Week 12 Picks: Short and Sweet during Thanksgiving Week
Full-time work, the final push of a beastly Columbia semester, and a shortened week that included travel to Denver on Thanksgiving morning has forced me to shorten my predictions for Week 12 into short, snack-able portions for easy consumption.
In other words, this is tater tot week.
That’s what our new attention economy wants anyway, right? Short, snack-able bits of content? My writing for Medium Happy up to this point suggests I believe the total opposite, but for this week, tater tots will have to do.
As always, home team in caps, with William Hill odds. I also added some percentages to correspond with the winners I picked – they represent the calculations made by The Quant Edge that those teams will cover the Vegas line. Full disclosure: I work at TQE as an advisor.
New York Giants (+5) over PHILADELPHIA (60.2%)
My upset of the day. Odell Beckham Jr. has a huge game in him, and the Eagles are still hungover from that 48-7 beat-down in New Orleans.
Jacksonville (-3) over BUFFALO (59.9%)
There will be Pick 6s.
LA CHARGERS (-13.5) over Cardinals(57%)
That -13.5 line is like a yellow card in the gambling world — demanding you tread carefully and consider other games with closer spreads. Still, the Chargers have won six of their last seven games, Melvin Gordon will play, and Philip Rivers will find Keenan Allen whenever the receiver is not matched up against Patrick Peterson. Poor Patrick. His prime is being wasted.
New England (-10.5) over NY JETS (58.2%)
Gang Green should consider this one their Super Bowl of the season. They are playing at home, against their most despised division rival, during a lost season. But New York has suffered four straight losses, and the hope has been sucked out of MetLife Stadium completely. Only the Jets can make the color green look like shit in a city and region that celebrates cash money green like no other.
To wake up on Thanksgiving to learn that an American attempted to come ashore in a strange land and bring Christianity to the land’s indigenous people, only to be shot dead by arrows on the beach, well, how’s that for irony?
John Allen Chau was a young American missionary who was determined to bring the gospel to the tribespeople of remote North Sentinel Island, which rests in the Bay of Bengal betwixt Thailand and India. Even officials never bother this primitive tribe of it is guessed about 250 peopl, who have resisted the outside world for thousands of years. We hope they are able to continue to do so.
To each their own.
2. Big In Japan (and Spokane)
Before No. 3 Gonzaga met No. 1 Duke in the final of the Maui Invitational Wednesday (tip off, 11 a.m. local), the Blue Devils’ Zion Williamson was by far the most hyped player in college hoops. Jay Bilas said that Zion’s fellow frosh teammate, R.J. Barrett, was the best player on Duke’s team.
But then the game began and the Zags jumped to a 16-point lead before holding on to win, 89-87, and it was obvious that their 6’8″ forward, Rui Hachimura of Japan, was the game’s most skilled player. The hoops ninja had team highs in points (20) and rebounds (7) in leading Gonzaga (6-0) to the upset victory.
Speaking on NBA Countdown immediately after the game, Paul Pierce said, “Hachimura’s at top five pick in next year’s draft…I hadn’t seen him play before today, or heard of him.” You can’t get much more ESPN than that.
3. Bear Market
As the stock market plunges, favoring the bears, the Bears of Chicago are also enjoying a renaissance. Remember the season-opener in Lambeau when Chicago choked on a 20-3 fourth-quarter lead and lost 24-23 to the Packers? Since then, including yesterday’s Turkey Trot in Detroit, Da Bears are 8-2: a 3-point loss at Miami and a 7-point defeat at Soldier Field to the Pats.
Not unlike Jon Snow, they are the king of the (NFC) North and, with the addition of Khalil Mack, also have the stingiest defense in the NFC.
4. The Daily Kerfuffle: Dolce & Gabbana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvSVYphuDYo
Some in China have gotten their kimonos in a bunch over this Dolce & Gabbbana ad, which is actually clever. It shows Chinese people attempting to eat Italian food with chopsticks, and since D&G is an Italian company, the metaphor is apt. It’s not racism to point out cultural or ethnic differences. It’s racism to discriminate because of them. Geez. How does one say, “Lighten up” in Mandarin? In Szechuan?
5. We’ve Seen Stranger Things
In Bournemouth, England, an Upside Down House is a tourist attraction. Not sure why the world needs one of these, but then again not sure why the world needs xylophones, either. In other words, as long as someone finds it entertaining.
