Monthly Archives: June 2018

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 8 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

1. The Man Show

We can wonder why Ty Lue never doubled Kevin Durant (43 points on 15-23 shooting) in the second half or why he hasn’t played Rodney Hood (15 points on 7 of 11 shooting in his first significant minutes last night) more, but the larger epiphany of the 2018 NBA Finals is that Golden State has three players who on any given evening can be THE MAN and Cleveland only has one. And that it’s impossible to fathom how much more mental energy that drains from LeBron James game after game as opposed to the succor it provides KD, Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson.

After Game 2 the dolts at ESPN’s postgame show were discussing how Curry (nine threes) had wrapped up the Finals MVP award. Then after KD’s performance, capped by that ridiculous, stone-cold 30-footer in the final minute, they were handing it to KD. Watch, Klay will explode for 35 in Friday night’s Game 4. The point is, Steph can have an off night (1 for 15 in the game’s first 46 minutes and 0-9 from beyond the arc before finishing 3 of 16 with one made three) in one game and he’s got two teammates who can spell him in the scoring area, not to mention a talented supporting cast who know their roles.

LeBron does not have that luxury. And when, in the final two minutes, he passes off to Tristan Thompson instead of keeping it himself and at least trying to draw the foul, he will be criticized. And should be, to a point. He knows the deal: He’s got to put this squad on his broad shoulders. If you’re gonna lose, LeBron, lose with the ball in your hands. But you’re going to lose, anyway. You’re simply outnumbered.

2. Judge and Jury


We watched this unfold as it was happening last night and it was glorious, and props to Scott Van Pelt with leading off his show with it as “The Best Thing I Saw Today.” Yankees at Blue Jays. Score knotted at 0-0 in the top of the 13th when Aaron Judge comes to the plate with one on and one out.

First, some backstory…

In a makeup doubleheader in Detroit on Monday, Judge had to have had the worst day in his young career. He went o-9 with eight strikeouts. Manager Aaron Boone gave him Tuesday’s game in Toronto off. When he comes to the plate in the 13th he’s 0-4 with a walk.

Meanwhile, up in the right-center mezzanine level there’s a boy, we’ll guess about 12, who’s seated with his parents and another person (aunt?). During batting practice Judge had lofted a JudgeBomb into their tiny area of seats so they already had that souvenir. During every Judge at-bat the Yankee broadcast would put the camera on him because he alone would stand holding an “All Rise” sign with a silhouette of a gavel. His unabashed devotion was both infectious and nostalgic, because all of us at one point in our lives had that innocent love of sports, worship of an athlete.

And by the 13th, as Yankee broadcasters Ryan Ruocco and Ken Singleton were noting, not only did his arms look heavy but so did his eyelids. So when Judge bombed a two-strike pitch into the left-center bleachers for the go-ahead (and ultimately, winning runs), well, it was special. As Singleton warmly noted, “That’s a lifetime memory right there.”

And if you’re too cynical to appreciate that, then what’s left?

3. “Where’s My Mom?”


Watch this come-from-behind win in the final 200 meters of the NCAA men’s 10,000 meter championship yesterday from Hayward Field in Eugene, Oregon. That’s fifth-year Michigan senior Ben Flanagan with the epic kick on the track that Steve Prefontaine made famous in the final race of his collegiate career. Afterwards, his first words are the hed of this item.

4. The World’s Highest Post Office

Yes, it’s about exactly what the title says: the Hikkim Post Office in northern India is located 14,567 feet above sea level, nearly three miles high. It is officially the highest post office on earth.

These are the types of stories I’d pitch at Newsweek and an editor would lift up one curious eyebrow and then agree only on the condition that I paid for most of the travel myself (which I would). Print journalism is a terrible get-rich-quick scheme.

5. Who Moved My Commander Of Cheese

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiJAWHOdbHg

Tough day for the president in the curdled milk department, as Kellyanne Conway mistakenly (or was it?) referred to him as the “Commander Of Cheese” and Wisconsin’s own Paul Ryan backed Trey Gowdy’s assertion that President Trump is full of it on the FBI “spy” allegation. When you’ve even lost Paul Ryan…

Luckily, some of the best and most decent men in America, such as Rudy Giuliani and Sean Hannity, are still on Trump’s side. Personally, we think Kellyanne was just a little hangry during the interview. Get that woman a Snickers.

