Monthly Archives: May 2018

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 10 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

Starting Five

Eric Gordon poured in 27 points off the bench

The James Gang

James Harden shot just 20% from beyond the arc (3-15) but Stephen Curry was worse, shooting 12.5% from three-point land (1-8) as the Rockets knotted the series with a 127-105 win. Kevin Durant poured in 38.

Curry is now 2-13 from outside the arc in this series. Expect this to be a story line in the long fallow period before Sunday’s Game 3.

2. Wild Kingdom

An animal endemic to Mexico

“You wouldn’t believe how bad these people are,” Donald Trump said during a roundtable discussion with California leaders on sanctuary cities. “These aren’t people, these are animals.”

To be fair to Trump, he was most likely referring to MS-13 members. To be fair to animals, even predators have far more dignity and respect for life than gang bangers.

3. Weary Traveler

With a surname such as Cahill (K-Hill), you should be a dominant pitcher. And at moments in his 10-year big-league career Trevor Cahill has been just that. In 2010 he was an All-Star, had a sub-3.00 ERA, and went 18-8.

Last night we were briefly watching the first inning of the A’s-Red Sox game from the sidewalk outside of Blondie’s (a bar from which we are banned…seriously) when ESPN flashed a quick note about how many consecutive road starts Cahill has lost. We have been unable to verify the number on the WWW, but we think it’s in the thirties.

Anyway, Cahill gave up 3 first-inning runs and was facing Chris Sale and even though he pitched five scoreless after that, Sale doesn’t need that much run support to beat you. The streak continues.

4. Jumpin’ Jack Flash

We loved learning yesterday that the codename given to the mission that would become the inception of the Trump-Russia-Election Meddling (notice we did not write “collusion”) investigation was Crossfire Hurricane.

No lie, we were ruminating on this only last week, as we scoured tunes for “Music 101”, that this is one of the all-time great metaphorical terms in rock ‘n roll history. Totally original. Totally vivid. Just a wonderful job by Mick and Keef.

Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime is on his side/Yes it is

It’s funny, and maybe it’s just us, but the older we get the more we appreciate the truly original lyrics and metaphors/allusions in rock and pop music: “Crossfire Hurricane.” “Tequila Sunrise.” “Suffragette City.” “Little Red Corvette.”

Anyway, read up here on what Crossfire Hurricane is all about. And here’s hoping the totality of this investigation is code named “When The Whip Comes Down.”

5. Rant

We see this as a musical, the 180-degree rebuttal to Rent. In our version, a middle-aged white attorney fights the noble battle of ridding America’s most diverse city of all languages except, of course, American. Which is totally a language.

Personally, I don’t care what language service employees speak to one another. All I’d ask is that they make eye contact with me and at least pretend to not be annoyed by having to take part in this business transaction as we partake in it (and I’m not just talking about the hookers…for once).

Music 101

Big Bang Baby

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR4eCGz5CZQ

In the early to mid- Nineties, when nearly every American band of note was shopping at REI or thrift shops, Stone Temple Pilots turned it up and went glam. God bless ’em. This tune came out in 1996. RIP to Scott Weiland, the greatest rocker/Notre Dame football fan of ’em all (unlike Bon Jovi, he’d stay for the entire game).

Remote Patrol

Evil Genius

Netflix

We finally had the opportunity to dive into this four-part series last night and while it’s not quite Making A Murderer, it’s damn compelling. Basically, it’s an elegy to White Trash America and man is it depressing. And if the words “Pizza Bomber” ever sprang forth from your lips, then you need to watch this. Note well: American criminals are lazy (note how close to the actual home of one of the perpetrators the original crime took place).

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour


followed by…

Starting Five

1. Stormy (Not Daniels)

At 3 p.m. yesterday the skies overhead in New York City were cerulean blue, the air was warm, and it finally felt like summer. Two hours later, the sky was deep purple and the above was happening. If it does not kill you, nature is totally cool.

Train stoppages turned Grand Central Station into its signature metaphor bnmkl’g bn

2. A Man In Full

Iconic author Tom Wolfe passed away Sunday in New York City at the ripe age of 88. A journalist by trade but a writer deep in  his bones, Wolfe meticulously reported on happenings and/or trends and then spewed forth classics such as The Right Stuff (the nascent U.S. space program), The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test (Ken Kesey and the birth of the counter-culture movement) and The Bonfire of the Vanities (Wall Street in the sybaritic Eighties).