It appears the main appeal of the Upside Down House is that you can walk inside, where all of the furniture is also upside down, and post photos such as the one above to Instagram.
Reserves
We were watching The Kominsky Method (highly recommend) on Netflix. In the final episode Norman (Alan Arkin) tells this hilarious anecdote about drummer Buddy Rich, whom we know little (i.e. nothing) about. So we searched a little and found this incredible clip from The Mike Douglas Show. Notice: In the first segment, when asked to talk about himself, Rich is flippant and smart-alecky. Then his drumming, which we’re not experts on the art, but seems mighty skilled to us. THEN, finally, the second segment where Rich goes off unabashedly on country music. Imagine this happening today in the world of viral video. Remember, kids, back then you might say it but unless anyone watched it when it aired, it would never have the same viral effect simply from a newspaper running a story about it.
If you want to skip directly to Buddy dissing country music, go to 9:45.
One more thing to notice here, from the Sexist Seventies: Barbara Feldon injects an insightful and non-controversial thought (she’s being the polite lady at the dinner party), and she’s pretty much ignored.
Music 101
I Can’t Explain
The Who were the original Mods. This song was written in 1964 by an 18 year-old Pete Townshend, who locked himself in his room and listened to albums by Bob Dylan, The Kinks and John Lee Hooker among others after he was told his fledgling band needed some original tunes. This was the band’s first singles and Townshend himself says he was mostly channeling The Kinks’ “You Really Got Me” with it.
Remote Patrol
No. 6 Oklahoma at No. 13 West Virginia
8 p.m. ABC
No. 16 Washington at No. 8 Washington State
8:30 p.m. Fox
Do any of these four schools have a chance of cracking the Top 4? Yes, remotely, but the offenses of all but U-Dub are so much fun to watch that it really doesn’t matter much? The Huskies have won eight of the past nine Apple Cups, but if Washington State wants to retain any chance of achieving something greater than the Rose Bowl (not small potatoes, we know) this season, the Minshew Mustache must prevail.
To be fair, this could be any Tuesday night in Los Angeles.
Starting Five
1. America Worst!
Donald Trump, after weeks of hoping that there was a vaguely passable way to exonerate MBS in the murder of Washington Post contributor Jamal Khashoggi, finally throws up his hands and employs the old “But we need the eggs” excuse. In a 633-word statement, he basically asks, “So what?” and also defies the CIA’s conclusion with, “Maybe he did—maybe he didn’t!”
We really don’t, as only 11% of United States oil consumption emanates from Saudi Arabia.
But that’s not really the point, now is it? Trump, using Trumpian values as opposed to American values, is arguing that as long as it makes you richer, who cares what laws of nature or ethics one must violate? Moreover, our guess is that is whatever is transpiring behind the scenes is not enriching the U.S.A. anywhere near as much as it is enriching Trump, which may explain why he keeps using wildly inflated numbers to discuss the weapons sales we are making with them (and what’s smarter than making weapons sales to cold-blooded killers?).
9/11 was the wakeup call. Forget whatever revenge we wanted to exact on whoever did it (and how long it would take!), the best revenge was to pivot away from an oil-based economy, something that is entirely possible with a little ingenuity. Not only would it liberate us from having to do business with some of the world’s worst people, it would be great for the environment. But that was never going to happen because the man in the White House back then, well, his family made its fortune from oil.
And so now this is where we are. Saying, “So what?” when an American resident is choked, dismembered and dissolved in acid under orders of a Saudi prince.
2. Yo Adrian
After 21 seasons and 3,166 hits, Adrian Beltre called it quits yesterday. The idiosyncratic superstar who spend more than two decades under the radar. Four teams, four All-Star seasons, five Gold Gloves, 477 career home runs, one season leading the league in HRs (48) and another one leading it in hits (199).
There’s some great GIFs on @CespedesBBQ that illustrate that Beltre was a little toys in the attic. Here are our two favorite. The first is when an ump told him to return to the on-deck circle because he was standing too close to the plate, so he simply moved the on-deck circle (the ump tossed him):
That time the umpire told him he was too close to the batter and had to stand on the on-deck circle so he just dragged the circle to where he was standing before and then the ump tossed him. pic.twitter.com/v108bIkyMn
The second pertained to the fact that his Ranger teammates, particularly Elvis Andrus, loved to touch the top of his head because they knew it annoyed him:
That time he got so pissed off with Elvis Andrus touching his head that he threw his glove at him during a pitching change. pic.twitter.com/UpNU8jqVAH
Beltre was never a household name outside of baseball households, or maybe even Texas baseball households. But it’s a Hall of Fame career, no doubt. The dude is 16th on baseball’s all-time hits list and 30th on its all-time home runs list.
