Monthly Archives: November 2017

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Joe Ferguson has four interceptions (more than anyone on The U) and a grandpa who used to be a very influential member of the SelCom

Madison V. Miami

Understanding that this will all be clarified in the next two weekends, MH staffers are still bemused that 10-0 Miami sits at No. 2 while 11-0 Wisconsin sits at No. 5.

–The Hurricanes have a better “Best Win”, versus then No. 3 Notre Dame, and yes, it was a Category 4 demolition. No question there. But…

–Wisconsin has five wins against FBS opponents with winning records; Miami has four.

–Wisconsin has 11 wins versus FBS foes; Miami has nine.

–Miami has two wins that came down to a fourth-quarter fourth-down conversion. Miss that conversion and it’s a loss (I know, I know: but they made it). Wisconsin has yet to trail in the fourth quarter or even be tied in it.

–Wisconsin has the most explosive individual player on either team (running back Jonathan Thomas)

–Miami leads the nation in Turnover Margin (tied with UCF); Wisconsin is No. 2 nationally in both Scoring Defense and Total Defense (the team ahead of them, Alabama, is ranked No. 1 in the nation).

I think the SelCom is a little obsessed with the Turnover Chain and the prospect of The U being “back.” It’s not. Miami may have a 15-game win streak, but there’s no good reason the Canes are No. 2 and Wiscy is all the way back at No. 5. Then again, as I began this item, it will all be clarified in the final two contests: Miami has Pitt at Pitt and Clemson at a neutral site; Wiscy is at Minnesota and then Ohio State at a neutral site.

Meanwhile, FTR, 12-0 Miami and 13-0 Wisconsin both make the playoff.

2. The Lobbyists Win Again

Once starred in a film called “The Net”

Apparently net neutrality is going to be killed today because a few big telecom companies would like it to be destroyed while the overwhelming majority of Americans want to preserve it. AT&T and Verizon are pulling their own NRA move here. It shouldn’t be a crime to kill lobbyists.

We have a govt. that opposes net neutrality, embraces nyet neutrality.

3. Air Ball

That’s LeBron on the left. Is he ‘aving a laugh?

Lonzo Ball shot 3-13 last night in the Lakers’ 103-94 win against Chicago. He’s now shooting .308 for the season, which is last in the league. ESPN only keeps stats for 126 players, for some reason, and the rookie from UCLA is not even on that list. Why doesn’t LaVar rebrand his son’s signature sneaker as the “Air Ball?”

4. The Worst Wing (Cont.)*

*The judges will also accept “I’m With Perv”

Donald Trump finally addressed the Roy Moore situation yesterday, sending out as loud a dog whistle as he could to voters in Alabama without expressly defending Moore and giving liberals/the media the chance to say that he’s defending a pedophile without reservations. Trump’s quote: “He totally denies it. He says it didn’t happen. You have to listen to him, also.”

Hear that, Charlie Rose. All you had to do was Deny, Deny, Deny. That’s what Trump does.

5. All-Americans, If Not Americans

Kurgat wins easily

The individual champions at the NCAA cross-country national championships last weekend were a Canadian and a Kenyan. Justyn Knight of Ontario and Syracuse won the men’s race while Ednah Kurgat of Eldoret and the University of New Mexico won the women’s race. The team champions were Northern Arizona University for the men and New Mexico for the women.

The last American-born male to win the NCAA X-country individual title was Portland-born Galen Rupp of Oregon in 2008.

Reserves

Mike Leach giving wedding day advice is the best thing you’ll hear all day…

 

Music 101

I Think I Love You

Rest in peace, David Cassidy. Friday nights in the early Seventies meant The Brady Bunch followed by The Partridge Family followed by Kolchak: The Night Stalker or The Rockford Files. What a time to be alive!

 

Remote Patrol

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

8 p.m. ABC

Yes, there’s a decent NBA doubleheader on (Warriors-Thunder followed by Lakers-Kings), but this is such a retro look (Peanuts + network TV + just one day before the holiday in question) that we have to lobby for it.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

On The Next Episode of ‘Atlanta’

Just as the Georgia Dome was set for implosion—and why wasn’t this scheduled for 3:28?—a MARTA bus pulled up in front of The Weather Channel‘s stationary camera and blocked the view. All that was missing was a Waffle House sign in the background.

2. Sorry Charlie

Yes, him too.

