by John Walters

Gareth Bale Out

From the day Welshman Gareth Bale exited Tottenham for Real Madrid and every time we’ve thought of him since, we’ve believed his exile to Spain was a horrible idea. Bale, a frisky athletic god who’d have been a great NFL wideout, would have been the Premier League’s premier player the past seven years, i.e., in his prime. Certainly he would’ve been the league’s top player of British descent.

Instead, Bale, 31, left for more money and second-banana status behind Cristiano Ronaldo. He had some outstanding moments, and won four Champions League titles, but he was always in the shadows. Now, Bale is primed to return to Hotspur, which lost last weekend in the season opener, on a season-long loan. He will earn 600,000 pounds, or about $780,000, per week.

It was only a few years ago that La Liga (Spain) boasted Bale, Ronaldo, Neymar and Lionel Messi. Now Bale will play in the Premier League, Ronaldo is playing in Serie A (Italy), Neymar plays in Ligue I (France) and Messi desperately wants out of his FC Barcelona contract to play for Man City in the UK. Spain hasn’t been this unpopular since the Inquisition.

There’s No Business Like SNOW Business

Yesterday Snowflake, a computer software company (something about the cloud yada yada yada over our heads yada yada yada), had its IPO (ticker symbol: SNOW). The company was valued at about $12 billion last Friday but after Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway announced that it would buy 2 million shares and Salesforce announced it also would buy 2 million shares, well, the value skyrocketed to $70 billion.

The company was going to set its IPO price at between $75 and $85. Then yesterday it opened at $120 and then more than doubled to $319. We bought a first-day share at $248 (it’s trading below that now) on the concept that if it goes the route of Amazon, Apple, Facebook and Netflix (etc.), we can at least say we were in on Day 1. The stock will almost surely plummet the next month or two, but let’s see where it is five years from now. 100-bagger, Susie B?

He’s Coming For You, Yeah, He’s Coming For You

We came across this performance on Letterman (not the actual show, but Letterman used to have quasi-jam sessions for bands in off hours and invite people who know people…we were never invited) by Foster the People the other night. Always loved the song, but have even more admiration now for lead singer Mark Foster (who is married to Julia Garner from Ozark). He puts his heart and soul into this performance, particularly the second half.

If you read Foster’s wiki page, you discover that he spent about 8 years in L.A. as a starving artist and was even the roommate of Brad Renfro (The Client), the brilliant young actor who died of a heroin overdose.

Triple-Feature On TCM

Phone the kids, wake the neighbors! A fabulous triple-header on TCM today beginning at 1:15 p.m EDT. First, it’s Frank Sinatra in The Man With The Golden Arm (1956), which is not a James Bond flick. It’s an early, some might say before-its-time, heroin addiction film.

Next up (3:30 p.m.) is one of those great relatively unsung films: Jimmy Stewart, George C. Scott and an incredibly sultry Lee Remick in the original courtroom procedural, Anatomy Of A Murder (1959). Dick Wolf owes some of his bones to this film.

Finally, they save the best ’til last (6:15 p.m.) with Laura, from 1944. You’ve got Dana Andrews, the transcendent Gene Tierney, and a wonderfully snitty Clifton Webb in a supporting role that got him nominated for an Oscar and should have won him the bauble.

Smoke outside too much? Stay in and watch at least one of these wonderful black-and-white gems.

by John Walters

The Team Too Tough To Die

For the second playoff series in a row, the Denver Nuggets overcome a 3-1 deficit to win. The Nuggets are 6-0 in elimination games just this bubble seasons.

The Clippers, meanwhile, are 0-8 all-time in elimination games and have now gone 50 seasons, the life of their franchise, without ever making it to the conference finals. That’s a record, a dubious one, in pro sports.

Nikola Jokic (Serbia) and Jamal Murray (Canada) are the Nuggets’ best two players. Call me xenophobic, but I love non-American hoopsters. They’re so much less “me”-oriented.

The Big Ten Returns (Is The Pac-12 Next?)

The Big Ten presidents, who voted to nix the season just last month, have reversed course and voted to resume it. They plan to begin play on October 24. Look forward to them reconvening in a week or so, after Ohio State coach Ryan Day assures them there’s no way for the Buckeyes to qualify for the playoff with only a 6-0 record, and moving up the start date to October 3rd.

The good news is that this will allow Michigan to keep its annual losing streak to the Buckeyes alive and extend it to nine years.

Honestly, why not? As long as you’re going to play, these programs don’t need five-plus weeks to get up and running. Do the presidents think these players don’t know the playbooks? Have not been lifting and training?

So, the Big Ten (1) doesn't have a built-in bye week, (2) has a 21-day suspension of play for players testing positive and (3) has a shutdown threshold of 5% positivity rate on a team.

Hang on to your butts.