3. The Fall of The Romaine Empire*
*The judges will also accept “Leaf It Be” or “The Iceberg Cometh” or “Salad Daze.”
Suddenly Romaine lettuce is no longer safe to eat? The CDC reports that 32 people in 11 states have gotten sick from a strain of E. Coli in the past few weeks and while no one has died, they are urging folks not to eat it and restaurants not to sell it. Of course, if you believe that everything you read is Fake News, then go right ahead and chomp away.
4. Muck of the Irish
Last week, on Twitter, we suggested that for this week of College GameDay, they should simply run a segment of all the times this season the boys on the desk picked against the Irish (at least one panelist, and sometimes as many as three, picked agains them for Michigan, Stanford and Virginia Tech games, and also stated that the Syracuse game would be tight).
That’s when someone named Derek Muller, whom we don’t know, sent us the above YouTube video along with a note that read, “I did a thing for the first time inspired by your tweet.”
5. Stanford Standouts
Tami Alade leads the nation in blocks per set
It’s been a forgettable football fall on The Farm in Palo Alto, but the women of Stanford University have been crushing it. The Cardinal women’s soccer team is 20-0-2 heading into the College Cup while the women’s volleyball team is 26-1, its lone defeat a 5-setter at Brigham Young back in August.
Both squads are ranked No. 1 in the nation.
Music 101
Lady Marmalade
The song in which Patti LaBelle taught Americans a French phrase. The song roared to No. 1 for one week in 1974, but it has had a much more auspicious shelf life than its original reception would have suggested. And in case you were wondering:
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (Hey hey hey) Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (Here) Mocha Chocalata ya ya (Oh yea) Creole lady Marmalade
Remote Patrol
Duke vs. Gonzaga
5 p.m. ESPN
Zion is a lion
Top-ranked Duke already waxed No. 2 Kentucky—by 34—in its season-opener. Now K’s Kids take on the No. 3 Zags, whose coach, Mark Few, has never beaten the Blue Devils, in the final of the Maui Invitational. To quote Jay Bilas last night: “Zion Williamson is a phenomenon, but he’s not the best player on his own team—R.J. Barrett is, and he’ll be the No. 1 pick in the draft.”
I don’t think prominent military figures are beyond criticism but I’ll just note that the Republican Party held a twenty something SNL comedian to a much higher standard than the president of the United States
The only blight on this contest was the Ram uniforms
54-51
With Rams 54, Chiefs 51, in a game between the NFL’s top two teams, the league officially joined the Big 12 last night:
–The highest-scoring Monday Night Football game in NFL history.
–The first game ever in which both teams eclipsed 50 points.
–10 passing TDs, 6 by Pat Mahomes (who also threw a pick-six)
–Each quarterback threw for more than 400 yards.
–Oddly enough, Todd Gurley’s 13-game streak of at least one touchdown per game ended.
It was the first Monday Night game in the Los Angeles Coliseum in 33 years. Don’t wait so long for the next one.
Chicago Fire
Four dead in Chicago after a mass shooting at Mercy Hospital. A 38 year-old ER doctor, Tamara O’Neal, was the target of the gunmen’s wrath. She had recently broken off an engagement. It appears he shot her in the parking lot and then ran into the hospital as he was exchanging gunfire with police who responded to the call.
A 25 year-old pharmacy resident, Dayna Less, apparently was struck by stray fire. A policeman, Samuel Jimenez, was also fatally wounded. What a mess.
Stay tuned for the president’s praise of the HEROES who prevented it from becoming a greater tragedy (this most likely was not a mass shooter-style incident, but rather a domestic violence incident).
3. All The Small Things*
*The judges will not accept “In the Blink of an ‘i'”
It’s moments such as this when the internet and Twitter are fun.