Not one, not two, not four, but eight women—an octet—accuse CBS This Morning co-host and PBS host of his own eponymous interview program Charlie Rose of having sexually harassed them between the late 1990s and 2011. Rose is 75. The story first appeared in The Washington Post. 

CBS This Morning, to its credit, opened its show Tuesday morning by discussing the allegations (somewhere my friend Josh Elliott is saying, And they fired me why?) and with Norah and Gayle not pulling any punches on their colleague. Whom I think has seen his last day on air.. This is the way Morning Joe and Mika should have handled the Mark Halperin allegations but didn’t.

3. Clown Show

Steve Kerr: I’d much rather listen to what this guy has to say…

Look, it’s all professional wrestling. Donald Trump‘s campaign and election, and now LaVar Ball’s baseless self-aggrandizement. We used to be able to shoo this away with a “They’ll get their 15 minutes of fame” rebuke, but it’s no longer the case. The inmates run the prison, as an NFL owner once said.

Like one of the men I truly respect in this biz, Scott Van Pelt, I’m not giving LB any more than the minimal amount of notice on this site. And if you’re one of those media people fanning the flames on this, you’re complicit. This isn’t news; it’s masturbation.

For all we know, Donald and LaVar cooked up this scheme in China in between watching old episodes of “RAW is WAR.” I’ll get your son off the hook and then call him out for not thanking me and—

—I’ll act like it’s no big thing…

…And the white people will hate you for not respecting ‘law and order’ while the black people will hate me for acting as if you need to bow down to me…

….And we’ll take this little racial fissure and turn it into a full-blown canyon! Donald, my man, that’s what’s up!

 

Meanwhile, I gotta ask, why isn’t CNN clamoring to get Baker Mayfield’s dad on TV?

 

4. The Vanishing

 

First, our crack research and paranormal activity staff has watched this video at least a dozen times. We’ve sussed out that this must be Boulder, Colo. Next, as far as where number 80, Deontay Burnett, disappeared to, we can only guess that he disappeared behind teammate Toa Lobendahn, number 50.

5. Bitcoin: LISTEN UP, PEOPLE!

We’re not even going to try to pretend that we were in early on Bitcoin. But at least we’re not TOO late.

In 2010, according to the Netflix doc Banking on Bitcoin, the price of a single Bitcoin was approximately .00076 of a dollar.

Four years later, in 2014, the price of a single Bitcoin was $1,242.

As of today, the price of a single Bitcoin is peaking at $8,249.

And The Wall Street Journal just reported that states are changing laws to allow Bitcoins to be used in property transactions.

THIS IS NOT A SCAM (but isn’t that what scammers say?). Anyway, I feel like I’m in some sleepy English town in 1640 reading that the Pilgrims are making a good go of it. Should I get on a boat and give the New World a go?

YES!

I say it all the time: Help me help you! If the price of a Bitcoin has not doubled in a year from now (I think it’ll rise higher than that), you can tell me I’m wrong. You can have my prized vintage Mark Zavagnin jersey from 1982. But I don’t think I’m going to be wrong.

What’s the easiest way for you to buy Bitcoin? If you have Schwab or E-Trade, just purchase GBTC, a Bitcoin exchange traded fund.

And if none of this makes any sense to you, watch Banking On Bitcoin.

One last thing on Bitcoin and this is important: When the sub-prime mortgage crisis crippled this country, I said, “Let it burn.” That is, let the banks burn. I’ve always felt that bailing out the banks was a worse tragedy than 9/11 because it taught us the lesson that the rules only matter for the little people; the powerful people make up the rules as they go along. 9/11 was something others did to us; the bailout was something we did to ourselves.

At the time, my banker friends looked at me with patronizing gazes and explained to me that I just didn’t get it, that they couldn’t let the banking system fail. My response was to look at nature: Nature always finds a way. That is to say, people weren’t going to stop needing currency or goods; and since there was a market for it, something would come along to fill the vacuum. It always does.

Little did I know, and this was only partly a coincidence, that Bitcoin would be introduced only about six weeks after Lehman Brothers failed. In other words, a better alternative actually did come along to replace centralized banking. When you hear how loudly Jamie Dimon and his ilk are denouncing Bitcoin, you know that they are threatened by it. It’s coming, even though banks and regulators are trying to stop it. Why? Because it’s bad? No, because it will render them obsolete.

