Monthly Archives: June 2018

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 5 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour


Starting Five

From Russia With Glove

The World Cup begins today! In just an hour or so, in fact. Thirty-two nations, none of them us. Even if the host nation is Russia, this event is a tribute to global community on Donald’s 72nd birthday, of all days (We did not forget to wish you, “Birthday,” Donald).

Viking Quest! We’re rooting for Iceland and its 335,000 citizens. Smallest nation to ever qualify for the World Cup.

Go ahead and read Roger Bennett’s World Cup guide for Clueless Fans/Americans from last weekend’s NYT.

2. When Life Hands You Yemen…

Move over, Syria. Step aside, Rwanda. Whatchugot, Somalia? The World’s Worst Humanitarian Crisis of 2018 is Yemen, where a civil war has been raging for some time. On one side you have rebels backed by Iran. On another you have the incumbent regime, which has drawn direct air and ground support from Saudi Arabia, which is backed by the U.S.A.

What could possibly go wrong? A recent assault by Saudi forces on the port city of Al Hudaydah has made it impossible to deliver food and supplies to millions Yemenis (Yemen may be Arab land, but it is not arable land). And you may ask, What does any of this have to do with whom LeBron will play for next season?, and that’s fine, but a century ago your great (great) grandparents were wondering what the assassination of an Austrian prince had to do with Ty Cobb batting .400? And then look what happened…

Reportedly, eight million of Yemen’s 28 million people are at risk of starvation (“Ya ate sand?”*). This story will catch you up on the details.

*Raising Arizona

3. MAGA? No, Gaga

Recently caught the trailer for A Star Is Born, a film that has only been made three times before (1937, starring Janet Gaynor and Fredric March; 1954, starring Judy Garland and James Mason; 1976, starring Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson). This version due out in October, stars Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, who will also direct. It looks solid and if nothing else, Gaga will be performing at the Oscars next winter.

Not for nothing, but Cooper, 43, is an alumnus of Georgetown, which also produced Nick Kroll, 40, (starring in Operation Finale, out later this year) and comics John Mulaney, 37, Jim Gaffigan and Mike Birbiglia. Who needs a school of Foreign Service when you’re an entertainment factory?

Another Georgetown alum? Paul Manafort.

But if you just CANNOT wait for a feel-good music film about a man and a woman, Nick Offerman is starring in a nice little indie about a father-daughter band called Hearts Beat Loud. It’s currently playing in selected cities (“Please pray that your city is selected” *) and also includes Ted Danson, Toni Collette and Blythe Danner.

We love movies about bands or wannabe bands. Here’s a quick list from just the past dozen or so years if you’re just getting started: Once, Sing Street, Whiplash, Begin Again, Crazy Heart. Not a dud in the group.

*Letterman

4. The Mark of Zero

On Tuesday, May 1st, the New York Mets were 17-9. The Mets were coming off an off day and the day before that they’d blasted the San Diego Padres, 14-2.

Since the calendar turned from April to May the Mets are 11-27. They have been shut out six times (in just six weeks). They have scored two or fewer runs in 21 of those 38 games. The injury to power hitter Yoenis Cespedes (“a Cespedes for the rest of us”), out since mid-May, has certainly played a huge role in the power outage.

Meanwhile, in Jacob de From (1.01 WHIP) the Mets have the second-best pitcher in the National League (behind Max Scherzer) and a top 10 arm in Noah Syndegaard (1.18 WHIP). The pitching overall has been outstanding. The signature game of this wretched run came on June 3rd, when Met pitching struck out Cubs hitters 24 times but the Mets still lost in 14 innings, 7-1.

So what do the Mets do? Do they fold with two aces? Trade one? There’s a team across the Long Island Sound with a surplus of bats who are in need of a No. 2 starter. Hmmm.

5. Turtle Beach

Yesterday a tweep (@NoFunJim) apprised of the stock price for the company Turtle Beach (ticker symbol: HEAR), a San Diego-based company that makes headsets. Shares of HEAR have soared in the past year as its headphones have become the earmuffs of choice for players of fortnite.