If you read nothing else of Wolfe’s, read the closing chapter of The Right Stuff as he describes the crash test pilot Chuck Yeager endures and how he walks away from it as if it were a 20 m.p.h. fender bender.

Here’s Michael Lewis, the natural successor to Wolfe, profiling him three years ago in Vanity Fair.

Note: We were standing on the corner of 57th and Madison, well, it must have been at least two decades ago, when we spotted Wolfe in his vanilla suit standing almost right next to us, also waiting for the light to change. When it did, we walked next to him and said something like, “Mr. Wolfe, I’m only going to bug you until we get to the other side of the street, but I just had to thank you for The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. And The Right Stuff blah blah blah….”

Tom Wolfe could not have been kinder. He turned to me, he shook my hand, and with a smile on his face, he said, “Thank you.”

What we learned last night: Wolfe was actually a talented pitcher who earned a three-day tryout with the New York Giants in the early Fifties.

3. NoKo No Go?

How do you say, “We can’t stand Trump, either” in Korean?

Kim Jong-Un plays his “Two can play at the impetuous, unpredictable tyrant” card last night as North Korea says that if the United States insists on complete unilateral denuclearization as a starting point, that it will not even bother attending their summit in June. Your move, Mad Tweeter!

From The New York Times: “North Korea said Mr. Kim’s government would not give up its nuclear weapons unless Washington removed military threats against his isolated country. Without such assurances, it said Mr. Kim could withdraw from a planned June 12 summit meeting with President Trump in Singapore.”

As someone said or wrote earlier this week, “North Korea without nukes is like Saudi Arabia without oil.” We don’t expect Kim (or as Mike Pompeo calls him, “Chairman Un”) to surrender his nukes voluntarily. Or involuntarily. But he will have fun yanking Donald Trump’s chain for awhile.

Hold off on engraving that Nobel peace prize.

4. Bummer Of 42

LeBron James scored 42 points last night—21 in the first quarter—but the We-don’t-like-one-another Cavs fell by 13 points in Game 2 in Boston. The Celtics outscored the Cadaverliers by 14 points in the 3rd quarter to reverse a seven-point halftime deficit.

Jeff Van Gundy on ESPN had a memorable night with a trio of great lines late in the game. First, on a ball boy who is a full-grown man: “We’ve got a guy who’s balding out there sweeping the floor.”

Smith’s push

After the refs wussed out on calling an obvious Flagrant 2 (automatic ejection) on J.R. Smith and instead called a Flagrant 1: “I can’t disagree more with that call.”

On the Cavs folding like a cheap suit late in the game: “The Cavs eyeroll each other more than a couple in a bad marriage.”

5. Tarp On!

As it began raining heavily during the sixth inning of the Yankees-Nationals contest last night, the above tarp was rolled out. Genius! How have we gone all these years without branding on tarps? Turns out the Nats are not the only ones who are making it rain when it rains…

…The Chicago Cubs have figured it out as well. This will be standard in all ball parks except perhaps Tropicana Field within a year.

Reserves

Suns at Number One

Will Talking Stick Arena soon be Marvin’s Room?

The Phoenix Suns, who infamously lost a coin flip in the 1968 NBA Draft to the Milwaukee Bucks—the Suns picked second and landed Neal Walk while the Bucks took a dude named Lew Alcindor—finally won the number one overall pick last night.

Do they take University of Arizona center DeAndre Ayton (owner Robert Sarver is a Tucson guy), Duke power forward/Swiss Army Knife Marvin Bagley III, who grew up in Arizona and led Corona del Sol (Tempe) to a state championship as a freshman in 2015, or 6’8″ White Euro Magic Johnson dude Luka Doncic, who has been coached abroad by new Suns coach Igor Kokoskov?

We honestly have no clue whom the Suns will pick or should pick. We do know that a lot of old ‘ballers prefer Bagley.

Ash Wed Every Day


To paraphrase Friend of the Blog Matt Zemek, there’s no better metaphor for America in 2018.

CHK Update

One of our pet stocks is Chesapeake Energy, an Oklahoma-based natural gas (read: Fracking!) (because the Chesapeake Bay is so close to the Dust Bowl) company we don’t necessarily believe in, but its stock we do believe in. For three years we’ve followed its yo-yo trajectory of up 10%, down 10% with somewhat relative certainty.