Bring on Bitcoin!

Reserves

The Doak Is A Joke

The Doak Walker Award (nation’s top RB) sends out its list of three finalists and somehow omits San Diego State’s Rashaad Penny, who leads the nation in overall rushing yardage (1,824) and all-purpose yardage (223.8 ypg) and is second in rushing yards per game (165.82). Ahead of Penny are Bryce Love (deserving), Jonathan Thomas (meh) and Saquon Barkley (c’mon, man).

Music 101

Come Together

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3puU2yB1Mc

All these cable channels, and nobody is re-airing “Playboy After Dark?” Maybe the Pac-12 Network should do it. Here’s Ike and Tina Turner’s cover of the Beatles’ classic, from 1969.

Remote Patrol

The Bridge On The River Kwai

TCM 8:30 p.m.

Some Best Picture winners are no-brainers. This 1957 David Lean classic won seven Oscars and would’ve won even more if there were any meaningful female roles. A must-see for anyone who loves films.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

 

Breaking: It’s About Time

Charles Manson, who directed a murdering spree that left nine people dead (one was a drug dealer associate, before the Tate-LaBianca murders) in Los Angeles in August of 1969, dies at the age of 83. A monster is gone.

 

Starting Five

Crazy in Alabama

That’s about as Alabama a front page as you can get: an above-the-fold editorial urging readers to reject alleged pedophile (even though a lot of their moms urged them to date him) Roy Moore‘s senate candidacy, and just below that, a story on the Iron Bowl.

 

Later on Sunday, Moore threatened to sue the newspapers and they came right back on him with a sleeper hold. Bluff, called.

2. Mister Peterman!


In his first NFL start, Buffalo Bills rookie Nathan Peterman, who was promoted earlier in the week over veteran Tyrod Taylor, throws five interceptions—in the first half. If striking out four times in one game is called a golden sombrero, we propose throwing five interceptions in one game be denoted as an urban sombrero.

The Bills trailed 37-7 at the half (Peterman was 6 of 14, with 5 picks) and Buffalo, who is still in playoff contention with a 5-5 record, put Taylor back in. How low does the bar need to be placed before someone phones Colin Kaepernick and invites him to try out? At this stage, just letting passers such as Peterman take the field and perform seems like damning proof of collusion, no?

UPDATE: I’m told three of the five picks were not Peterman’s fault. Elaine!

3. The New Heisman Pose?

It was a pretty weird move by Kansas’ three captains, refusing to shake Oklahoma quarterback Baker Mayfield’s hand before their game on Saturday. Mayfield, who also took a cheap shot in the second half, responded by throwing three touchdown passes in the Sooners’ 41-3 rout of the Jayhawks, then he grabbed his junk.

Because it’s 2017 and you either flip off fans or grab your junk. The entire year deserves to be flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct at this stage.

4. No Mora Jim Mora

On his 56th birthday UCLA football coach Jim Mora woke up with a 5-6 record following his Bruins’ 28-23 loss to crosstown rival USC. Then at some point before brunch, Mora was relieved of his duties. Fired on his birthday. That’s cold.

Mora departs Westwood with a 44-30 record in six seasons and having coached one of our favorite college players these past five years, Myles Jack. The folks in Westwood are pining for Chip Kelly. If only Josh RosenRosen would stick around one more season.

The Bruins host Cal on Friday and need to win to become bowl-eligible.

5. For Pete’s Sake

On SNL‘s “Weekend Update,” there’s comedy as entertainment (Kate McKinnon and what Bill Hader used to do) and there’s comedy as therapy (Leslie Jones or Pete Davidson talking about their issues). We’re not usually big fans of the latter, but on Saturday Davidson had one of his funniest bits yet, contrasting the images of himself and fellow Staten Islander Colin Jost. Go to the 4:30 mark here.

Reserves

That’s What’s Up

 

Chance the Rapper was a musical guest on SNL last year, but he’s too talented and likable not to be a guest host. Here he is as a black sports reporter forced to cover hockey.

Music 101 

You Shook Me All Night Long

There are few rock songs that without question capture the form’s essence: Energy, abandon, freedom, danger, sex and VOLUME. It’s all here in AC/DC‘s 1980 classic. Because of this song, my mom confiscated my copy of Back In Black (after my sister told her what it was about). I was 13 and honestly, I had no idea what the song was about. I wasn’t paying attention to the lyrics. I was just rocking out. Rest in peace, Malcolm Young. For those about to rock, we salute you.