How much? On June 14, 2017, shares of HEAR opened at $2.96. Today, HEAR should open at around $23.35. That’s a jump of eight times. Just yesterday shares rose nearly 13%. Is it too late? We don’t think so. We dipped  in yesterday up to our ankles.

Music 101

Passionate Kisses

This song is so easy, so lyrical, so well-written, it should not surprise you in the least that it was written by Lucinda Williams (in 1988). Four years later Mary Chapin Carpenter  made it a hit. I’m sure Lucinda wonders why…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23J7WYsaUWA

Remote Patrol

World Cup, Day 1

Russia vs Saudi Arabia

11 a.m. Telemundo, FOX

One country assassinates pesky journalists. The other assassinates women who get raped by their brothers. No wonder Donald Trump, whose birthday is today, is such a Yuge fan!

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 7 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour


It’s impossible to both support Trump and avoid being a hypocrite, nearly on a daily basis. What was Obama’s sin? Oh yes, he was (50%) African-American (you’ll have to tap Schlapp’s link).

Starting Five

N.A. Place Will Do

This week, Russia, in four years, the scalding hot desert of Qatar, and in eight years the USA. FIFA, the organizers of the World Cup, recognize a grifter and a strong man dictator when they see one. As hosts, the USA is guaranteed to place its team into the tournament, which by then may have 68 teams and four play-in games in Dayton.

Officially, the 2026 World Cup will come to North America, as both Canada and Mexico will also host games (do they also get a free pass?), but from the quarters on, it’ll be held inside the states. Canada and Mexico will each host 10 matches, and the USA 60. The final will be staged at Met Life Stadium in New Jersey, and by then Emperor Trump will be well into his third term. He may even release a few journalists from prison to cover the event.

(Our best hope in 2026)

The North American trio outdistanced Morocco in the voting, 134-65, which would be the score if the USA played Germany right now (with us on the short side).

2. Raging Bull vs. Raging Bullsh*tter

So, yes, in a prime-time CBS broadcast of the Tony Awards Sunday night, Robert De Niro crossed the line when he said, twice, while introducing Bruce Springsteen, “F*** Trump!” Maybe he thought they were the Tony Montana Awards?

And so you know it was all the President could do to have to wait until his summit with L’il Kim was over to come back at Travis Bickle with a tweet. Alas, in blasting the Oscar-winning actor for having a low IQ, Trump misused the word “too” (he went with “to”) in the very same sentence.* When it comes to Ivy League grad presidents, I do believe we’ve been asking the wrong one for his transcripts.

*Your courageous and forthright POTUS has since deleted this tweet and had someone else grammatically correct it, without of course acknowledging the error or the irony.

3. In What State (Okay, “Commonwealth,” Smart Guy) Were The Salem Witch Trials Held Again?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9CjK2q-FRk

Okay, this is freaky, and we wonder if Arnav Kapur isn’t a witch….

Remember when you’d jokingly ask the proctor at the beginning of the final exam, “Will this be open mind?” (okay, we would; we were NOT cool…nothing’s changed). Well, now you can mean it.

4. Nature Always Finds A Way

We salute you, St. Paul Raccoon (he’s fine and has been released to the wild), Mr. Squirrel and New York Bear family. We really do.

By the way, some bloggers whom we won’t mention by name get their rocks off by mentioning whenever an animal KILLS a human. The first thing to know is that unlike humans, animals only kill in order to eat or protect their turf, i.e. their young. The second is that it is we who have invaded their terrain, not vice versa. The hubris of people who don’t have any contact with nature is the first step in the downfall of mankind.


5. The Alaska Bowl

What ESPN or Fox (or even NBC) producer would not want to use this beauty shot?

If I were an attention-seeking, globe-trotting FBS football coach (Jim Harbaugh) with a taste for being the first to plant flags both literal and figurative, I’d want my program to be the first to play in states that have never hosted a game between TWO FBS schools. My guess is that the following states have never hosted such a game (zero research done on this, zero f***s given; I just went Arnav Kapur on my research):

Delaware

Maine

New Hampshire

Vermont

Rhode Island

Montana

South Dakota

North Dakota

aaaaaaaaand…..