In recent months we’ve gotten in whenever it went below $2.85 per share and out after it hit $3.15 per share. Call it what you will, it has worked.

Last week CHK dipped to $2.92, which was still too high for us to jump back in. Then Prez Trump called off the Iran nuke deal, gas prices soared and well, just a week later CHK is trading as we type this at $3.74 per share. That’s a 28% jump in one week. Again, we DID NOT get in. But it woulda been nice. Stay tuned.

Music 101

Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth)

A few of George Harrison‘s most popular post-Beatles hits were nothing less than prayers. This 1973 song and “My Sweet Lord” both fit that bill and both were also No. 1 hits. When this tune hit No. 1 in June of 1973 it knocked “My Love” from the top perch, which was rather significant because the artist behind that song was…Paul McCartney.

Remote Patrol

Yankees at Nationals

7 p.m. ESPN

Max is one of two hurlers (the other is Kershaw) who has won three Cy Youngs this century

You can tune in to Dubs-Rockets Game 2 later (9 p.m., TNT), but here’s an interleague contest with a ton of star power: Starters C.C. Sabbath versus Max Scherzer (four Cy Young awards between them), former Rookies of the Year Aaron Judge and Bryce Harper, and perhaps future Rookie of the Year Gleyber Torres.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

We imagine if that were our office we’d have a rather healthy view of ourselves, too. That and the lifetime appointment helps.

You Bettor, You Bettor, You Bet

By a 6-3 margin (the spread was 2 1/2) SCOTUS strikes down the federal ban on gambling, leaving it to states to decide whether or not to legalize it. One more reason to NEVER leave your couch!

2. Golden Statement

This is actually illegal in 14 states

Game 1 between the Warriors and Rockets was only 67 seconds old and already James Harden had forearm shivered Kevin Durant on a drive to the hoop (no whistle, of course). Afterward, Draymond Green was having none of it. As he retrieved the ball to inbound, Harden remained in his way, baiting him, so Green forearmed him to the neck/jaw.

Technical foul.

So what? The Dubs, after a shaky first quarter, tied it before halftime and led by approximately 10 most of the second half in securing a 119-106 victory. Harden got his—41 points—but the Dubs were too deep and too accurate. Durant scored 37 and Klay Thompson 28. Stephen Curry poured in a relatively quiet 18.

Game 2 tomorrow.

3. Follow The Money 

Ivanka at the wailing wall….

–60 dead Palestinians (zero dead Israelis) in clashes at the West Bank as the U.S. moves its embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. It’s worth noting that the single largest individual contributor to the Republican party is an American Jew named Sheldon Adelson.

…as 40 miles away, dozens of protesters are slaughtered. What in God’s name (literally)?

–Meanwhile in Asia, one day after Donal Trump tweeted about giving a break to China telecom giant ZTE, which had been a target of his tariffs attack, the Chinese government issued a $500 million loan to the Trump organization so that it can build a resort/casino/hotel in Indonesia. You cannot violate the Emoluments Clause any more explicitly than that, but the best a White House spokesperson could do was say, “I’ll have to refer you to the Trump organization.”

It’s not the same degree of depravity (fiscal corruption and treason as compared to genocide), but we’re kind of at the point in the Trump administration that would be like a human rights worker asking about that one rape and murder in Dachau while 4,000 other camp detainees were gassed to death that week.

4. This Is____Carly Jepsen

We saw this mashup for the first time Saturday night and giggled. FWIW, the “This Is America” video has already garnered 118 million views on YouTube. This parody has had 3 million.

5. Penn State Nixes Outing Club (Keeps Football)

It’s not a bad album cover for your debut

On April 2nd Penn State, citing “activities that exceed the University’s acceptable risk level,” sent a letter to its 98 year-old Outing Club (basically, they go on wilderness excursions) that it was being dissolved. The school also dissolved its Grotto Caving Club and Scuba Club.

Seriously.

The “Go Take A Shower With Jerry Sandusky” Club retains the university’s whole-hearted support, of course.

Music 101

Vindicated

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grro3-yyxRo

They put out quite a lot of terrific, radio-friendly rock in the summer of ’04: “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand, “Float On” by Modest Mouse, “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and this tune by Dashboard Confessional. Lead singer Chris Carrabba saw a screening of Spiderman 2 and penned this song in 10 minutes, gave it to the producers (“gave” is used liberally here) and they used it for the closing credits. It’s a winner.