Remote Patrol

David Letterman: The Mark Twain Prize

8 p.m. PBS

(Just go to 2:07 on this clip if nothing else)

Last month Dave was honored at the Kennedy Center. Guest include Jimmy Kimmel, Norm Macdonald, Steve Martin, John Mulaney, Bill Murray, Amy Schumer, Paul Shaffer, Martin Short, Eddie Vedder, Jimmie Walker and, oh yeah. Senator Al Franken.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 8 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

 

No one balls quite like the Beard…

Harden My Heart

At halftime the score was 90-65. No, it wasn’t an All-Star Game, it was the Rockets at Suns. James Harden finished with 48 points, the highest total in the NBA this season, we believe. The Suns were led in scoring by someone named Troy Daniels. There’s no there there with this team….Rockets win, 142-116 (the third time Phx has lost by 25 or more and the season’s just one month old).

2. C’s The Day

We don’t know how they’re doing it, either. With only a single starter who is a legit All-Star, Kyrie Irving, and without their No. 2 player (Gordon Hayward) since early in the season-opening game, the Celtics just won their 14th in a row last night, taking down the NBA champion-Golden State Warriors in Boston, 92-88.

Stephen Curry was held to 9 points while ALL FIVE Celtic starters finished in double figures. Brad Stevens, you are a magician.

3. Al-abama? Franken-stein? Mr. Groper? Help Us

Assault or a dumb joke captured on camera? Or both?

Him, too? Yep. Senator Al Franken (D-Minnesota) is the latest male harasser to be outed, this time by former Fox Sports personality and current LA deejay Leeann Tweeden. We’re not sure about the gravity of the allegations, but we do know that Franken has already apologized and Tweeden has already accepted his mea culpa. Will Franken’s career go down the tubes, or will he survive in the Senate because he’s “good enough, he’s smart enough, and doggone it, people like him?”

The incident above took place on a USO Tour in 2006, before Franken became a senator. Creepily, Franken wrote a skit in which Tweeden would have to kiss him.

4. Ooze Control

Yesterday was another Terrible Day For planet Earth under the Worst Wing.

In South Dakota, just five days before the Public Service Commission in Nebraska will decide whether to grant a permit for a new, long-delayed sister pipeline called Keystone XL, the Keystone Pipelie (no “n”) spills more than 210,000 gallons of oil. Read this in Esquire by Charles Pierce.

Meanwhile, for some reason, the Trump administration is reversing a ban on bringing elephant trophies from Africa into the U.S.

These are the WORST people. My heart is honestly breaking.

5. Musk-Have Vehicle?

Elon Musk makes the cover of the Rolling Stone. The Velvet Underground is still waiting….

Let’s face it: Elon Musk is the kind of name you give to a super villain in an Avengers film (please note: The only superhero film I’ve watched in the past 25 years is Deadpool; no lie). Now, as you await your new Model 3 Tesla, the South African native has unveiled a $250,000 Roadster and an electric semi-truck.

Laugh at Musk (and Bitcoin) all you want, and we know they’re unrelated, but they’re the future. You cannot stop it (please note, people who think pipelines of oil crossing the country north to south are what we should be doing; talk about a continental divide).

Music 101

Lovefool

Give the Swedes this: they know how to write a hook. First, Abba, and now here, in the mid-Nineties, the Cardigans. The song rose to No. 2 for Nina Persson and her bandmates, whose album was titled First Band On The Moon. They would never find this level of success again, though they had another song featured at the end of an episode in Season 1 of Mad Men.

Remote Patrol

Saturday

Michigan at Wisconsin

Noon Fox

UCLA at USC

8 p.m. ABC

Taylor: swift

One game really matters and is a terrific way to begin your day, the other is one of the more glamorous annual rivalries in college football. Watch Jonathan Taylor-Not-Thomas, a finalist for the Herschel Award, take on Rashan Gary of Michigan. Then it’s Sam Darnold versus Josh RosenRosen in the nightcap. It’s a bad, bad day in college football pairings, but these two are decent.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

The Process Is Real

In L.A., Joel Embiid puts in a career-high 46 points as the Sixers defeat the Los Angeles Lakers, 115-109. Embiid, the most astounding 7-footer to wear “PHILA” across his chest since Wilt Chamberlain, also grabbed a game-high 15 rebounds.