Alaska

(some would also claim New Jersey, but you know….)

Anyway, the locale that would garner the most attention by far, we think, would be Alaska. So we’ve scouted locations and believe 4,500-seat Anchorage Football Stadium, located in The Last Frontier’s most populous city, would be the ideal site. If I ran ESPN college football, this would be my second BIG IDEA.

Yale Bowl is heavenly, or if you want to pull out your Ivy League thesaurus, ethereal.

My first BIG IDEA would be the annual Kickoff Classic at the 61,446-seat Yale Bowl in New Haven, which is the spiritual and ancestral home of big-time college football due to Bulldog player and later coach Walter Camp, probably the single-most influential person in the history of the game.

Back to Alaska. So you only have 4,500 seats. Who cares? You’ll always be the first (one of two) schools who ever played in the nation’s LARGEST state. There’s no substitute for being first. I can see Notre Dame vs. Navy here. You? Or Notre Dame-Washington.

Music 101

Streets Of Laredo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql2zi0w7hfM

Also known as the “Cowboy’s Lament,” this song dates back more than 100 years. Most country artists have covered it, so we left it to Marty Robbins and Johnny Cash to give you a shared rendition. Our favorite version, though, comes from a fantastic early ’70s sports movie that cribs a lyric from it as its title: Bang The Drum Slowly.

Remote Patrol

A Fistful of Dollars

8 p.m. TCM

The seminal Spaghetti western, directed in 1964 by Sergio Leone (who did not speak English) and starring, in his first leading role, Clint Eastwood (who did not speak much). Followed this evening by the latter two films in the “Dollars Trilogy,” For A Few Dollars More (10 p.m.) and The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (midnight). These are the films, set in the American west but shot in Italy and Spain, that catapulted Clint to American stardom.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

Starting Five

Mission Kim Possible

The question is, Why did Kim Jong Un consent to meeting with Donald Trump and my best answer is that he just wanted to meet a bonafide, cartoon-character TV star from the United States. Same reason he’s friends with Dennis Rodman.

Would Kim ever give up his nukes? Nooooooooooooooo. Would we be doing this dance with NoKo if we believed he had no intention of giving up his nukes? Nooooooooooooo. This is like a blind date in which she thinks he’s rich and he thinks she’s easy and they’re both about to be very disappointed.

But I could be wrong….


One last thing: When Fox News “slipped” and referred to both men as “the two dictators,” they sort of got it right. And this may be another reason Kim met Trump. The world’s strongmen (Kim, Putin, Xi) recognize the breed and may see this as an opportunity to undermine the U.S. It’s like, We’re no longer dealing with the U.S.A., we’re dealing with a wannabe tyrant who just happens to have the keys to the car. Maybe we can appeal to his ego and help damage their democracy in the process.

For the record, Trump agreed to give up military exercises with South Korea in the region and remove U.S. troops while Kim agreed to give up smoking next month. Or something like that.

2. Shohei, Can UCL?

How do you pronounce “Tommy John Surgery” in Japanese? California Angels (shaddup!) pitcher/designated hitter/rookie phenom Shohei Ohtani already may need TJS and it’s not even Flag Day yet. Wow.

Ohtani is 23. Stephen Strasburg. Matt Harvey. Ohtani. Why does baseball keep eating its young?

Ohtani, who has a Grade 2 sprain of his ulnar collateral ligament, may not return until 2020 (How do we get Trump to sprain his UCL?). He leaves with a .289 batting average and a 3.10 ERA (4-1 record).

3. Bode’s Grief

This is shattering. The 19 month-old daughter of retired U.S. skier Bode Miller and his wife, Morgan, drowned on Saturday. How does this happen? How as a family do you recover?

The Millers were attending a party at a neighbor’s on Saturday when daughter Emeline wound up in the pool. Efforts to resuscitate her were fruitless. “We are beyond devastated,” Bode wrote on Instagram. “Never in a million years did we think we would experience a pain like this. Her love, her light, her spirit will never be forgotten. Our little girl loved life and lived it to its fullest everyday.”