— Ross Dellenger (@RossDellenger) September 16, 2020

Meanwhile, LSU head coach Ed Orgeron slipped yesterday and revealed that “most” of his players have tested positive for the coronavirus. That’s not going to prevent the reigning national champs (or any SEC school) from playing and it certainly had no impact on the Big Ten vote.

So what we’ve got here is rampant Trumpism among every college conference (and Notre Dame) except the Pac-12. And that core belief is, “Play now, pay later.” Because the people making the decisions aren’t either going to be around to pay for them or aren’t the ones who’ll ever have to pay for them. It’s their fun (and money); it’s someone else’s future problem.

Just so we know where we stand.

Wham! Bam!

And then there’s Bam Adebayo of the Miami Heat, who’s from Newark. With this block of Jayson Tatum’s attempted game-winning slam, he preserved the Heat’s Game 1 win in overtime versus the Celtics.

No, Adebayo did not come out of nowhere the way LeBron did against Andre Iguoudala a few seasons back, but in many ways this was more impressive as the block took place above the rim and Tatum, as you can see, had almost already jammed the ball home. This was more akin to an arm-wrestling contest at 10-plus feet.

Revenge Of The C-Minus Students

Listening to supporters of the president talk despite what they’ve been able to hear with their own ears the past week—yesterday a clip from the Woodward talks was released in which Donald Trump confessed that when a visitor to a White House meeting sneezed, “I got the hell out of there,” it’s clear that they don’t care much about science. Or integrity.

Last week on Pardon The Interruption we heard Michael Wilbon say, without pause, “America has never been dumber. Or meaner.” Or, might I add, more selfish. And so that is where we are.

Again, we love this guy. You have to hand it to Trump. He found a way to organize all the burnouts and bullies in class, the Biff Demographic (from Back To The Future), and turn them into a voting bloc.

Over the weekend, for The Athletic, I wrote a piece about how College GameDay was handling all of the unrest and social justice issues. The story received over 100 comments, many of which were to the tune of “ESPN doesn’t understand that their audience doesn’t want them to be political. What a turnoff.”

“To be political” in sports, in this era, is to foment a stand that is averse to the particular viewer in question. Military flyovers are political. Military reunions during timeouts are political. The national anthem is political. There are those who will say, “Those are all patriotic!” Same thing. At least it is in a country that still respects the First Amendment.

Either way, it’s fascinating to me. 1,000 deaths a day? Not the president’s fault. Millions of burned acres in the Pacific Northwest? Not the president’s fault. Climate change? Not the president’s fault. The stock market’s up? Totally the president’s doing.

Me, I’ve become very zen about all of it. I’m Slim Pickens cowboying-up the nuclear warhead over the winter landscape of Siberia in the final scene of Dr. Strangelove. It’s been a decent few thousand years run, humanity. But it’s unsustainable as long as avarice and nationalism rule. And now you add stupidity to the equation? No thanks, my money’s on the cosmos. I just hope we don’t take too many other species down with our own demise.

Luke, What You’ve Done!

I still remember when the Yankees picked up Luke Voit from the Cardinals two summers ago for Greg Bird, who never seemed to be able to get out of his own head while playing in the Bronx (and who was also too often injured). If Bird was hyper-neurotic, the muscle-bound Voit was exactly the opposite. A big o’l playful puppy who seemed oblivious to his surroundings.

In this abbreviated 2020 season, with oft-injured mega-star teammates Aaron Judge and Giancarlo Stanton out yet again, Voit has become the most potent offensive force on the Yankees. Perhaps in the entire American League.

Last night, in the Bombers’ 20-6 defeat of the Blue Jays, Voit hit two home runs and had 5 RBI. He now leads all of baseball in home runs with 18 and is near the top with 42 RBI. He’ll be getting, and deserving, some serious A.L. MVP consideration. Amazing for a guy who only a year ago was platooning with Bird.

by John Walters

Busy early day for us so this will be brief…

“I Don’t Think Science Knows”

Love this guy. Who writes his material? Larry David? George Orwell? Science is literally “the systematic study of the structure and behaviour of the physical and natural world through observation and experiment.”

In other words, science is not science UNTIL it knows. That’s science’s entire business: Studying why and how something happens in the physical and natural world. But, you know, if the Pope says the Sun revolves around the Earth and all of his acolytes agree—or are afraid to disagree—then you, Galileo, are headed to prison (how many MAGAs do you think would have been heliocentrists back in the day?).

The Sound of Flash Mobs

If this doesn’t make you smile, you probably died a few years ago…

by John Walters

U.S. And Thiem

What a Sunday night in Flushing Meadows, as Dominic Thiem of Austria became the first man in 71 years to overcome a two-set deficit and win the U.S. Open. If you’re scoring at home, that means since 1949… back when characters from Strangers On A Train were competing at the Open and then whisking themselves off to New Jersey amusement parks to confront murderous nemeses.