Reserves

The semi-annual Munk Debates, held in Toronto, were created 10 years ago with the idea of bringing two people with polar-opposite views together in a public forum and allowing them to engage in old fashioned rhetorical swashbuckling. It’s like “First Take” only it’s about things that really matter and it’s actually entertaining.

Past participants have included Malcolm Gladwell, Tony Blair, Christopher Hitchens, Maureen Dowd, Laura Ingraham, etc. The other night British comedian Stephen Fry took on jackass-of-all-trades Jordan Peterson and the topic was political correctness. If you have the time and the will, watch it above.

Music 101

Everything Is Beautiful

In the summer of 1970 this song, written, composed and performed by Ray Stevens, hit No. 1 for two weeks. It was the emotional salve that a country scarred from the Sixties needed. The children’s chorus at the beginning is from the Oak Hill Elementary School in Nashville, two of whose members were Stevens’ daughters.

Remote Patrol

The Wizard of Oz

8 p.m. TCM

Stanley Cup: Game 5, Caps at Golden Knights

8 p.m. NBC

NCAA Track & Field Outdoor Championships

7 p.m. ESPN2

Ovi, Oz and Ostrander all in the same night?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

74 years ago today: the proudest American day of the 20th century.

Starting Five

Patrio-Odd

It’s only strange that you don’t know the lyrics to “God Bless America,” a song that only has 28 different words, if you’re the President of the United States and you specifically commissioned an event to celebrate how much more of a patriot you are than the Philadelphia Eagles. Also, the New York Yankees, who are geographically the closest team to Trump Tower, have been playing this song during the seventh inning stretch every game the past 16-plus years. Every. Game.

2. Kate Spade Commits Suicide

A New York-based top-shelf name in fashion for more than two decades, Kate Spade apparently hung herself in her Park Avenue apartment yesterday. Spade, the sister-in-law of comic David Spade, was 55.

Along with Donna Karan and Marc Jacobs and Tory Burch, Spade, who made her fortune in women’s purses, was a contemporary New York fashion icon. Not bad for a graduate of Arizona State who in college had worked at a biker bar. She leaves behind a 13 year-old daughter, to whom she wrote a note before hanging herself in her bedroom.

3. Spew Many

Guatemala’s aptly named Fuego volcano has claimed the lives of at least 75 people with as many as 200 missing since it began erupting on Sunday. Fuego sent ash and smoke as much as six miles skyward and then, well, it all fell back down to earth.

The ash and lava swept down the mountain at speeds that would overtake the fastest human runner and no warnings had been given prior. Entire villages were swept under what is known as the “pyroclastic flow,” a mixture of hot gas and volcanic matter.

4. Noe Surrender

University of Toledo senior Janelle Noe will be competing at the NCAA Track and Field Championships this weekend and it’s not trite to say that it is a minor miracle that she will even be on the starting line.

On January 15, 2016, Noe attended an off-campus house party where a male teammate, Christopher Housel, walked around with air freshener, a bottle of Everclear and a match and, well, things turned out badly    (that rare tale of a dude acting like a jerk and scarring  a woman for life). Housel was sentenced to four months in jail and community service in a burn unit. Noe was burned over 50% of her body.

Last weekend Noe, who cannot be exposed very long to the sun, qualified in Tampa to partake in the 1,500 meter event this weekend in Eugene with a 4:16. She won’t be expected to win, but if Eugene brings its not-unusual overcast skies to the day and Noe runs a time she is happy with, no one will feel more triumphant. Nor should they.

5. Kyler Can Do It All

A few notes on Kyler Murray, the 5’10” Texas A&M transfer who will succeed Baker Mayfield at OU this fall and who was the ninth overall player chosen in the MLB draft by the Oakland A’s earlier this week:

–His pop was a quarterback at Texas A&M from 1983-86, but somehow he decided to make an exodus from College Station and head to Norman (Kevin Sumlin is like a human breeding ground for QB transfers).