Being a parent is an incredibly tough job. We wouldn’t know, but man, you let your guard down for two minutes and your entire life changes.

4. Bye Bye, Bond Girl

Eunice Grayson, known better to James Bond fans as Sylvia Trench, has died at the age of 90. The First Bond Girl appeared in two of his films, Dr. No and From Russia With Love. In the former film 007 meets her at a card game and utters for the first time the immortal words, “Bond. James Bond.”

There is no news on how exactly Grayson passed from these mortal coils, but suffice it so say she was not dipped in liquid gold.

5. As Close As We’ll Ever Come To Summiting Mount Everest

Thanks to Outside magazine for putting Everest: The Summit Climb, a film by Elia Saikaly, on its website. This is gobsmacking, no?

Reserves


This is like a “Focus On What’s Truly Important” inspirational poster in video form.

 

Music 101

Jackie Wilson Said (I’m In Heaven When You Smile)

So many bands, performers, acts seem tied to a particular period in time (Creedence Clearwater Revival, the late ’60s; Duran Duran, the early ’80s), but Van the Man just kept releasing great track after great track that seem untethered to any particular pop culture wave. This one, from St. Dominick’s Preview, was released in 1972. It was recorded in the Bay Area.

Remote Patrol

On The Town

8 p.m. TCM

New York, New York/A helluva town/The rent is up and the F train is down/The people think DeBlasio’s a clown/New York, New York/It’s a helluva towwwwwwwn!

Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra at their very best.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

Starting Five

Ellis never gave up and should probably head out on a corporate inspirational speaking tour immediately after graduation

Dominance And Resilience

Two races late Saturday afternoon on opposite coasts. The one you know about, the one you more than likely watched, involved Justify, starting from the post position and leading wire-to-wire at the Belmont Stakes. Justify becomes the second horse in four years to win the Triple Crown and the first, we believe, to have done so without having raced as a two year-old. The Bob Baffert-trained horse becomes the 13th Triple Crown winner overall.

Though we appreciated Justify’s unchallenged excellence, it didn’t really move us. Maybe because we couldn’t really relate to being the most talented and simply being smart enough not to get in your own way.

The racer we could relate to was Kendall Ellis of USC, who took off from the last position in the women’s 4 x 400 relay at the NCAA Outdoor Track & Field Championships in Eugene. A little set-up: heading into the 4 x 400, the final event, Georgia had 52 points, Stanford 51 and USC 43. You get 10 points for first place, so USC’s only chance was to win the race (the Dawgs and Cardinal did not advance to the final in this event so neither had a chance to add to its total score).

USC’s anchor leg handoff was clumsy and Ellis, a senior from Pembroke Pines, Fla., was going to have to fight through traffic if she were to have any chance. A quick note about Ellis: she graduated high school with a 4.7 GPA and was a four-time Florida state champion in the 400. She also graduated USC in the spring of 2017 with a business degree. She’s a grad student.

So, after the botched handoff, Ellis is in fourth place. Go to 2:20 on the video and watch the final lap. Listen to ESPN’s male announcer (John Anderson? Dwight Stones? I think it’s the former, who is a former high jumper at Missouri) say with certainty, “There’s no way [Purdue loses] unless she drops the baton. Purdue’s going to win this…” just 100 meters from the finish.

Final note: this was LAST YEAR’s women’s 4 x 400 race. Look who finished in 2nd place. Ellis didn’t just come back from 4th place on Saturday. She came all the way back from 2017.

2. Alex and Anthony

As many of us devoted at least a few Saturday and Sunday moments to muse on what could lead CNN’s Anthony Bourdain to take his own life, the Washington Capitals’ Alex Ovechkin seemed to have the best weekend of his. Ovi tossed out the first pitch at the Nationals game, did a keg stand somewhere else, did push-ups in a D.C. fountain, and barbecued while singing “We Are The Champions” at the top of his lungs.