Too bad no fans were there to witness this one. One day earlier, Naomi Osaka overcame a one-set deficit to win the U.S. Open, the first female in 25 years to do so. Again, no fans.

A U.S. Open with no Federer, no Nadal, no Djokovic, no Williams sister, and no fans in the finals. Who ever would have believed it?

Nikola!

Watching Nikola Jokic burying unconventional shots as he led Denver back from a 19-point deficit against the Clippers to force a Game 7, I was reminded of an out-of-shape dad playing against the kids on the block. Now, the dad was at one time the best shooter in his high school conference, a highly skilled player, but he’s let himself go. There’s a beer gut. And if you want him to play full-court, don’t expect him to get back on defense every time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXEYBe7q8Lk

However, if you get him the ball and don’t ask him to drive to the hoop, he’s unguardable. Jokic finished with 34 points to force a Game 7—the Clippers are now 0-7 in games to advance to the Western Conference finals in franchise history—but it was the nonchalant nature with which he fired, and drained, these circus shots that amazed us. The Nuggets trailed by double digits in what was for them an elimination game and the 7-foot Serb played as if all he was doing was procrastinating from mowing the lawn. It was a thing of beauty to behold.

South Bend’s Next Great Mayer

Move over, Mayor Pete. Now there’s true freshman Notre Dame tight end Michael Mayer. The five-star from Kentucky only had three catches in his debut Saturday (on four targets…don’t throw a 6’5″ man a pass to his knees, Ian Book), but it’s pretty easy to see that he’s going to be the best Fighting Irish tight end since Tyler Eifert.

Our Notre Dame tight end crush is well-documented and goes all the way back to Dave Casper…and Ken McAfee… and Mark Bavaro. And then in 2005 Anthony Fasano began an almost uninterrupted run of NFL greatness that has included himself, John Carlson, Kyle Rudolph, Eifert, Troy Niklas, Ben Koyack and Cole Kmet.

"This is well played by Duke." – Tony Dungy

(And he was basically right.) pic.twitter.com/LxK38tdkfb

— Pete Sampson (@PeteSampson_) September 14, 2020

(Just click on the tweet)

We’re not here saying that Mayer will be the best of that lot. But the 6’5″ super stud will be in that Eifert/Rudolph/Bavaro realm. And he already looks like a super hero.

Rally Capsize

One of our favorite things about the Donald Trump Experience is how an entitled buffoon who lived most of his adult life on Fifth Avenue and within two blocks of 57th Street—literally the most cosmopolitan intersection in America, with Tiffany on one corner—has found love with a gaggle of middle-Americans with whom he’d have absolutely nothing to do with if he did not need their votes.

He loves them because they don’t know who he really is or maybe they just don’t care. And they love him because he blames all the people they want to blame for whatever is wrong with their version of America… because maybe looking into a mirror is too difficult. It’s quite the lovefest, and President Trump continued it with brazen disregard on Sunday as he held a massive indoor rally near Reno, against the state’s Covid-19 mass gathering regulations.

It’s interesting that the president would travel all the way from D.C. to the American west and not think to drop in on Oregon, or Washington, or northern California, states that are reporting massive losses of life and hundreds of millions of acres burned. But, you know, they didn’t vote for him in 2016, so f*** ’em.

Meanwhile, as Maureen Dowd notes in her Sunday New York Times column, Trump’s sociopathic need for attention is so overwhelming that he’s even willing to incriminate himself, to Bob Woodward, in exchange for reading about himself more. Of Trump being his own whistleblower in terms of what he knew about the coronavirus and when, a fellow Times employee went on MSNBC Sunday morning and said, ” “Trump is the first candidate for president to launch an October surprise against himself. It’s as if Nixon sent the Nixon tapes to Woodward in an envelope by FedEx.”

Not that Trump’s open-and-shut case against himself will sway any of the thousands who flocked to his rallies this weekend. He used to joke that he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and get away with it. Hell, he’s killed nearly 200,000 Americans in a little over six months. Of course he could.

The NYC Marathon Turns 50

It was 50 years ago yesterday—September 13, 1970—that the first New York City Marathon was staged (in the past eight years, 2013 and 2020, the Marathon was not held, first because of Hurricane Sandy and now because of the pandemic). The 26.2-mile race was held entirely in Central Park which, if you’ve run the 6-mile loop, you know is quite a challenge.

The inaugural race had 127 starters and 55 finishers. Only one woman entered, and she dropped out at mile 14. The winner, above, was a firefighter, Gary Muhrcke, who wan a 2:31 and only caught the leader at Mile 24. The running boom was still a few years away, obviously.