Lonzo Ball shot 1-9 and 0-6 from beyond the arc, finishing with 2 points. He attempted no free throws. Maybe….maybe?….he would have been better off remaining at UCLA (providing mentoring for little brother LiAngelo).

2. Donald Wins The Day

 

Y’all know how we feel about 45 and The Worst Wing, but he definitely won the day on Twitter yesterday with his UCLA 3 tweets. A few things:

 

  1. That first Kirk Herbstreit-inspired “You should be thanking me” tweet was pure gold, but it also served to distract folks from his tweet of the previous evening when he offered T&P to Sutherland Springs, when that day’s mass shooting was at Tehama Ranch (in fairness, who can keep up?).
  2. What Trump did was a generous thing, but was it a good thing? We don’t think so. All it reinforced is that fame is a privilege that allows people to obviate the law and/or accountability. Just like wealth. The rest of us are sitting in that jail cell for a year.
  3. Here’s hoping that UCLA, which has announced the trio’s “indefinite” suspensions, suspends them for the entire season. If they want to leave, good riddance. They didn’t just rip off one store, they ripped off three. This wasn’t a clutch-and-go. It was a spree.
  4. A few reasons I’m no fan of “The Six”: co-host Michael Smith assured us that the players had “learned their lesson” (oh, you know that?) and then asserted they were being used as political props (in actuality, they were able to use the political system for amnesty). Also, Jemele Hill mispronounced it as “Mar-KAY-zi.” We’ve always known our pal as Arash Mar-KAH-zi. If we’re wrong, let us know, buddy.

    Under Armour beats Under House Arrest

3. In Painting News….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FvFjyAwHxI

Two painting items in one morning? Why, yes! First, Deadpool 2 had a clever idea for a trailer, with Ryan Reynolds paying tribute to the late Bob Ross‘ old PBS show, “The Joy of Painting.”

“He’s got the whole world in His hands/He’s got the whole world in His hands….”

Later, a Leonardo Da Vinci original, “Salvator Mundi” (Savior of the World; thanks, Mr. Brennan), sold for a whopping record price of $450 million at auction. That’s more than two times as much the previous record for a painting sold at auction (a Picasso that fetched $179 million just two years ago). No word yet on whether that price tag includes shipping and handling. Click this link so you can see the moment the auctioneer announces, “Sold!”

The painting, which is believed to have been completed in 1490, was “rediscovered” in 2005. Some experts doubt its authenticity. Imagine ponying up half a billion for a copy.

4. Less of Moore is More

Did we expect better from Roy Moore‘s attorney? Probably not, but this from Trenton Garmon was such a loud dog-whistle that it woke up my kitty cat. You almost hope that some adult in his thirties “dates” Garmon’s daughter. Almost.

5. Terror In Tampa

Forget mass murderers; serial killers are the hot retro homicidal maniacs. After all, there’s no sense of dread with mass murderers, just instantaneous panic that only lasts until you or he no longer survives. Serial killers, on the other hand, create a fog of fear that can linger over an area for weeks, months, even years (we just watched Zodiac again).

Anyway, there appears to be one of the latter on the loose in a Tampa neighborhood, where four people have been gunned down in separate incidents recently. A lead: Cops have the same man on surveillance video from two of the crimes (note: when will the quality of surveillance video be upgraded?)

Reserves

Alas, Randy Rainbow makes too much sense….again….

Music 101

Jump

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBGIgx7fHCw

This is only the second-best song from our high school years with this title (we see you, Diamond Dave). Was never a big fan of Loverboy, from the band’s name to the lead singer Mike Reno’s over-the-top headband to the song “When It’s Over.” Or maybe it’s just that they were from Calgary (no, wait, we like Canadians). This 1981 song was a turn-it-up tune at desert boondockers, though.

Remote Patrol

Banking On Bitcoin

Netflix

Yesterday morning on CNBC, David Faber said, “I need a day to learn about Bitcoin. Is there someone out there who can give us a tutorial?” As a matter of fact, yes. Last night the staff convened at MH International HQ to take in this doc, which is less than 90 minutes. Highly intriguing and highly educational. Bitcoin, at least from what we sussed out, are the good guys here.