Ovi, understandably, was seizing the day, which is something Bourdain, via his two travel shows (first, No Reservations on the Travel Channel and later Parts Unknown on CNN), seemed to be encouraging us all to do. Perhaps that’s what makes the 61 year-old New Jersey native’s suicide so incomprehensible: Bourdain seemed to have a greater appetite for life and empathy for his fellow man than anyone on television.

If and when CNN re-airs it, watch the tribute to Bourdain that ran on Sunday night (extra, EXTRA props to the CNN producers who likely spent all weekend in an edit bay to make the show possible). Bourdain was no mere sybarite, getting to go to places we’ll never go to, eating foods we may not eat, having conversations we’ll never have and basking in the glory of his good fortune. No, if that was his schtick, we’d have never been drawn in.

Bourdain was an honest and empathetic travel guide. He was blunt and he opened a vein in describing his experiences to us. He was raw. He was genuine. Not only did he never take it for granted, but he approached his job as if he were both missionary and teacher. The difference is that whereas most missionaries bring their culture to a foreign land, his job was to bring that foreign land to us. He was the pilgrim, but we were the beneficiaries.

And how does all of that tie in to Ovi? Well, if you’re reading this, I can promise you that you’re never going to win a Stanley Cup. But you don’t have to in order to approach any weekend as Ovi did this past one. You’re alive. And there’s so much to do and see. You’re lucky. Don’t ever forget it.

And that does not make us understand Bourdain’s death any better. We may have more thoughts on that later this week. But at least he showed us not only what it is to live, but also to understand that most people all over the globe are remarkably similar: we are not our world leaders, or our military. We are a community. If you watch the CNN special, you’ll notice that Bourdain did not shy away from visiting dangerous places (Myanmar, Iran, Tripoli) and he’d always ask common citizens the same question: “Are you hopeful?”

3. Nadal’s House

The Spaniard, Rafael Nadal, wins his 11th French Open title, this time in straight sets. Beyond their 30th birthdays Nadal, 32, and Roger Federer, 36, seem more intent than ever  on putting the “Most Grand Slam titles” mark forever out of reach. Between the two of them they’ve claimed the last six Grand Slams—three apiece—dating back to the beginning of 2017.

Does Novak have a prayer of catching Rafi or Roger?

Federer now has 20 Grand Slams and Nadal 17 (Pete Sampras retired more than a decade ago with the then all-time most of 14). While it once seemed that Novak Djokovic, still only 31, would pass both of them as he won 6 of 8 Grand Slams between 2014 and 2016, the Swiss and the Spaniard are not going quietly into that good night. And it has now been two full year, eight Grand Slam events, since Djokovic has hoisted a cup.

Where does this end and who finishes on top? We’re going to go with Nadal, who has four years on Federer and basically owns Roland Garros (11 titles in Paris in the past 14 years).

4. Blame Canada

We don’t speak German, but we have to imagine Angela Merkel is at least thinking, You’re a buffoon.

If this weekend’s G-7 Summit in Quebec City were a party, Donald Trump was the guest who arrived unfashionably late, wondered why his friend who’d previously slipped the date rape drug into the drinks of sisters of other party goers wasn’t allowed to attend, and then left early, after which he insulted the affable host.


America First!


5. Hand-icapped

The first self-inflicted wound was punching the white board after Game 1. The second was wearing the cast after Game 4. Now the spin is that Ol’ Sweet Pea, who was able to go 9 days without his hand injury being revealed but unable to do so for one final hour after his team had been swept, only wore the cast to the post-series presser because news had begun to leak about the injury.

So how did that news exactly “leak?” Who leaked it? And why would that news compel you to wear the cast, which comes off as nothing less than a plea for sympathy and absolution. We know you’re great. We know the Cavs couldn’t have won without you (or with you). We know you didn’t have enough help. But now you need us to know that you were hurt the final three games and, oh, by the way, whose fault is that?

Not a good look. He’s an all-timer, but his career is speckled with moments (“The Decision,” “The Supporting Cast”) that make you wonder if he ever understood what being part of a team is all about. As one friend of ours aptly stated it yesterday, “He’s the Millennial Jordan.”