–In high school in Allen, Texas, Murray led his team to a perfect 42-0 record over three seasons and a trio of state championships. He threw for more than 10,000 yards and rushed for more than 4,000.

–He is the first high school athlete to be chosen to play in both the Under Armour High School All-American football and baseball games.

–This will actually be Murray’s third season in Norman. He was a backup for the Aggies as a frosh in 2015, then he sat out during his transfer year in 2016, then backed up Baker last season.

–An outfielder, this spring he hit .296 with 13 doubles but struck out twice as many times (56) and he walked (28), which is troubling.

–He’s playing football this fall, which will give him a chance to go up against coaches Lane Kiffin (Florida Atlantic) and Chip Kelly (UCLA) in his first two starts.

Reserves

How did we miss this? And look who’s seated in the front row. Why didn’t this happen between Rory and Logan????

Music 101

The Rainbow Connection

We’ve run this song in this space before, but never the duet between Kermit the Frog and Debbie Harry (who never gets enough credit for the clarity and power of her vocals) on The Muppet Show. People ask why we don’t get shows or songs like this any more, and I don’t have the answer, but it’s a valid question and maybe as a culture, we’ve passed our creative peak.

Remote Patrol

Dubs at Cavs, Game 3

9 p.m. ABC

James, Beard

I’m not ready to count LeBron & Co. out yet, and neither should you be. The Dubs do NOT want this to turn into a Best of 3 series. This is like one of those classic sports movies where the hero must hit a nadir before he mounts his unlikely comeback. Stay tuned.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

Starting Five

Get The Flock Outta Here

Yesterday America’s favorite “short-fingered vulgarian,” Donald Trump, disinvited the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles from a scheduled White House visit. From the White House statement:

“The Philadelphia Eagles are unable to come to the White House with their full team to be celebrated tomorrow. They disagree with their President because he insists that they proudly stand for the National Anthem, hand on heart, in honor of the great men and women of our military and the people of our country. The Eagles wanted to send a smaller delegation, but the 1,000 fans planning to attend the event deserve better.”

The problem, as former Eagle wide receiver Torrey Smith (who played for the team last season) noted, is that none of the Eagles knelt during the national anthem last season. No one. True, many of them were not going to attend, but that’s because they’ve come out publicly against “pussy grabbers” and a guy who equivocates for Neo-Nazi groups and calls their colleagues “sons of bitches.” But it wasn’t about the anthem.


Meanwhile, how fitting that this president disinvites a team whose home city is where both the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution were written and whose mascot is America’s symbol for liberty. What a dope.


Philadelphia mayor Jim Kenney was refreshingly blunt in his assessment of the kerfuffle: “Disinviting them from the White House only proves that our president is not a true patriot, but a fragile egomaniac obsessed with crowd size and afraid of the embarrassment of throwing a party to which no one wants to attend.”

2. Then Fox News Jumped In


The White House’s Ministry of Information, a.k.a. Fox News, quickly got their propaganda machine up and running, reporting the story that the President had canceled the Eagles’ visit while showing their geriatric audience still photos of the Eagle players kneeling. But, as Eagle tight end Zach Ertz pointed out, the players were kneeling because they were praying before the anthem.


All of this reminds us: the Washington Capitals took a 3-1 lead in the Stanley Cup finals last night with a 6-2 defeat of Las Vegas. That White House visit will go much smoother since two of the Caps’ premier skaters, Evgeny Kuznetsov and Alex Ovechkin, are Russian.

3. Schultzless in Seattle

After 36 years at Starbucks, the company he founded in Seattle in the 1980s, Howard Schultz, 64, announcing he is stepping down. His next move? Schultz is considering a run at the White House, one of the few places in the country that does not have its own Starbucks.

It could be an intriguing race: two men from the outer boroughs of New York City, one from Queens, the other from Brooklyn; both raised in post-World War II America, one the son of German parents, the other of Jewish parents; one got into Fordham, the other took a football scholarship to Northern Michigan; one inherited his first few million, the other launched a company that has had as much influence on the American fast-food landscape as McDonald’s. One wanted to own a major professional team, one actually did.

