey Toobin and CNN put him on leave after he was allegedly caught masturbating on a Zoom call to discuss election night coverage. Toby was on a call with members of the mag and radio station WNYC when there was a pause to break into smaller groups. Toobin took a phone call that was the equivalent to a phone sex call and thought he’d muted the Zoom call. He had not.
*The judges will also accept “Mute Point” (kind of a theme this morning)
The final presidential debate, this Thursday, will be set up so that both candidates’ microphones will be muted during parts of the debate. Let’s just go ahead and refer to this as the “Donald Trump Rule.”
Saturday Night Disaster
For years, decades really, people have complained that “Saturday Night Live isn’t funny any more.” Well, they’re finally right.
Ever since the original cast (plus Bill Murray) departed after 1979 (or ’80), there’s always been someone to whine that the show is no longer funny. Even in the last 20 years you’d hear it despite the show having the talents of Tina Fey, Bill Hader, Kristen Witt and Kate McKinnon.
But in this season’s first two weeks, and with the election of a lifetime looming, the show has failed miserably. Let us count the ways: 1) We love JimCarrey, but his Joe Biden is just his character from The Mask in white face. Jason Sudeikis‘ Joe Biden was always the best version and even though he’s now Ted Lasso, they should beg him to return. 2) The Weekend Update guys, usually the most reliable part of the show, have been lame. In Week 1 Colin Jost ended at least two jokes with “I’m just sayin’,” which is not how a pro ends a joke. Michael Che had one good joke about “police in Ohio say that report of a homeless man sleeping on a bench turned out to be a statue, which is a huge relief because they shot it 15 times.” Now that was funny. Not enough jokes like that.
3) The worst aspect of the show is how many skits seem to address political correctness or the lack thereof. We’ve tuned in to a skit about a mafia don whose crew was correcting him about his slurs and a group of friends, mostly black, riffing on Lovecraft Country. You can make any subject funny or not, so it’s not just about what they’re tackling. It’s more, to us, about how they’re tackling it. 4) Let’s not even discuss Bill Burr’s monologue from a couple weeks back.
We’ll say it again: Lorne Michaels desperately needs to hire John Mulaney as the show’s head writer. Back up the Brinks truck.
Dreams? She’s on the Case
Thanks to a TikTok ad, Fleetwood Mac’s 1975 classic “Dreams” was the 2nd-most downloaded song last week. So leave it to Andie Case (and her two male accompanists) to swiftly record a cover of the tune. She’s got a very Stevie Nicks-y voice, after all.
A reminder that Rumours included the following tracks besides this: “Don’t Stop”, “Go Your Own Way,” “Second-Hand News,” “The Chain,” “I Don’t Want To Know,” “You Make Loving Fun” and “Never Going Back Again.” People on Twitter have recently, seriously, asked if this is a good album. The answer is, This may be the BEST album.
By the way, this was the band’s ELEVENTH studio album. It took a few tries to achieve perfection. And just so you know, the previous album, simply titled Fleetwood Mac, included “Landslide,” “Rhiannon,” “Over My Head,” and “Say You Love Me.” They were already pretty close to perfection.
Some junior high student is going to see this tweet and win his school’s science fair. And we’re all for it.
Rule No. 2: He ALWAYS Accuses His Enemies of Being Exactly What He Is (Doing)
We’ve covered the President Trump rules before: 1) Always be lying, 2) If you’re doing it or being it, accuse your nemesis of being/doing exactly that thing, 3) Always use superlatives, 4) Deflect all accusations with argument that they’re lying (which is sort of a combo of Nos. 1 and 2).
I’m sure there are more, we’re just not in the mood to to explore them at the moment (we’ve been so happy of late). Anyway, referring to Dr. Fauci as “an idiot” is the ultimate expression of Rule No. 2 here. Just worth noting that once upon a time there was another Italian scientist whom the ruling powers attempted to discredit. His name was Galileo. We all know how that worked out.
If you saw Dr. Fauci on 60 Minutes Sunday, you know that he’s now doing his daily walks with bodyguards. What a sad state of affairs when the person who has devoted his life to stopping the one thing that is killing so many Americans this year has his own life in danger because he’s simply super-spreading the truth.
