by John Walters
Tweet Me Right
If this audio of Quenton Nelson taking this dudes soul is legit, he’s my favorite lineman of all time. I mean, this is amazing. pic.twitter.com/otby48qGLN
— Geoff Schwartz (@geoffschwartz) November 12, 2018
Quenton Nelson played football at Notre Dame, where former teammate Jaylon Smith (now with the Dallas Cowboys) was nicknamed Murder Train. Why not both of them?
Starting Five
California Nightmare
People who live in Los Angeles and Ventura Counties, and we know a few, are extremely pleased with their choice of where to live. They’re living the California dream, after all, and if you’ve ever visited there from the Northeast between, say, now and April Fool’s Day, you get it. You wake up on a lovely, sunny, warm December morning and, especially if it’s after a hard rain, you can spot the ocean in one direction and the snow-capped San Gabriels in the other.
It’s heaven.
But not in the past week. A shooter took 12 lives in Thousand Oaks and then wildfires have turned Malibu and Zuma Beach into a hellscape.
2. Deluge
Saturday marked the 100th anniversary of the end of the First World War, known at the time as The Great War or The War To End All Wars. World leaders convened in Paris with the plan being to attend a wreath-laying ceremony at the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery in Belleau, approximately 60 miles from Paris.
The site was picked as a way to commemorate the Battle of Belleau Wood, where 1,800 American soldiers lost their lives fighting alongside British, French and Canadian allies. There was just one problem: il pleut.
(Trump’s actual fear)
Yes, rain. And that was enough to keep our Commander in Chief from attending. Consider this: Angela Merkel made it, and she is the leader of the country that was the enemy that day. And yet she found the will to brave the rain. But not Donald, the man who once publicly opined that “STDs are my personal Vietnam.”
Trump’s latest foray into hypocrisy (“I love the troops!” followed by “Cant’ get my hair wet”) opened the door for some world-class trolling. Here’s Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau, by far the greatest leader in North America whose last name begins T-R-U…
“As we sit here in the rain, thinking how uncomfortable we must be these minutes as our suits get wet and our hair gets wet and our shoes get wet, I think it’s all the more fitting that we remember on that day, in Dieppe, the rain wasn’t rain, it was bullets,” Justin Trudeau pic.twitter.com/zeqrpceZOI
— Chaz ‘Stone Cold Homo’ Cooper 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@ChazReddBear) November 10, 2018
And here’s the French Army Twitter page, acting as if a little rain is a life-or-death measure.
#MondayMotivation Il y a de la pluie, mais c’est pas grave 😅 On reste motivé 👊 pic.twitter.com/29hOJ9ITF0
— Armée de Terre (@armeedeterre) November 12, 2018
Last thing: On Friday afternoon TCM aired an old war movie, The Fighting 69th. Draped around a World War I backdrop in the French trenches, Jimmy Cagney plays a tough-talking outer-borough New Yorker who is actually a first-rate coward whose craven behavior gets many of his fellow soldiers killed and whom no one in his outfit can stand. That film was made nearly 80 years ago but, wow, so prophetic.
3. “Lieutenant Dan”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKaakjMVtyE
It’s always nice to see a simple-minded yokel and a Lieutenant Dan bury any past grievances and make peace, don’t you agree? We can’t commend Lieutenant Commander Dan Crenshaw enough for showing up and for accepting Pete Davidson’s apology, which absolutely was owed. It was a powerful moment and a funny moment and it took us back 40 years ago to our childhood when people were actually nice to one another and yet still funny on TV.
Above: That’s a two-time Best Actor Oscar winner, our nation’s current fictional president (I’d take her in a swap without a second thought), the country’s fiercest advocate for veterans’ rights (who puts his time and money where his mouth is), and an Asian actress whom if our actual president met her his first question would be, “Where are you from?”
4. Carmelodrama (Cont.)
When we read over the weekend that Houston Rockets officials and Carmelo’s people were in discussions as to how this arrangement could work out, we chuckled. Here’s how it works out: shut your damn mouth and listen to your coach. But of course, that’s so GOML of me.
This is exactly why I would’ve never wanted Carmelo to play on my team. You wanna be your own brand? Fine. Prove that you can win first. And not just at Syracuse for one year. That was then. This is the NBA.
Anthony is 34 and he’s the fifth-leading scorer on the Rockets at 13.4 ppg. That’s not horrible at his age. We’re not sure what he wants. When he retires, people are going to lobby for him to be in the HOF and he’ll probably make it, primarily because he salvaged his rep in the Olympics. But here we are in his 16th season and, with all that talent, he’s only taken a team to the conference finals once.
So much talent. So much attitude. At least that’s what it’s always looked like to us.
5. “I’m Melting!” (Part 2)
Here’s the BBC with another disturbing story on climate change. This is the northernmost town in Greeland, Qaanaaq (automatically, as a lover of adventure and palindromes, this must move to the top of Steve Rushin’s bucket list), and what you don’t see here that you should is…SNOW. Or ICE.
Here’s Qaanaaq as it should look:
The good news about the end of days is that you’re not going to have to worry about credit-card debt.
Music 101
God Only Knows
This 1966 song by the Beach Boys (really, by Brian Wilson and a crew of talented session musicians while the rest of the band was touring in Asia) is as close as we’ll ever get to knowing what heaven sounds like. But you just can’t create heaven on a lark. This video provides some context as to how much effort went into it. For such a tortured soul in real life, Wilson knew exactly what he wanted and needed in the recording studio. A genius. He was 23 years old.
Remote Patrol
Into Alaska
10 p.m. Animal Planet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-B0heZjq5M
It’s a brand new show about Alaska and wildlife and we’ll just get high on the fumes.