4. Masterpiece Theater

We will admit to being genuinely ambivalent and torn on the Supreme Court case of Colorado baker Jack Phillips, who refused to bake a cake six years ago for a same-sex couple who were getting married out of state (at the time, Colorado did not recognize same-sex marriage). We honestly think the bigger issue is, Who takes a wedding cake across state lines???

Anyway, give the owner of Masterpiece Cakeshop in Lakewood, Colo., credit: he’s not just homophobic. He refuses to bake cakes for Halloween festivities and divorce parties, too. Being a conservative Christian can be a huge financial liability in the pastry chef biz.

Anyway, we respect his right to do what he feels is right and we acknowledge that a private business owner is not the same as a municipal entity. So, we’ve come around to our Twitter friend @AuburnElvis’ view on that.

What we simply don’t understand, having been around so many gay and lesbian couples and people here in New York, is how anyone can envision homosexuality as a sin. Remember, the people citing their sources on this are citing human beings who did not even know the Atlantic Ocean existed, much less that the earth revolved around the sun. And yet these are their geniuses for understanding homosexuality?

If you simply believe that God is love, then you will see so much love among homosexuals, both those in and out of relationships. Many of the best people I have known in NYC, including many of the people with whom I work at the Cookoutateria, are gay. And they’re great. My former boss at Newsweek is such a wonderful person that I’ve thought he’s got to be hiding that he’s gay (he’s married and has a child). He’s just too nice, funny, witty and thoughtful to be a straight man.

Anyway, haters gonna hate hate hate/Bakers gonna bake bake bake. Let them eat cake, I say.

5. High Noon Fallutin’

It was only one episode, and it’s stylishly produced, and again, we stress, it was ONLY ONE EPISODE. But by now I think we know who Bomani Jones and Pablo Torre are: they’re two smart guys in their thirties who do not wear their education like a lower back tattoo but rather like a neck tattoo.

The idea behind this show, produced by ESPN’s Erik Rydholm, who gave us PTI among other ESPN bloviation fests, is a younger, more woke PTI. The difference here, I believe, is that Tony Kornheiser was always a lovable crank. He’s Toby Ziegler from the West Wing, and Mike Wilbon is kind of his, I dunno, his Leo McGarry?

High Noon is two Josh Lymans talking back and forth at each other. We felt the most revealing aspect of the program is the pains they took to remind viewers that, despite the title of the show, it airs at 9 a.m. Pacific. They never mentioned the Mountain or Central/Clay Travis time zones. “It’s the show Coastal Elites have been waiting for…”

Music 101

Still

The Commodores may best be known for “Brick House,” but they also released four big slow-ballad hits in the late Seventies: “Easy,” “Three Times A Lady,” “Sail On” and this No. 1 R&B smash in September of 1979 (they did not write “September”; that was Earth, Wind & Fire). That’s a quartet of the greatest junior high slow dance jams ever penned.

Finally pianist/songrwriter/singer Lionel Richie realized he was doing all the heavy lifting and went solo, launching a successful but unbelievably schmaltzy (“Dancing On The Ceiling,” etc.) one-man hit parade in the early Eighties. The Commodores would go on to be bottom-feeders in the SEC East.

Remote Patrol

My Next Guest Needs No Introduction: Howard Stern

Netflix

Honestly, David Letterman’s six-part series has been largely underwhelming. We made it through Barack Obama and George Clooney but barely watched any of the next three. The suspicion here is that he’s saved the best for last. Stretching all the way back to 1984 and Late Night on NBC, Howard Stern has always been Dave’s best interview foil because he has absolutely no filter.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 9 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

And look at that follow-thru with the wrist. That belongs in the Louvre!

Man On Fire*

*The judges will also accept “American Sniper”

An NBA Finals-record NINE three-pointers in one game. And FIVE in the fourth quarter alone after civilian-clothes Cav Kendrick Perkins (Didn’t he retire, like, two years ago?) dared to talk trash to him at the end of the third quarter.

Stephen Curry (33 points) was magical in Golden State’s 122-103 win against Cleveland, who for three quarters actually played about as well as they are able. Our favorite Curry play of the final period, though, was that slip pass he delivered to a teammate (Durant? Looney?) off the high screen and roll.