We waited about seven seconds after realizing that Aaron Sorkin’s The Trial Of The Chicago 7 was streaming on Netflix to press Play. Well worth it. We didn’t know anything about the trial or the principals other than their names and that it had to do with riots in Chicago in the summer of 1968.
So it was educational. And disturbing. And, yes, depressing, because look how little we’ve changed.
But what a cast: Eddie Redmayne (Oscar-winner), Michael Keaton (ibid), Mark Rylance (op cit), Sacha Baron Cohen, Frank Langella, Ben Shenkman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jeremy Strong (The Big Short) and John Carroll Lynch (Fargo, Zodiac). And, of course, it’s Sorkin and a court room and you don’t need to know anything more than “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” to know how that goes.
We’ve hardly seen any new movies this year—nor have you—but this and 1917 are our two favorites.
Tampa Bay Watch
A great weekend in sports for those denizens on the Gulf Coast. The Rays avoid being forever wearing the goat (small letters) label by not blowing that 3-0 lead to the Astros and winning Game 7. And the Bucs take down the undefeated Green Bay Packers with stunning ease. That Tom Brady kid has a future in this league.
The Rays will take on the Los Angeles Dodgers in Arlington beginning Tuesday. It’s a ballpark that has never hosted a regular season game but is about to host a World Series.
Wanna know the oldest ballpark in baseball to have never hosted a World Series game (this will depress you)? Oriole Park at Camden Yards.
Take Us To New Zealand, Please
New Zealand:
Winston Peters — deputy PM of New Zealand addresses an American COVID-19 denier at a press conference.
Take a good 12 minutes to listen to George Carlin giving thoughtful answers to a young John Stewart. Stick around toward the end when he talks about how much he loves people as individuals but despises them in groups. George was on to something here.
Does anyone else feel the way I do: the Astros, the sports franchise that best examplifies the Trump era, trailed the Rays 3-0 in the ALCS. But after a walk-off home run last night by Carlos Correo, Houston is now only down 3-2.
Buccigross interviewing Correa on SportsCenter said: "Carlos, it's almost like you knew what was coming."
So, yes, I recognize that Joe Biden is way ahead in the polls, but as long as the Astros remain alive in baseball this month, I still fear there’s a chance Trump can win. If the Astros lose, I’ll begin to feel as if the world’s karmic balance is beginning to right itself. Anyone else feel this way?
Savannah Trumps Donald
Someone was certainly paying attention during mock trial in law school. NBC’s Savannah Guthrie grilled the president as if she were Katie Porter in their “town hall” on Tuesday night and did such a fabulous job that she almost redeemed Kabletown for deciding to air it contemporaneously with the Joe Biden town hall on ABC.
It’s funny, and I’m not botanist, but I think that when you drain a swamp what you’re pretty much left with is a savannah.
Three-Word Review of Matthew McConaughey’s Memoir
Who knew when he was explaining the reason why, as Wooderson, he still loves teenage girls as an aging 20-someting in Dazed and Confused that Matthew McConaughey would turn out quite as big as he did? Or, like Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise, did the charisma just jump off the screen at you even in that cameo appearance (we’ll vote the latter).
The Oscar-winner whose finest moments for us will always be as Rust Cohle has a memoir out, Greenlights. We’d buy it, but we’re just going to ask to buy Katie McCollow’s copy when she finishes reading it. Although, on second thought, buy the audiobook and drive aimlessly in my Lincoln Continental with a dog or two listening to it in full.
A senate debate in Iowa went as viral as such a thing possibly can when the challenger, Theresa Greenfield (Dem… and, if your name is “Greenfield” in Io-way, you better know your agriculture), was able to accurately answer the “break-even price” of corn. Then the incumbent, Republican Joni Ernst was unable to duplicate the feat with soybeans.
While everyone’s paying attention to the presidential town halls, the biggest moment in the #IASen race just happened in their final debate: pic.twitter.com/Ru3Qwyv8iv
Debates are so much more fun when they are structured like quiz shows. More of this, please!
Animals, Always and Forever
This photo of a tiger in Siberia won National Geographic‘s “Wildlife Photograph Of The Year” award. As much as we adore tigers and the idea that there are still vast uninhabited spaces in Russia and China for wildlife to thrive, this wasn’t even close to the most impactful photo in their gallery. Take a look and decide for yourself.