Reserves


Homophobia AND a grammatical error! It’s a MAGA two-fer!

Music 101

Singapore

Tom Waits, the lead track from his acclaimed 1985 album, Rain Dogs. Seemed rather appropriate for today. Thanks, Cecil.

Remote Patrol

The Staircase

Netflix

Did novelist Michael Peterson murder his wife, Kathleen, or did she simply fall down the staircase at the family home? And wasn’t it more than a coincidence that family friend Elizabeth Raitliff died 18 years earlier…at the bottom of a staircase? This is being hailed as the “Making A Murderer” of 2018.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

Starting Five

Parts Unknown

Chef, author and noted master of global peregrinations Anthony Bourdain has apparently committed suicide. This comes as a shock as Bourdain, 61, appeared not only to have a fantastic life but came off as the ultimate guy with whom you’d want to have a beer. Bourdain seemed…grounded.

Women of a certain age found him dreamy while men envied that he was the Most Interesting Man In the World. Bourdain was also a self-professed recovering heroin and cocaine addict.

You never know…

Capital Times

The Washington Capitals have finally done it. The Caps beat the Golden Knights 4-3 in Las Vegas last night in Game 5 of the Stanley Cup finals. At the end of 13 seasons and 1,124 games, Alex Ovechkin, who did score one goal last night, can finally hoist the Stanley Cup. It is also Washington’s first championship in its 44-year history.

3. Fast Times At Hayward Field

In the NCAA women’s 10,000 meter championship last night, six runners broke the 30 year-old meet record of 32:28.57. Kansas’ Sharon Lokedi (above) broke the tape in 32:09.20. The other record-breakers but runners-up were Dorcas Wasike (Louisville), Karissa Schweizer (Missouri), Alice Wright (New Mexico), Charlotte Taylor (San Francisco) and Anna Rohrer (Notre Dame).

Meanwhile at the Bislett Games in Oslo, someone forgot to adjust one of the hurdles in the women’s 3,000-meter steeplechase and kept it at the men’s height, a six-inch difference. Chaos ensued. From LetsRun.com: “Jamaica’s Aisha Praught, the 2018 Commonwealth Games champ, ended up just running into the barrier and coming to a complete stop before using her hands to help herself get over,” and, “America’s world champ Emma Coburn got over the barrier without problems but she immediately started gesturing to the stands to try to let people know about the gaffe.”

Emma gestures….

Oddly, the officials did not stop the race and re-start it but simply corrected the error in the midst of the race and kept it official. Friend of The Blog Emma Coburn finished second.

4. No Wonder This Horse Always Turns Left

Justify, who will likely win all three races in the slop, is a verifiable rainmaker

Tomorrow is the Belmont Stakes and Justify, starting from the first post, is favored to win the Triple Crown, which would make him the second horse to do so in the past four years. Now comes a story from the New York Times that the horse is partly owned (15%) “by a secretive entity that.. will remain out of the spotlight because it vigorously avoids any public attention. It is a company controlled by top employees of the billionaire investor George Soros.”

5. World’s Highest Bungee Jump

If merely strolling across the Glass Bottom Bridge in Zhiangjiajie, China, was not enough for you, beginning in August you will be able to bungee jump from it. That will make it the world’s highest bungee jump (853 feet). For comparison’s sake, that is the equivalent to almost four times the height of jumping from the roadway of the Golden Gate Bridge.

The cable car at Zhiangjiajie is also pretty insane, something out of Avatar

Zhiangjiajie is in central China, inland, about a 2-hour flight from Hong Kong….if you go.

Music 101

Breaking Us In Two

Our love for Joe Jackson knows no fetters. A musical genius and a hopeless romantic. “Steppin’ Out” was the single from this 1982 album, but Side 2 features this and “A Slow Song,” both melancholy classics.

Remote Patrol

Game 4: Dubs at Cavs

9 p.m. ABC

Will it go five? Nope. Where will LeBron play next?