Golden State dissects you. Cleveland, or more to the point, LeBron, attempts to bull-rush you. Granted, Susie B., Steph has better teammates. But we’ll take finesse, precision and brilliance over the fullback dive eight days a week and twice on Sunday, which was yesterday.

2. Shot To The Leg/And You’re To Blame

The backward somersault was impressive. The errant shot in a crowded bar, not so much. This FBI agent may soon only be a Female Body Inspector after his gun went off at a distillery in Denver. Although if I’m the manager of Mile High Spirits Tasting Room, we’re now naming a shot after this bozo, whose name has yet to be released.

The victim was shot in the leg but should recover. Just wondering if he’ll sue the bar, the federal government, the FBI agent, or all of the above.

The agent’s name still has not been released. Which seems wrong.

3. Yosemite Claims Two More

Over the weekend two climbers attempting to scale the 3,000-foot vertical that is El Capitan perished when apparently a rope line snapped. Best friends Jeff Wells, 46, and Tim Klein, 42, were experienced climbers who had scaled El Cap several times before (they’d even done so twice in the same weekend before). They were tethered to the same rope and when whatever went wrong did, they fell together    1,000 or so feet to their deaths. Rule No. 1

4. RFK

Fifty years ago today, Robert F. Kennedy was fatally shot while exiting the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles through the kitchen. He had just spoken in the ballroom after winning the California Democratic primary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujPidSx7Vus

If Kennedy is not murdered, perhaps the 42 year-old senator goes on to win the presidency and we avoid the ugliness and cynicism that Richard Nixon and Watergate brought on. Who knows? But it’s curious, no, how the princes of peace—Gandhi, MLK, the Kennedy brothers—are so often assassinated while the hawks are not. There’s a lot more money in conflict and war than there is in peace.

Meanwhile, it was Frank Mankiewicz, RFK’s press secretary, who announced his death. Fifty years later Frank’s son, Ben, is the host of Turner Classic Movies. Ben’s granddad, Frank’s pop, Herman Mankiewicz, co-wrote Citizen Kane.

5. Is Donald Trump Charlie Weis?

It sorta hit me this morning: the bombast, the arrogance, the “Make America/Notre Dame Great Again” motif. Is President Donald Trump the political version of Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis?

Neither man had really properly paid his dues in order to take the office they did, but both were so sure of themselves and that they alone could fix the problem. Trump persuaded enough Americans to vote for him, while Weis, a Notre Dame alum, persuaded the school’s board of trustees, its then athletic director, Kevin White, and its president, John Jenkins.

Both men had the tacit support and endorsement of Bill Belichick. You can go further than this (the ardor for cheeseburgers being just one example), but we’ll stop here for now. We’ll also say that we actually like Charlie Weis, for reasons we’ll go into some other time.

Music 101

Set Me Free

Feel-good late Seventies music from Todd Rundgren and Utopia. The song peaked at No. 32 on Casey Kasem’s list.

Remote Patrol

Gone With The Wind

TCM 9:45 p.m.

 

Confession time: We’ve never watched this the entire way through. Nor Citizen Kane. Nor The Sandlot. Have at us. Or maybe, frankly, you don’t give a damn.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 6 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Who Shot? Not J.R.

You know what happened. LeBron James scored 51 points and was nothing short of heroic, but J.R. Smith put down Cleveland’s shot at winning in regulation with friendly fire and launched a thousand memes. Our favorite is below.


2. Ms. Bee Havior*

*The judges will also accept “C-U—later”

No matter how complicit you believe Ivanka Trump (look who she’s married to and look who she works for; you’re not buying that innocent beauty act, we hope), there’s really no excuse for what Samantha Bee called her on national television. Regardless of whether Ivanka’s tweet was simply tone-deaf or a troll trot, you forfeit the high ground when you call someone a “feckless ____” and it’s not a Guy Ritchie film. Or Sexy Beast.