Remote Patrol

Cavs at Celtics, Game 2
8:30 p.m. ESPN

And we still can’t believe Philly preferred Fultz to Tatum in the draft

The Green C’s led by as much as 26 in Game 1 and coasted home most of the final three quarters. I’m going to go ahead and say they won this series when Cleveland was unable to put LeBron and Kyrie alone in a room together and persuade them to settle whatever issues they had. And I know Kyrie’s not playing in this series, but then either is Isaiah Thomas.

Also, at 7:30 p.m. on ESPN comes the NBA Draft Lottery, which is only slightly more rigged than the Golden Globes. Watch as Adam Silver punishes the Phoenix Suns for tanking the final three months of the season (we say 4th pick at best for Phoenix).

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour


 

Starting Five

Green Day

In Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals, Cleveland took a 7-4 lead and then Boston went Kilauea volcano on their hides, going on a 17-0 run and leading by 18 after one quarter. The Celtcs led by 26, 61-35, at the half and Brad Stevens and the team minus its top two players would hold LeBron to 15 points on the afternoon.

For Game 1, lose the final two words on that shirt

“I have zero level of concern,” saith LeBron: “I didn’t go to college, so it’s not March Madness.”

Was that just a straight-up syllogism or a knock on Boston’s Final Four Fantastic coach?

2. The .700 Club

After an Anemic April, Stanton has been having a Marvelous May

The Yankees, at .500 (9-9) after 18 games, are now at .700 (28-12) after forty. Two weird figures: 1) With Giancarlo Stanton‘s home run in yesterday’s 6-2 victory, New York now has four players with 10 home runs after 40 games: Stanton, Aaron Judge, Gary Sanchez and Didi Gregorius. No Yankee team has ever done that and no one in baseball has since the ’03 Texas Rangers,

2) Remember our Gregorius chants of last month when he was leading all three Triple Crown categories? The Yankee shortstop has since plummeted and is currently in a 1-34 slump. For as well as he started and as poorly as Stanton did, Didi is now batting .260 an Stanton .252.

3. Hamburger In A Pickle

How did fans of Hamburger SV, a soccer club that has been part of the Bundesliga, Germany’s top professional league, handle the team’s relegation, which became official on Saturday on the season’s final weekend? You’re looking at it.

Hamburger, based in Hamburg, had been the only club since the formation of the Bundesliga in 1963 that had never suffered relegation (demotion to the second division by finishing so low in top division). In fact, their stadium has a running clock that tells the number of years, days, hours, minutes and seconds that they’ve been in the premier league in Germany. Or had. Now they must play a home-and-home against Holstein Keil of the second division. If they do not win that, they’re headed down.

4. Holy City Embassy

You may want to rethink that trip to Jerusalem: at least for awhile. Today was moving day for the U.S. Embassy in Israel, as Donald Trump keeps yet another foreign policy campaign promise (you have to give him that) by relocating the embassy from Tel Aviv to the Holy City. More than 1,000 Palestinans protested at the border fence in Gaza, which separates the two tiny countries, and Israeli soldiers killed 37 of them.

Jerusalem, under the U.N. charter that recognized Israel as an independent state in 1948, is an international city in that it is not strictly under Israeli control. Both Israelis and Palestinians consider Jerusalem their capital as there are sacred shrines to both religions located therein.

Today marks the 70th anniversary of the creation of the independent stat of Israel, so this is not just a coincidence. Ramadan begins later this week. It’s going to be Kilauea over here, too, and our moving the Embassy to Jerusalem, right or wrong, will be seen as a tremendous snub by Muslims, not that Donald was doing much in the way of being amenable to their concerns before this. Stay tuned for suicide bombings.

5. James Madison High School Graduation

This was our favorite sketch from SNL the past weekend. We especially liked the way they promoted it as if you were headed to a monster truck rally or WWE event.

 

Music 101

Falls Apart

Why didn’t Sugar Ray last? They actually had a number of terrific songs blending different styles (ah, maybe that’s why) from Sublime-style surf punk (“Fly”) to Jack Johnson-y beach mellow (“Someday”) and a lead singer who looked as if he could and would steal your girlfriend during the guitar solo (I’m not the first to suggest Mark McGrath is just a better-looking version of Ethan Hawk) and he could sing. I’m sure there are reasons this late ’90’s SoCal band dissolved and far too soon, but they did release some memorable tunes. This is our favorite.