It began when James Corden, host of The Late Late Show and a Brit, said that across the pond Blink-182 is pronounced “Blink One-Eight-Two.” And that got the ball rolling…
The British call Blink-182 “Blink One Eight Two” and I’m not saying that’s WHY they lost the Revolutionary War, but…
Don’t start this. I admit we are wrong on this. America calls them Blink One eighty two. Which is also wrong. They technically should be called Blink one hundred and eighty two. Don’t take some moral high ground here. https://t.co/zm2Gpb6xtT
At this point Tom DeLonge, the band’s original vocalist and guitarist, entered the fray…
It’s actually— Blink eighteen-two. People have all gotten this wrong for years. Sometimes this can happen with very complex, thoughtful and elevated art. https://t.co/jmsfv401KF
News from Washington, D.C.: Ivanka Trump, alias “First Daughter,” alias “Secretary of Handbaggery,” alias “The One That Got Away” (in dad’s opinion), has apparently been using a private email server to conduct government business. This almost automatically erases her chances to win the 2016 presidential election.
5. The DOWN Jones Industrial
Catch me I’m falling! Whoa, what a stinker of a week for the stock market. As we type this the Dow has already fallen nearly 600 points this morning. Let’s hang on/To what we got/Don’t let go, girl/We’ve got a lot/Got a lot of stocks between us…
We reminisce to last year at Thanksgiving, when Bitcoin was soaring and Walker Capital was raking in the cash (and obviously, using those rakes on cash instead of forest floors, where we should have been using them, proved catastrophic). All’s we can say is that if you haven’t sold or shorted already, you may as well hang on for the ride. At some point this beast must resurface for air.
In the meantime, here’s where Bitcoin Investment Trust (GBTC) was last December 18
So funny to see little Adam Schitt (D-CA) talking about the fact that Acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker was not approved by the Senate, but not mentioning the fact that Bob Mueller (who is highly conflicted) was not approved by the Senate!
Not a Schitt’s Creek fan, I see. Whitaker works directly for the president, while Mueller works directly for the Attorney General, which is why the former needs Senate approval and the latter does not. We covered this in Civics class last week, Donald. Where were you?
Starting Five
The President walks with the ex-husband of his oldest son’s girlfriend
1. Rake America Great Again*
*The judges will also accept “Forest Gumption”
Drain the swamp.
Sweep the forest.
What an idiot.
You can’t just pave Paradise and put up a parking lot.
2. Condi Nasty!
Yesterday Adam Schefter reported that the Cleveland Browns want to interview former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice for their head coaching job. Granted, literally anyone would not do worse than Cleveland’s 0-16 season a year ago, but if you’re going for former Secretaries of State, hell, Henry Kissinger is still living.
We look forward to the Dawg Pound being re-christened the Rice Paddy.
3. Carnage in Macau
Sophia Florsch, 17, was traveling roughly 171 m.p.h. at this Formula 3 race in Macau when she hit the back of another driver’s vehicle and somehow catapulted like a rocker over the wall and above the people clad in orange below. Remarkably, nobody died and Florsch, while suffering a few broken vertebrae, will not be paralyzed.
Macau F3 crash – initial reports – Driver ok, but marshalls and reporters injured pic.twitter.com/Y7HTpW0Tly
Now playing on Netflix, an eight-episode series, The Kominsky Method, starring Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin. They’re a pair of Hollywood best friends. Sandy Kominsky (Douglas) is a well-regarded acting coach who never quite made it big in film or TV and Norman Newlander (Arkin) is a very succcessful agent.
Created by Chuck Lorre (Two and A Half Men, The Big Bang Theory), it’s very, very good but just shy of great. Arkin, unsurprisingly, is a treasure and the best part of the show. Lisa Edelstein is criminally under-utilized. Douglas pokes a lot of fun at himself. There’s a little too much about peeing and prostates and not enough of Kominsky in his acting class, which is a fertile ground to plumb. They should’ve done more of that. But the banter between Arkin, 84, and Douglas, 74, is terrific. Worth it for that alone.
5. Frozen Force*
*The judges will also accept “The Frigids of Madison Cross Country”
The NCAA Cross Country Championships were held in frigid Madison, Wisconsin, on Saturday around high noon. Snow on the ground, temps in the low thirties. Not great, Bob. But Dani Jones (55, above), a native of Phoenix, won the women’s race while leading Colorado to the women’s team championship.
On the men’s side, Northern Arizona pulled off a historic team three-peat while Wisconsin’s Morgan McDonald won the individual title on his home course.
Music 101
My Doorbell
The White Stripes are THE rock and roll band of this century. Or, were.
Remote Patrol
Chiefs at Rams
8 p.m. ESPN
Football’s two best teams, both 9-1, meet not in Mexico City but in a Mexican-named city: Los Angeles. We know, Spanish-named, don’t @ us.
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