And when the libs come back with “He father is a ‘pu**y grabber,'” well, yeah, that’s offensive. So don’t stoop to that level yourselves. Besides, it ignores the issue that as many as 4,400 Puerto Ricans died due to that hurricane last September. What? That’s not the issue we’re all in a fuss about? Oh, okay. Never mind.

And there’s a greater lesson here for all of us, illustrated by the moments created both by Ms. Bee and Mr. Smith, above, this week. And that is this: like it or not, your most defining moment may wind up being your worst moment. So do your best to avoid those. Or, be like the president and have so many worst moments that no one can keep track of them any more.

3. Separation Anxiety

Let’s attack the issue of illegal immigration (not, as MSNBC refers to it, “immigration”) objectively. Let’s not call people “dreamers” but illegal immigrants. So this is kind of a flow charts.

1) You first admit that, no matter how much empathy you have for them, people are crossing the U.S.-Mexico border illegally. You either say A) I understand the law must be obeyed or B) Who cares? Let ’em.

2) If you answer “B,”are you fine with those people being given government aid? Last year, according to the Federation for American Immigration Reform (FAIR), illegal immigrants cost he U.S.A. approximately $115 billion, or $8,000 per illegal immigrant.

3) If you answered “A,” how would you effectively carry out that law? By stopping and/or catching people who cross, throwing them back across the border, and simply waiting until they try again (“Catch and release”)? Would you support a wall? Do you have a plan?

Personally, and I’m not a parent, obviously, but it feels as if some very shrewd and Machiavellian government official (I know, I’m giving them far too much credit) thought of the brilliant plan of scaring away potential illegal immigrants by letting it be known that those who attempt crossing would never see their children again. Draconian? Cruel? You bet. Cheaper than a wall? Much.

The bottom line: There’s no easy solution and while we have no problem with someone revisiting the law on immigration and allowing more Central Americans in (I’ll personally vouch for their work ethic), it is true that there are thousands of officers whose job it is to protect the border. If you’re going to have a law, enforce it. The MSNBC’ers who deplore Trump acting above the law while also ignoring the reality of illegal immigration are simply hypocrites. And they never discuss the cost to taxpayers. Why is that?

4. May The Bee Force With You

The Metroplex is to the Scripps National Spelling Bee what the SEC is to the College Football Playoff. So when Karthik Nemmani, 14, of McKinney, Texas, lost his regional spelling bee to 12 year-old Naysa Modi of Frisco, Texas, he was able to advance to the national bee via wildcard (think of him as 2017 Alabama).

Yesterday in D.C. Nemonic won the non-Samantha bee by spelling a word we’ve never heard of. He’s the 19th Indian-American to win the Scripps bee in the past 23 years. Someone should look into why that is happening, although by the inordinately high number of Indian-American doctors in our health care system, we think we know the answer (parents who stress education).

5. Honey, I Shrunk The Tweets

The latest twist in the Bryan Colangelo saga is that his Italian-born wife, Barbara Bottini, may have been behind the Twitter burner accounts. Either way, this appears to be Colangelo’s final day in the Sixers organization (yes, the 76ers will 86 him, we surmise) although we’d imagine Bryan’s dad has placed a phone call or two to Commissioner Silver’s office in the past few days arguing for clemency.

 

Music 101

Just Remember I Love You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt6lYiKcik8

What if America and Christopher Cross had a love child and Little River Band adopted it? Meet Firefall, who scored a No. 11 hit in 1977 with this soft-rock lullaby. The band was formed three years earlier in Boulder by Rick Roberts, a former member of the Flying Burrito Brothers. Backing vocals here by Timothy B. Schmitt of the Eagles. Notice how Men At Work would later crib that ending sax solo for its song “Overkill” as would Quarterflash for “Harden My Heart.” Or maybe we just don’t know anything about the saxophone and that’s a very common chord structure or whatever you call it.

p.s. We’re not hating on this song. It’s a soft-rock classic. No one writes tunes like this any more and we know we sound like a YouTube commenter, but it’s true.

Remote Patrol

Saturday

Strangers On A Train

10 p.m. TCM

We can tell you that rail service on New Jersey Transit has fallen somewhat below this level in the past 60 years

A somewhat lesser known Hitchcock classic. Is the perfect murder possible?