Recent NYC Marathons have had upwards of 35,000 entrants and it’s still not easy to get in. Fair to say that the running boom is more than a fad.

by John Walters

As I type this, an ad is playing in the background about “Joe Biden’s America” and rattling off the names of cities in turmoil (“Portland”… “Minneapolis”). I don’t remember Joe Biden being elected president in 2016. I mean, those cities sound an awful lot like Donald Trump’s America. Cities burning figuratively… millions of acres of forest burning literally… hundreds of thousands of Americans dying needlessly. I really am alarmed by this Joe Biden’s America we are currently living in. Except it’s not his, is it?
It took us 36 more years, but we’ve finally perfected Orwell’s 1984.

Chief, Financial Officer

Pat Mahomes, he of the brand new $503 MILLION deal, leads the defending Super Bowl champs to a 34-20 season-opening win against Deshaun Watson (new $156 million extension) and the Houston Texans.

Rookie K.C. back Clyde Edwards-Helaire, last seen in the same backfield as Joe Burrow in the college football championship game, rushed for 138 yards on 25 carries.

We didn’t watch. Was it fun?

Rudolf The Red-Faced Nazi

Was Rudolf Hess—above right; not sure with whom he’s sitting—heroic, crazy, quixotic, suicidal?

In May of 1941, as Germany was in its ninth month of aerial bombardment of Great Britain and as his Deutschland was preparing to foolishly launch war on a second front against Russia (the dude above to the left’s fatal mistake), Hess, the third-ranking member of the Nazi Party and himself a pilot, took off unauthorized from an airfield in Augsburg, Germany. His destination? A little town south of Glasgow, Scotland.

So we never knew this piece of history until yesterday (from reading Erik Larson’s The Splendid And The Vile). Hess, completely independently of Hitler, decided to fly solo to the UK and attempt to broker a peace agreement. He knew he’d never have enough fuel to return to Germany so this was an all or nothing deal.

Turns out Hess was unable to locate an airstrip—he flew at night to better escape RAF detection—and parachuted from his plane, as it was precariously low on fuel. He was soon taken prisoner and a savvy RAF major recognized who he was (Hess had lied about his identity, hoping to seek an audience with the Duke of Hamilton, who had ties to a German official).

Hess was soon taken prisoner and you can imagine that the London broadsheets had a field day with this piece of news, which caused quite a, shall we say, furor, back home in the land of beer steins and soft pretzels.

Hess was held in London until the war’s conclusion, after which he stood accused at the famous Nuremberg Trials and was sentenced to life imprisonment at Spandau Prison in Berlin. While other Nazi prisoners were released over the decades, Hess never was. In 1987, at the age of 93, having spent nearly half his life in prison, he hanged himself.

Apostrophe Apostasy

If you’re a Miami Hurricane beat reporter, your left pinkie will get a workout this season. The Hurricanes won their season opener on the ACC Network last night, beating UAB, behind quarterback D’Eriq King and leading rusher Cam’Ron Harris. The Canes’ backup quarterback, who attempted three passes and completed two, is N’Kosi Perry.

If you were wondering to yourself, Wasn’t there a D’Eriq King who played for Houston who appeared in a season-opening weeknight game last season? Well, yes, there was. And yes, it’s the same player.

Liar, Liar, West’s On Fire

That headline pretty much sums up this week in the United States of America. Earlier this week we learned that President Trump knew exactly how bad the coronavirus was as early as February as he was treating the 330 million citizens of the United States as if we are four year-olds who can’t handle bad news (“No, your grandparents didn’t just die, we’ve sent them to a farm in upstate New York where they can play with other grandparents”).

Then yesterday the president was asked why he lied to America. And he replied that he didn’t lie—while moving his hands a lot, which is a classic gesture of equivocation—which, as CNN’s Daniel Dale pointed out, is yet another lie.

And meanwhile the American west is burning, with more than 300 million acres charred. I’m waiting to read about the Sequoia National Desert. As one columnist pointed out succinctly, “It’s simple. Everything that benefits Mr. Trump is true and everything that inconveniences him is false.”

Ah, how easy life would be if we all had the power to live by that dictum. Dictum? I hardly knew him.

By the way, came across this terrific essay by David Brooks on our president’s “stupidity of the heart.” It once again calls out an identifying Trump trait: an inability to care about anyone other than yourself.

Farewell To A Great Dame

Dame Diana Rigg, a British acting great, passes away at the age of 82.

Rigg was fortunate enough to have three memorable roles, two of which she landed in the 1960s and the last in the final decade of her life. In 1965 she landed the role of sexy spy Emma Peel in the TV series The Avengers; in 1968 she was the Bond girl in what many (us included) consider the best 007 film: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

And in the two-teens she played Olenna Tyrell in Game Of Thrones.

In two of the above roles, Rigg met her end onscreen.

Of course, we couldn’t forget one of her best on-screen moments, which came in Extras. Playing herself.