Remote Patrol

NBA (Western Conference) Finals

Rockets at Dubs

9 p.m. TNT

Game 1 in Oakland: The Beardman of Alcatraz

If not the two best teams in the NBA (they are), the Rockets and Warriors are by far the two most entertaining (and this is Reason No. 348 why a 30-for-30 on the 2009-11 OKC Thunder needs to be made, as two players from that team are two of the three best players in this game). Also we love that Mike D’Antoni is maybe, finally, at last getting the credit for creating the atmosphere in which this type of offense is flourishing.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

WIN-nipeg!

J-E-T-S, Jets! Jets! JETS!

The Winnipeg Jets took down the Nashville Predators 5-1 in Game 7 of the Western Conference semis last night and move on to face the Vegas Golden Knights. The last time a Canadian club advanced to the Stanley Cup finals was 2011 (Vancouver).

2. Sad and Sadler


Wherever you stand politically, you have to respect John McCain’s service to the United States, from his 13 years in the U.S. Navy (five years in a North Vietnamese POW camp when he could’ve walked out any day he wanted to) to his 35 years in Congress.

So here we are, as Senator McCain is in the fading twilight, and fellow Republicans are taking the cue from their Supreme Leader (who openly mocked him in July of 2015) and dancing on his grave before the death certificate is signed.

Sadler

Yesterday White House staffer Kelly Sadler mocked McCain’s opposition to Gina Haspel as CIA director by saying, “He’s dying anyway” (she had no idea it would get out) while on Fox Business News an old white man argued that torture works, it worked against McCain, and “that’s why they call him ‘Songbird John.'”

It’s a measure of the people who are cracking wise, not of McCain, these snarky comments.  All we know is the type of people who say such things have never dared risk anything of value, including their lives or values. They’re sheep.

3. Not Fair

Meet Kiyaunta Goodwin. He’s 6’7″, 370 pounds and he’s just finishing eighth grade in Louisville. His feet are size 18. He already has a verbal offer from Georgia. Stay tuned…

4. Combine Nation

Greak Freak II?

So yesterday I opined that there should be an NBA Combine and very soon after I was told,  “There already is.” Oh, well, never mind. Anyway, here are some of the intriguing names who will show up in Chicago May 16-20:

Grayson Allen, Marvin Bagley III, Mo Bamba, Kostas Antetokounmpo (Giannis’ bro, 6’10”), Jalen Brunson, Michael Porter, Jr., Trae Young.

And here’s some of the intriguing names who will not be there:

DeAndre Ayton (declined), Luka Doncic (still playing, Real Madrid), Bonzie Colson (recovering from foot surgery).

I think everyone who attends should be required to play the World’s Longest Game of Horse. Who wouldn’t dig that? Also, a 4-on-4 full court league should spring up, single-elimination style.

5. Don’t Overlook The Overlook

New York City is a hyper-bustling metropolis that can drive anyone insane, but it is also an island of infinite hidden wonders. Case in point, The Overlook, a sports bar on East 44th that we’d never visited. Didn’t know about the front-to-back wall mural of famous cartoon characters who were sketched by the original artists (e.g. Bil Keane, Al Jaffee, Mort Walker, Dik Browne, etc.) Learn more about it here.

Reserves

Brooklyn 9-9 was canceled yesterday after five seasons, and though we never watched it, people say it was funny. This moment alone makes it all worthwhile…

Music 101

Under African Skies

In 1987 New Wave was waning, hair metal was waxing, and Madonna and Michael still ruled the world. Then all of a sudden an old standby, Paul Simon, a legend from two decades earlier, released an album called Graceland that was unlike anything anyone could remember hearing on the radio. Defining the music was silly; it was just just harmonies and rhythms stitched so deep into our cores that it defied categorical rules. That’s Miriam Makeba on vocals and this concert took place in Zimbabwe.

Remote Patrol

Evil Genius 

Netflix

In 2003 outside Pittsburgh a man walked into a bank with a bomb strapped around his neck and demanded cash. He was given some but didn’t get very far. When the police stopped him, he told them that he was a pizza delivery man and that someone had strapped this to his neck, that it was a bomb and it was going to go off. Soon after he told them, it did. What happened and why? We many finally know.